Not comfortable

[itsmesiva]

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siva,

i could never understand why tambrams always look for 'homely' girls. here is the dictionary explanation

Not attractive or good-looking: a homely child.
Lacking elegance or refinement: homely furniture.
Of a simple or unpretentious nature; plain: homely truths.

1. A word that describes people lacking in social graces and taste.

2. An adjective for objects that no one could find appealling except ironically.

Urban Dictionary: homely

Interesting. Not only tambrahms... in general, folks look AT stylish, ultra modern girls and look FOR homely girls...

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear Kunjuppu,

I fully agree with your analysis. But what strikes me strange today is the mentality of emerging (buddling) mils about themselves - that they are very pure sort of womenfolk, free from any stain of the mil poison etc., and possibly a dream of a happy, contented mil-dil relationship with all glory!

In one case, very very near to me, the newgen mil takes all the neglect and other uncivilities shown to her by her dil without making a noise but claims outside that she has the perfect dil. When some naradee-type woman pointed out some inconvenient episodes, the mil explained them away with cleverly crafted and possibly much rehearsed justifications like மாட்டுப்பொண் என் முதுவிலெ அறயல்லை, நல்ல பலமாக தடவித்தரவாக்கும் செய்தா, type of stories

absolutely correct sangom.

even as yours truly and mrs K are preparing ourselves for the in-law role, (not that anything is fixed yet), we know for sure, that mrs k will bend backwards to be in the good books of the dil, not only for its own merit, but also to prevent our son from coming to grief.

maybe mrs k remembers her own mother and how she interfered in our lives causing much anger and grief to my parents and myself. it took a lot of years to realize that, as when you are young you can only see bad in the in laws and only good in your own parents. any poison that is spread is not understood, sometimes never, but most in later stages of life.

in my case, my wife understood the poison, when her brother's wife started playing the same game against my mil, and finally understood the true colours of the wolf

 

[prasad1]

It is funny, that senior men are talking about girls, and ladies are keeping away from expressing their opinion.:sad:

 

[kunjuppu]

You are absolutely correct. I had been recently to one of the Matrimonial Centre for
registration, where I have been told clearly the nature of demands these days. In
fact, owing to shortage of brahmin girls, they start dictating the boys side before
choosing a life partner. I will tell you one such instance, i.e. The girl asked the boy;
how many of you are your house, i.e. how many brothers and sisters. If there is more
than one, we may discuss about our proposals. Otherwise, the "Perisu" may disturb
our life after the marriage. I want to be very clear before I proceed to matching the
horoscope by my parents. Are you clear, this is what a query from a girl. This
occurred only a very few days back.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

bala,

i have only heard of such things. as such situations have not yet happened in my family.

most of my neices nephews have had love marriages, and even the last one that i attended in chennai a week ago, though arranged, the in laws were more in love with each other than the bride & groom

i would imagine this to be an issue in lower middle class families where the old paradigm of spending to the hilt to marry off a daughter ricochets into a state of expectation of the same for their son. and to utter disappointment ofcourse.

bala, how did the folks in the matrimonial centre when confronted with such a girl handle the situation? obviously such girls can ask for this because there ARE takers.

 

[sangom]

bala,

i have only heard of such things. as such situations have not yet happened in my family.

most of my neices nephews have had love marriages, and even the last one that i attended in chennai a week ago, though arranged, the in laws were more in love with each other than the bride & groom

i would imagine this to be an issue in lower middle class families where the old paradigm of spending to the hilt to marry off a daughter ricochets into a state of expectation of the same for their son. and to utter disappointment ofcourse.

bala, how did the folks in the matrimonial centre when confronted with such a girl handle the situation? obviously such girls can ask for this because there ARE takers.

Shri K,

Such preclusion of 'old devils', 'luggage', 'perisu' is happening even in the higher income brackets, AFAIK.

 

[H.Krishnamurthy]

Dear S & K sir,
The income or wealth is not the criteria here.
It is the mindset of oneself.
If the younger gen accepts the fact they in their life time is going to become perusu or whatever it is, this problem will not arise .
Sad part is most of the youngsters have a feeling that they are going to be young or energiatic always.

Shri K,

Such preclusion of 'old devils', 'luggage', 'perisu' is happening even in the higher income brackets, AFAIK.

 

[H.Krishnamurthy]

Well my dear Friends.
Wish to share a strange experience with you all. Ofcourse this is on Dress code once again.
My Cousin gave birth to a lovely Girl baby.
It was Normal delivery and at the end of 9 th Month.
When we visited the Hospital the mother was in her bed and the Kid was placed in an Incubator ( Correct me for my spelling ) just covering the Eyes of the kid.
This was quite strange to me as I have attended to my sisters when they gave birth kids it used to be normal as kids will be with mother or in the Thottil next to the Bed.
I asked the Doctor , as he was very close to my Brother the reason.
His answer was surprising.
He said the new born is short of some Vitamins and other such things , which we give the kid in an artificial way.
I immedialy asked him that such things were not there about 20 years back.
He replied me cooly saying that in earlier days in our country the Pragnent women used to wear Sarees and the mid portion was exposed to sunlight. That too after 7 th month more of the waist of the mother is exposed to sunlight and the kid was getting these things from sun light. But now a days the pragnent girls wear a full Thomalai from top to bottom covering her waist and all that, so kid is not getting this in nature so we pump this after birth.
Dear friends donot ask me how the kids of other countries not used to saree is getting this vitamins . I donot have answer .

 

[kunjuppu]

HK,

a good bright note #57.

I am not so sure that I agree with the doctor’s opinion..

What I have found, is that doctors everywhere are humans first, and then their profession. True, with wearing the sari, the female midriff is exposed. But to sunlight? It is only direct exposure to sunlight, afaik, ensures some generation of vitamin D. and not any other vitamin. Over exposure causes skin cancer, as white people know.

Not knowing anything about medicine, but aware, that with pregnancy, there are many many unexplained changes to both mother and child, that happen in the 9 months and the results are revealed only on delivery. Another example that I am familiar with, is the mother has temporary diabetes while pregnant. Nobody knows why.

On a lighter note, I have a white female friend of over 35 years.. who all the time I know, would never visit a male doctor. Her argument – that a male doctor, is male first, then a doctor, and she would not dream of disrobing or talking about her intimate details before a strange man.

Whereas, yours truly, has been happily cared for by same family physician for 28 years – female ofcourse

 

[H.Krishnamurthy]

Well Mr. Kunjuppu sir,
Over exposure to sun light will cause Skin Cancer to White People and not to Indians especially from Southern States.
Even today you will find plenty of Male aged will roam around the village with nothing at Top in scroching sun.
If you talk of over exposure to sun light , Skin Cancer and all that they will laugh at us.
Second thing I enquired my Sister about the Doctor's recomendation on Pragnent women wearing saree and the exposure to Sun light the midriff.
She endorsed my query and accepted that the Kid in side mother's utrus will be moving around from 7 th month onwards, possibly for a better sun bath / uni distribution of Vit / avoid skin cancer??
Now our Female counter parts have to tell us the difference in movement of kids when they are pragnent and wearing saree or Thomalai .
Any way it is news I heard from doctor.

HK,

a good bright note #57.

I am not so sure that I agree with the doctor’s opinion..

What I have found, is that doctors everywhere are humans first, and then their profession. True, with wearing the sari, the female midriff is exposed. But to sunlight? It is only direct exposure to sunlight, afaik, ensures some generation of vitamin D. and not any other vitamin. Over exposure causes skin cancer, as white people know.

Not knowing anything about medicine, but aware, that with pregnancy, there are many many unexplained changes to both mother and child, that happen in the 9 months and the results are revealed only on delivery. Another example that I am familiar with, is the mother has temporary diabetes while pregnant. Nobody knows why.

On a lighter note, I have a white female friend of over 35 years.. who all the time I know, would never visit a male doctor. Her argument – that a male doctor, is male first, then a doctor, and she would not dream of disrobing or talking about her intimate details before a strange man.

Whereas, yours truly, has been happily cared for by same family physician for 28 years – female ofcourse

 

[sangom]

The only possibility I think was 'phototherapy' and this has nothing to do with exposed middle parts of mother, sunlight, vitamins etc. The doctor has tried to suppress a case of physiological jaundice (week liver of the newborn baby) and explain it to a conservative-looking old man, imho. Please see this.