B,
your post #29. i like it too. i too wish for a life with my children.
i live in canada and for this to happen, the kids have to live in toronto. which may or may not happen.
when we came to settle here, we built a circle of friends. friends are by choice, and are families, where the spouses got along great and the children became friends too. most of the friends lived within half hour driving. so, the absence of children is not so easily or quickly felt.
you raised a good point re treatment of dils. nowadays, any smart parent of sons, will treat their dil like princesses. even better than their own daughters. this will pay off. love given love received.
avoid dowry. pitch in 50% for wedding expenses. appreciate the love she has for her parents, and express a willingness to accommodate them too in their old age. after all girls' parents are humans too. no?
to me it appears you, sangom are lucky to have live with your children, peacefully and with contentment. for those both to happen, i think, changes of attitudes and (more important) ego should happen - especially to the father. very very happy for you sir.
then there is the other side. self and missus have been working for a lifetime. to us, retirement means travel, more relaxation, picking up a couple of pasttimes that we can do together (contract bridge?), sharing the household a la start of marriage life ie a second honeymoon. with those expectations, the presence of children, and the ever demanding needs of the growiing up grand children, can also be viewed as tiring.
we hope for a part time grand parenthood. take care of the grand kids on occassions. pamper these. help out monetarily if needed. but let the parents rear their own progeny. we expect to find, that our chldren will have their own ideas of bringing up their kids. they have very clearly told us, as to what they think of our rearing them - the good and the bad, as they view it.
the last thing we want is to interfere or even give a semblance of interfering.
which comes to the last point. expectations of parents. if we keep our expectations limited or minimal, i think,all of us can have a happy retired life. it is when we expect more from our children, and when they are unable or unwilling to fulfill these, that cracks appear int he relationships.
sir B, i believe there is nothing worse, than spending the golden years under the same roof with folks, who consider you a burden or a duty or above all a source of tension.
thank you.
