I am in Karnataka (Bangalore ) for the past 17 years.15 years back, I attended the marriage of my colleague who is also my friend.They are basically Mysore Smarthas with Andhra Link.Average middle class family and the boy is a Telugu Brahmin born and brought up in Hosur.(He is a post graduate from IIT and was very well placed in Top IT company)
In Bangalore, we have this unique habit of not serving until the whole dining hall is filled.When the Boys Parents came to have breakfast , still some 2 rows were not filled and they patiently waited! The whole breakfast was only idly and vadai with Chutney and Sambar .Vadai got over midway and half of us (including Groon's side) could not taste vadai.But not even a single murmur on this, they had whatever was served and went back to the marriage ceremony.This was truly a marraige of 2 families - where one accomodates the short comings on the other.
I just compared that with mine and my sister's marriage - which was tension filled.- I dont want to narrate individual incidents - but enough for my blood to boil at that thought.So I dont think about those.
(For them No Mahalakshmi, MahaVishnu Concept - No washing feet - They are also Smarthas(Iyers) )
Just wanted to share my two cents - Knowing this forum for the past one month , I except some brick bats and unwanted assumptions , self-interpretation and attributing motivations even to tell my reallife experience!
Thank You
revathi
dear revathi,
thank you for your reply. you are indeed a delight to read and a welcome breath of fresh air to this forum. please do not let anyone chase you out through their postings.
it has been tried on me several times. i found that the best reaction, is to stay, remain, and constanly emphasize and re-emphasize what you believe in.
those whose minds are set, will change nary an inch. but i am convinced there is a lot of passive readership, who might benefit from views such as yours. at the very least, atleast they will have a good read.
now with this welcome preamble, may i please comment on the treatment meated out to your parents by the sambandhis.
basically, what i found, atleast these days, the girls' side only gets mistreated, if they let themselves be so. it is all a matter of personalities. if the girl's side remains assertive, cool, have the ability to shed 'passed on traditions' and 'learn to say "no", i think there will be respect and less of demand from the boy's side.
come off it, today there are more girls chasing fewer girls. it is the boy's side who are desperate. my one girl relative, an average looking neice, had 100s of varan proposal within hours in the web matrimony ads. this type of response caught them off guard, along with the incessant phone calls. they could pick and chose.
ofcourse the mil proved to be a nasty one later, but it was the son who bore the brunt, because the girl's parent would put up with no nastiness towards their daughter, and warned the husband, if the mil and did not brush up her manners, the girl was coming back home. i applaud such parents, who having brought up and treated their daughters like flowers, and further ensure that these are well cared for in their pugundha veedu.
to sum up. there is no need for girls side to take any abuse from the boys side anymore. they just have to get off this mindset. the sooner they do, it will be good for the mental well being of the community.
the last neice wedding, the expenses were borne 50/50. this again was a mistake, as the groom were rich. it was only hindsight that the girls side realized that they should have just handed a certain amount to the boys side and ask them to conduct the wedding as they pleased. the boys side are brand name in chennai establishment. their only son was head over in heels with my neice. all are iyers.
the times, they are changing for the better. let us keep it that way.
thank you.
