PATHINI VRATHA DHARMA For MEN

[P.J.]

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Dear Sir,

I went through your post again as you requested..

So your discussion is "Patni Vrat Dharma..is it applicable to males too?"

Ok here is my opinion:


Sir when better word it as Eka Patni Vrat cos leaving it without the word Eka in front people might think that a man can be Vrat to one wife at a time...that is if he is having more than 1 wife..on 2 different occasions he can be Vrat to each one his wife.

BTW in Kaliyuga I feel most Hindu men are Eka Patni Vrat becos of the following reasons:

1)Bigamy/polygamy is not permitted by law

2)Lack of opportunity.. as it is many have no chance to fall in love! Ha Ha Ha... so where is the question of having more than 1 wife.

3)Lack of resources to maintain more than one Veedu.

4)Too much stress if Periya Veedu and Chinna Veedu fights erupt.

5)Most men can't stand their wives nagging..so imagine if more than 1 wife..double or multiple doses of nagging to hear.

renukaji

Very smart in posting this line

Sir when better word it as Eka Patni Vrat cos leaving it without the word Eka in front people might think that a man can be Vrat to one wife at a time...that is if he is having more than 1 wife..on 2 different occasions he can be Vrat to each one his wife.

Really appreciate this.

 

[Amirtha]

But what does it mean in Kaliyuga?
It means Chaste and loyal to the husband.

Pativratha dharma is not meant for women alone, it is also for men.
It is PATHINI VRATHA DHARMA for them


"It is not that a chaste woman should be a slave while her husband is naradhama, the lowest of men. Although the duties of a woman are different from those of a man, a chaste woman is not meant to serve a fallen [irresponsible] husband."
A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami


My intention was to get opinions on PATHI VIRTHA DHARMA in KALIYUGA and applicability of that Dharma to PATHI also.

[FONT=&quot]In these days it is very easy (probably in those years too), to get involved in emotional affair. Emotional chastity is also part of the chastity. It is very easy to practice emotional infidelity nowadays due to technology and the societal structure. Persons involved usually not even aware of it/or deny it/or know it but do it anyway because they think that it is ok since there is no physical contact. Imo if actions done by one partner affects the other partner, they have to resolve it. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
When I have any issues with my partner, I usually try to talk to him first. Sometimes I seek some advice from my female colleagues. So far I never spoke to any male regarding my issues with my husband. Because, I do not want to give them any tiny weenie idea that I am looking for some emotional affair. I respect my privacy and my husband privacy. So in this kali yuga man/woman should be physically and also emotionally dedicated to each other. For me that is pati and patni virdha.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]For the person who doesn’t know what is emotional adultery can find out in this article.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Emotional Affairs - Recognizing and Coping With Emotional Infidelity - Oprah.com[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]

 

[P.J.]

Amirthaji

yes,you are absolutely right, emotional adultery is also important; but appreciating beauty is different; After certain age ( not all men) men used to see the beauty part in a woman, outward and inward.
I do not know how women view this aspect of men?
When we walk/ travel/ we meet a number of guys , both sex, and appreciate their outward beauty, when we hear the compassionate action shown by elderly women, we appreciate her inner beauty.

 

[sangom]

In these days it is very easy (probably in those years too), to get involved in emotional affair. Emotional chastity is also part of the chastity. It is very easy to practice emotional infidelity nowadays due to technology and the societal structure. Persons involved usually not even aware of it/or deny it/or know it but do it anyway because they think that it is ok since there is no physical contact. Imo if actions done by one partner affects the other partner, they have to resolve it.

When I have any issues with my partner, I usually try to talk to him first. Sometimes I seek some advice from my female colleagues. So far I never spoke to any male regarding my issues with my husband. Because, I do not want to give them any tiny weenie idea that I am looking for some emotional affair. I respect my privacy and my husband privacy. So in this kali yuga man/woman should be physically and also emotionally dedicated to each other. For me that is pati and patni virdha.

For the person who doesn’t know what is emotional adultery can find out in this article.

Emotional Affairs - Recognizing and Coping With Emotional Infidelity - Oprah.com

Smt. Amirtha,

I read the article. I think it applies more to the western countries and their conditions, but among the working women it is (was? because I retired from a very large organization 16 years ago.) somewhat common even in India. And I think it is very difficult to prevent a man or woman from having emotional affairs or closeness to a person of the opposite sex and in the same workplace, and if such a development happens the whole blame should go to the spouse.


I know a case in which the wife had many complaints about her husband and she, very much like you, confided in consulted a few of her select female colleagues only. But you will be surprised to know that all the personal secrets/complaints of this poor and naive lady were rather very much known to most staff including the male staff, peons, sweepers etc.! The route? — one of the ladies to whom this lady with problems confided had her husband who was a bosom friend of one of the male staff members in the same (complainant) lady's office and daily report used to flow during their almost daily drinking sessions, it seems.

So, I will advise that something is secret only as long as only one person knows it. The moment it is confided to the second person it is no longer secret in this world.

 

[sangom]

Dear Sir,

I do not feel any question in this thread is irrelevant..when the discussion is about Patni Vrat men invariably Pati Vrat women will be dragged in cos a man and woman need each other in order to be known as Pati or Patni.

No single as in unmarried person is conferred this status of Pati/Patni..so when there is Pati there is a Patni and vice versa.

I also feel it is a valid reason that advice should be coming from those who set examples.

If a person left his wife and kids..how can he give lecture on Pati Vrat and responsible/irresponsible husbands.

How to trust the words of such a person?

It will be like the case of 900 chuhe khake billi haj ko chali.

(Cat went to pray(haj) after eating 900 rats)

Smt. Renuka,

The very fact that Shri PJ has deleted a portion of the OP proves, imo, that he has at last come to (at least a state of half) sense.

He started calling my names as insane, irrelevant etc., because he obviously has little familiarity with our scriptures and tries to put up a facade by writing "MA Sita" etc., without any apparent reason.

I think Sita did not include Nalayini in her list because Sita (or, should I also say, MA Sita!) probably felt that paativratyam need not go to the extent to which Nalaayini's story takes it to. I hope you will definitely know the details (like leper husband's finger in food, carrying this husband in a basket to his favourite prostitute's house, etc.). Considering the fact that in the Uttarakanda, Sita just does not change her decision to go back to her mother, despite Rama's pleas, it looks to me that even in the VR times there was some beginnings of the notion that paathivrathyam cannot be just a one way traffic.

The alternative answer will be that Nalayini story was non-existent in the Ramayana times.

As regards ACBVPP your statement of "900 chuhe khaake billi Hajj ko chali" is the correct assessment.

 

[Amirtha]

Smt. Amirtha,

I read the article. I think it applies more to the western countries and their conditions, but among the working women it is (was? because I retired from a very large organization 16 years ago.) somewhat common even in India. And I think it is very difficult to prevent a man or woman from having emotional affairs or closeness to a person of the opposite sex and in the same workplace, and if such a development happens the whole blame should go to the spouse.


I know a case in which the wife had many complaints about her husband and she, very much like you, confided in consulted a few of her select female colleagues only. But you will be surprised to know that all the personal secrets/complaints of this poor and naive lady were rather very much known to most staff including the male staff, peons, sweepers etc.! The route? — one of the ladies to whom this lady with problems confided had her husband who was a bosom friend of one of the male staff members in the same (complainant) lady's office and daily report used to flow during their almost daily drinking sessions, it seems.

So, I will advise that something is secret only as long as only one person knows it. The moment it is confided to the second person it is no longer secret in this world.

Shri Sangom

I know what you mean. Thank you for your advise. I do not know about India. However, I reckon that it will be similar to western countries. Since we are living in community, human behaviors are very similar. I never said that that it is a secret. I know once you confided it is not secret anymore. However, it is not like that here. I usually get my answers through googling and also with lot of peer reviewed articles which I have access to it. Main thing is I usually resolve it with my husband. I seldom go to my friends for that. I do not want to burden them with my issues. Besides, what can they do about it? No matter what, it is up the husband and wife to resolve the issue.

However, after living in western country for more than couple of decades, I find we all have similar problems. We are just humans with emotional issues.

Kind Regards

 

[Iyyarooraan]

Sri. Iyya, Greetings.

Women of modern era are more devoted than the 'rishi pathnis', in my opinion. Modern women has to face so many different persons in daily life, has to overcome so many situations in daily life.... when I compare the life the life of a 'rishi pathni' and a modern woman, any day I would say a modern day woman is much more tolerant and her life seems much more complicated.

Cheers!

The rishi patni adapted to that life. Know stories when she had to serve food to unexpected reverred guests without stock of requirements? Just compare today's wife's facilities to run her life which is mostly of her choice. She has of course got worse problems than bargained for, for which the human race including her, is reponsible. The escape route is perennially long. Yet I salute the woman of today as much as I would of the yore.

 

[renuka]

. I hope you will definitely know the details (like leper husband's finger in food, carrying this husband in a basket to his favourite prostitute's house, etc.).

Dear Sir,

I have read that story before about this so called sage who had leper but what I am surprised is why a sage needed to go to a prostitute?

Isn't he supposed to be sans lust..and I feel even the most desperate of prostitutes would not want to entertain a leper.

So there is a possibility Maudgalya has siddhic powers to don a lepers form when he was with his wife and then don a handsome form when he was with the prostitute.

Nalayani should have tried to spy on Maudgalya and the prostitute to see what forms her husband dons when he is in action!

That story is too degrading to woman..taking care of a leper husband is fine but asking her to carry him in a basket to go to another females house is too much.

Reminds me of Kannagi Kovalan Madhavi story where Kannagi carries Kovalan in a basket to see Madhavi.

BTW what do these guys weigh that they can fit into a basket and be carried?

 

[sarang]

Such stories must have an ending, just tying of loose ends or morals to evaluate and appreciate/follow.

Perhaps the wife after rescuing her husband from the clutches of xyz, will exercise absolute powers over her husband. He will just become a willing slave.

In a running tamil tv serial, one such husband is rescued and reformed from the vice like hold oh his woman employer; the docile wife has become a dragon, and the husband has to put up with all her haughty behaviour, insults and twists him with her little finger.

It is up to the women to degrade or upgrade themselves.

Dear Sir,

I have read that story before about this so called sage who had leper but what I am surprised is why a sage needed to go to a prostitute?

Isn't he supposed to be sans lust..and I feel even the most desperate of prostitutes would not want to entertain a leper.

So there is a possibility Maudgalya has siddhic powers to don a lepers form when he was with his wife and then don a handsome form when he was with the prostitute.

Nalayani should have tried to spy on Maudgalya and the prostitute to see what forms her husband dons when he is in action!

That story is too degrading to woman..taking care of a leper husband is fine but asking her to carry him in a basket to go to another females house is too much.

Reminds me of Kannagi Kovalan Madhavi story where Kannagi carries Kovalan in a basket to see Madhavi.

BTW what do these guys weigh that they can fit into a basket and be carried?

 

[renuka]

It is up to the women to degrade or upgrade themselves.

Dear Sir,

This applies to men also..or shall I say everyone.

uddhared atmanatmanam
natmanam avasadayet

A person must elevate himself/herself by his/her own mind, not degrade himself/herself.

 

[renuka]

Such stories must have an ending, just tying of loose ends or morals to evaluate and appreciate/follow.

Dear Sir,

If what you say is true..how come we don't find stories of women plagued with leprosy asking her husband to carry her in a basket to the house of a male sex provider and her husband still faithful to his wife?

It is so obvious some male must have written the story to dramatize ”Kallanalum kanavar pullanalum "purushan”

 

[sangom]

That story is too degrading to woman..taking care of a leper husband is fine but asking her to carry him in a basket to go to another females house is too much.

Exactly! That was why possibly Sita omitted Nalayini from her list of references, is my hunch.

BTW what do these guys weigh that they can fit into a basket and be carried?

Women in rural India can even now carry a head load of about one gunny bag of rice, nearly 70 kgs. They will easily carry 50 to 60 kgs., I believe.

 

[sarang]

Then women must write on these themes; if such things happen and accepted by the society, fine. Perhaps one may find such stories by digging into puranas.

Perhaps thiruvalluvar may provide the answers. Stree dharma is different in those days and now.

Dear Sir,

If what you say is true..how come we don't find stories of women plagued with leprosy asking her husband to carry her in a basket to the house of a male sex provider and her husband still faithful to his wife?

It is so obvious some male must have written the story to dramatize ”Kallanalum kanavar pullanalum "purushan”

 

[renuka]

Then women must write on these themes;.

Done!

One day I will write such stories but there is a risk..cos all Akkas and Aunties might be at my door step with brooms and slippers!

 

[sarang]

For telling the truth or because of vilification!

nO problem; you have countless astras in your control; syringe, scissor, knife and all can be laced with potential life threatening potions!!!

Done!

One day I will write such stories but there is a risk..cos all Akkas and Aunties might be at my door step with brooms and slippers!

 

[P.J.]

Dear Sir,

If what you say is true..how come we don't find stories of women plagued with leprosy asking her husband to carry her in a basket to the house of a male sex provider and her husband still faithful to his wife?

It is so obvious some male must have written the story to dramatize ”Kallanalum kanavar pullanalum "purushan”

renukaji

In Kalki Tamil Movie directed by K. Balachnder has a theme which no women can digest.


In order to teach a sadistic industrialist named Prakash (Prakash Raj) who was about to divorce his wife , another woman wanted to teach him a lesson, and forms friendship with him, and bears a Child.

Can any women do that JUST TO TEACH a lesson?

So if you write , who knows like K.Balachander Movie, your story might also be accepted and praised.

 

[renuka]

renukaji

In Kalki Tamil Movie directed by K. Balachnder has a theme which no women can digest.


In order to teach a sadistic industrialist named Prakash (Prakash Raj) who was about to divorce his wife , another woman wanted to teach him a lesson, and forms friendship with him, and bears a Child.

Can any women do that JUST TO TEACH a lesson?

So if you write , who knows like K.Balachander Movie, your story might also be accepted and praised.

Dear Sir,

I saw that movie..I remember Prakash Raj getting it left right center from the other woman.

Somehow that movie had chauvinistic undertones...it showed that women should go to any extent to reform a good for nothing male even to the extent of carrying a baby!

That's really dumb..if she really wanted to teach him a lesson she could have got that guy gang raped by gay men!

Record it and black mail him that it will be circulated online.


Even that Sindhu Bhairavi movie also Suhashini gives her baby to Siva Kumar sacrificing everything once again for a male that never appreciated his wife.

Everything boils down to females being slaves of the male.

 

[P.J.]

Dear Sir,

I saw that movie..I remember Prakash Raj getting it left right center from the other woman.

Somehow that movie had chauvinistic undertones...it showed that women should go to any extent to reform a good for nothing male even to the extent of carrying a baby!

That's really dumb..if she really wanted to teach him a lesson she could have got that guy gang raped by gay men!

Record it and black mail him that it will be circulated online.


Even that Sindhu Bhairavi movie also Suhashini gives her baby to Siva Kumar sacrificing everything once again for a male that never appreciated his wife.

Everything boils down to females being slaves of the male.

renikaji

i like this line in your post.

if she really wanted to teach him a lesson she could have got that guy gang raped by gay men!


Most of K.Balachander movie exhibits this kind of sadistic theme and i do not know how viewers accept these type of movies and praise him.

In one movie the Hero runs after another Girl, even after his marriage and such movies are praised even!!

Reg Those days Rishi sitting in a Basket and carried to another place by his Pathni, probably Nalaayini is strong enough to lift him!!

 

[sangom]

Done!

One day I will write such stories but there is a risk..cos all Akkas and Aunties might be at my door step with brooms and slippers!

Though your above post is in a lighter vein, I am sure that soon the society will need the feminine pov stries and literature. (I am deliberately omitting the adjective "feminist" here because it possibly has acquired certain anti-male connotations.)
We had one book in Malayalam published a few years ago giving the true life account of a small-time prostitute {oru laingika tozhilaLiyuDe Atmakatha by Nalini JameelA} living in Trichur district, as narrated by herself. It was good in terms of language style (some editing and touching up must have been there.) and it revealed to the "Bhadralok", so to say, what actually transpires in the lives of some women in our society. It was educative for me; my wife also appreciated it fyi.

 

[P.J.]

I wonder Why Raji Ram Madam has not contributed any post in this? Her views on this subject must be interesting!