Perceptions about Senior Citizen Resort

[Raji Ram]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Share Link

Answers here in blue because I don't want to disturb Nachi Sir's thread!

hi

i feel both sides....some are lucky with children till the end of life....some are left alone in the old age.....

some reasons....

1 financial problems...

For whom? Seniors can't get into a good senior resort only if they are not financially sound!

2 adjustment problem with DIL and other family members...

True in many cases.

3 medical facilities...

No! Medical facilities are not cheap anywhere!

4 single child in abroad......

Even with children in India, many parents shift to senior resorts, when they can't manage on their own.

5 freedom in the old age....

Freedom only from relatives! They have to adjust with new friends to be happy!

just info...now a mother in the retirement home chennai alone...ONLY SON IN USA....SHE DOES NOT LIKE USA...SHE CANT STAY

ALONE IN HER OWN HOME IN CHENNAI...SHE NEEDS SUPPORT FOR HER DAILY NEEDS...SHE NEEDS FREEDOM TOO.....SHE

DOES NOT LIKE ADVICES/OPINIONS FROM FAMILY MEMBERS.....SO OLD AGE HOME/RETIREMENT HOME IS ONLY OPTION....

 

[krish44]

After reading most of the posts related to retirement living , the basic issues appear to be

1. living an independant life style with freedom from married children and relatives.

2. security of stay

3freedom from payment of utilities bills,shopping for groceries, food, fuel for cooking

4. cooking hassles and management of servants for upkeep of house, kitchen

5. ease of medical care and hospitalisation during an emergency.

all our lives we have lived with these issues . is aging such a big issue warranting shifting to special

resorts with people of similar needs away from normal living like a younger person next door.

more than meeting any special need ,it is just fear of the future and fear of our own inability to

face upto it that forces us to isolating ourself from the society at large.

the end of our life has to come one day. why fear and live in anticipation of it in dread taking

desperate attempts to change our life style .

it is basically an issue of thinking rationally and learning to cope with living with a little reduced

physical strength and money resources.

why should we senior citizens isolate ourself from society and become drop out when we are not

even eighty plus.

it is a matter of living a few years at the fag end of life . why over react to it? and run to resorts for

seniors. more I think of it ,more I feel strongly that it is is not the right solution for seniors

 

[kunjuppu]

After reading most of the posts related to retirement living , the basic issues appear to be

1. living an independant life style with freedom from married children and relatives.

2. security of stay

3freedom from payment of utilities bills,shopping for groceries, food, fuel for cooking

4. cooking hassles and management of servants for upkeep of house, kitchen

5. ease of medical care and hospitalisation during an emergency.

all our lives we have lived with these issues . is aging such a big issue warranting shifting to special

resorts with people of similar needs away from normal living like a younger person next door.

more than meeting any special need ,it is just fear of the future and fear of our own inability to

face upto it that forces us to isolating ourself from the society at large.

the end of our life has to come one day. why fear and live in anticipation of it in dread taking

desperate attempts to change our life style .

it is basically an issue of thinking rationally and learning to cope with living with a little reduced

physical strength and money resources.

why should we senior citizens isolate ourself from society and become drop out when we are not

even eighty plus.

it is a matter of living a few years at the fag end of life . why over react to it? and run to resorts for

seniors. more I think of it ,more I feel strongly that it is is not the right solution for seniors

krish,

excellent points. i have heard that as we age, it is very important that we need to have friends among the younger crowd. not only does it keep us in with the times, but also supposed to increase our joie de vivre.

one of the most popular persons among the tamil blogging and facebook circle is bharathi mani. mani is 77 years young and a great raconteur of life in delhi during the 60s and 70s, including the shenanigans of top politicians.

he retired, moved to chennai. actively involved in movie acting and runs his own theatre company. just recently published a book, புள்ளிகள் கோடுகள் கோலங்கள் - a 500 page compilation of all his life articles published over the years. he is also the son in law of the tamil write ka na su.

fondly, he is called பாட்டைய்யா by hundreds of youngsters of all classes. he is my ideal 77 year old and hope that i can even have 1/2 his enthusiasm of life..if God willing i live that long .

the below url gives a sample of his writing and links to other such stuff.

தில்லியில் தென்னிந்திய ஹோட்டல்களும், கையேந்தி பவன்களும் — பாரதி மணி

 

[Raji Ram]

........ 1. it is a matter of living a few years at the fag end of life .
2. why over react to it? and run to resorts for seniors.
3. more I think of it ,more I feel strongly that it is is not the right solution for seniors

Dear Krish Sir,

1. No one knows the 'expiry' date! :sad:

2. This is not over reacting. It is finding a peaceful place with like minded people around.

That is why, it is wise to choose a senior resort, which will suit the taste of the individual / couple.

3. It is ONLY your personal view because of your life style!

 

[Raji Ram]

The lines I enjoyed most while reading the blog by Bharathi Mani.

''என்னைப்போன்ற நாக்கு நாலுமுழமிருக்கும் சைவர்களுக்கு, சோம்பு இல்லாத மசால் வடையும், ப்ரூவுக்குப்பதிலாக நல்ல

பில்டர் காபியும் கிடைத்திருக்கும்.'' - Reminds me of my 'Casino mAmA'.

''எனக்கு தில்லி வந்தபிறகு தான் சட்னியில் தேங்காயுடன் பொட்டுக்கடலை சேர்க்கலாம் என்பது தெரியும். ஆனால் கனாட்பிளேஸ்

மதராஸ் ஹோட்டல் சட்னி வெறும் பொட்டுக்கடலையாலேயே தயாரிக்கப்பட்டிருக்கும். சிறுவயதில் சனிக்கிழமைதோறும் எண்ணெய்

தேய்த்துக் குளிக்கும்போது, தலைக்குத்தேய்த்த கடலைமாவு வாயில் வழிந்தால் என்ன ருசியோ அதே ருசிதான் மதராஸ் ஹோட்டல்

சட்னி!'' :lol:

''இன்னும் ஒரு சிலர் சென்னைக்கு வந்து ஓய்வுக்குப்பிறகு கிடைத்த மொத்த ஊதியத்தையும் அதிகவட்டிக்கு ஆசைப்பட்டு ராயப்பேட்டை

பெனிஃபிட் பண்டில் போட்டு இன்று முதலுக்கே மோசமானதால், கையில் மஞ்சள்பையுடன் பூட்டிய கேட்டுக்கு வெளியே நிற்கிறார்கள்!'' :sad:

 

[krish44]

Dear Krish Sir,

1. No one knows the 'expiry' date! :sad:

2. This is not over reacting. It is finding a peaceful place with like minded people around.

That is why, it is wise to choose a senior resort, which will suit the taste of the individual / couple.

3. It is ONLY your personal view because of your life style!

rajiramji

1. Fear comes because of uncertainty of expiry date. We run to hold the hands of others who have

similar fear and feel reassured.

2.Like minded people is a myth.we are all individualistic.. As we grow older we disagree on more

and more things. we become extremists in our hatred for more people. we like to isolate and call it

peaceful. we would like to shut ourself off from harsh realities of day to dy living..Why?

3.There are no general solutions to living in old age. The elite senior citizen homes solutions are promoted by

commercial interests of those running senior citizens resorts and is promoted for consumption by

NRIs and the indian elites with children abroad or away from them. Other sr. citizen homes are

homes for the poor and the destitutes .

My life style is of any other middle class indians . only I value myself and strive to remain integrated

fully with society at large.

It is my belief that most in sixties and seventies with children away from them look for a maximum

of 3 to 4 months away from their regular homes. Most tamil NRI love to be in tamilnadu in peak

winter nov end to feb beginning. In addition they would like to go to india for marriage or death

or perhaps cheap medical care for themselves or a dear one in india. similarly parents in india with

a child abroad would like to stay with them a few 3-4 months or some emergency need .

these do not warrant shifting to retirement homes.

 

[krish44]

krish,

excellent points. i have heard that as we age, it is very important that we need to have friends among the younger crowd. not only does it keep us in with the times, but also supposed to increase our joie de vivre.

one of the most popular persons among the tamil blogging and facebook circle is bharathi mani. mani is 77 years young and a great raconteur of life in delhi during the 60s and 70s, including the shenanigans of top politicians.

he retired, moved to chennai. actively involved in movie acting and runs his own theatre company. just recently published a book, புள்ளிகள் கோடுகள் கோலங்கள் - a 500 page compilation of all his life articles published over the years. he is also the son in law of the tamil write ka na su.

fondly, he is called பாட்டைய்யா by hundreds of youngsters of all classes. he is my ideal 77 year old and hope that i can even have 1/2 his enthusiasm of life..if God willing i live that long .

the below url gives a sample of his writing and links to other such stuff.

தில்லியில் தென்னிந்திய ஹோட்டல்களும், கையேந்தி பவன்களும் — பாரதி மணி

dear kunjuppuji

thanks for your post on bharathi mani.

It is is an authentic account of life in delhi of fiftees and sixtees which we have experienced and

enjoyed in full.

In fact I have been delhi since birth and in addition seen life in early fiftees and was a passive

spectator of refugee crisis and extreme hardship of those who were displaced.also lived thru china

, pakistan wars of 1962,65,71, riots of 1984, passing away of a number of prime ministers and the

emergency excesses of 1975. all in all an interesting life, spending over 55 years in delhi

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

rajiramji

3.There are no general solutions to living in old age. The elite senior citizen homes solutions are promoted by

commercial interests of those running senior citizens resorts and is promoted for consumption by

NRIs and the indian elites with children abroad or away from them. Other sr. citizen homes are

homes for the poor and the destitutes .

My life style is of any other middle class indians . only I value myself and strive to remain integrated

fully with society at large.

Totally wrong. Senior Retirement Homes are the need of the hour for seniors to live with Dignity. Living in a Retirement community does not mean we are cut off from Society. This is a totally wrong perception. Your last sentences show that you are an NRI who thinks only from the view point of Tamil NRIs.

 

[krish44]

dear naachi sir
I am a middle class tamil from north india.

retirement homes segregates senior citizens from others.

senior citizen can transact with society only if they they have the means to go to the city proper

nearby involving transport [driver if one has a car] . otherwise it is only online interaction.

how much does a senior citizen has to commute to see a movie in a theatre? how far is a decent

library or a book shop where one could pick up a magazine or a book for reading.

how many interesting fairs are they able to visit.

how many school going kids they an transact with?

where are the the street corner coffee or chai shop for gossiping with one and all

where is the neighbouring mami boasting about her kids or borrowing couple of teaspoons of coffee

or sugar/-
the noise of marriage celebrations, music and sounds of traffic and buzzing of life- are they worth

missing?
how does dignity enter into all this?

I consider it an indignity to run into a home to be looked after by others

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

dear naachi sir

I consider it an indignity to run into a home to be looked after by others

No one looks after us. You have wrong ideas. You are mistaking Old age convalescent homes with Retirement Communities.

 

[Raji Ram]

No one looks after us. You have wrong ideas. You are mistaking Old age convalescent homes with Retirement Communities.

Dear Sir,

Krish Sir has some fixed and wrong ideas about senior resorts! He wants everyone to engage non brahmin cooks to be happy!

Actually, those who have moved into retirment communities in my relatives and friends circle, are happy and keep in touch

with their near and dear ones as usual. The ladies enjoy more because they retire from kitchen work which they have been

doing ever since they got married!

 

[Raji Ram]

When I was searching for a senior resort for my nonagenarian uncle and octogenarian aunt, I bumped into one of the 'homes'.

A doctor in charge of that home told me NOT to admit this old couple there because he has only two terminally ill patients in that

home. He advised to look for another one, also run by him in Hosur, where elders have separate apartments and live a normal life.

 

[krish44]

Dear Sir,

Krish Sir has some fixed and wrong ideas about senior resorts! He wants everyone to engage non brahmin cooks to be happy!

Actually, those who have moved into retirment communities in my relatives and friends circle, are happy and keep in touch

with their near and dear ones as usual. The ladies enjoy more because they retire from kitchen work which they have been

doing ever since they got married!

rajiramji
as a matter of curiousity, do brahmins only cook in these retirement homes?

are not food cooked by non brahmins clean or hygenic?

what do you have against non brahmins working as cooks.

why should be less happy if they cook for you?

if one wants to retire from kitchen duties , why not take someone who is prepared to render this

service instead of checking kulam, gothram. Someone belonging to manitha kulam is good enough.

I do not have any wrong notions about retirement homes.

I do not subscribe to the idea of segregation of senior citizen on the basis of age alone.

I expect them to remain integrated with the community at large.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Krish Sir,

So far, I have not had any non brahmin cooks, since I need assistance ONLY on special days, when many guests arrive.

But, I do visit my non brahmin friends and eat what they prepare and offer me; that is not at all a problem.

FYI, many cooks and servers in tambrahm weddings are non brahmins, who just wear a poonool to 'appear' like a brahmin.

In fact, one chef mAmA confided in me that brahmins servers are very hard to find!

When elders are NOT able manage the household like you do, where else can they go, other than senior resorts?

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

rajiramji

I do not have any wrong notions about retirement homes.

I do not subscribe to the idea of segregation of senior citizen on the basis of age alone.

I expect them to remain integrated with the community at large.

Who said we are not integrated with the community at large. This is a terrible notion. You talk as if you have segregated us into different community. That shows how wrong you can be.

It is our choice. It is not imposed by the society.

In fact your posts are demeaning to Elders and shows how much contempt you have for elders.

 

[krish44]

nacchi sir

If I post that I do not like senior citizen joining senior resorts or I do not welcome segregation of

seniors on the basis of their age, pray educate me how it is treated as a contempt for senior citizen.

ultimately it is the individuals choice to stay where one wishes.

with best wishes for your stay

krish44

 

[krish44]

Dear Krish Sir,

So far, I have not had any non brahmin cooks, since I need assistance ONLY on special days, when many guests arrive.

But, I do visit my non brahmin friends and eat what they prepare and offer me; that is not at all a problem.

FYI, many cooks and servers in tambrahm weddings are non brahmins, who just wear a poonool to 'appear' like a brahmin.

In fact, one chef mAmA confided in me that brahmins servers are very hard to find!

When elders are NOT able manage the household like you do, where else can they go, other than senior resorts?

of course rajiramji if seniors are unable to manage servants or households they have perhaps no

alternative than resorts as you call them

what would happen if they are not able to manage in resorts ?

that would be the next issue.

they would then shuttle between resorts.

some keep their original homes also to return to them for a few months a year if possible.

nb servants was my solution to the cooking issue. it has worked very well for me. it is a win -win

situation with they needing small money and my getting two of them to share my house work for a

pittance and making my home a living paradise. my blessings for them.

it is a known fact that Nbs wear poonool and caste marks to pass off as brahmins to work as

servers in weddings. one sees that they have to do these things to get work and make a living.

one feels sorry that they have been reduced to this due to uncompromising attitude of brahmin

community who want only their community members to serve them at weddings.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Krish Sir,

When the end stage comes for a single man / woman, it is difficult to manage in any senior resort. :sad:

But a lucky mom was protected by her octogenarian son, who lives in a senior resort at Coimbatore with his wife,

till she passed away at the ripe age of 100. :thumb:

 

[krish44]

Dear Krish Sir,

When the end stage comes for a single man / woman, it is difficult to manage in any senior resort. :sad:

But a lucky mom was protected by her octogenarian son, who lives in a senior resort at Coimbatore with his wife,

till she passed away at the ripe age of 100. :thumb:

rajiramji
these are blessings in life
I have two nieces who support four senior citzens each in their homes.

one supports four with three in eighties, the other with all four in eighties, three with heart issues.

one of them pursues a career working from home and the other runs her company.

both are supported by husbands and an army of servants to make this possible

 

[taruvai]

Dear raji ram
can you recommend a good senior resort for me and my wife.We are 71 and 62 old and healthy and we stay now in mumbai
subramanian

 

[Raji Ram]

...... these are blessings in life
I have two nieces who support four senior citzens each in their homes. ...........

Are they their parents and in-laws? Anyway, :clap2: to those good hearts!

My second cousin took care of her bedridden uncle (a bachelor for life), during the last six months of his life. :angel:

 

[krish44]

Are they their parents and in-laws? Anyway, :clap2: to those good hearts!

My second cousin took care of her bedridden uncle (a bachelor for life), during the last six months of his life. :angel:

In one case parents and in laws, the other 3 parents and one uncle single-are being supported by

my nieces. in addition they manage their careers. and their own children.

It requires a large heart and not money alone.

 

[Raji Ram]

.... It requires a large heart and not money alone.

Very true, Krish Sir. Seldom we see such people.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

nacchi sir

If I post that I do not like senior citizen joining senior resorts or I do not welcome segregation of

seniors on the basis of their age, pray educate me how it is treated as a contempt for senior citizen.

ultimately it is the individuals choice to stay where one wishes.

with best wishes for your stay

krish44

You keep on using the term Segregation which is insulting to say the least. The meaning of Segregation is "The institutional separation of an ethnic, racial, religious, or other minority group from the dominant majority." It has a very bad connotation. I do not think older people are being Segregated by the majority.

Here it is our choice. Not the imposition of the majority.

 

[krish44]

You keep on using the term Segregation which is insulting to say the least. The meaning of Segregation is "The institutional separation of an ethnic, racial, religious, or other minority group from the dominant majority." It has a very bad connotation. I do not think older people are being Segregated by the majority.

Here it is our choice. Not the imposition of the majority.

not necessarily.
wikipedia says-residential segregation is physical separation of people into separate

neighbourhoods.

In retirement homes there is separation on basis of age.

there is no element of majority or minority inmposition.

I request you not to imagine anything else.

wish you all the best for your stay in your new home.

regards