Praying for early end

[venkateswaranrn]

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My mother in law is 2 yrs short of becoming a centurian.Two months back she fell down from cot & fractured the left hip. The orthopedist is of the view that even though operation is the best cure, she is unfit for the same. She is now on traction, and completely bed-ridden. I've engaged a part-time ayah to attend to her in morning & evening. Till her fracture, she was absolutely ok, and attended to her requirements all by herself. Now she's unable to compromise about her physical condition. We (my wife & I) feel terribly for her condition, but cannot do much. Also my wife had a fracture in her right shoulder, and was operated some months back. She's not back to normal still. Seeing my m-i-law's physical suffering & mental agony, we're praying for her early end. Is there any mantra or japa which we can recite daily - apart from praying silently to God - which can alleviate her sufferings by bringing an early end to her? Which God or Devata should we pray in such situations? What sloka? Please help.

 

[renuka]

We cant pray to make anyone live or to make anyone die.

I can understand as a care giver this can take a severe toll on your mental well being.

When we are stressed and pushed to the limits thoughts shift to death of self or others.

The primary concern here is you cant manage..so best is to shift your MIL to a hospice nursing home.

It is not selfish of you to wish her death and neither is it noble for you to wish her death as to alleviate her suffering...its totally understandable becos you CANT cope anymore.

Believe me..shift her fast to a nursing home before depression gets to you and you start wishing death for yourself...risk of depression for care givers is very very high.

Who knows by her being in a nursing home and you visit her often might actually be beneficial for her and you too.

So dont wish for anyones death..just take actions to help yourself first here and then your MIL.

 

[auh]

I feel sorry for your mil's condition and suffering and wish for this trauma should end on a positive note. Kindly do not wish for anyone's death, as the spark of life in our near and dear ones is something that never returns to the same form again.

It is but one life we have. Let us bring peace and happiness to all around us.

Peace.

 

[prasad1]

We cant pray to make anyone live or to make anyone die.

I can understand as a care giver this can take a severe toll on your mental well being.

When we are stressed and pushed to the limits thoughts shift to death of self or others.

The primary concern here is you cant manage..so best is to shift your MIL to a hospice nursing home.

It is not selfish of you to wish her death and neither is it noble for you to wish her death as to alleviate her suffering...its totally understandable becos you CANT cope anymore.

Believe me..shift her fast to a nursing home before depression gets to you and you start wishing death for yourself...risk of depression for care givers is very very high.

Who knows by her being in a nursing home and you visit her often might actually be beneficial for her and you too.


So dont wish for anyones death..just take actions to help yourself first here and then your MIL.

Great advice.

 

[prasad1]

My mother in law is 2 yrs short of becoming a centurian.Two months back she fell down from cot & fractured the left hip. The orthopedist is of the view that even though operation is the best cure, she is unfit for the same. She is now on traction, and completely bed-ridden. I've engaged a part-time ayah to attend to her in morning & evening. Till her fracture, she was absolutely ok, and attended to her requirements all by herself. Now she's unable to compromise about her physical condition. We (my wife & I) feel terribly for her condition, but cannot do much. Also my wife had a fracture in her right shoulder, and was operated some months back. She's not back to normal still. Seeing my m-i-law's physical suffering & mental agony, we're praying for her early end. Is there any mantra or japa which we can recite daily - apart from praying silently to God - which can alleviate her sufferings by bringing an early end to her? Which God or Devata should we pray in such situations? What sloka? Please help.

I sympathize with your situation.
Nothing you or anyone else can really do anything better than what you are doing. Hospice is a good alternative if you can find one.
Things will take its own time.
Be brave, good wishes for you.

 

[S Narayanaswamy Iyer]

Dear Sri M Venkateswaran

Instead of getting over-emotional and praying for the early death of your disabled bed-ridden mother-in-law, please try to be realistic and see what can be done practically. Death will certainly come - in due course to us all, your mother-in-law, yourself, and your wife included.

In the interim, if she is in pain, give her analgesic treatment and tender loving care. Have the part-time maid turn her over to avoid bed-sores and muscle cramps. Have bed-pans at hand and teach her how to use them. Let her know she is wanted and that help is always at hand. Read to her, sing to her, talk to her every day. Pray with her. Recite her favourite sthrothrams in her hearing.

If there is an affordable and easy-to-reach care-giving nursing home for Braahmana women near you, moving her there might be a workable choice. Or the home of a near or far relative whom you can trust and pay to attend to the patient's needs 24-hourly. And whose visiting hours are flexible.

Meanwhile, I would strongly urge you and your wife to recite daily the following manthram, not for early death, but for your whole family's well-being:-

mruthyun-jayaaya rudraaya neelakandaaya saambave
amrutheshaaya sharvaaya mahaadevaaya the namaha

S Narayanaswamy Iyer

Post-script -- Even anti-Hindu Indians-hating Englishman Macaulay sang in "Horatio":-

"And how can Man die better
Than facing fearful odds...."

 

[tbs]

hi
death is not in our hand.....try some nursing home with private care...

 

[renuka]

Dear Venkatesh Ji,

Just a friendly reminder..the posts here are from well wishera but some even though they mean well ..they lack the intricate understanding of human emotions and depressive states.

Its very normal for you to feel emotional or even over emotional..this is just part of being human and reaching out for help.

There is no acute need for you to not identify with your emotions..you are even free to cry if you want to feel less stress.

Do not let unexpected expectations from replies pressurize you.

I am speaking to you as a proffesional here.

Kindly try in small steps to get her into a good nursing home.

It doesnt have to be just Brahmana nursing home cos why narrow down your chances of getting a nursing home?

Please do that first.

Feel free to respond to members here to divert your mind from stress a little.

 

[S Narayanaswamy Iyer]

Sure, Sri M Venkateswaran. If your near-centurion mother-in-law does not mind being fed with beef extract, chicken essence, fish porridge, prawn pappadam, lamb chops, veal cuts, sea-food crackers, by all means take her to a Dalit, Christian, or Muslim nursing home. If she commits suicide through your following unsolicited evil advice, that is just too bad.

S Narayanaswamy Iyer

 

[renuka]

Sure, Sri M Venkateswaran. If your near-centurion mother-in-law does not mind being fed with beef extract, chicken essence, fish porridge, prawn pappadam, lamb chops, veal cuts, sea-food crackers, by all means take her to a Dalit, Christian, or Muslim nursing home. If she commits suicide through your following unsolicited evil advice, that is just too bad.

S Narayanaswamy Iyer

Hospitals and nursing homes have dietiticians and patient specific dietary requirements.

Even in a Muslim country like Msia we get vegetarian diet at hospitals and nursing homes.
Beef and mutton and pork are never served even to non veg patients of any religion.

Mr Advocate.
I feel you have no idea how a nursing home even in India is run.

I dont see how my advice can be termed evil.
I was the first person to respond to Venkatesh ji with the best of my capability..only then others joined in.

My advice is purely professional taking into consideration Venkateshjis state of mind.
He needs support ans not harsh words.


Also try to be a little gentle in approach when dealing with people who are seeking help from members.

You might feel you speak the truth..yes you could be speaking your brand of truth but just rephrase some words so even the bitter truth forms a fragrant garland of words..its good for everyone.

Its not easy to change at a very advanced age but no harm trying.

Best wishes..

Your well wisher

 

[S Narayanaswamy Iyer]

Dear Sri M Venkateswaran

<Deleted>
<Do not write hearsay about hospitals, or other organizations>

S Narayanaswamy Iyer

 

[athimber]

My mother in law is 2 yrs short of becoming a centurian.Two months back she fell down from cot & fractured the left hip. The orthopedist is of the view that even though operation is the best cure, she is unfit for the same. She is now on traction, and completely bed-ridden. I've engaged a part-time ayah to attend to her in morning & evening. Till her fracture, she was absolutely ok, and attended to her requirements all by herself. Now she's unable to compromise about her physical condition. We (my wife & I) feel terribly for her condition, but cannot do much. Also my wife had a fracture in her right shoulder, and was operated some months back. She's not back to normal still. Seeing my m-i-law's physical suffering & mental agony, we're praying for her early end. Is there any mantra or japa which we can recite daily - apart from praying silently to God - which can alleviate her sufferings by bringing an early end to her? Which God or Devata should we pray in such situations? What sloka? Please help.

Dear mr. Venkateswaran,
My sympathies for the state of affairs you and your family is in. But I don't think there is any such prayers available for icha mrityu in Kaliyuga.. had there been anything like that, many people would have chosen that rather than committing suicide. I don't know what provoked you to post it in such an open forum.. I don't think you have really got any help here. Certain things in life has no solutions. One has to patiently wait for the period to get over. You are now in one such situation. There were certain practical solutions suggested by our members which I think you may adopt if it suits you. I don't think any cast and creed based health care system is available in India. Mamta Banerjee once tried something like than a couple years for minority community but didn't meet with success. Again there are certain stage in life we should think above cast creed and religion. I have seen and closely worked with certain Christian missionaries who are in to charity and caring destitute people. Believe me no one else can extend that sort of commitments for human causes. No no I am not here to promote any missionary etc. I was only sharing a pleasent experience on humanity.
Well from what ever you have posted here I understand that state of health is not suitable tobe
Shifted out of house. Better option would be to put some home care there are many people doing it as a profession. May God bless..

 

[prasad1]

Dear mr. Venkateswaran,
My sympathies for the state of affairs you and your family is in. But I don't think there is any such prayers available for icha mrityu in Kaliyuga.. had there been anything like that, many people would have chosen that rather than committing suicide. I don't know what provoked you to post it in such an open forum.. I don't think you have really got any help here. Certain things in life has no solutions. One has to patiently wait for the period to get over. You are now in one such situation. There were certain practical solutions suggested by our members which I think you may adopt if it suits you. I don't think any cast and creed based health care system is available in India. Mamta Banerjee once tried something like than a couple years for minority community but didn't meet with success. Again there are certain stage in life we should think above cast creed and religion. I have seen and closely worked with certain Christian missionaries who are in to charity and caring destitute people. Believe me no one else can extend that sort of commitments for human causes. No no I am not here to promote any missionary etc. I was only sharing a pleasent experience on humanity.
Well from what ever you have posted here I understand that state of health is not suitable tobe

Shifted out of house. Better option would be to put some home care there are many people doing it as a profession. May God bless..

I understand your well-written post, but please be careful. You will be quoted out of context and misinterpreted.

 

[athimber]

I understand your well-written post, but please be careful. You will be quoted out of context and misinterpreted.

Sorry. I didn't get you. Is there anything offensive in my post?

 

[prasad1]

Sorry. I didn't get you. Is there anything offensive in my post?

For supporting Christian missionaries, LOL:boink:

 

[venkateswaranrn]

I'm overwhelmed by the responses to my posting. Incidentally I'm 70 yrs of age & my wife 64. Hence the helplessness. I saw the following in google search. 1. I'm giving the link for "How to die - Mantra: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHtNXpVHxP8. I don't know the authenticity of this. 2. Rigveda Aitreya Aranyaka 6 - 11. Link: http://www.a-good-dying.com/hindu-prayers.html. But these have to be prayed on behalf of the poor soul. Many nursing homes are not "elder/geriatric care-takers" So I can't keep her for long as the cost is prohibitive. I recite (as per Kanchi periyava's prescription: "Anayasena maranam ....." for myself & also on behalf of the old lady. Of course we can't have iccha mrityu in this kaliyuga (Not atma-hatya).

 

[S Narayanaswamy Iyer]

Dear teamtb

Nothing hearsay was written about hospitals, or other organisations.

My very own sister-in-law, my elder brother's wife, Srimathi Jayapaarvathi Sreenivasan, died prematurely in the Government hospital in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia of neglect and starvation, and her eldest son Ven Sreenivasan was an eye-witness.

Being a Braahmana woman, she wanted vegetarian food served but this was not done. Ven Sreenivasan is very much around and alive. Do you want to interview him? If so, please let me know, and I shall arrange. (Someone had earlier falsely claimed that vegetarian food suitable for Brahmins is available in hospitals and nursing homes in Malaysia; and I told the true KL story that this is not so.)

S Narayanaswamy Iyer

 

[renuka]

Dear teamtb

Nothing hearsay was written about hospitals, or other organisations.

My very own sister-in-law, my elder brother's wife, Srimathi Jayapaarvathi Sreenivasan, died prematurely in the Government hospital in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia of neglect and starvation, and her eldest son Ven Sreenivasan was an eye-witness.

Being a Braahmana woman, she wanted vegetarian food served but this was not done. Ven Sreenivasan is very much around and alive. Do you want to interview him? If so, please let me know, and I shall arrange. (Someone had earlier falsely claimed that vegetarian food suitable for Brahmins is available in hospitals and nursing homes in Malaysia; and I told the true KL story that this is not so.)

S Narayanaswamy Iyer

There is no false claim here.
Vegetarian food is available in any government or private hospitals in Msia and even in rural set ups.

Please be informed that many Buddhist Chinese here are Vegans and wont even take milk or thayir cos they consider milk non veg.


Also many Hindus too are veg here even though not all are Brahmins.
All sorts of diets are available in hospitals.

I have worked in these hospitals and we have to chart patients diet requirement..in fact there is even column for Vegetarian and Vegan.
Even onion and garlic requirement food is asked cos Vegans dont take onions and garlic.

A Vegan considers milk NON VEG and not Sattva.
So the food you eat will be rejected by a Vegan.

Kindly be informed Japanese occupation in Msia in over after Hiroshima Nagasaki incident.

During Japanese occupation even rice was not available..people survived eating tapioca.

Coming to cause of death..if a patient refuses to eat IV nutrition is given.

 

[auh]

Sure, Sri M Venkateswaran. If your near-centurion mother-in-law does not mind being fed with beef extract, chicken essence, fish porridge, prawn pappadam, lamb chops, veal cuts, sea-food crackers, by all means take her to a Dalit, Christian, or Muslim nursing home. If she commits suicide through your following unsolicited evil advice, that is just too bad.

S Narayanaswamy Iyer

The above post is presented in a horribly wrong way...

harsh language.

 

[S Narayanaswamy Iyer]

Dear teamtb

I stand steadfastly by my word.

<Again deleted It is liable to the owner of the site to write malicious lie>

<If you have verifiable proof other than your word do not post>

S Naryanaswamy Iyer

 

[renuka]

dear teamtb

i stand steadfastly by my word.

"vegetarian food is available.........." never meant that it is actually served in an edible and acceptable manner to patients, especially brahmin women patients. Removing cooked fish and meat or poultry from the dish and the serving the balance fish-and-meat-soaked rice and cooked vegetables is not serving vegetarian food.

"i have worked in these hospitals and....." yes,i, too, have visited these hospitals, e.g. When my elder brother s sreenivasan was hospitalised in kl after a fall. No vegetarian food was ever served him there. Food was ferried twice-daily from home, because my sister-in-law was not hospitalised and was a housewife. This is not hearsay, teamtb, but a personal eye-witness account. What more do you want?

Finally, kindly note that just because a drug is available in a hospital that does not mean it is dispensed to needy patients. When i was a senior officer in the public service commission, we had cases of even highly qualified and experienced senior doctors reserving these drugs to treat their own families or close friends and denying them to needy patients. Of course they were dismissed after proper investigation and being given opportunities to be heard before the respective disciplinary panels and the commission.

Black sheep might exist in every profession.

S naryanaswamy iyer

I guess you need some help...try to calm down.

You badly want to win here.

My dear..life is not a court case.

Truth is more important than winning.

Ok..take it easy..dont want you to get stressed.

God bless you....I firmly speak the Truth too.

Dont worry..be happy..try being Vegan sans milk..it might help making you calm.

Too much milk sometimes stirs up emotions becos of Kapha.

Take care.

 

[venkateswaranrn]

Thank you sir, Sri. Narayanaswamy Iyer, for the manthram. I do recite "Anayasena maranam.....", daily as advised by Maha Periyava. Recently when I recite the same, I also pray to Him to give mukthi to this ailing, suffering soul. In recent times I also pray for her mukthi, when I do sankalpam, especially Pradosha, and recently for vinayaka chathurthi. And I also thank you for the ref. to Macaulay's "Horatio" - talking of dying for the "ashes of his father".

 

[Heritage India]

Its all in Gods hands , Our Great religion doesnt have any mantra that can bring any destruction,However pls pray Abirami Andyathi

 

[S Narayanaswamy Iyer]

Dear Sri M Venkateswaran

Thank you very much for your kind acknowledgement of my little contribution.

Let me recklessly risk the ire of the powers-that-be with this response. You were told by a "proffessional":-

"Vegetarian food is available in any government or private hospitals in Msia and even in rural set ups. Please be informed that many Buddhist Chinese here are Vegans and wont even take milk or thayir cos they consider milk non veg. Also many Hindus too are veg here even though not all are Brahmins. All sorts of diets are available in hospitals.

"I have worked in these hospitals and we have to chart patients diet requirement..in fact there is even column for Vegetarian and Vegan."

I have checked with hospitals in Seremban, Kuala Lumpur, Melaka (formerly Malacca) and Johor Bahru (formerly Johore Bharu) -- all towns in the Malaysian mainland.

They have NO independent kitchens preparing:-

Hindu vegetarian food;
Buddhist food;
Sikh food;
Vegan food.

They have no Hindu, Buddhist or Sikh cooks to prepare these foods. They do not have even separate sets of utensils, either (as "kosher" Jewish families have). Some ask in wonder, "Apa itu?" (What's that?) when queried about vegan food. They have never heard of it.

Plentifully, "halal" foods are available and served to bumiputra patients. The cows, calves, goats, lambs, chickens, etc are killed according to Muslim custom and rites. See for yourself in videos available on the Internet how such killing is done in Indonesia and Malaysia. Note also that Australia banned export of live cattle and sheep to some Muslim countries, and please learn the reason why.

One true story about "vegetarian" food. Not hearsay, but experienced first-hand.

My wife and I booked return tickets New Delhi-London on Soviet airline Aeroflot, and specified Indian vegetarian food. This food option was entered on our printed itinerary issued by the Aeroflot agent. When dinner-time came after the plane took off, we were served our food first.

To our horror, we discovered that our "Indian vegetarian" food consisted of broiled chicken on white rice. We called the air-hostess and complained. She spoke only Russian, which we did not understand. After some remonstration on our part that we wanted to see the plane's captain, the elephantine lady summoned another elephantine lady and both together tried to talk us on eating the chicken, with much sign language.

When we still refused to accept, and showed them the original printed and signed itinerary issued by Aeroflot agent, a male steward appeared. He appeared to know some English. When we related our dilemma, and he read the itinerary (which he wanted to take away but we snatched back), he coolly told us that for Russians, chicken and fish were vegetables. He offered to remove the chicken so we could eat the rice, and we refused. The impasse ended only when we opted for biscuits and milk for dinner.

Macaulay also sings about man facing death in order to protect "the temples of his gods". John Donne, the English metaphysical poet, sings in his famous poem "Death, Be Not Proud":-

"Why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die."

S Narayanaswamy Iyer

 

[venkateswaranrn]

Dear all members of tamil brahmins
I am sorry to inform you all - though it was my wife & my wish - my mother-in-law breathed her last between 9 & 9.30 a.m. on Thursday last (15th Sep.), without further suffering & agony - both to herself, and to us the caretakers. I appreciate the various view points expressed in the various postings. The main point is that there's no mantra for bringing speedy end to one's life. As I had mentioned in earlier postings, I was reciting the "Anayasena maranam...." & also the "Mrutyunjayaya rudraya..." by Narayanaswamy Iyer, praying to His Almighty to bring-about a speedy end to her agony. It was finally answered on Thursday last. I wish to thank all members who have posted in this thread for their valuable postings & inputs. As she does not have male sibling, and my wife is the only surviving female sibling (the youngest of the three sisters) I have to do the karma for the departed soul.
Thank you once again members, and also the forum of Tamil Brahmins, for this wonderful forum which is a great place for people to know various aspects of our rich Hindu Heritage, and especially the role of brahmin community.
I also wish that this thread can be closed now, as it has outlived its purpose, which of course is for the moderators to decide.

Venkateswaran R N

P.S. Thank you Narayanaswamy Iyer, for those wonderful quotes of Lord Macaulay & John Donne, adding to our vast heritage.