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Raging kids and anger therapy

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Brahmanyan

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We need understand the reasons for the tantrums of a child..Parents themselves may be cause of anger ...We should first ask the child to get calm before agreeing to speak with him or her..We should not physically rebuke/smack the child...Discuss the behavior of the child one on one and try to find a solution to the child's pain..All these steps will go a long way in controlling the anger
 
We need understand the reasons for the tantrums of a child..Parents themselves may be cause of anger ...We should first ask the child to get calm before agreeing to speak with him or her..We should not physically rebuke/smack the child...Discuss the behavior of the child one on one and try to find a solution to the child's pain..All these steps will go a long way in controlling the anger

Actually sometimes when we read more articles the more we get confused.

I feel each child is different..so we can never really generalize.

As long the anger is not pathological and having an underlying medical cause..going too hard on kids will be stressful for both parents and kids.

Humans have emotions that can range from being calm to totally out of control.

Suppressing emotions of any kind is not good in long term basis and even we adults find it hard to at times control our emotions.

So I feel to a certain extent just tell a child about the laws of the state/country etc as to make sure his/her behavior does not land them on the wrong side of the law..that should suffice for the moment.

If the child has a pathological cause of anger..then get it handled by a professional.

Sometimes in the quest for perfection we never really lets ourselves grow emotionally.

We cant be a bunch of crash test dummies all having the same reaction to a given situation.

For the matter do we adults actually live up to the expectations we intend to impose on our kids?

Many of us adults do display all forms of emotions from time to time with regards to time,place and person.

So I dont think its ever possible for any human to be perfectly behaved 24/7 sans emotional ups and downs.

I sure still love to be human..to cry when I should..to become angry when I should.


Note:This is totally my personal opinion.
 
hi
i have some personal experiences...my son has anger issue...the doctor medically diagonsed mild autism/ADHD issues....

he is undergoing mental health pgme and medications too....early detection can good for kids/parents...its my general

observation that the second child has some kind of mental issues than the first one...i may be wrong....many seond

kids have some kind of anger issues/autism...
 
Dear Doctor,

I am in agreement with your opinion in general. All of us pass through emotional upheavals in life, and surprisingly overcome the same as time goes by. Life do not run verbatim as per books . How ever we can take the book knowledge as a "rule of thumb" to understand the problem. Most of our emotional disturbances are calmed by our own methods and time. As it is said, "Kala" consumes everything in the world.

How ever, I wish to write a few words comparing our life "then and now" on the subject.
I am an old timer, who has been brought up under the strict rules of family values and discipline of Hindu Undivided Family of yore. In our time we had little choice of our own and consumerism was not known. Our demands were mostly linked to essentials of day to day life. Awareness of this limitation from childhood had prepared us well to understand the value of contentment. There was only one member, my father, was the earning member and my mother was a full time home maker (house-wife) who attended on every need of ours. Every Rupee earned or spent was accounted for. Thus we knew the value of money.

Well, today though,we continue to live in HUF , things have changed beyond recognition. Both my grand daughters are independent in their likes and dislikes from food to family outings. Their needs have expanded because of limitless choice in the market. Being full time employees their parents could not give enough attention to the children. They compensate it by munificent spending of money to satisfy the needs of the kids. Children get upset for simple things and argue or go into a rage of shouting. I am yet to find an answer for the query "What has gone wrong with our lives, which was comparatively peaceful, even though we did not have this much of wealth and comfort ?"

Warm Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
 
hi

I am yet to find an answer for the query "What has gone wrong with our lives, which was comparatively peaceful, even though we did not have this much of wealth and comfort ?"

i can find some answers...we were more contented in our previous generations.......in a joint family....we were more than 35 cousins

under one roof...limited resourses.....single grandpa/grandma command.....life was tough... still peaceful....now nuclear family....

availability more and problems are more.....wealth can not give happiness...wealth can give comforts....every sweet food attach

with some sugar problems....same way the life...attachment/sacrifice were the key mantra for a happy family....now more

individualistic approach in every part of life....so the depression and mental health issues are attach with day to day life...

attention deficiancy for every kid now a days...so the AUTISM/ADHD are byproducts are daily life....ADULT ADHD/AUTiSM

ALSO THERE FOR OLDER GENERATIONS....
 
How ever, I wish to write a few words comparing our life "then and now" on the subject.
I am an old timer, who has been brought up under the strict rules of family values and discipline of Hindu Undivided Family of yore. In our time we had little choice of our own and consumerism was not known. Our demands were mostly linked to essentials of day to day life. Awareness of this limitation from childhood had prepared us well to understand the value of contentment. There was only one member, my father, was the earning member and my mother was a full time home maker (house-wife) who attended on every need of ours. Every Rupee earned or spent was accounted for. Thus we knew the value of money.

Well, today though,we continue to live in HUF , things have changed beyond recognition. Both my grand daughters are independent in their likes and dislikes from food to family outings. Their needs have expanded because of limitless choice in the market. Being full time employees their parents could not give enough attention to the children. They compensate it by munificent spending of money to satisfy the needs of the kids. Children get upset for simple things and argue or go into a rage of shouting. I am yet to find an answer for the query "What has gone wrong with our lives, which was comparatively peaceful, even though we did not have this much of wealth and comfort ?"

Warm Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.


Dear Sir,

I agree with what you wrote but I am quite sure if we contact our ancestors in Pitr Loka they will say "Aiyoo I was much better than my greatgrand son..I was much better behaved etc"

I am sure you would agree with me that each generation tends to think that way..just like I like the music of the 80's cos I grew up hearing it and might feel todays music kind of sucks a little!LOL

Its becos we ourselves held on to some values that we perceive was right...but it was right at that time.

So like wise as time goes on..values changed cos there is more pressure...something which was less apparent is older times.

One thing I have noted the computer usage does affect moods..no idea why..may be cos the mind is moving at a very fast rate online and when the computer is shut off the mind cant adjust to the slower needs of a normal conversation and tempers tend to flare up...which could explain why children get violently angry these days.

This I have noted even with myself..that I tend not to want to talk to people and feel they are speaking too slow for me..the mind wants to rush god knows where.

May be its some side effect of the virtual world.

Its not absence or presence of wealth that gives us peace but its all about being contented.

Now try telling this to a child and he will start to shout at you!LOL

Even adults find it hard to be contented.

BTW we adults too have mutated into very different beings.These days life is all about competing with each other.

People compete for the stupidest things.

I will give you an example...I do not like using a smart phone..prefer a basic Nokia and I had attended a medical meeting where I used my phone during lunch to make a call and the doctor beside me asked me "what..you dont have a smart phone..what would people think..they will look down upon you"

My answer was simple "who cares..I am happy with my choice"

So you see many of us give in to pressure of others and this indirectly spills on to our children when they see parents in "Keeping up with the Kardashians mode".

Parents these days do not believe in living..all they keep telling their kids is "be the best..be the top scorer" and every parents brags about their kids and also parents brag where they went for holiday blah blah blah.

There is nothing wrong aiming to be the best as long it does not become an obsession.

So tell me sir..when parents themselves are playing the game of change in the wrong direction..doesnt all these come with a price?
 
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The basic thread of this is bad upbringing.

If one does not know what they can teach? This is the present generation of young parents apathy.
When you go in latest lifts you will have to simply press the button where you are suppose to go. Stop there. No. They will press 100% (3 year old child to 70 year old) compulsorily door closing button. Why?

They greet the old or young Hi. Why do'nt you call by relation (Hello uncle, dada, or name if youngsters) and make an healthy conversation. Why that slang Hi. You are in India and not in a foreign country.

One can write like this many.

In all psychology/medical journals and in pragmatic view it is seen clearly that Kid accepts command or instructions upto the age of 5 only where her brain (hard disc) is still not filled with lot of information. After that first vehement negation starts. "Papa or mamma you do not know. Teacher said this or that, that only is right". When the age advances it becomes friends, etc.

So best way is to teach the total life within 5 years, let it be education, behaviour, etiquette, spirituality............. ( it is not that they can be made as engineers or doctors, etc. it is the road which is laid strongly for further learning after 5 years) Once the road is laid they will know the destination and journey prospers in a better way.

Prof.D.V.R.Rajakumar
 
..........
So best way is to teach the total life within 5 years, let it be education, behaviour, etiquette, spirituality............. ( it is not that they can be made as engineers or doctors, etc. it is the road which is laid strongly for further learning after 5 years) Once the road is laid they will know the destination and journey prospers in a better way. ........
There is a Tamil proverb: 'aindhil vaLaiyAdhadhu aimbadhil vaLaiyumA?' :)
 
CHILD IS THE FATHER/MOTHER OF MAN/WOMAN - rv

Actually instead of we teach children, it is better we can learn more from children..they never have grudges or anger lasting for long...they always forget past..never think about future...live in present (that is present to all)..Learn from everyone...try not to belittle ..it is leave them as free as possible :hurt::rant:
 
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