• This forum contains old posts that have been closed. New threads and replies may not be made here. Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply.
  • Welcome to Tamil Brahmins forums.

    You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our Free Brahmin Community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

    If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Retirement Villages/Communities - Pros and Cons

  • Thread starter Thread starter sankara_sharmah
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

sankara_sharmah

Guest
Retirement villages have become the favorite topic of discussion among the older Tamil Brahmins. Some of these were called old age homes earlier. Coimbatore leads in having the maximum number. Vanaprastha is the oldest. Chennai also has many. Classic Kudumbam was one of the earliest.

These retirement villages are modeled after the retirement communities in Florida, U.S.

Generally the cost is between Rs. 5 lakhs (for a flat) to Rs.50 lakhs (for a luxury Villa).

These are aimed at older people living alone.

Living alone presents many problems. Some of them are

1. Maintaining your house. Running around getting plumbers, electricians etc.

2. Physical labour involved in cooking food. Getting good cooks has become very difficult now a days.

3. Security.

The retirement villages/communities offer

1. Guaranteed maintenance.

2. Food prepared by good cooks.

3. Security. Most of them are gated communities.

In addition many of them are located in nice surroundings. Some of them in Coimbatore boast of hill views. They also have community halls, recreation rooms and many other facilities.

In fact it is now a fashion or in thing among the Tamil Brahmins to move to a retirement village either permanently or for some months in a year. At least invest in one for the future.

The major occupants of these Retirement Communities are Tamil Brahmins who have all their children abroad. They are unable to live with their children because of various reasons. The children are also happy that the parents are well looked after. Many of them buy the Villas for them. The communities also offer facilities for temporary guests so that the children can come and stay for some time.

It looks all very Good.

But there are some problems.

1. Psychologically it is depressing for older people to live in a community surrounded by only older people. Older people have health problems and do talk about it. Then they talk about their children and grand children. Living in a group where some one or the other is always talking about illness could be depressing.

2. Tamil Nadu is not blessed with good weather. It is hot, hotter or hottest. Coimbatore is better. But even then I would prefer a place where you do not have to have a fan or ac throughout the year.

3. Since most of the occupants' children are abroad, it is difficult for people with their children in India to live there. Many of the others have no choice, but the people whose children are in India have a choice. They have chosen to stay there for a particular reason. But the general mentality of the people is to believe that the children have deserted them or they have fought with their children. This is not being fair to the children.

I stay with my wife separately though all my children are in India. We have chosen to do this in spite of strong objections from our children.

4. If you are religious person, these communities may not be suitable.

I would like other members to share their thoughts and experiences about retirement Villages/Communities.
 
Sri.sankara_ sharmah

As long as one lives with his spouse, life can be managed some how if there is financial back up; but if one of them departs, it will not be easy to manage alone particularly when one falls sick.
Usually woman manages/ adjusts to live her life very well even after the death of her husband;but most men fail miserably.
One of my wife's cousin who have no issues, could not live in an old age home for more than 6 months!!
Don't know much about the retirement communities in Florida/US
We have a house in Chennai, but we live with our son's family in US with Green Card; occasionally we visit India for various reasons, also visit UK where our daughter's family reside.
This Green Card gives us a sort of freedom to move around.
Having lived in separate home throughout our life, we can not imagine living in a Flat with restriction, nor we can live in old age homes however they are comfortable.
It all depends upon each family mind set up, their adjustment with son's family and to the new environment.
 
Isha Allah, we are financially independent, and physically in reasonable shape. We have lived in USA for most of our adult life and to an extent have become an alien in India. My memories of India are 40 years old when I was living there. The culture, and financial realities have changed. Having never lived in TN it is very difficult to adjust to climate, and culture there. The Tamil vegetarian food was the greatest attraction, and also some family connection to TN was an incentive. The Coimbatore facility was very good. They had thought of everything, and there was financial match with others living there. We met a retired army person, and a lawyer from Delhi.

I have not explored the Pune and Ahmedabad location for similar facility. Our daughter living in USA and we being so used to the USA services, it is going to be difficult transition.

I may have to find one here in USA. I am building a 44 unit condominium (flats) for American, it has good response. I might try to duplicate one for PIO's if there is demand.
 
sankara_sharmah said:
...........But there are some problems.

1. Psychologically it is depressing for older people to live in a community surrounded by only older people. Older people have health problems and do talk about it. Then they talk about their children and grand children. Living in a group where some one or the other is always talking about illness could be depressing.

2. Tamil Nadu is not blessed with good weather. It is hot, hotter or hottest. Coimbatore is better. But even then I would prefer a place where you do not have to have a fan or ac throughout the year.

3. Since most of the occupants' children are abroad, it is difficult for people with their children in India to live there. Many of the others have no choice, but the people whose children are in India have a choice. They have chosen to stay there for a particular reason. But the general mentality of the people is to believe that the children have deserted them or they have fought with their children. This is not being fair to the children.

I stay with my wife separately though all my children are in India. We have chosen to do this in spite of strong objections from our children.

4. If you are religious person, these communities may not be suitable.

I would like other members to share their thoughts and experiences about retirement Villages/Communities.
Click to expand...
Dear Sir,

You have pointed out the advantages of living in a senior citizen home very well.

Now my views on the problems that you have stated - in quote:

1. I too find many seniors always talking and sometimes boasting about their health problems and the money they spent in

hospitals! When I talk to such people, I tell them that old age will have set backs in health and we should talk about nicer things

in life and change the topic to something better!

2. I think by Tamil Nadu, you mean SingArach Chennai which is hot, hotter or hottest! Coimbatore is also in T N but has a better

climate though earthquakes appear at times! In a few senior citizen homes, the inmates are maintained only till they are healthy!

A high class S C Home sent away a lady who developed a skin problem and also one of my relatives (super senior - 90) who fell

down and was unable to walk anymore! I do not know about all these homes anyway! Our friend who is in his mid eighties is

living happily with his wife in VAnaprasthA. MAmi is very happy because she has minimum work at kitchen like making coffee for

guests rarely!

3. Most of the parents who choose to live in S C homes because they need freedom - mAmA from running around to find persons

to maintain the house / flat, and mAmi from the tiring kitchen work! They have to do these, if they live with children!

4. Religious persons can still continue their life in such communities because either they have a small individual house - like in

VAnaprasthA or like flats in many other S C homes. No one will disturb the poojai, punaskArams and they could continue their

usual way of life. Internet facilities are there and they listen to music and spiritual discoursed on youtube.

But, if a person is very choosy about food -we say 'nAkku nAlu muzham' - they can't tolerate the bland diet given in some S C Homes!:hungry:
 
If a person is unable to attend to their daily chores including proper use of rest rooms on their own does such communities accept such older people? If a older person in these communities get sick to the point they need personal care how do they handle such needs?
 
Dear T K S Sir,

I had mentioned in my previous post about one of the S C Homes which sends away persons with health problem or disability!

There are a few homes which give personal attention to seniors but charge is very heavy - Rs. 12,000/ per month. Our relative

who had a hip fracture was taken care of by his sons for about a month but he preferred to go to a S C Home in Bangalore with

the above said payment! :pout:
 
Retirement villages/communities are far above the old age homes of the past. Many of them are like holiday resorts.

Everyone dreams of retiring to to a beautiful cottage with a stream flowing nearby and hills beyond. With trees and beautiful flowers growing all around. The retirement communities make this dream possible with all the modern facilities. There was one project near Pune in which I was interested. But then the promoter have converted it into a holiday resort. There is one existing thriving community near Lonavla.

I was looking at this site. Looks great.

Anandam - First Internationally Managed Retirement Community In India

The cost is not given.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
tks said:
If a person is unable to attend to their daily chores including proper use of rest rooms on their own does such communities accept such older people? If a older person in these communities get sick to the point they need personal care how do they handle such needs?
Click to expand...

There are places where facilities are provided. You have to search out for them.

May be we should compile a list of old age homes here. Especially ones which provide such services.
 
My wife and I had visited "vaanaprastha" near Coimbatore, some years back. Financially it looked quite reasonable. But two points made us stick to our own house in TVPM:—

1. One Swami Dayananda Saraswathi has virtually converted the whole SC colony into his following and one or two males who did not fall in line with the routine of the majority which looked like virtually dictated by the Dayanand Saraswathi followers' group, were being talked about in a derisive way. So, if you want to live in mental peace you have to compulsorily become a follower of that Swami or else you may face some ostracisation, we felt.

2. The SC home has a tie-up with a second grade hospital, a few kilometers away in Coimbatore and we could get some suspicion that the visiting doctor would refer to hospital whenever something was beyond his usual medicines. Even a small statinary shop is about 20 minutes' walk and you have to be either a VIP to command one of the vehicles or you have to keep the two or three odd-jobs men in good humour so that they deliver your indents without much delay.

We therefore felt that it is better to stay put in our home rather than get into some sort of a commune where the unwritten belief is that other people are those who have been thrown out by their children, or are childless.
 
sangom Sir has rightly said, one can not fall into to a trap of followers of some Swamy Group.
Each of us have our own belief/ or no belief, different health requirement and the best thing is to live in our own home as long as possible.
 
Last edited:
Yet another lesson which my boss, whom I considered like my elder brother, told me. His two children were brilliant students who migrated to the US during the 1980's and were very well off there. My boss had a large flat near Taj Hotel, Mumbai which he knew would fetch him more than a crore even then (1980's). He went to a SC home run by a religious organization somewhere in Karnataka. But when other inmates started enquiring what sort of difficulties/tragedies had made them come to that Home, my boss gave up the idea completely, sold his flat for more than 120 lakhs, purchased an equally large flat in Borivali, deposited money in Bank and lived in peace. That is the flipside of one type of SC homes. In the topmost tier we will find each resident boasting about his/her wealth, status and most modern car and looking down on others who do not come up to his level. Hence, I recommend KaaLameghappulavar's lines:

இருந்த இடத்தில் இராமையினாலெயோ
பருந்தெடுத்துப் போகின்றதே பார் !
 
hi
i have some points abt SC homes...my uncle is unmarried...he is more than 70 yrs old..he is living in SC home near chennai...my mom

used to visit him.....the main problem in SC homes...especially Tambram based SC homes....mainly 2 things,....ego and hypocracy....

hypocracy and judgemental are basic characters of Tambram....my mom used to live alone last 30yrs...with some NB help too..

i think NBs are better than hypocratical/judgemental tambrams....my mom used to say....kanakku podarathu....
 
Last edited:
In my opinion, these sort of retirement homes are really a good one. With a reasonable amount of financial back up, owning a flat in retirement home will certainly help the couple to have a peaceful living. Even though I am 8 years away from retirement (official), I am already thinking of buying one such home and moving there post retirment. Today my intentation is to move to Coimbatore - but with some more options available in the next 7 years things may change.

One should not get a feeling that there are "nobody to us" and hence moved to these homes. Today, most of us are having one child (with some exceptions who may be having more than one) irrespective of whether it is son or daughter. If at all they fully listen to our suggestions in all respects, we can see that they get married and settled in their life. S0, by the time we reach the age of 55 - 58 our "official responsibility and duty of getting our child married and settlement in life" is achieved. Hence, rather than living alone in a flat only with your spouse, why not spend some good time in these sort of homes. A typical plan should be to have a monthly tour of a week and enjoying the remaining three weeks at these homes.

If you are able to convince your brothers / sisters about doing the same, then it may double pleasure (headache??) of having some relatives also next to you. Children may visit us once in a year and vice versa.

All these things are possible only with a reasonable amount of savings in life and I sincerely believe that most of the members in this forum will certainly have.

Venkat K
 
I had mentioned one of the cons of these places

4. If you are religious person, these communities may not be suitable.

Sangom's posting has confirmed this.

I will expand on my observation.

Tamil Brahmins are generally very rigid in their classification of people. You will find these homes are dominated by one specific group

1. Regional.

2. Owe allegiance to one particular Sankara Math.

3. Believe in one Godman or Swamiji.

Regional consideration have to a large extent disappeared. But still it could play a role in acceptance by the group.

Allegiance to a Sankara math has become more prominent than before. If you do not owe allegiance to any Math even then you are looked on as an outsider.

Non-Belief in Godman or Swamiji will make the group reject the non-believers totally.

Tamil Brahmins are basically very conformist. They do not like non-conformists. To belong to a group you have to conform to their spoken and unspoken rules.

But this is applicable to not only Tamil Brahmins, but other groups as well. I had posted a link to a modern facility in Kodaikanal. Such groups may be cosmopolitan. But here

1. You can not be religious. Of course you can talk varattu Vedanta and may be do meditation. Anything more serious will make you an outlaw.

2. you spend the evening by having a couple of pegs. Then cognac after dinner. Listen to music on your Bose system.

3. Play card games with others. Bridge for the serious minded.

3. Have a golden retriever.

these are the rules of the cosmopolitan groups. I have been there. If you do not do these you are an out-caste.

That is why I have not been able to locate a suitable retirement facility so far.

You have to choose a place where you can conform to the expectations of the group.
 
Shri Sankara_Sharmah,

Exactly why do you search for a Retirement Home? Can you not own a house in any colony and then live there peacefully according to your convenience, resources and tastes?

We have a few colonies here with a good sprinkling of tabras, though other people may also be there. I think there are similar colonies in Coimbatore also. Can you not try in those?

Just a thought only, not meant to offend you, sir.
 
sangom said:
Shri Sankara_Sharmah,

Exactly why do you search for a Retirement Home? Can you not own a house in any colony and then live there peacefully according to your convenience, resources and tastes?

We have a few colonies here with a good sprinkling of tabras, though other people may also be there. I think there are similar colonies in Coimbatore also. Can you not try in those?

Just a thought only, not meant to offend you, sir.
Click to expand...

There are few reasons, it may not apply to Indian conditions.
The routine maintenance is taken care by the management. So may be economical.
The state cost of services is less, so state government subsidizes in the construction.
There is common kitchen within the compound, so you have option of getting meals at reasonable price.
All inhabitants are of similar age and you need to deal with younger people only occasionally. (the noise level is less).
Camaraderie, as your friends are within walking distance.
Sometimes the management arranges for medical, shopping and entertainment. (at a cost).
You can rent car & driver for short trips.
The management can look after your property (for a price) when you have to be away.
 
sangom said:
Shri Sankara_Sharmah,

Exactly why do you search for a Retirement Home? Can you not own a house in any colony and then live there peacefully according to your convenience, resources and tastes?

We have a few colonies here with a good sprinkling of tabras, though other people may also be there. I think there are similar colonies in Coimbatore also. Can you not try in those?

Just a thought only, not meant to offend you, sir.
Click to expand...

Thank You. sangom.

My case is a bit peculiar to say the least. Even when I was working we were searching for a place to settle down. We were impressed by Uttar Kashi in Uttarakand. The idea was to buy a plot there and later construct a house. But we had to give up Uttar Kashi because of the severe winter and difficult access. My children wanted us to stay some place where they can reach us in a single flight. The next alternative chosen was Kangra Valley in Himachal Pradesh. There is a place called Siddhabadi where there is a Chinmaya mission. Swami Chinmayananda's samadhi is at that place. It is a fabulous place and some people had already constructed house near the ashram. But a visit there revealed that Chinmaya mission followers have taken a path different from our path. Even then we would have settled in Chamunda near the same place. Again the difficulty of reaching the place made us give up the idea.

In the meanwhile we were searching for asramams where we could settle down. A place where you could pursue your Upasana and also interact with people with the same kind of attitude. There are many ashrams like that both here and in U.S. Did a lot of searching along with a friend from U.S. We could not locate a suitable ashramam. Then we also came to know about politics in many of the Ashramams.

So we were in a limbo so to say. We decide to move to a place where the community would understand our religious practices and also where the climate is better than Chennai where we were living then.

I quit my job because I wanted to do what pleased me rather than do what others wanted me to do. In addition I was being forced to take decisions which were basically against what I believed in.

We have moved to a place where we have settled down for more than 10 years now. Mu Guru who was in Tamil Nadu also attained Maha Samadhi and the only reason for continuing our stay in Tamil Nadu disappeared. I have recently cut off my only existing connection to Tamil Nadu by disposing of my properties there.

We are still searching to find the ideal place.
 
prasad1 said:
There are few reasons, it may not apply to Indian conditions.
The routine maintenance is taken care by the management. So may be economical.
The state cost of services is less, so state government subsidizes in the construction.
There is common kitchen within the compound, so you have option of getting meals at reasonable price.
All inhabitants are of similar age and you need to deal with younger people only occasionally. (the noise level is less).
Camaraderie, as your friends are within walking distance.
Sometimes the management arranges for medical, shopping and entertainment. (at a cost).
You can rent car & driver for short trips.
The management can look after your property (for a price) when you have to be away.
Click to expand...

Shri Prasad,

This is what precisely I have in mind. When the daily routines are taken care of by someone (even at cos), one can really have relaxed life.

Venkat K
 
prasad1 said:
There are few reasons, it may not apply to Indian conditions.
The routine maintenance is taken care by the management. So may be economical.
The state cost of services is less, so state government subsidizes in the construction.
There is common kitchen within the compound, so you have option of getting meals at reasonable price.
All inhabitants are of similar age and you need to deal with younger people only occasionally. (the noise level is less).
Camaraderie, as your friends are within walking distance.
Sometimes the management arranges for medical, shopping and entertainment. (at a cost).
You can rent car & driver for short trips.
The management can look after your property (for a price) when you have to be away.
Click to expand...

Yes. These are the reasons. But we do not have any retirement communities which fulfills the above expectations in India as yet. Of course Indian state is not going to give any subsidies. There are projects coming up all the time like the one whose web link I had posted. but they are going to be expensive.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Share this page

Share this page

Latest posts

Latest ads

Follow us on Social Media

Back
Top