Sagotram wedding- intention to have a full Tamil Brahmin wedding ceremony.

[rkrpv]

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Virtual namaskarams to all the periyavaa in this forum. I have been a relationship with this Telugu Brahmin boy and we have been together for 10 years now. We have told our parents that we are interested in getting married recently.

I want to start out by saying that I definitely intend to marry this guy. At the same time I happen to be a Tamil Brahmin of Koushika Gotram, which is the same Gotham as my partner. This is a problem to get married according to Brahmin traditions and vaideeham. I have heard of what my options are from our family sastrikal and they have told us that either we get married in a simple Temple wedding, or my parents will have to give me up in daatu ceremony so that somebody else can do the kanniyadanam.

It is very important that my parents are the one to do the kanniyadanam. I am not able to picture it happening another way and it is very important for me to honor my parents as I am their only daughter and I think they should get to do kanniyadanam in their lifetime. While I do not intend to break up with my partner of 10 years over this issue, I want to make sure that 20 years down the line when I'm older, I am satisfied that my parents got their due respect from their only daughter and I also have my tradition honored by having a Tamil Brahmin wedding. Temple wedding is always an option but I don’t know why I shouldn’t try everything possible so I can marry this boy without sacrificing my parents role or the traditional marriage ceremonies of my culture.

I know I’m trying to ‘have it all’ but the way I look at it, if not for the sagotram issue, every bride and groom do ‘have it all’ as in, have everything goes on normally in the wedding without making heartbreaking sacrifices. So my question is, is there a workaround apart from the daatu ceremony that someone can advice me about? Is there any information that I could know beyond the two options our family sastrikal gave us? Any advice is very welcome. Thank you.

 

[pvguruvadhyar]

Virtual namaskarams to all the periyavaa in this forum. I have been a relationship with this Telugu Brahmin boy and we have been together for 10 years now. We have told our parents that we are interested in getting married recently.

I want to start out by saying that I definitely intend to marry this guy. At the same time I happen to be a Tamil Brahmin of Koushika Gotram, which is the same Gotham as my partner. This is a problem to get married according to Brahmin traditions and vaideeham. I have heard of what my options are from our family sastrikal and they have told us that either we get married in a simple Temple wedding, or my parents will have to give me up in daatu ceremony so that somebody else can do the kanniyadanam.

It is very important that my parents are the one to do the kanniyadanam. I am not able to picture it happening another way and it is very important for me to honor my parents as I am their only daughter and I think they should get to do kanniyadanam in their lifetime. While I do not intend to break up with my partner of 10 years over this issue, I want to make sure that 20 years down the line when I'm older, I am satisfied that my parents got their due respect from their only daughter and I also have my tradition honored by having a Tamil Brahmin wedding. Temple wedding is always an option but I don’t know why I shouldn’t try everything possible so I can marry this boy without sacrificing my parents role or the traditional marriage ceremonies of my culture.

I know I’m trying to ‘have it all’ but the way I look at it, if not for the sagotram issue, every bride and groom do ‘have it all’ as in, have everything goes on normally in the wedding without making heartbreaking sacrifices. So my question is, is there a workaround apart from the daatu ceremony that someone can advice me about? Is there any information that I could know beyond the two options our family sastrikal gave us? Any advice is very welcome. Thank you.

First of all where are you from??
Call me 9845128400

 

[tbs]

hi

may be possible your fieancee can do different gothram by doing adoption to another parent.....

in my family circle....same gothra marriage happened many years ago against their parents willings....

she is only daughter of tamil brahmin family....its hard to satisfy everybody in our life.....some sacrifices

to get some acievements...

 

[pvguruvadhyar]

First of all where are you from??
Call me 9845128400

First of all where are you from??
Call me 9845128400

 

[RSSARMA52]

First mistake is you didn't start you are a girl. By your telling you are in a relationship with a Telugu Brahmin boy we had to understand you are a girl.
Second you write "you have been together for 10 years".
After all these telling your your parents; your Gothram, and all rules come to your mind.
Since you both are already together for 10 years and how come suddenly this Gothram come up?
Generally good Astrologers could guide you. Another point is for 7 generations they will check to see both families had any blood connection. Beyond 7 generation they ignore it.

Known Adoption does not change the Gothram unless you say you are an orphan.

There is a village in Tamilnadu from Madurai to some other place. In that village all are brothers. So the alliance for their children will be taken from outside their village native. Even if two families connect together but learnt that their fore father's from that village they don't accept the alliance.
Consult a Good spiritual Astrologer.

 

[Hari2605]

No any
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[Hari2605]

No any
Advertisement Home கோத்ர நிர்ணய விதி படலம் 25: கோத்ர நிர்ணய விதி! பதிவு செய்த நாள்: ஜூன் 16,2012...

Read more at: https://temple.dinamalar.com/m/temple_detail.php?id=11419
particular order,No mea

இதன் மூலம் புரிந்து கொள்ள முடிகிறது.

 

[RSSARMA52]

இதன் மூலம் புரிந்து கொள்ள முடிகிறது.

I clicked your link but it goes like searching a needle in the sand. Could you guide me which number this Sagothram is explained? Because it is not easy to locate our subject matter. Because today in horoscope matching major is sagothram. Another we get gothram which we never heard or not appearing in our Sandhya vandhanam Book explaining for ""Abhivadhaye" when prostration before aged Brahmins.

 

[Hari2605]

I clicked your link but it goes like searching a needle in the sand. Could you guide me which number this Sagothram is explained? Because it is not easy to locate our subject matter. Because today in horoscope matching major is sagothram. Another we get gothram which we never heard or not appearing in our Sandhya vandhanam Book explaining for ""Abhivadhaye" when prostration before aged Brahmins.

Seems that you are not a proper listener,and understandable person. All you need within a second whether marriage or anything. I do not wish to do for you. You would Loose all things because of such mentality you having. Needle also to be searched from sand is one talent. You can't do anything in sand or universe

 

[prasad1]

Deleted

 

[RSSARMA52]

I fully agree with you. Because some teachers tell like that to a student. Now you are a scholar so guide me to the subject line number in your link.

 

[Hari2605]

படலம் 25: கோத்ர நிர்ணய விதி!

25 வது படலத்தில் கோத்ர நிர்ணய விதி கூறப்படுகிறது. முதலில் கோத்ரங்கள் ...

temple.dinamalar.com

 

[prasad1]

I fully agree with you. Because some teachers tell like that to a student. Now you are a scholar so guide me to the subject line number in your link.

Those links have been archived. That is why I deleted my post.

In Rigvedic terms, gotra simply means "forward-moving descendants". (गौः) गमन means forward moving and (त्र stands for Offspring. The specific meaning "family, lineage kin" (as it were "herd within an enclosure") is relatively more recent, first recorded around the mid-1st millennium BCE (e.g., Chandogya Upanishad).

Gotra: sons and disciples of a sage would have the same gotra; it is believed that they possess similar thoughts and philosophies. People of the same gotra can be found across different castes.
In that definition, it is like an Alumni of a University. There is no lineage associated with Gothra.

But if you are worried about what people will "SAY" then you are on your own. No amount of reason is enough to change your mind. Let the other person have their peace, and break off the relationship, it is not worth it.


They are (1) Atri, (2) Bharadvaja, (3) Gautama Maharishi, (4) Jamadagni, (5) Kashyapa, (6) Vasishta and (7) Vishvamitra. To this list, Agastya is also sometimes added.

A gotra must be distinguished from a kula. A kula is equal to a particular family, or equal to modern-day "clans". A kula relates to a caste.

For example, Gurjars, Jats, and Rajputs have 3,000 Gotras, and Mudirajas of Andhra Pradesh and Tamil Nadu have 2,600 Gotras. Gotra is always passed on from father to child among most Hindu communities. However, among the Tulu people, it is passed on from mother to child.

I belong to Kaundinya Gotharam, we are Brahmins from Tanjore. We have no connection to Jats in Punjab. But I found a Jat in Ludhiyana who claims to belong to Kaundinya Gotheram, How is that possible? So Gotheram is a "Royal Mess" and has no significance. If you can marry your mama's son, or Athai's son, who is a first cousin (very prevalent) in Tamil Nadu, how does an unrelated person marrying banned as incest?

We are either reading the scriptures wrong, or they are outdated.

While the gotras are almost universally used for excluding marriages that would be traditionally incestuous, they are not legally recognized as such, although those within "degrees of prohibited relationship" or who are "sapinda" are not permitted to marry. Khap panchayats in Haryana have campaigned to legally ban marriages within the same gotra. A convener of the Kadyan Khap, Naresh Kadyan, petitioned the courts to seek an amendment to the Hindu Marriage Act to legally prohibit such marriages. However, the petition was dismissed as withdrawn after being vacated, with the Delhi High Court warning that the Khap would face heavy penalty costs for wasting the time of the court.

In the 1945 case of Madhavrao vs Raghavendrarao, which involved a Deshastha Brahmin couple, the definition of gotra as descending from eight sages and then branching out to several families was thrown out by the Bombay High Court. The court called the idea of Brahmin families descending from an unbroken line of common ancestors as indicated by the names of their respective gotras "impossible to accept." The court consulted relevant Hindu texts and stressed the need for Hindu society and law to keep up with the times, emphasizing that notions of good social behavior and the general ideology of the Hindu society had changed. The court also said that the material in the Hindu texts is so vast and full of contradictions that it is a near-impossible task to reduce it to order and coherence.

Gotra - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

My advice would be to get a DBA analysis, If you are closely related, and you plan to have kids, avoid that marriage.

 

[Hari2605]

Virtual namaskarams to all the periyavaa in this forum. I have been a relationship with this Telugu Brahmin boy and we have been together for 10 years now. We have told our parents that we are interested in getting married recently.

I want to start out by saying that I definitely intend to marry this guy. At the same time I happen to be a Tamil Brahmin of Koushika Gotram, which is the same Gotham as my partner. This is a problem to get married according to Brahmin traditions and vaideeham. I have heard of what my options are from our family sastrikal and they have told us that either we get married in a simple Temple wedding, or my parents will have to give me up in daatu ceremony so that somebody else can do the kanniyadanam.

It is very important that my parents are the one to do the kanniyadanam. I am not able to picture it happening another way and it is very important for me to honor my parents as I am their only daughter and I think they should get to do kanniyadanam in their lifetime. While I do not intend to break up with my partner of 10 years over this issue, I want to make sure that 20 years down the line when I'm older, I am satisfied that my parents got their due respect from their only daughter and I also have my tradition honored by having a Tamil Brahmin wedding. Temple wedding is always an option but I don’t know why I shouldn’t try everything possible so I can marry this boy without sacrificing my parents role or the traditional marriage ceremonies of my culture.

I know I’m trying to ‘have it all’ but the way I look at it, if not for the sagotram issue, every bride and groom do ‘have it all’ as in, have everything goes on normally in the wedding without making heartbreaking sacrifices. So my question is, is there a workaround apart from the daatu ceremony that someone can advice me about? Is there any information that I could know beyond the two options our family sastrikal gave us? Any advice is very welcome. Thank you.

 

[Hari2605]

Atmost try from tmb, advice to leave the same

 

[RSSARMA52]

Those links have been archived. That is why I deleted my post.

In Rigvedic terms, gotra simply means "forward-moving descendants". (गौः) गमन means forward moving and (त्र stands for Offspring. The specific meaning "family, lineage kin" (as it were "herd within an enclosure") is relatively more recent, first recorded around the mid-1st millennium BCE (e.g., Chandogya Upanishad).

Gotra: sons and disciples of a sage would have the same gotra; it is believed that they possess similar thoughts and philosophies. People of the same gotra can be found across different castes.
In that definition, it is like an Alumni of a University. There is no lineage associated with Gothra.

But if you are worried about what people will "SAY" then you are on your own. No amount of reason is enough to change your mind. Let the other person have their peace, and break off the relationship, it is not worth it.


They are (1) Atri, (2) Bharadvaja, (3) Gautama Maharishi, (4) Jamadagni, (5) Kashyapa, (6) Vasishta and (7) Vishvamitra. To this list, Agastya is also sometimes added.

A gotra must be distinguished from a kula. A kula is equal to a particular family, or equal to modern-day "clans". A kula relates to a caste.

For example, Gurjars, Jats, and Rajputs have 3,000 Gotras, and Mudirajas of Andhra Pradesh and Tamil Nadu have 2,600 Gotras. Gotra is always passed on from father to child among most Hindu communities. However, among the Tulu people, it is passed on from mother to child.

I belong to Kaundinya Gotharam, we are Brahmins from Tanjore. We have no connection to Jats in Punjab. But I found a Jat in Ludhiyana who claims to belong to Kaundinya Gotheram, How is that possible? So Gotheram is a "Royal Mess" and has no significance. If you can marry your mama's son, or Athai's son, who is a first cousin (very prevalent) in Tamil Nadu, how does an unrelated person marrying banned as incest?

We are either reading the scriptures wrong, or they are outdated.

While the gotras are almost universally used for excluding marriages that would be traditionally incestuous, they are not legally recognized as such, although those within "degrees of prohibited relationship" or who are "sapinda" are not permitted to marry. Khap panchayats in Haryana have campaigned to legally ban marriages within the same gotra. A convener of the Kadyan Khap, Naresh Kadyan, petitioned the courts to seek an amendment to the Hindu Marriage Act to legally prohibit such marriages. However, the petition was dismissed as withdrawn after being vacated, with the Delhi High Court warning that the Khap would face heavy penalty costs for wasting the time of the court.

In the 1945 case of Madhavrao vs Raghavendrarao, which involved a Deshastha Brahmin couple, the definition of gotra as descending from eight sages and then branching out to several families was thrown out by the Bombay High Court. The court called the idea of Brahmin families descending from an unbroken line of common ancestors as indicated by the names of their respective gotras "impossible to accept." The court consulted relevant Hindu texts and stressed the need for Hindu society and law to keep up with the times, emphasizing that notions of good social behavior and the general ideology of the Hindu society had changed. The court also said that the material in the Hindu texts is so vast and full of contradictions that it is a near-impossible task to reduce it to order and coherence.

Gotra - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

My advice would be to get a DBA analysis, If you are closely related, and you plan to have kids, avoid that marriage.

Excellent. But this subject should not be an argument in the couples life when they unfortunately if had to face hurdles. Otherwise everything is OK. I read somewhere that 7 geberations they check in their family and decide to forego the rules.

So naturally things moved forward and forward we have many rules prescribe for the society.

 

[prasad1]

Excellent. But this subject should not be an argument in the couples life when they unfortunately if had to face hurdles. Otherwise everything is OK. I read somewhere that 7 geberations they check in their family and decide to forego the rules.

So naturally things moved forward and forward we have many rules prescribe for the society.

I agree that this should not add more problems to their life. If they do not love each other to overcome such small obstacles, they are better off on their separate paths. Married life is not a bed of roses and may not be for everyone.

The rules prescribed by society are like a buffet at a fancy restaurant. You selectively pick and choose. Some rules you ignore and some you follow.
Ultimately you live with your principles, you can never satisfy "Others".

 

[jaydatta]

Virtual namaskarams to all the periyavaa in this forum. I have been a relationship with this Telugu Brahmin boy and we have been together for 10 years now. We have told our parents that we are interested in getting married recently.

I want to start out by saying that I definitely intend to marry this guy. At the same time I happen to be a Tamil Brahmin of Koushika Gotram, which is the same Gotham as my partner. This is a problem to get married according to Brahmin traditions and vaideeham. I have heard of what my options are from our family sastrikal and they have told us that either we get married in a simple Temple wedding, or my parents will have to give me up in daatu ceremony so that somebody else can do the kanniyadanam.

It is very important that my parents are the one to do the kanniyadanam. I am not able to picture it happening another way and it is very important for me to honor my parents as I am their only daughter and I think they should get to do kanniyadanam in their lifetime. While I do not intend to break up with my partner of 10 years over this issue, I want to make sure that 20 years down the line when I'm older, I am satisfied that my parents got their due respect from their only daughter and I also have my tradition honored by having a Tamil Brahmin wedding. Temple wedding is always an option but I don’t know why I shouldn’t try everything possible so I can marry this boy without sacrificing my parents role or the traditional marriage ceremonies of my culture.

I know I’m trying to ‘have it all’ but the way I look at it, if not for the sagotram issue, every bride and groom do ‘have it all’ as in, have everything goes on normally in the wedding without making heartbreaking sacrifices. So my question is, is there a workaround apart from the daatu ceremony that someone can advice me about? Is there any information that I could know beyond the two options our family sastrikal gave us? Any advice is very welcome. Thank you.

Sagotram wedding is best to be avoided. The gotra change by adoption and such ceremonies are highly against shastras.
Such things constitue adharma.

A person born to same gotra/pravara parents is called a "chandala" by shastras. Even taking water from chandala is not allowed.
What will your children feel when they will read such things about them?
Will they get upanayan? How will they when they aren't authorized in it.
I have seen people do the same mistake, dont do it


If both of you are pure and havent done illicit activities before marriage, best to leave each other for the betterment of family and society and dharma.

I know its hard, but the main part of a bramhanas life must be "tyaag"(sacrifice) for betterment of others.

A sagotra (same gotra parents) child cant do any dharma vaidik work from upanayan to shradhha (ancestors)
Even the ancestors will stay unsatisfied.
Such is stated in bhagvad geeta.

Geeta saya संकरौ नरकायैव कुलघ्नानां कुलस्य च
Theres no opposition to that anywhere.

 

[jaydatta]

Those links have been archived. That is why I deleted my post.

In Rigvedic terms, gotra simply means "forward-moving descendants". (गौः) गमन means forward moving and (त्र stands for Offspring. The specific meaning "family, lineage kin" (as it were "herd within an enclosure") is relatively more recent, first recorded around the mid-1st millennium BCE (e.g., Chandogya Upanishad).

Gotra: sons and disciples of a sage would have the same gotra; it is believed that they possess similar thoughts and philosophies. People of the same gotra can be found across different castes.
In that definition, it is like an Alumni of a University. There is no lineage associated with Gothra.

But if you are worried about what people will "SAY" then you are on your own. No amount of reason is enough to change your mind. Let the other person have their peace, and break off the relationship, it is not worth it.


They are (1) Atri, (2) Bharadvaja, (3) Gautama Maharishi, (4) Jamadagni, (5) Kashyapa, (6) Vasishta and (7) Vishvamitra. To this list, Agastya is also sometimes added.

A gotra must be distinguished from a kula. A kula is equal to a particular family, or equal to modern-day "clans". A kula relates to a caste.

For example, Gurjars, Jats, and Rajputs have 3,000 Gotras, and Mudirajas of Andhra Pradesh and Tamil Nadu have 2,600 Gotras. Gotra is always passed on from father to child among most Hindu communities. However, among the Tulu people, it is passed on from mother to child.

I belong to Kaundinya Gotharam, we are Brahmins from Tanjore. We have no connection to Jats in Punjab. But I found a Jat in Ludhiyana who claims to belong to Kaundinya Gotheram, How is that possible? So Gotheram is a "Royal Mess" and has no significance. If you can marry your mama's son, or Athai's son, who is a first cousin (very prevalent) in Tamil Nadu, how does an unrelated person marrying banned as incest?

We are either reading the scriptures wrong, or they are outdated.

While the gotras are almost universally used for excluding marriages that would be traditionally incestuous, they are not legally recognized as such, although those within "degrees of prohibited relationship" or who are "sapinda" are not permitted to marry. Khap panchayats in Haryana have campaigned to legally ban marriages within the same gotra. A convener of the Kadyan Khap, Naresh Kadyan, petitioned the courts to seek an amendment to the Hindu Marriage Act to legally prohibit such marriages. However, the petition was dismissed as withdrawn after being vacated, with the Delhi High Court warning that the Khap would face heavy penalty costs for wasting the time of the court.

In the 1945 case of Madhavrao vs Raghavendrarao, which involved a Deshastha Brahmin couple, the definition of gotra as descending from eight sages and then branching out to several families was thrown out by the Bombay High Court. The court called the idea of Brahmin families descending from an unbroken line of common ancestors as indicated by the names of their respective gotras "impossible to accept." The court consulted relevant Hindu texts and stressed the need for Hindu society and law to keep up with the times, emphasizing that notions of good social behavior and the general ideology of the Hindu society had changed. The court also said that the material in the Hindu texts is so vast and full of contradictions that it is a near-impossible task to reduce it to order and coherence.

Gotra - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

My advice would be to get a DBA analysis, If you are closely related, and you plan to have kids, avoid that marriage.

You are speaking as if a courts decision has any relevance in dharma shastras.


And jats rajputs etc may have same gotra as you because they pick up the gotra of their family priest.