Seeking Detailed Insights and Ritual Order for Tamil Iyengar Wedding: Iyer Bride and Iyengar Groom in Canada.

[abi05]

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Dear community members, Namaskaram to all!

I am a Tamil Iyer bride-to-be, engaged to a wonderful Tamil/Telugu Iyengar groom (Father is Tamil Iyengar and Mother is Telugu Iyengar) and we are currently residing in Canada, away from our famillies. As we prepare for our wedding with our families in Canada, we are committed to honoring traditional Tamil Iyengar Rituals. However, both of our families are not well-versed in these customs, and the local priests we have consulted have mentioned that Iyer and Iyengar weddings are the same. We were under the impression that there might be distinct differences and wish to understand them better. We are particularly interested in understanding the specific order of rituals in a traditional Tamil Iyengar Wedding. Could you kindly provide a detailed sequence of the ceremonies and any insights into how these may differ from Iyer wedding practices? Your guidance will be invaluable to us as it will allow us to better communicate with the priests and authentically incorporate these traditions into our ceremony.

Thank you in advance!

 

[OKO]

I am attaching a link to another thread that discusses this. Hopefully, you find something of relevance there.

IMO, meet with the ghoshti and gurukkal together and have them break down each event to the last detail and compare them (online, probably as the priests in your locality do not seem to be well versed in this). Also, is there a reason for going through the SV route if both households are not following it (assuming that members of your family are practising Hindus/brahmins)?

Link: https://www.tamilbrahmins.com/threads/iyer-iyengar-marriage-ceremonies.1068/

 

[CHANDRU1849]

Brahmin community is basically patriarchial and hence the girl has to follow the practices of boy. Especially in the case of Iyer and Iyengar wedding, and the boy is from Iyengar community, Iyengar customs only will be implemented. Even if it is other way around, Iyengars will insist to follow their customs as far as possible.

Generally we don't agree if a brahmin girl or boy converts to Abrahamic religion due to marriage, but there is no opposition in Iyer and Iyengar marriage. Is it not a joke?

 

[OKO]

Thank you for clarifying.

Is it not a joke?

It depends, I suppose? Most of the SV men (and women) I know (only vadakalai, unsure about thenkalai) are not as bad as they are portrayed, though I must admit that those my age tend to lean in towards the more dogmatic ideas due to technology.

The main reason why this is taken as a better alternative is because it is more or less culturally similar. Is there a reason you are against this?

 

[CHANDRU1849]

Thank you for clarifying.

It depends, I suppose? Most of the SV men (and women) I know (only vadakalai, unsure about thenkalai) are not as bad as they are portrayed, though I must admit that those my age tend to lean in towards the more dogmatic ideas due to technology.

The main reason why this is taken as a better alternative is because it is more or less culturally similar. Is there a reason you are against this?

SV men and women follow their customs strictly, if they are religious. We are in 2025 and how many SV families name their children with Saivite names, and how many Jeers (many) talk about Lord Shiva.

Culturally Iyers and Iyengars are different. Iyers have been brain washed in a such a way that the community has lost its caste identity. Kanchi Mutt is partly responsible for this, giving more importance to Vaishanavite philosophy.

SV men who wear Yellow Sricharanam are now more in number, especially post retirement. Even women are also very strong.

 

[OKO]

Culturally Iyers and Iyengars are different. Iyers have been brain washed in a such a way that the community has lost its caste identity. Kanchi Mutt is partly responsible for this, giving more importance to Vaishanavite philosophy.

I do partly agree with this for non-vadama families. From what we have been taught, we are more Vaishnavite in terms of belief (even if we have a Shaivite kula deivam), along with some sort of devil worship.

The Kanchi mutt has definitely caused all Brahmins to lose their individual practices, and the growing smartha (smriti-based) approach is a tad bit concerning, considering the lack of true knowledge being followed amongst many "gurus" of the present day (not referring to bala periva but in general).

SV men who wear Yellow Sricharanam are now more in number, especially post retirement. Even women are also very strong.

I am unable to connect this to the larger assertion you are making. What does this have to do with anything?

Furthermore, being openly religious is a very laugikam way of looking at it as spirituality has nothing to do with outward appearances.