Seeking opinion ...

[anontp49]

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Public forums in the Internet and doctors alike say that people with mind issues can marry and lead a normal life. What is the attitude of people from our community in this regard? For example,if a boy has OCD, can he try for marriage? If yes, should he declare his problem to his alliance before marriage? Of course, hiding thisshould be avoided, but will bride's parents/bride herself will be
willing to marry after hearing it?

PS: This posi is just for seeking opinion and hope responses, if any, are not harsh

 

[renuka]

Public forums in the Internet and doctors alike say that people with mind issues can marry and lead a normal life. What is the attitude of people from our community in this regard? For example,if a boy has OCD, can he try for marriage? If yes, should he declare his problem to his alliance before marriage? Of course, hiding thisshould be avoided, but will bride's parents/bride herself will be
willing to marry after hearing it?

PS: This posi is just for seeking opinion and hope responses, if any, are not harsh

dear anon,

I am a doctor and I feel OCD(Obsessive compulsive disorder) is no hindrance to marriage.
But can I know what OCD it is?

Most of us have slight OCD actually..I am sure many of us upon leaving the house for a holiday sometime wonder "did I turn off the iron box or did I turn off the heater".

This questions do come to us esp females cos we want to be sure that everything is fine.

I recently drove home from work cos I was not too sure if I had switched off the iron box so I went back home and checked it.
I dont feel its OCD most of the time..its just that some of us are extra careful.

If you can be more specific in the OCD you are talking about then may be I can give you some advise.

In this world sometimes it does not pay to be too honest to everyone including spouse or friends.

I feel if any condition is not life threatening or endangering the life of another person we do not need to disclose it especially in an arranged marriage.

In a love marriage in course of time the partner will get to know our nature and traits before marriage so he/she will surely detect an OCD while dating for example a guy who is dating a girl might keep checking if he had locked his bike or car non stop and the truth will be out.
But since we love the person we will wont really mind it.

In an arrange marriage scenario it could be taken wrongly..so do not attempt to disclose anything too soon.

BTW OCD is treatable with western medication and also Yoga.

 

[prasad1]

Like Renukaji said none of us is perfect. and even if we think we are perfect others may not think so. What you term as OCD may be minor quirk of personality.

I have difficulty with this statement of Reneka.

In an arrange marriage scenario it could be taken wrongly..so do not attempt to disclose anything too soon.

If there is serious mental or physical problem it must be disclosed. A boy who is physically challenged, and also has some mental challenges went and married a girl from India, The girl was physically challenged and new that boy was physically challenged. Within 6 months the girl left the boy and went back for India for good. Her parents claimed that they did not know the extent of his mental challenge and have filed for divorce. In olden days the girl may not have had that option.

So my suggestion is to be honest about any issue, you may spin it as positively as possible.

 

[renuka]

Like Renukaji said none of us is perfect. and even if we think we are perfect others may not think so. What you term as OCD may be minor quirk of personality.

I have difficulty with this statement of Reneka.

If there is serious mental or physical problem it must be disclosed. A boy who is physically challenged, and also has some mental challenges went and married a girl from India, The girl was physically challenged and new that boy was physically challenged. Within 6 months the girl left the boy and went back for India for good. Her parents claimed that they did not know the extent of his mental challenge and have filed for divorce. In olden days the girl may not have had that option.

So my suggestion is to be honest about any issue, you may spin it as positively as possible.

Dear Prasad ji,

In an arranged marriage scenario there is no love yet at the begining of the marriage talks..hence every minor imperfection is seen as a major flaw.

For example I used to stand at the balcony and see each potential mappilai come in and have an aerial view of the head of the groom from there I could guess at what age he would bald and then make my move to say yes or not.

If it was a love marriage I wouldnt mind if the person was balding too cos thats love.

 

[prasad1]

Dear Prasad ji,

In an arranged marriage scenario there is no love yet at the begining of the marriage talks..hence every minor imperfection is seen as a major flaw.

For example I used to stand at the balcony and see each potential mappilai come in and have an aerial view of the head of the groom from there I could guess at what age he would bald and then make my move to say yes or not.

If it was a love marriage I wouldnt mind if the person was balding too cos thats love.

No arguments with you Renuka, just a minor deviation. emphasis on the word minor. LOL

 

[Iyyarooraan]

The questioner's position is delicate. Like Renukaji said everybody has this problems and as such that is not a problem to marry. People have OCD or there are quirks. If the problem is feared to become worse (in marriage it is a possibility) bordering on the next stage, better not proceed considering the harm it will do to the other. There are 1,000 Bhaagyams of which good health is the primary one. Again, in health sound mind is of utmost importance. But I am sure one can help one's mind to be good and average provided you can identify the malady and win over it.

 

[Yamaka]

Public forums in the Internet and doctors alike say that people with mind issues can marry and lead a normal life. What is the attitude of people from our community in this regard? For example,if a boy has OCD, can he try for marriage? If yes, should he declare his problem to his alliance before marriage? Of course, hiding thisshould be avoided, but will bride's parents/bride herself will be
willing to marry after hearing it?

PS: This posi is just for seeking opinion and hope responses, if any, are not harsh

Hello anontp49:

Welcome. Nice seeing you here, asking for advice.

As others have said, you need to say in detail "what mind issues" or the OCD this person has...

I know one family is living in utter unhappiness. They are childless couple.

The wife's side blame that they were cheated by the boy's side (in this Arranged Marriage) because the boy had serious "sexual" problems BEFORE the marriage... and they knowingly withheld this very important information!

A very serious mess..

So, it depends on the type and seriousness of the OCD... the advice will vary widely.

Take care.

Cheers.

 

[suraju06]

A girl may choose to make a compromise and live with her husband's OCD if it is not something serious bordering on maniac behavior (I know people with harmless OCD like washing their hands and legs, for no reason whatsoever, every one hour promptly, come what may). So full disclosure is necessary before marriage. The boy, because of his problem, should also be ready to make one or two compromises. For instance the girl may have minor physical deformity, may be too short for the boy or too tall for him, may not be a mirror cracking beauty, may have a horoscope with dosham of assorted kinds, may be born in stars about which people are scared etc., Most important is he should be aware about his own problem well and should be actively managing it with medical help just as he would expect the girl to be aware of her problem.

Cheers.