Dear Renuka,
To be very frank with you, I am really surprised to read your post with a question here, thinking how could you relate the love story of "theblues's Iyengar Man with the social issues we Tb's in TN have, in the matrimonial aspects? As well your general question about not making hue & cry when TB boy marry out of caste/religion/nationality.
Now, let me tell you that I am not gonna get into justifications of any sort. But, would let you know what exactly was the issues that were been discussed on other threads, blaming TB girls marrying out of caste.
When we see the things happening around us in our society in TN/Chennai and find the issues/reasons behind the issues, we remain focused on the folks who all are living / surviving in TN/Chennai and making their choice of living, generally.
There are TB guys and girls working and living in US/UK/Singapore/Japan etc, having their own social circle, fall in love with any person belonging to any caste/religion/nationality and marry them. They are out of perview of the social matrimonial issues in TN/Chennai, that we have highlighted in other threads.
There are many TB guys and Girls who work in a foreign based firms in India/TN/Chennai and in a specific category that they happen to go abroad officially on a deputatation for a year or 6 months. During this time there are few who fall in love with any person belonging to any caste/religion/nationality and marry them. They are as well out of perview of the social matrimonial issues in TN/Chennai, that we have highlighted in other threads.
There are few TB's from elite social category viz. giant corporate proprietors/partners, cine industry folks etc, who all have totally a different life style and choice of living. They are as well out of perview of the social matimonial issues in TN/Chennai, that we have highlighted in other threads.
Considering the above 3 exclusions, the social issues among the folks working/living/settled in TN/Chennai impacts us more, bothers us and makes us figuring out the actual happenings and the reasons.
I would humbly request you to get your mind off gender bias, if you really want to know and understand the issue we TB's have here in TN/Chennai. You, being settled and being a Malaysian citizen may have no need to know, understand and bother the issues in TN/Chennai, but atleast you can understand that we have no imaginary opinions, bias openions, hypocrisy, blind blame game and that we are not against TB girls just because they are girls. Atleast you can attempt to understand and realize that we are not just blaming TB girls for our time pass without any reasons.
Many many members here, in all relevant threads about TB girls marrying NB guys, have expressed their concerns that are all not out of reality.
Let me give you some points again that shows what TB girls prefers/How are they influenced/whats their thinking and attitude and what happens as a result.
1) Many TB girls are liked by NB guys for many obvious reasons and the girls find them running behind, luring, attracting and quiet appealing.
2) Many TB girls believe that TB guys are hypocrite who are not 100% vedic brahmins, but claim themselves as a brahmin while socializing with other caste guys, as the situation demands in their work culture. So, why to give importance only to a TB guy to chose him as her life partner?
3) Many TB girls hardly find TB guys roaming and romancing around them, be attacting and appealing and be a hero.
4) Many TB girls want to get rid of Brahmin Tag for ever. They have no special or obligatory liking towards any Brahminical practices, as they don't have any customary things to do like that of today's TB guys atleast involving in poonal changing ceremony every year (Aavani Avittam), Tharpanam to their departed parents/forefather etc.
5) In many house holds, even in that of middle class families, girls were been educated with professional degrees like BE/MCA/BTech/CA. etc so that they can be married to a professionally settled guys for better life. If they opt to marry a TB guy who did BCom/BA/BBA and alike, then, all their efforts and purposes would become zilch. So, it is better for them to pick one such accomplished guy from any community.
6) Even professionally educated TB guys find difficulty in getting a similar TB girl. Because, among such accomplished girls, few want their future husband to be more highly qualified then themselves. To be earning more than themselves. If the elder sister got her man who is settled in America and she is settled with him in America, the younger sister too wants her parents to look for a Man who is settled in America or in UK or in Australia. If parents fail to offer such a package to their second daughter, the girl would not mid finding any guy from any community on her own, who can settle her with him in US/UK/Australia.
7) TB girls do have a lots of check list that includes much higher salary than herself, much educated than herself, age difference of max 3 or 4 years, well settled guy with no family commitments/responsibilities etc..etc..etc.. If they could not meet their requirements they make their own ways and means to find such a Guy from any community.
We have known many cases where TB girls have eloped with NB guys. As well a few cases of eloping a day before an arranged marriage with a B guy, from the marriage hall. In our neighbourhood/surroundings we do have many TB's and NB's who disscuss some matrimonial issues that we TB's face here in TN/Chennai. Obviously not about the cases of TB girls chosing NB guys, but the long and rigid check lists that TB girls maintain for selecting their partners.
All the folks of any caste and religion in TN/Chennai knows that, getting a TB girl for a TB guy is extremely difficult. Near to no possibilities. Many wonder how come so much TB girls are prepared to remain single at the age of 32/34/35/36/38 when hell lots of TB guys are available who all are reasonablly educated and have descent career and survival?
Recently while browsing a few matrimonal sites, I came accross pages of Girls profile who all are qualified with BE/BTech/CA/ICWAI etc and are between the age group of 30-38 years.., are looking for highly qualified guys, well settled and earning atleast..atleast 8-10 Lakhs a year. If they could not find TB guys meeting their exact requirements, they end up marrying a NB guy and their parents would say that, their daughter was loving a NB guy for long without their knowledge and they are shocked now.
What ever the justifications TB girls have, I am not gonna analyzing and arguing here. Its purly a personal choice of living. I am just highlighting the truth behind TB guy's plight for which TB girls are found to be the reasons in some or the other way.
In a nut shell, dear Renuka, please remember that social issues need to be highlighted as the facts are. Offcourse as what we could see, share the views, information, facts & figures etc. There is nothing about gender bias here.
The ratio of TB Guys and Girls is too poor. TB Girls are lesser in numbers than that of TB guys. From within this lesser no. of TB girls, majority have much higher expectations, go for inter caste marriage, prepared to remain single doesn't matter how old are they growing, unless they could get the best deal/package etc..etc..
Supposing, as a matter of fact, the reasons are other way round, the society gonna point figers towards TB guys.
In light of the above circumstances if that Iyengar Man of 33 years of age could marry a very honestly/truly loving and determined girl (prepared to bear hardship to be appealing to her Man's family), I personally would give him a Thumbs Up.
Hope this clarifies....
after nearly 2 years! - in the General Discussions forum of Tamil Brahmins.
