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Thoughts of a 'Stay At Home Mom' (SAHM)

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Dear Vaagmi ji,

Without getting into the details, I can tell that my mother had her share of (profound) misery and illnesses in her life -- inspite of it, she managed to work a full 33 yrs in Bank service. I think she had much more mature way of looking into things and of balancing things than I did.

Actually you are doing much better, but you have guilt and that is beating you down. Forget about the opinions of others, it is you who count. Just reflect on the positives of your decision and live your life on your terms.
 
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Krishji,

Your understanding of the very yourself and the retired people in general are completely wrong and warped. You need to reflect deeply to understand the real value of human life. I am not interested in a very involved argument on this. But I would just give you the following facts so that they help you review your views on your own value:

1. Parasites usually live off a parent organism. They never do anything themselves and they suck their needs from the parental organism(PO). The PO usually can do without this parasite. The parasites die(are coterminous) with the PO.

Now you please compare and conclude whether you are this parasite.

2. Retired people do not live off those around them. There is no free tea party for any one here. And the pension if any earned by a retiree is not dole. The pension is a matter of right and the Govt./or employer does not pay it out of any benevolence. If my understanding is right, throughout the service of an employee he contributes from his earnings to a pension fund and the pension fund which is a corpus is managed separately from which the pension is paid after retirement. So it is money squirreled away by a pensioner for the rainy day by sacrificing a certain part of his buying power during his productive period of employment. I do not understand how you call this a dole. I am myself not a pensioner but I have many friends who are pensioners.

Your understanding is completely wrong.
vaagmiji
your understanding is not fully correct.

Govt[if it is employer] /any employer employing more than 10 persons is forced by law to contribute 10 percent of

basic salary to pension. the employee makes an equal contribution..this is in GPF cases

those who are in casual employment as domestics etc , they avail of widow or senior citien pension which is fully given by govt . the amount varies from state to state and I think itis minimum 1000 or so

so at best one can call it subsidised pension if it is not free. The state/employer has a role in pensions.

even cost of living compensation is inbuilt into this pensions.the longer a person lives , the more he collects.

I stand by the comment on parasites. Railways are bleeding due to pension liability running into crores and making

huge losses. the pensions are also subject to revisions. The seventh pay commission is around the corner to make it

worse for the railways. They may go bankrupt if they are not already that.Have you heard of any senior citizen in

railways giving

up pension since railways are bleeding.

Over the years senior citizen are living longer. adding to the misery of pension authorities.

there are some malpractices relating to pension liability also. many MNCs in india fix basic salary low to avoid higher PF/

pension contributions.

so there is nothing to be proud of being a pensioner.

they are in the class of subsidised poor
 
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I have some of my friends who are graceful SAHMs. They are very matured and well educated and have absolutely no regret about their choice.

I have worked with colleagues (women) who are again very matured beings who were absolutely at peace with the role they had chosen. They never regretted the choice. They never looked like carrying a burden on their shoulders. They had the maturity to understand the failings of individuals as stand alone one time episodes and move on. They never appeared to be in conflict with any relations in the home.

and these are not exceptional individuals. There are many like this. Of course education and family background do play a role in this. I think education broadens their horizon and the family background gives live examples and role models to cherish and follow.
vaagmiji

As a man one can take pride that some women are graceful domestic slaves attending to house work.lol

family background sets up bad examples to continue slavery of women at home and they become role models for

other women to believe they could be happy slaves home

your thesis is faulty. most mothers push their daufghters into education and high paying jobs to make them escape

from the tyranny of the indian family system which confines women home and exploits them for doing menial work.

It is a sacrifice to make educated and intelligent stay home and serve the needs of menfolk home. to say that these

women are mature enough not to complain shows the mindset that women will put up with any atrocity and let it

carry on
 
Dear Krish ji,

Staying at home does not mean doing nothing.House work is not easy besides cooking and caring for kids.

On weekends I do my housework of cooking and cleaning and I actually like it!LOL

Even though is not so easy but it gives you a kiccku being in charge of your own home.

In fact I am thinking of just working half day in a 5 years time so that I can spend more time being a "housewife".

I love the cooking meals part.Feels nice.

I know this might sound weird to some but I feel a woman is most secure and happy in her home.

BTW as a woman I work becos I want to generate an income..I do not work just to show that I can have a career.

My job just remains a job and nothing more.
 
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I stand by the comment on parasites. Railways are bleeding due to pension liability running into crores and making

huge losses. the pensions are also subject to revisions. The seventh pay commission is around the corner to make it

worse for the railways. They may go bankrupt if they are not already that.Have you heard of any senior citizen in

railways giving

up pension since railways are bleeding.

Krishi Ji

This argument is highly ridiculous.

Why bring in the Railways here. Railways suffer loss due to mismanagement, corruption, Abundant man power, liberal benefits to the staff, political interference and it wastes national resources and slowly eat the vitals of the nation.

It is nothing but twisting the argument.

I think you seem to have a very poor understanding about the Railways.

The Sam Pitroda Modernization Committee said at least Rs.5 lakh crore will be required to modernize the Railways

The Railways own status paper says at least Rs.100,000 crore is required to execute already sanctioned projects

The Anil Kadkokar Committee determined that at least Rs.1 lakh crore is needed to ensure safety in all Trains

That way Railways need atleast 7 lakh crore to run though not efficiently but atleast reasonably.

Now do you expect the poor pensioner to forego his pension for the sake of Railways or the nation. Does it not amounts to robbing peter to pay paul.:-)

There are court ruling to say that pension is not a benefit it is in fact a deferred salary paid after retirement to the employees to manage their rainy days.

Do you expect the pensioners to bear the brunt for the sheer mismanagement and other irregularities committed by the serving staff, bureaucrats and politicians.

It is nothing but twisting the arguments since you are unable to substantiate your stand.

Your opinion gives an impression of a sick mind’s reflection.lol
 
Dear Krish ji,

Staying at home does not mean doing nothing.House work is not easy besides cooking and caring for kids.

On weekends I do my housework of cooking and cleaning and I actually like it!LOL

Even though is not so easy but it gives you a kiccku being in charge of your own home.

In fact I am thinking of just working half day in a 5 years time so that I can spend more time being a "housewife".

I love the cooking meals part.Feels nice.

I know this might sound weird to some but I feel a woman is most secure and happy in her home.

BTW as a woman I work becos I want to generate an income..I do not work just to show that I can have a career.

My job just remains a job and nothing more.
renukaji

you sound like kamala das who wanted to convert to islam and wear burkha since it gave her a feeling of security.lol

house work is drudgery . but you could justify cleaning and mopping the floor as physical exercise

cooking cold be taken as challenging as it involves trying out recipes which can be delicious for taste buds. but how

many girls would relish cooking for a larger family of inlaws along with husband and kids. this is akin to domestic

slavery to please the family of the boy. what do they get in return for this act?
 
Krishi Ji

This argument is highly ridiculous.

Why bring in the Railways here. Railways suffer loss due to mismanagement, corruption, Abundant man power, liberal benefits to the staff, political interference and it wastes national resources and slowly eat the vitals of the nation.

It is nothing but twisting the argument.

I think you seem to have a very poor understanding about the Railways.

The Sam Pitroda Modernization Committee said at least Rs.5 lakh crore will be required to modernize the Railways

The Railways own status paper says at least Rs.100,000 crore is required to execute already sanctioned projects

The Anil Kadkokar Committee determined that at least Rs.1 lakh crore is needed to ensure safety in all Trains

That way Railways need atleast 7 lakh crore to run though not efficiently but atleast reasonably.

Now do you expect the poor pensioner to forego his pension for the sake of Railways or the nation. Does it not amounts to robbing peter to pay paul.:-)

There are court ruling to say that pension is not a benefit it is in fact a deferred salary paid after retirement to the employees to manage their rainy days.

Do you expect the pensioners to bear the brunt for the sheer mismanagement and other irregularities committed by the serving staff, bureaucrats and politicians.

It is nothing but twisting the arguments since you are unable to substantiate your stand.

Your opinion gives an impression of a sick mind’s reflection.lol
It is a matter of time that govt will wash off its hand of pension liabilities.

for new employees in univ there are are bringing in pvt pension funds where liability of govt is minimal. univ teachers are protesting this
 
vaagmiji
your understanding is not fully correct.
Govt[if it is employer] /any employer employing more than 10 persons is forced by law to contribute 10 percent of
basic salary to pension. the employee makes an equal contribution..this is in GPF cases
those who are in casual employment as domestics etc , they avail of widow or senior citien pension which is fully given by govt . the amount varies from state to state and I think itis minimum 1000 or so
so at best one can call it subsidised pension if it is not free. The state/employer has a role in pensions.
even cost of living compensation is inbuilt into this pensions.the longer a person lives , the more he collects.
I stand by the comment on parasites. Railways are bleeding due to pension liability running into crores and making
huge losses. the pensions are also subject to revisions. The seventh pay commission is around the corner to make it
worse for the railways. They may go bankrupt if they are not already that.Have you heard of any senior citizen in
railways givingup pension since railways are bleeding.
Over the years senior citizen are living longer. adding to the misery of pension authorities.
there are some malpractices relating to pension liability also. many MNCs in india fix basic salary low to avoid higher PF/pension contributions.so there is nothing to be proud of being a pensioner.they are in the class of subsidised poor

I did not want to get into an argument on this. But I did a bit of research after reading your post. You can not be more wrong in your understanding of the whole subject.

1. We are talking here about only pensioners. Not about those who are outside the system of pensions, being employees of small time enterprises.

2. Employers who have pension as part of a compensation package do collect an amount from the employees as contribution to the pension fund and they also contribute an equal amount to the fund. This is apart from the PF contribution which is paid back to the employee when he retires. When the pensioner/family pensioner dies the corpus is not returned but stays with the pension fund.

3. Every year at the time of finalizing the financial position of the company by drawing a Balance sheet the company engages specialist statisticians to assess the likely pension liability of the company. The statistician does a detailed analysis of the company's work force as to its age profile, history of hazards in the processes of the company, the general life expectancy in the country etc., and determines the pension liability of the Company. Then the company takes a view as to what is the gap between the pension fund and the likely pension liability and makes a provision from the profit account. The auditors who certify the accounts as a fair representation of the affairs of the company are supposed to look into the details of the statisticians work sheet and include their views if they have any comment to make. this is the case in the case of Companies.

In the case of Government and Railways, the Government being the owner, 'grants' are added instead of provision from profit. Government's role is different from the private enterprise. It has people's welfare as the sole criterion. So we have railway lines laid at substantial cost where the train trundles once in a day stopping at every station picking up goods and cattle in addition to, incidentally, people also.

Usually pension fund is invested in risk free sovereign bonds or deposits and treasury bills. The return is low with minimum risk and that combination being a pair always there is no way to do anything about it. That is the reason for the detailed statistical analysis and provision making every year.

Those companies who want to get away from this recurring liability would like to move over to the National pension Scheme because the baby's ownership and liability can be dumped while the pleasure of fruits of labour can be enjoyed. More can be written about the NPS but this is not the place.

Your views about Railways does not take into account the fact that it is a part of Government. The business processes are outdated and profit motive is absent. It takes eons to bring in any reform and politics too plays a role.
 
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vaagmiji
what is clear is that pension is not out of employees contribution alone and half of it is taken by the employer or govt if it is the employer.

so pension is half subsidised by others and it is a liability which does not fully cease when the person dies. in govt a part is passed

on to the spouse of the person dying.

the pension is subject to revision based on cost of living and pay commission recommendations.

so in an economy where inflation is high and there are frequent wage revisions due to new pay commission, there is an unending upward spiral of

higher costs to govt.
 
vaagmiji
what is clear is that pension is not out of employees contribution alone and half of it is taken by the employer or govt if it is the employer.

so pension is half subsidised by others and it is a liability which does not fully cease when the person dies. in govt a part is passed

on to the spouse of the person dying.

the pension is subject to revision based on cost of living and pay commission recommendations.

so in an economy where inflation is high and there are frequent wage revisions due to new pay commission, there is an unending upward spiral of

higher costs to govt.

That is the advantage in having a good funds manager. He invariably delivers. LOL
 
govt would like to wash its hands of pension liabilities for the future and bring in private pension funds managed by funds manager who will be given the oppurtunity of investing in equities in addition to debt instruments.

new employees of central univ are now being denied access to older schemes of govt and are being told to join these funds.
 
renukaji

you sound like kamala das who wanted to convert to islam and wear burkha since it gave her a feeling of security.lol

house work is drudgery . but you could justify cleaning and mopping the floor as physical exercise

cooking cold be taken as challenging as it involves trying out recipes which can be delicious for taste buds. but how

many girls would relish cooking for a larger family of inlaws along with husband and kids. this is akin to domestic

slavery to please the family of the boy. what do they get in return for this act?

LOL!

When the weather is too hot here I do sometimes don a headscarf to keep the sun away from my face.I also wear a Jubah to work sometimes..its long and graceful.

But dont worry..I am not planning to convert!LOL

You are right..I take house work as exercise..but its fun to do work for your own house and family.

Krish ji..life isnt always about getting returns for what we do.Why be so calculative?

There is also something called duty and love.
 
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LOL!

When the weather is too hot here I do sometimes don a headscarf to keep the sun away from my face.I also wear a Jubah to work sometimes..its long and graceful.

But dont worry..I am not planning to convert!LOL

You are right..I take house work as exercise..but its fun to do work for your own house and family.

Krish ji..life isnt always about getting returns for what we do.Why be so calculative?

There is also something called duty and love.
when we have to bear something unpleasant , we can call it our duty and write it off to love. love your inlaws thats is

best. leave it to thy Lord the rest. they say majboori ka naam mahatma gandhi. lol
 
when we have to bear something unpleasant , we can call it our duty and write it off to love. love your inlaws thats is

best. leave it to thy Lord the rest. they say majboori ka naam mahatma gandhi. lol


for me my motto in life is simple>>> Just be yourself..be good..everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

If proven guilty..then sentencing starts.

But always stand up to defend ourselves when we are being wronged.

Ahimsa works both ways..One has to be non violent to others and also self.

So if someone is behaving in an unbecoming manner than we have the right to take the necessary actions to prevent damage to self.

Frankly speaking a good person can be more dangerous than a bad person.

A bad person is mostly evil but that evil is never that great a magnitude but when a good person turns "bad"becos of circumstance then its a Tsunami of hell break lose.
 
It is a matter of time that govt will wash off its hand of pension liabilities.

for new employees in univ there are are bringing in pvt pension funds where liability of govt is minimal. univ teachers are protesting this


  • கடல் வற்றினால் கருவாடு தின்னலாம் என்று உடல் வற்றி செத்ததாம் கொக்கு!
 
renukaji

you sound like kamala das who wanted to convert to islam and wear burkha since it gave her a feeling of security.lol

house work is drudgery . but you could justify cleaning and mopping the floor as physical exercise

cooking cold be taken as challenging as it involves trying out recipes which can be delicious for taste buds...

So how do you propose that we endure this pitiful existence of ours (all included)? IF house work is drudgery it is drudgery for you, me, him, her.. and this includes the maid or assistant or servant. Do we agree on this? If yes, what is the point you seem to be trying to make?

If no, then again, there seems to be a serious coherency issue here !
 
My sis-in-law has been a homemaker alone all her life, now for the past 15 yrs she has been in US too, and she has remained a homemaker. She is very spiritual and prays twice or thrice a day every single day. Her house always looks spic and span and she always makes nice, delicious food, everytime anyone visits her house, they can never leave on empty stomach or empty hand, as she makes sure the guest is well fed and leaves with abundant foods that she made to take home too! Her life is peaceful, simple and blissful. My brother-in-law (her hubby) works from home always and makes enough money for the family. Due to her good karma, her prayers, god has blessed both her sons with extraordinary intelligence as both the children, both males, about 26 and 21 yrs olds are outstanding in studies, morals, maintaining friends circles, etc. Elder one, within 1 1/2 yr into workforce, got recognized by a prestigious law-firm that was clients of the 1st company and solicited on their own excellent job with benefits package for the elder nephew! Both kids doing very, very well and family blissful!
 
Is the success of this high achieving family due to SAHM or due to gene theory?
Gene theory. Hence prospective brides and grooms have started thinking, 'Beauty is ONLY skin deep'!
icon3.png
 
One brilliant girl from a highly educated family chose to marry a bald man, who looked like her chithappA, if not appA!

Love marriage which happened because of the brilliance of that guy! :D
 
One brilliant girl from a highly educated family chose to marry a bald man, who looked like her chithappA, if not appA!

Love marriage which happened because of the brilliance of that guy! :D


Dear RR ji,

When I was a teenager I did not know why I only found much older men semi balding men very very attractive.

I never found any young guy handsome. May be if I has seen PJ sir when I was a teen I would have found him very attractive!LOL

Only when I entered my 20's I stopped finding balding men attractive and married a man with a full head of hair.

So I guess the bride in your story liked bald men.
 
......... So I guess the bride in your story liked bald men.
Dear Renu,

No way, because her father whom she adores, has dense, lovely and curly hair!

She confided in me that their love cropped up because both of them are brilliant! :)


Please read this interesting page:
But Suppose the Child Inherited My Beauty and Your Brains

The most interesting part is this:

The Italian journalist invented the dancer and her proposal; stole the witty reply from Herr Max; and chose me for the hero of his

tale because newspapers always buy stories about me. 99% of these stories are flat falsehoods. 1/2% are half true. The remaining

1/2% are true, but spoilt in the telling.
 
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