Thus spake the parents.-- without comments.

[prasad1]

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Good to know you Y.

 

[kunjuppu]

Y,

i am an only son, from a two child household. it must have hurt mummy a lot when i moved out of home, at 17, to stay in a hostel, never to come
back to live at home again.

i dont know how many siblings you had, but i would guess atleast half a dozen, if not more.i say this, purely from the viewpoint of an aging parentof those times, whose life insurance is his children.

again, the son, is the prime inheritor of the parent's ambitions, and 'wished but never achieved' things in life. the tambram household that i was
brought up, we were the poorer cousins, of a vast extended household (daddy had 125 first cousins) and there was this pressure to achieve,
if not for anything else, but to 'show up'.

i think, this imposed drive to succeed, succeeded beyond all imaginations. if coming 2nd in the class was not good enough, an entry to the then
best college for puc, iit... all this, each success feeds on the next, till one leaves india. i think, that is when the truth hits the parents, the
unforseen consequence of a driven ridden life.

chase. chase. chase. often with words so sharper than the whip. a hysteria that one develops out of fear of poverty, unemployment, and
insecurity - all for coming 2nd in the class in 6th standard. it is a sad world, that tambrams force their children to live, for in the very
academic success, the children see an opportunity to escape - from the regimentation, expectation and above all, being a show piece to the
community and relatives.

why dont we tambrams accept our children to be what they are, as they naturally come? what happens if you come last in the class or you
fail a year? is it the end of life?

the bigger success among my relatives are those, who ended up last in the class or who went on to do business. moneywise and comfort wise,
they are better off, than those firstintheclasses who went to iitbitnit and to usa. or iim or xlri.

so, those hard driving parents, ultimately experienced, what i would call, a pyrrhic victory. they are like suraju, beating their breasts and
wailing, நெஞ்சம் பொறுக்குதில்லையே மடங்கி வாங்கோ.

i weep with those. but i ask. you by your expectations, drove your children away. and now when they have satisfied your whims, you want them back. is it fair to them? i am not saying it is good or bad. but only, it is the way, i see, what is happening.

Y, the lady in the podium mentioned, that even if you have 6 children within your call, nothing is complete till the 7th too came home.

let me tell you a real story. this is a family of 4 sons. back to back #1, #2, in their prime 20s were killed within two years in road accidents. #3
went to the usa. when #4 wanted to go, the mother stopped him, married him off, and 'convinced' him to stay behind. #4 tried his best to
instigate a sense of fairness to #3 to come back, so that he too will have a chance to go to the usa. #3 demurred. offered to sponsor the
the parents, a widowed sil + 2 nephew/niece instead. so #4 ended up having a career in madras. a good career incidentally.

nothing is so simple as it looks. life is far more complex, than just going outside of india, earning some money, coming back to enjoy it. even
a money making sojourn to mid east ends up extended stay for the slaved money maker, while the family left behind enjoys the benefits. here
they do not want the money maker to come back home, lest their lifestyle be downgraded.

nothing makes sense!!!!

 

[Nara]

.....Have you been reading postings here, so called 'happy' people have so much of guilt to pile on you, with their petty thoughts about Brahmins, nb...

Joining K, I would like to express strong exception to this nonsense. What is it with these people, taking cheap pot shots? Your inability to rebut criticism does not mean guilt is being piled on you. If you feel guilty, that is a good start, take charge of it, don't transfer it on to somebody else.

If you don't feel guilty, then stand up and challenge, don't resort to this cowardly spitballs.

Make your case if you can, otherwise, make peace, stop this craven attacks.

 

[suraju06]

Dear Kunjuppu,

From a large amount of verbiage I take only a few key sentences and reply to you:

i am an only son, from a two child household. it must have hurt mummy a lot when i moved out of home, at 17, to stay in a hostel, never to come
back to live at home again…………………… again, the son, is the prime inheritor of the parent's ambitions, and 'wished but never achieved' things in life……….. the tambram household that i was brought up, we were the poorer cousins, of a vast extended household (daddy had 125 first cousins) and there was this pressure to achieve,
if not for anything else, but to 'show up'…………..i think, this imposed drive to succeed, succeeded beyond all imaginations. if coming 2nd in the class was not good enough, an entry to the then best college for puc, iit... all this, each success feeds on the next, till one leaves india. i think, that is when the truth hits the parents, the
unforseen consequence of a driven ridden life……………..chase. chase. chase. often with words so sharper than the whip. a hysteria that one develops out of fear of poverty, unemployment, and insecurity - all for coming 2nd in the class in 6th standard. it is a sad world, that tambrams force their children to live, for in the very
academic success, the children see an opportunity to escape - from the regimentation, expectation and above all, being a show piece to the
community and relatives………………why dont we tambrams accept our children to be what they are, as they naturally come? what happens if you come last in the class or you fail a year? is it the end of life?.......the bigger success among my relatives are those, who ended up last in the class or who went on to do business. moneywise and comfort wise,they are better off, than those firstintheclasses who went to iitbitnit and to usa. or iim or xlri……………….. so, those hard driving parents, ultimately experienced, what i would call, a pyrrhic victory. they are like suraju, beating their breasts and wailing, நெஞ்சம் பொறுக்குதில்லையே மடங்கி வாங்கோ………………
i weep with those. but i ask. you by your expectations, drove your children away. and now when they have satisfied your whims, you want them back. is it fair to them? i am not saying it is good or bad. but only, it is the way, i see, what is happening…………….. ………….nothing is so simple as it looks. life is far more complex, than just going outside of india, earning some money, coming back to enjoy it. even a money making sojourn to mid east ends up extended stay for the slaved money maker, while the family left behind enjoys the benefits. herethey do not want the money maker to come back home, lest their lifestyle be downgraded.
nothing makes sense!!!!

(1)there was this pressure to achieve,if not for anything else, but to 'show up'…………..i think, this imposed drive to succeed, succeeded beyond all imaginations. if coming 2nd in the class was not good enough, an entry to the then best college for puc, iit... all this, each success feeds on the next, till one leaves india. i think, that is when the truth hits the parents, the
unforseen consequence of a driven ridden life……………..chase. chase. chase. often with words so sharper than the whip. a hysteria that one develops out of fear of poverty, unemployment, and insecurity - all for coming 2nd in the class in 6th standard. it is a sad world, that tambrams force their children to live, for in the very academic success, the children see an opportunity to escape - from the regimentation, expectation and above all, being a show piece to the
community and relatives………………why dont we tambrams accept our children to be what they are, as they naturally come? what happens if you come last in the class or you fail a year? is it the end of life?

Now I remember a kavithai from old tamil literature.A son said, “துள்ளித் திரிகின்ற பருவத்திலே என் துடுக்கடக்கி என்னை பள்ளிக்கு வைத்திலனே என் தந்தையாகிய பாதகனே ……..”. and the திருக்குறள் “தந்தை மகற்காற்றும் உதவி அவையத்து முந்தியிருப்ப செயல் ”. Apart from that the fear of poverty, unemployment and the resultant insecurity are all common to every one including brahmins. May be the fear is enhanced due to their dependence on knowledge based employment for survival. Tambrams accept their children for what they are and try to provide them a reasonably comfortable future. If a boy/girl is a dud and when all the pressure put on him/her does not result in any tangible result, the son/daughter is accepted for what he/she is and other avenues(other than a knowledge based employment) are explored. Problem arises only when the children wilt under the pressure. To put pressure or not is an existential dilemma for every father and mother(TBs and NBs). The answer can be either way.

(2) the bigger success among my relatives are those, who ended up last in the class or who went on to do business. moneywise and comfort wise,they are better off, than those firstintheclasses who went to iitbitnit and to usa. or iim or xlri……………….. so, those hard driving parents, ultimately experienced, what i would call, a pyrrhic victory.

Success of a product comes for various reasons. In a highly competitive market, if what is called the “market efficiency” by experts is also high, the successful products are those which are good in every aspect. In markets with low “market efficiency” the entire market efficiency short-fall gets factored into the quality of the products and even a substandard product will sell well.Remember Harshad Mehta and the stock market scam in India or the episode in which Leeson brought down single handedly the Barings Bank? They were all instances in which the clever individual discounted the market inefficiency and factored it in his profit calculations. I do not want to be judgmental about people’s success. I am only highlighting a fact. TB parents’ satisfaction is not pyrrhic as long as the children do not allow their success to go straight to their head and become addicted to the foreign culture.

(3) they are like suraju, beating their breastsand wailing,நெஞ்சம்பொறுக்குதில்லையே மடங்கி வாங்கோ………………
i weep with those. but i ask. you by your expectations, drove your children away. and now when they have satisfied your whims, you want them back. is it fair to them? i am not saying it is good or bad. but only, it is the way, i see, what is happening…………….

No Kunjuppu. You got it all wrong. When we said “go away to any land and explore and chart out your path”, we said it keeping only their welfare in mind. Now when we say “you have done well. Better get back in time and enjoy” we have the same feelings in our mind. It is pure love and concern for the Children-then young and now old enough- and their welfare. Nothing less , nothing more. It is not for our pleasure, which in any case would be a by-product/freebie/கொசுறு if we are ‘lucky enough’. We always see the larger picture to tell them what they would be missing if they are lost to the alien culture. Those who understand do come back. I have advised many NRI relatives to return when they reach a level and they have done that and thanked me for the advice. Every TB parent is matured and balanced enough to understand the dynamics of life. They understand that no one is really dependent on any one else: that if it comes to that they may have to go find a old age home to live in:that the compromises they will have to make now are just nothing when compared to all the compromises they have made in their life time so far. They can live with the pain of alienated offsprings also. Any way Alwar said long back:

ஊரிலேன் காணியில்லை உறவும் மற்றொருவரில்லை
பாரில் நின் பாதமூலம் பற்றிலேன் பரமமூர்த்தி
காரொளி வண்ணனே (என்) கண்ணனே கதறுகின்றேன்
ஆருளர் களைகண் அம்மா அரங்க மாநகருளானே

Cheers.

 

[kunjuppu]

dear suraju,

sir walter scott, about 200 years ago, said it in a words, that i can relate to, thus:

Breathes there the man, with soul so dead,
Who never to himself hath said,
This is my own, my native land?
Whose heart hath ne’er within him burn’d,
As home his footsteps he hath turn’d,
From wandering on a foreign strand?

Having said the above, I wish to reiterate, once the momentum and drive, sets a youngster in a path, it is unrealistic to expect him or her, to brake all of a sudden and come back to the shores of india. For the sake of parents alone.

I am quite sure, many a parent here, while outwardly proud of her/his son in the usa via iit or such, wishes, that he succeeded just enough, to go to NLS or IIM and choosily pick up the 20 lakhs a year starting jobs that some of them offer today.

If wishes were horses
Beggars would ride:
If turnips were watches
I would wear one by my side.
And if ifs and ands were pots and pans,
The tinker would never work!

.. and so it goes. we can all come up with cute quotes or emotional outbursts, as I myself have given you good ammunitions above.

I am a father today, and my own children are leaving the coop. again, even though I am in canada, my children, will probably move away from this city, and move on wherever their fortunes prosper or curiosity seeks them.

it is no different for me, than it was for my parents.

for almost all cultures, this has been the norm from times immemorial except us, with our vision bound by our rituals, castes all confined within the borders of the village, town or agraharam.

Only one reason will cause a return surely. That is, when india is sufficiently improved that the opportunities offered in india are plentiful and world class. And the usa withers for want of opportunities. Both these must happen together for someone to trace their route back to their homeland.

My nephews in singapore, did just that. education abroad, and trek back home to high paying satisfying jobs.

best wishes (as always)

 

[suraju06]

Dear Kunjuppu,

I wish to reiterate, once the momentum and drive, sets a youngster in a path, it is unrealistic to expect him or her, to brake all of a sudden and come back to the shores of india. For the sake of parents alone.

Not breaking abruptly, not for the sake of the parents alone. In a carefully planned move, you can come and settle down here. About the parent's need or selfishness, I have made my position clear already.

and so it goes. we can all come up with cute quotes or emotional outbursts, as I myself have given you good ammunitions above.

I use quotes only to make my statements more picturesque. I am in excellant command of my emotions. I use them in a controlled manner to a purpose.

for almost all cultures, this has been the norm from times immemorial except us, with our vision bound by our rituals, castes all confined within the borders of the village, town or agraharam.

This is just of POV

Only one reason will cause a return surely. That is, when india is sufficiently improved that the opportunities offered in india are plentiful and world class. And the usa withers for want of opportunities. Both these must happen together for someone to trace their route back to their homeland.

I remember the story of the salesman who went to a village to sell footwear. He found no one in the village was in the habit of wearing a footwear and they were uncomfortable wearing it. He cabled his boss that there was no scope for his talents in the village and so was moving to another station. No offence meant.

I enjoy this conversation. Thank you.

Cheers.

 

[sarang]

With our rituals, priests, and religious practices exported to these western heavens, we can be sure that one day toronto or new jersy will have agraharams nad the natives have to seek their fortune elsewhere. When iskon can do rathyatra in newyork or krishna in dola travels all over US, let us wait for the day when there will be healthy competition who is more ritualistic and tolerant.

for almost all cultures, this has been the norm from times immemorial except us, with our vision bound by our rituals, castes all confined within the borders of the village, town or agraharam.

 

[Yamaka]

On What Parents Want From Their Children: A Different View.

I wrote that my dad didn't want me to come back to the rural village to take care of him in his old age...what all he wanted was long letters from me, which I wrote..it seemed that he was reading those letters many times and talked about it to others in the village!

Since he was surrounded by many grandchildren (I had a sister 20 years older than me, and brother 15 years older and all had multiple children) to cater to his whims and fancies, growing older was not a big issue for villagers, unlike the elites in the cities where older people face unspeakable loneliness, grief and concerns.

Once I sent my dad a photo of my house, and my cleaning the gutter standing up on the roof, and my son standing on the ladders! It seemed he nearly had a heart attack watching the grandson standing on the ladder helping his dad! He thought I am putting my son in real impending danger! Lol.

My dad didn't also want to come to US to see me - because he knew that the house would be empty once kids went to school and we all went to work, and he did not know a single word of English!

He mentally settled that I should do what would be suitable for "my style of life".

Now, looking forward, what do I want from my kids?

Nearly nothing... once they reached age 21, I am out of the picture... they must lead the life suitable "to their life style".

Who am I to tell them what to do, and not to do? Maybe, I want them to love and marry a sweet life partner, irrespective of race, religion, ethnicity or what not... and enjoy life like their old man... no rituals and restrictions....life is short, play hard!! Lol.

I am keeping my good health walking about 4 miles a day, and swimming about an hour in my private pool.... one day I will die like my mother with cancer... or like my dad in old age!

What a ride in all! I enjoy every minute of it.... never regretted for being born as a human being in the 20th century!! Lol

More later...

ps. My wife has similar views... she is also not expecting anything from our kids... she has already given them all she had... all they needed was an Excellent Education from World's Best Universities - Cornell & Stanford!

 

[prasad1]

Y,
I like you. We may disagree on principles, but very similar outlook.
Thanks for sharing. Not to say that we will not clash, but as fellow travelers and not as enemy I hope.

 

[Haridasa Siva]

Y

I must say you are honest and you are also a good narrator. Quite interesting to know about you.

Just one question: "I enjoy every minute..." Can I take it literally? Is so, I would like to know your secret. Please share, if you can. I am raising this question becasue though I am still in early-40s, sometimes I feel despair.

P.S.: btw, both my brothers studied in Madura College.

 

[sangom]

On What Parents Want From Their Children: A Different View.

I wrote that my dad didn't want me to come back to the rural village to take care of him in his old age...what all he wanted was long letters from me, which I wrote..it seemed that he was reading those letters many times and talked about it to others in the village!

Since he was surrounded by many grandchildren (I had a sister 20 years older than me, and brother 15 years older and all had multiple children) to cater to his whims and fancies, growing older was not a big issue for villagers, unlike the elites in the cities where older people face unspeakable loneliness, grief and concerns.

Once I sent my dad a photo of my house, and my cleaning the gutter standing up on the roof, and my son standing on the ladders! It seemed he nearly had a heart attack watching the grandson standing on the ladder helping his dad! He thought I am putting my son in real impending danger! Lol.

My dad didn't also want to come to US to see me - because he knew that the house would be empty once kids went to school and we all went to work, and he did not know a single word of English!

He mentally settled that I should do what would be suitable for "my style of life".

Now, looking forward, what do I want from my kids?

Nearly nothing... once they reached age 21, I am out of the picture... they must lead the life suitable "to their life style".

Who am I to tell them what to do, and not to do? Maybe, I want them to love and marry a sweet life partner, irrespective of race, religion, ethnicity or what not... and enjoy life like their old man... no rituals and restrictions....life is short, play hard!! Lol.

I am keeping my good health walking about 4 miles a day, and swimming about an hour in my private pool.... one day I will die like my mother with cancer... or like my dad in old age!

What a ride in all! I enjoy every minute of it.... never regretted for being born as a human being in the 20th century!! Lol

More later...

ps. My wife has similar views... she is also not expecting anything from our kids... she has already given them all she had... all they needed was an Excellent Education from World's Best Universities - Cornell & Stanford!

Dear Shri Yamaka,

Human life is not a factory-made product, of uniform quality, composition and dimensions. Each life is separate and the similarity lies in this - all life ends one day. But the type of suffering, how long it has to be endured and so on is very difficult to "teach" unless one is a nurse attending to terminally ill patients. If one has had chance to witness the sufferings and problems of a few people before death (not just before, but the gradual and fast deterioration, acute body conditions, how sometimes the body stops cooperating but "life" adamantly clings on to it, and so on, perhaps the good chit given to the western style would not have been there, I feel.

Some parents who cannot afford home nurses or old age homes, therefore, pine for their son/s to come back from their foreign locations, take up a job in India and bestow the needed care and attention to their aged parents. In such situations much can be said in favour of both the sides yes and no. So, I think there is no point in discussing this topic.

As I said in an earlier post many of our youngsters have gone abroad because they could get much better opportunities there than in India. They also got acculturated to the western ways of life. After marriage they generally prefer not to come back here so that their children are not required to face the same unhappy job prospects here at a later date. I will, therefore, not fault the children also.

What is practicable imho, is for the children to spend a portion of their income/savings, keep their aged parents in a comfortable house, employ trustworthy nurses and servants so that the aged parents are well taken care of till the end.

 

[kunjuppu]

re

yamaka your post #33, sangom your post #36

Y,

being a younger son, in your case, with your brother and sister, living in the same environs as your dad, and maybe in the same house or neighbourhood, the issue of isolation and abandonment is a non issue. in a way, this has been the norm for our culture, ie the older son primarily is looked on as caregiver and caretaker of the parents, while the girls and the younger sons are sort of let off.

honestly, we can only guess, what your dad's reaction would have been, had you been the only child or eldest son? one never knows.

unfortunately, for tambrams, since 1960s, we rarely find family size beyond 2 or maybe 3. so there is not much latitude left either
for the parents or the children. while most children take upon the responsibility from a point of duty, i think, i wonder, how many
would do it willingly. to take on financial and care responsibility for someone other than your children, no matter what, is an enormous burden, if there is no savings or support from the older generation.

i have seen male cousins wither and wane away from the sheer stress of managing a budget to be divided among medicines, school
fees and constant nagging of the wife for 'extras'. enough to drive a man nuts. ofcourse these happened 25 years ago and before.
and in all these cases, the father's savings plus PF was spend on weddings for the daughters.

the eldest dil, in this case had a rough deal. not only she became the nurse, caretaker, mother, cooker, bottlewasher in chief, but probably heard few kind words of thanks from the in laws. this has not changed even now, judging from what i hear from my cousins.

nowadays, as sangom says, parents may, thanks to moneys send from abroad, live comfortably. but again you hear the lament, 'come back'. so, even money is not a grease to silence the creaking wheels.

old age and fear of sickness. it is frightening. also, no amount of care can assuage the situation. even when i was young, it was the norm to hire a third party help to take care of bed ridden sick folks. no one today wants to lift bed pans. this too is not fiction, but reality.

today the situation is even more complex, with the entitlement of the girls and along with it, for girls as the only child or female only children, to take equal if not primary interest in taking care of their parents first. this causes even more angst for the boys, for ultimately it is the wife who rules the roost, and many a times she can maybe tolerate her mother living with her, but seldom or rare, gthe mother in law.

 

[ShivKC]

Y
Is so, I would like to know your secret. Please share, if you can. I am raising this question becasue though I am still in early-40s, sometimes I feel despair.

P.S.: btw, both my brothers studied in Madura College.

i was and am poles apart from Y's views. but one thing, i picked up from him, i mean, we picked up from him is,

"Spend 4 Hrs a day with your children".. I showed that post of him to my wife, and she was so convinced with Y's writing, though I have been telling her the same before for the last 6 years..

Cheers Y... I love that convincing part of you, esp my timid wife!..

 

[Yamaka]

Y

I must say you are honest and you are also a good narrator. Quite interesting to know about you.

Just one question: "I enjoy every minute..." Can I take it literally? Is so, I would like to know your secret. Please share, if you can. I am raising this question becasue though I am still in early-40s, sometimes I feel despair.

P.S.: btw, both my brothers studied in Madura College.

Dear Siva:

When I say "I enjoy every minute of it" what I means is basically my perspective of things happening around me.. or relating to me and my family and how I view it and review it... perhaps, there is some cockiness or arrogance! Lol

It boils down to "Oh, no problem.. this is happening because of this reason, I can solve it with a smile" type of an attitude.

Perhaps, it is a matter of attitude. Not blaming others for anything... taking the responsibility for ALL that matters.

Madura College has been my first stepping stone into real life, modern life from the serenity of a village...

I was admitted to the PUC class (and the hostels) without any recommendation by the then Principal, a very orthodox Brahmin... he was very kind to me and very understanding and warm, while he was fuming at others in the "long interview line".

Perhaps, he was my first Savior! A Brahmin - a TB. Thank you Sir.

Cheers.

 

[prasad1]

Dear Siva:

When I say "I enjoy every minute of it" what I means is basically my perspective of things happening around me.. or relating to me and my family and how I view it and review it... perhaps, there is some cockiness or arrogance! Lol

It boils down to "Oh, no problem.. this is happening because of this reason, I can solve it with a smile" type of an attitude.

Perhaps, it is a matter of attitude. Not blaming others for anything... taking the responsibility for ALL that matters.

Madura College has been my first stepping stone into real life, modern life from the serenity of a village...

I was admitted to the PUC class (and the hostels) without any recommendation by the then Principal, a very orthodox Brahmin... he was very kind to me and very understanding and warm, while he was fuming at others in the "long interview line".

Perhaps, he was my first Savior! A Brahmin - a TB. Thank you Sir.

Cheers.

A TB to help, that too a theist, I bet, must kill you to be grateful to such a person.

 

[B.Krishnamurthy]

Thiru.Yamaha,
You are following knowingly or unknowingly what is being propagated by
Swami Sughabodhananda of Bangalore who became popular with his book
"Manashe Relax Please".
I really appreciate your frankness and openness in speaking about your life.
I am more curious to know and if you can share your experience with members of this Forum,it will be really great.In one of your posts you had mentioned that you hailed from the bottom of the castes.Since some hindus are categorized as bottom of the casre hierchy(which is really very unfortunate) and others(from those communities) who have changed faith are continued to be treated as from the bottom of caste irrespective of their present faith,I am not keen to know the details.But the fact is you had either I/C or I/r marriage with a TB lady and the marriage would have taken place some thirty years ago.
Whether your marriage with a Tb lady got approval from your family circles/your community and also from the parents of the girl.Tb parents reconcile after sometime.
What was the actual position in respect of your family.
PS:-If you have any reservation to state the correct position,I will respect your views.
My query is just to know how different communities react to I/C or I/R marriages.

 

[Yamaka]

Thiru.Yamaha,
You are following knowingly or unknowingly what is being propagated by
Swami Sughabodhananda of Bangalore who became popular with his book
"Manashe Relax Please".
I really appreciate your frankness and openness in speaking about your life.
I am more curious to know and if you can share your experience with members of this Forum,it will be really great.In one of your posts you had mentioned that you hailed from the bottom of the castes.Since some hindus are categorized as bottom of the casre hierchy(which is really very unfortunate) and others(from those communities) who have changed faith are continued to be treated as from the bottom of caste irrespective of their present faith,I am not keen to know the details.But the fact is you had either I/C or I/r marriage with a TB lady and the marriage would have taken place some thirty years ago.
Whether your marriage with a Tb lady got approval from your family circles/your community and also from the parents of the girl.Tb parents reconcile after sometime.
What was the actual position in respect of your family.
PS:-If you have any reservation to state the correct position,I will respect your views.
My query is just to know how different communities react to I/C or I/R marriages.

Dear Krish Sir:

1. Except our friends, none of the parents agreed to our marriage: they said, "This marriage will collapse within a month, if not a year! Because she is from an elite brahmin family from Trichy and he is a down-trodden from an unknown village; her grandpa is a prominent doctor known to all the power-brokers of TB community all of Tamil Nadu; her dad is a graduate of the Great Banaras Hindu University, now a powerful leader of a Govt agency. His parents had hardly a 4the and 7th grade education, if any... blah.. blah"

2. For my parents, "Oh, kid.. this will not work... we belong to two different world... why do you want to destroy your life and peace of our minds?"

3. My wife rebelled against her parents and said, "I know everything about Y... I know him for the past 3 years....I will be a FOOL if I don't accept him as my lover and husband... you people don't know what you are talking about... give him a chance he will excel ALL of you... he needs time only, and wait and watch"

And, our marriage was in a small function with about 30 known friends in the University...

After the marriage, my parents reconciled and started loving my wife; they said, "She is a sweet and smart girl".

My ils took nearly 5 years to contact my wife after the marriage... they wanted to see how we live in the US.

For them, to prove their point that they were right and Y was wrong....

Alas... that didn't happen...

Now, my parents have gone; my ils are alive, and about 5 years ago, they lost their son who is older by few years to me... for them nothing makes sense in this world !

Because, the unruly daughter is living well and happier than anybody they knew, and their son is dead and gone...

"Where is God in all this?", they keep asking.

Cheers.

 

[B.Krishnamurthy]

Thiru.Yamaha,
Thank yo so much.Oh.GOD!
You have helped this couple to surmount all hurdles and lead a very Happy married Life.
IN all I/R and I/C marriages, I only see whether the married couple lead a happy married life.It is immaterial and irrelevant how other family members and society react and behave.
You may not agree with me,but I strongly believe that Prayers by others for our welfare gives a very positive effect.
You and your family are HAPPY because of Prayers by other well intentioned persons.
That is why Group Prayers are recommended and welcomed.

 

[prasad1]

Post#48
Congratulations and wish you continued success in life.

 

[Yamaka]

"You may not agree with me,but I strongly believe that Prayers by others for our welfare gives a very positive effect.
You and your family are HAPPY because of Prayers by other well intentioned persons.
That is why Group Prayers are recommended and welcomed." post 43

Dear Krish Sir:

You are like my parents - their life started and ended with lots of prayers every day...

My considered view is

1. Religion and prayers are NOT necessary. If you are strictly TRADITIONAL, then you need them for your own mental piece.

Your prayers are NOT heard by anybody, including the non-existent Supernatural Power standing somewhere in the Universe.

2. All Atheists are as moral or ethical, if not more, as any Theist.

Because ALL human beings have conscience and "the inner call to be RIGHT" all the time.

3. The Free Will and Conscience of Atheists guide them to be normal human beings, and lead happy lives.

Therefore, I don't pray for anything from anybody... because my prayer has no meaning.

Peace.