Joining K, I would like to express strong exception to this nonsense. What is it with these people, taking cheap pot shots? Your inability to rebut criticism does not mean guilt is being piled on you. If you feel guilty, that is a good start, take charge of it, don't transfer it on to somebody else......Have you been reading postings here, so called 'happy' people have so much of guilt to pile on you, with their petty thoughts about Brahmins, nb...
i am an only son, from a two child household. it must have hurt mummy a lot when i moved out of home, at 17, to stay in a hostel, never to come
back to live at home again…………………… again, the son, is the prime inheritor of the parent's ambitions, and 'wished but never achieved' things in life……….. the tambram household that i was brought up, we were the poorer cousins, of a vast extended household (daddy had 125 first cousins) and there was this pressure to achieve,
if not for anything else, but to 'show up'…………..i think, this imposed drive to succeed, succeeded beyond all imaginations. if coming 2nd in the class was not good enough, an entry to the then best college for puc, iit... all this, each success feeds on the next, till one leaves india. i think, that is when the truth hits the parents, the
unforseen consequence of a driven ridden life……………..chase. chase. chase. often with words so sharper than the whip. a hysteria that one develops out of fear of poverty, unemployment, and insecurity - all for coming 2nd in the class in 6th standard. it is a sad world, that tambrams force their children to live, for in the very
academic success, the children see an opportunity to escape - from the regimentation, expectation and above all, being a show piece to the
community and relatives………………why dont we tambrams accept our children to be what they are, as they naturally come? what happens if you come last in the class or you fail a year? is it the end of life?.......the bigger success among my relatives are those, who ended up last in the class or who went on to do business. moneywise and comfort wise,they are better off, than those firstintheclasses who went to iitbitnit and to usa. or iim or xlri……………….. so, those hard driving parents, ultimately experienced, what i would call, a pyrrhic victory. they are like suraju, beating their breasts and wailing, நெஞ்சம் பொறுக்குதில்லையே மடங்கி வாங்கோ………………
i weep with those. but i ask. you by your expectations, drove your children away. and now when they have satisfied your whims, you want them back. is it fair to them? i am not saying it is good or bad. but only, it is the way, i see, what is happening…………….. ………….nothing is so simple as it looks. life is far more complex, than just going outside of india, earning some money, coming back to enjoy it. even a money making sojourn to mid east ends up extended stay for the slaved money maker, while the family left behind enjoys the benefits. herethey do not want the money maker to come back home, lest their lifestyle be downgraded.
nothing makes sense!!!!
I wish to reiterate, once the momentum and drive, sets a youngster in a path, it is unrealistic to expect him or her, to brake all of a sudden and come back to the shores of india. For the sake of parents alone.
and so it goes. we can all come up with cute quotes or emotional outbursts, as I myself have given you good ammunitions above.
for almost all cultures, this has been the norm from times immemorial except us, with our vision bound by our rituals, castes all confined within the borders of the village, town or agraharam.
Only one reason will cause a return surely. That is, when india is sufficiently improved that the opportunities offered in india are plentiful and world class. And the usa withers for want of opportunities. Both these must happen together for someone to trace their route back to their homeland.
for almost all cultures, this has been the norm from times immemorial except us, with our vision bound by our rituals, castes all confined within the borders of the village, town or agraharam.
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On What Parents Want From Their Children: A Different View.
I wrote that my dad didn't want me to come back to the rural village to take care of him in his old age...what all he wanted was long letters from me, which I wrote..it seemed that he was reading those letters many times and talked about it to others in the village!
Since he was surrounded by many grandchildren (I had a sister 20 years older than me, and brother 15 years older and all had multiple children) to cater to his whims and fancies, growing older was not a big issue for villagers, unlike the elites in the cities where older people face unspeakable loneliness, grief and concerns.
Once I sent my dad a photo of my house, and my cleaning the gutter standing up on the roof, and my son standing on the ladders! It seemed he nearly had a heart attack watching the grandson standing on the ladder helping his dad! He thought I am putting my son in real impending danger! Lol.
My dad didn't also want to come to US to see me - because he knew that the house would be empty once kids went to school and we all went to work, and he did not know a single word of English!
He mentally settled that I should do what would be suitable for "my style of life".
Now, looking forward, what do I want from my kids?
Nearly nothing... once they reached age 21, I am out of the picture... they must lead the life suitable "to their life style".
Who am I to tell them what to do, and not to do? Maybe, I want them to love and marry a sweet life partner, irrespective of race, religion, ethnicity or what not... and enjoy life like their old man... no rituals and restrictions....life is short, play hard!! Lol.
I am keeping my good health walking about 4 miles a day, and swimming about an hour in my private pool.... one day I will die like my mother with cancer... or like my dad in old age!
What a ride in all! I enjoy every minute of it.... never regretted for being born as a human being in the 20th century!! Lol
More later...
ps. My wife has similar views... she is also not expecting anything from our kids... she has already given them all she had... all they needed was an Excellent Education from World's Best Universities - Cornell & Stanford!
Y
Is so, I would like to know your secret. Please share, if you can. I am raising this question becasue though I am still in early-40s, sometimes I feel despair.
P.S.: btw, both my brothers studied in Madura College.
Y
I must say you are honest and you are also a good narrator. Quite interesting to know about you.
Just one question: "I enjoy every minute..." Can I take it literally? Is so, I would like to know your secret. Please share, if you can. I am raising this question becasue though I am still in early-40s, sometimes I feel despair.
P.S.: btw, both my brothers studied in Madura College.
Dear Siva:
When I say "I enjoy every minute of it" what I means is basically my perspective of things happening around me.. or relating to me and my family and how I view it and review it... perhaps, there is some cockiness or arrogance! Lol
It boils down to "Oh, no problem.. this is happening because of this reason, I can solve it with a smile" type of an attitude.
Perhaps, it is a matter of attitude. Not blaming others for anything... taking the responsibility for ALL that matters.
Madura College has been my first stepping stone into real life, modern life from the serenity of a village...
I was admitted to the PUC class (and the hostels) without any recommendation by the then Principal, a very orthodox Brahmin... he was very kind to me and very understanding and warm, while he was fuming at others in the "long interview line".
Perhaps, he was my first Savior! A Brahmin - a TB. Thank you Sir.
Cheers.
Thiru.Yamaha,
You are following knowingly or unknowingly what is being propagated by
Swami Sughabodhananda of Bangalore who became popular with his book
"Manashe Relax Please".
I really appreciate your frankness and openness in speaking about your life.
I am more curious to know and if you can share your experience with members of this Forum,it will be really great.In one of your posts you had mentioned that you hailed from the bottom of the castes.Since some hindus are categorized as bottom of the casre hierchy(which is really very unfortunate) and others(from those communities) who have changed faith are continued to be treated as from the bottom of caste irrespective of their present faith,I am not keen to know the details.But the fact is you had either I/C or I/r marriage with a TB lady and the marriage would have taken place some thirty years ago.
Whether your marriage with a Tb lady got approval from your family circles/your community and also from the parents of the girl.Tb parents reconcile after sometime.
What was the actual position in respect of your family.
PS:-If you have any reservation to state the correct position,I will respect your views.
My query is just to know how different communities react to I/C or I/R marriages.