Dear subbudu
Re your post #54, a few comments…this from my own experience, and not sure if generalization would be appropriate.
It is only natural that we have ‘soft corner’ for india, the country of our birth and tradition. Most of us left india in the belief that economic and lifetime opportunities is better abroad, and I think, a large majority would agree on that.
No matter, how much we may feel alienated outside of india, and this alienation is entirely dependent on each person’s attitudes towards his new land, we have to accept, that day to day living, particularly in the west, is hassle free compared to india. Most of us came from middle class, and hence used to good schools and medical care in india, except you find that the same care abroad is standardized, and one need not ‘pull strings’ or search for a ‘good’ doctor. Atleast this has been my experience in Canada.
When it comes to the children, india and china, are probably the only two countries, where the land, nation, culture, and race, all put together are uniquely unique. Each with its own ancient culture, sense of pride of the past and (currently) a feeling that the future is once again turning in their favour.
Still, our children are Canadians, Americans or Australians or wherever they happen to be born and brought up. Their parents have to take great care, not to impose transplanted values, some of which may be in direct contradiction to the new country of choice – particularly family social values. ABCD is a term applied to those kids who grow up not knowing which is right, ie one set of values at home, another outside. They end without a sense of belonging here or there. definitely not a healthy growing up, and the parents are mostly to blame.
Very soon, after leaving india, folks lose their Indian survival skills. No matter how much we love india, it takes a different set of skillsets to survive and get things done in india. Things exactly do not go according to the rules and per paper. I am not talking about bribes or influence peddling – just the normal processes, bureacracies and intricate laws. My children cannot survive in india, let alone myself. One of my friends’ daughters spent 6 months on assignment – initially excited, and at the end vowing never again work in india, but only tourist. Her reasons are several, right from disrespect for women to many things, which when I heard, I put it to cultural differences.
One of the many complaints that I get from recent students, is the inability to relate to their brown counterparts, born and brought up in Canada. what they don’t understand is that even though folks look like Indians, they are culturally quite different, and do not necessarily have the same values. Or the need to stick with brown people just because they are brown skinned. My own children would probably gravitate towards Canadians in any international get together, irrespective of the race of the person. Same goes with Americans, I have noticed.
Again, due to a basically non interference culture which leaves you alone, folks in the west, I think, have no hesitation in dropping off activities which they feel is cumbersome or has no meaning anymore. This is specially applicable to tambrams because in india, our life is so centred on rituals – amavasaya, shraddham, tharpanams and what not. Even without realizing, there is a culture mixing, which we ourselves do not realize, except when someone recently from india, points it out, or when we go to india, and observe how much we have changed – not only practice wise but also value wise. There is nothing right or wrong I believe. It just is.
I have found, especially in the 80s and 90s, a tendency of those in india or Singapore, to mock at those who move to the west. At the drop of the hat, accusations used to fling, of being ‘westernized’, whatever that means. Mostly it was on some imagined value or wrongdoing, and nothing to do with reality. Fortunately, with many many folks have sons daughters in the west, this type of plaint has dropped, if not entirely stopped.
Sometime ago, I came across an Indian guy with the name sundaram. Atleast that is what I thought, an Indian. It so happened that he knew not a word of tamil. He was from Indonesia, several generations, doing business and dealing mostly with hindus or s’pore or Malaysia or fiji for wedding purposes. It can happen the same here in Canada. you might have a white looking Krishnan or raman, in a few generations – only the name might reveal the distance ancestrage..everything else uniquely Canadian or American or wherever the ancestor chose to settle.
Thank you.
