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Who Gives More Elder Care? Daughters or Sons?

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Who Gives More Elder Care? Daughters or Sons?


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According to the study, daughters provide an average of 12.3 hours of elderly parent care per month, compared to sons’ 5.6 hours.


“Sons reduce their relative care-giving efforts when they have a sister, while daughters increase theirs when they have a brother,” Grigoryeva says. “This suggests that sons pass on parent care-giving responsibilities to their sisters.”


Grigoryeva delivered her paper, “When Gender Trumps Everything: The Division of Parent Care Among Siblings,” at the American Sociological Association’s annual meeting held recently in San Francisco. The study relies on data from the University of Michigan Health and Retirement Study, a longitudinal panel study that surveys more than 26,000 Americans over the age of 50 every two years.


Grigoryeva says this disproportionate elder care negatively affects the psychological and financial well being of women.


“Providing care for elderly relatives can also impose significant financial burdens on caregivers in the form of direct expenses, as they often pay for goods and services for their care recipients,” she says. Although, “the U.S. has been gradually becoming a more gender egalitarian society since the 1970s, my study shows gender inequality remains acute when it comes to elderly parent care.”
 
This study will vary from one culture to other.
In the western cultures traditionally sons do not carry the exclusive burden of parental care. In India with its ancient culture of inheritance and joint family, it became the sole responsibility of the eldest son. It is changing now.
 
This study will vary from one culture to other.
In the western cultures traditionally sons do not carry the exclusive burden of parental care. In India with its ancient culture of inheritance and joint family, it became the sole responsibility of the eldest son. It is changing now.
In Tamilnadu educated TB girls have made their parent care the sole responsibility of son in law. lol
 
From my personal experience I feel daughters become the punching bag when it comes to emotions of parents!LOL

As a female we are required to be caring and loving and if a person is a doctor more is expected!

A son can get away being less expressive and caring but a daughter is expected to be loving and caring 24/7...its not that I am complaining but I feel parents do expect their daughters to be their emotional support.

Now coming to the Mother In Law/Father In Law -Daughter In Law scene..I feel even if a DIL is open minded enough to accept her MIL/FIL as her parents and behave the same way as she does in her parents house as she does in her in laws..she would be considered to be some sort of unconventional.

Everyone expects a DIL to always be walking on eggs.

I remember once there was some pre wedding ritual in my In Laws house in the day time for my Sister In Law who was getting married.

Since it was just only my Inlaws and some of their close relatives I decided to go casual with jeans and a medium length top.

Then my MIL's sister asked me why I was not dressed in a salwar kameez or saree and I told her its an informal family affair...so I decided to go casual.

Now that did not go down too well with them!LOL

So you see I would have given my mum the same answer if she had asked me the same question..so why do I have to frame it differently if I am speaking to an inlaw?

If I frame it differently..that shows I see them differently.

So that is what I said to MIL..if you want me to see you differently than I would be a fake..I want to be the same to you and my mother..so this is who I am.

Thank God she understood!LOL

My FIL appreciated my honesty.

So the moral of the story is..as a woman we are expected to be over considerate to everyone that walks thru over lives..any way to a major extent we females can actually be caring and loving to anyone who is willing to accept them they way they are.
 
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With liberalisation of economic bondage of girls many things have changed in our society. So also the parental
care. I have seen in many families daughters take care of their parents with equal love and care as that of sons.
In my own family I have seen with the migration of children outside India to earn money and to have comfortable living, some parents are looked after by devoted servants and drivers. Otherwise they settle down in old-age homes. With the fresh flush of money and changing life style, our society is churning to find new social set-up. This will continue.

Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
 
renukaji's post seems to reflect the most cases of parents care by Daughters; Daughters love towards their parents is unmatched by their brothers in most cases; although sons love their parents as much as their sister's love towards parents, most of them just do not realize the need for them to communicate with their parents like their sisters.



Daughters rush to help their parents even if they are in far off places, but sons take the things easy and give priority to their own family matters first.

Good daughter in laws also show the same amount of responsibility like daughters in caring their in laws.
 
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renukaji's post seems to reflect the most cases of parents care by Daughters; Daughters love towards their parents is unmatched by their brothers in most cases; although sons love their parents as much as their sister's love towards parents, most of them just do not realize the need for them to communicate with their parents like their sisters.



Daughters rush to help their parents even if they are in far off places, but sons take the tings easy and give priority to their own family matters first.

Good daughter in laws also show the same amount of responsibility like daughters in caring their in laws.
most daughters as daughter in laws behave strangely. all the time they worry if they are doing things right at inlaws place . also they keep comparing themselves with

the daughters of the house whether they are discriminated in some way.if there are two DILs in a house they have an unhealthy rivalry in everything.I pity the boys -TB

boys they get sandwiched between love shown by wife and mother. also sometimes unpredictably both wife and mother combine and beat up the boy .two caring ladies

under one roof can be hell for boys

one roof with multiple ladies is a dicey situation for most men
 
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From modi's independence day speech

"I advise mothers and sisters not to sacrifice daughters in the hope of son. Sometimes mother-father feel tempted to have son in the hope of supporting them in old age. I am a person who has worked in public life. I have come across families with five sons, each having bungalows, access to fleet of cars, but parents are forced to live in old-age homes, Vriddhashrams. I have seen such families. I have also seen families with only daughter as progeny, that daughter sacrifices her dreams, doesn't get married, and spends entire life in taking care of old parents."
 
Parents who expects their son/ Daughter in Laws to look after them in old age should look back and realize what they did to their parents when they were old ? Every thing is a cycle of reaction, comes back with force.

Daughters are different when they they become daughter in laws Like Kish Sir said, because they start looking negatively every thing their In laws say or do; Most sons live in a different world unmindful of their parents needs.
 
.......... So the moral of the story is..as a woman we are expected to be over considerate to everyone that walks thru over lives..any way to a major extent we females can actually be caring and loving to anyone who is willing to accept them they way they are.
Dear Renu,

You were not going on a holiday with in-laws; but for a function at home!

Hence you are supposed to wear a saree / salwar suit! It is a natural expectation.

FYI, those who participate in the oonjal function in Iyer weddings have started wearing madisAr sarees; especially the newly weds!

It is nice watch them running around in the traditional dress of Iyers! :cool:

 
Dear P J Sir,

You have not provided the statistics in India! Anyway, those girls who opt for foreign mAppiLLais make sure that their roots (parents)

will be in India! Those who get married within India want their own parents nearby and in-laws as far away as possible!! :lol:

Since the parents work more for the daughters, the daughters have to take care of them in their old age!
 
Dear Renu,

You were not going on a holiday with in-laws; but for a function at home!

Hence you are supposed to wear a saree / salwar suit! It is a natural expectation.

FYI, those who participate in the oonjal function in Iyer weddings have started wearing madisAr sarees; especially the newly weds!

It is nice watch them running around in the traditional dress of Iyers! :cool:


Dear RR ji,

It was not a Megaaaaaaa function..just some pre wedding ritual thats all..only older ladies wore sarees..and it was hardly a crowd of 8 people..so I did not bother to wear a saree or salwar kameez.

I usually only wear saree if its Megaaaaaaa function..otherwise who wants to tie and waste time.
 
While discussing in another thread, I got this point!

In tambram weddings, the groom is equalized to Maha Vishnu by the bride's father.

Hence, that Maha Vishnu has to support the parents of his better half!

The result is that our son will support our sambandhis! :cool:
 
While discussing in another thread, I got this point!

In tambram weddings, the groom is equalized to Maha Vishnu by the bride's father.

Hence, that Maha Vishnu has to support the parents of his better half!

The result is that our son will support our sambandhis! :cool:
it is fine son inlaw supports girls parents . he should not forget his own parents first.

this is the perverse expectation of all dILs

I know one distant relation with son and Dil in US

when they go to india for a holiday , the son stays partly at his parents home and partly at inlaws place . DIL would stay only at her parents home and not even call on

husbands parents

these girls are mentally conditioned to be like this . this dil is not a working career girl or highly educated . this is a mindset inculcated in them
 
Support should be strictly based on resources needed, and resources on hand.
If a women decides that someone is not needed, it will be impossible to maintain a relationship. In all family (may be muslim world is an exception), the lady of the house makes or breaks a relations. Men may act as if they are the king of the jungle, but it is all bravado and nothing more.
 
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With liberalisation of economic bondage of girls many things have changed in our society. So also the parental
care. I have seen in many families daughters take care of their parents with equal love and care as that of sons.
In my own family I have seen with the migration of children outside India to earn money and to have comfortable living, some parents are looked after by devoted servants and drivers. Otherwise they settle down in old-age homes. With the fresh flush of money and changing life style, our society is churning to find new social set-up. This will continue.

Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
a very realistic and thoughtful post brahmanyanji . fully agree with you
 
I found the photos of ladies in sarees posted by renukaji nice and our girls look best in sarees IMHO

no function can be complete without our ladies in traditional silks.

I do not know the convenience part though

I feel surprised Rji feels dressing in sarees is a waste of time for a simple traditional event.

Rji has a split personality . alternates between two states of tradition and absolute modern thinking

only you can tell her what is to be done at what time. she conveniently flits from one state to another based on compulsions.so her posts could surprise /shock

when one least expects it. it is a challenge to match wits with her
 
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it is fine son inlaw supports girls parents . he should not forget his own parents first.

this is the perverse expectation of all dILs

I know one distant relation with son and Dil in US

when they go to india for a holiday , the son stays partly at his parents home and partly at inlaws place . DIL would stay only at her parents home and not even call on

husbands parents

these girls are mentally conditioned to be like this . this dil is not a working career girl or highly educated . this is a mindset inculcated in them
hi sir,

just i give some experiences....my wife takes more care abt her MIL than her own mother...even im not fit for my mother in front of


her....she stayed with my mother first for more than a month in chennai....her mother is in delhi...she stayed hardly 2 weeks in her

mother's home....sometimes the problem is with boys ...not with the gals....we have to convince the gals first..we should not force

them to stay in MIL's home...some times i play diplomacy to convince her...
 
I found the photos of ladies in sarees posted by renukaji nice and our girls look best in sarees IMHO

no function can be complete without our ladies in traditional silks.

I do not know the convenience part though

I feel surprised Rji feels dressing in sarees is a waste of time for a simple traditional event.

Rji has a split personality . alternates between two states of tradition and absolute modern thinking

only you can tell her what is to be done at what time. she conveniently flits from one state to another based on compulsions.so her posts could surprise /shock

when one least expects it. it is a challenge to match wits with her

Yup..you are right..sometimes I wonder which direction my mind will choose to be on daily basis.I sometimes even cant predict myself!LOL

You see to tell you the truth I only wear sarees for a mega function cos my blouses would seem unsuitable for traditional events!(I hope you get what I mean)

So for Mega functions...it is saree for me...cos I feel one looks the best in sarees!

BTW Krish Ji..tying saree and dressing up takes time..and for a small time simple house function with a crowd less than 10..who wants to waste time dressing up yaar?

When I was a kid and teen..my parents could never get me to join them for Diwali celebrations becos I found it just another day.

Even till today I have never celebrated Diwali in my house after marriage.

So you see..I only do what I feel like doing.I never do what I do not want to do or what society expects me to do...I feel as long one does not land in jail..one is on the right track.

When people ask me "why dont you do this or that or blah blah blah" ..I say as far as I know its not a civil or a criminal offence.

But deep down inside I still feel I am a "traditonal" person but dont ask me why I feel so!LOL
 
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Yup..you are right..sometimes I wonder which direction my mind will choose to be on daily basis.I sometimes even cant predict myself!LOL

You see to tell you the truth I only wear sarees for a mega function cos my blouses would seem unsuitable for traditional events!(I hope you get what I mean)

So for Mega functions...it is saree for me...cos I feel one looks the best in sarees!

BTW Krish Ji..tying saree and dressing up takes time..and for a small time simple house function with a crowd less than 10..who wants to waste time dressing up yaar?

When I was a kid and teen..my parents could never get me to join them for Diwali celebrations becos I found it just another day.

Even till today I have never celebrated Diwali in my house after marriage.

So you see..I only do what I feel like doing.I never do what I do not want to do or what society expects me to do...I feel as long one does not land in jail..one is on the right track.

When people ask me "why dont you do this or that or blah blah blah" ..I say as far as I know its not a civil or a criminal offence.

But deep down inside I still feel I am a "traditonal" person but dont ask me why I feel so!LOL
your post is most interesting

about fifty years back I came across a married brahmin lady well educated wearing madisar in teaching profession . her husband was a govt official . she would go

around in her car driving herself and work for social causes in addition to teaching in school . she had PG qualification in addition to teacher training degree .

all TB men in delhi had a hard time protecting their ladies from her as she would persuade them to become career girls .married ladies would guard their husbands and see

they do not chase her. she had a modern mind and dressed as a traditional lady .she was a vaishnavite brahmin.

See there are precedents. modern camouflaged and dressed like a traditional lady . . similarly a traditonal person can wear modern comfortable dresses and develop the

so called modern mindset if it is a professional requirement. at home be a traditional housewife and take care of husband and child ,promote spirituality .this dual nature can of course can confuse many though.lol
 
Support should be strictly based on resources needed, and resources on hand.
If a women decides that someone is not needed, it will be impossible to maintain a relationship. In all family (may be muslim world is an exception), the lady of the house makes or breaks a relations. Men may act as if they are the king of the jungle, but it is all bravado and nothing more.
Hence the saying in Tamil: veettilE eli; veLiyilE puli !! :lol:
 
Oh, Renu!

I should say this is the best joke of the day! :D

No RR ji...its true..its not a joke..let me state my reasons why I feel deep down inside I am "traditional".

Be informed..this could look like self praise..so bear with me!LOL

1)When I see others suffering I always wish their suffering would end.

2)When I see others happy I always wish their happiness would last forever.

3)If I see a dead animal on the road..I say a few word in my heart for its soul.

4)I am vegetarian as not to cause bodily harm to animals.

5)I dont wear silk/leather as not to cause bodily harm to living creatures.

6)I can forgive anyone who has hurt me..without any grudge.

7)If someone gets angry with me I "hypnotize" them with words that they cool down fast.


So you see all these qualities are "traditional" in my opinion.

For me tradition is not a garment of culture worn for the sake of society.

Being my true self is tradition for me.

Hence I am "traditional"!LOL
 
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.this dual nature can of course can confuse many though.lol

Is it my fault if others are confused?
They judge.. hence "confused" is produced,
Duality my friend is the norm of life,
In a Bipolar existence humanity thrives.
 
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