Why Honesty Keeps Friendship away?

[dhikshita]

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Generally virtuous man may have self satisfaction in his day-to-day activities but seldom get rewarded by friendship which is mainly because of his honesty and frank speaking attitude. This is also because of the lack of inherent golden quality and immaculate conduct in friends who do not possess i.e. “Frankness” & “Honesty” which I feel is because of various factors in life. He will be singled out for no fault of his for being overtly honest and frank.

I would also like other members of this forum to share their thoughts on this.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Sir,

My dad used to say not to worry if people take me for granted! It shows that they feel I am trustworthy!

Of course, it takes several years to establish this. And it is a real credit to the one whom people take for granted.

BTW, I have been exploited by some relatives and friends because of my nature but I have never felt bad about it! :thumb:

P.S: More thoughts soon............

 

[vignesh2014]

It is not that people don't want to be honest...several times our circumstances prevent since if we are more honest, we are more exploited.

 

[krish44]

Dear Sir,

My dad used to say not to worry if people take me for granted! It shows that they feel I am trustworthy!

Of course, it takes several years to establish this. And it is a real credit to the one whom people take for granted.

BTW, I have been exploited by some relatives and friends because of my nature but I have never felt bad about it! :thumb:

P.S: More thoughts soon............

pl try being a frank liar .no one will exploit you . lying is permitted in special circumstances when taken for a ride

 

[renuka]

Generally virtuous man may have self satisfaction in his day-to-day activities but seldom get rewarded by friendship which is mainly because of his honesty and frank speaking attitude. This is also because of the lack of inherent golden quality and immaculate conduct in friends who do not possess i.e. “Frankness” & “Honesty” which I feel is because of various factors in life. He will be singled out for no fault of his for being overtly honest and frank.

I would also like other members of this forum to share their thoughts on this.

Dear Dikshita ji,

Actually we can be frank without being frank..that is sometimes we need to sugar coats words as and when needed.

I believe in speaking the truth at all times but at times I remain silent or delay the truth just to diffuse some situations.

I frankly do not tolerate insincere people and usually I delete them from my friendship list withoit even them realizing it.

To my true friends I am honest and frank without hurting their feelings.... if I really need to be frank and honest I usually spice my words with humor so that the message is got across without the person feeling bad.

I have a friend who is too nice to everyone and many people take advantage of his kindness..so one day I felt that I need to tell him to realize that people take advantage of him.

So I started the conversation by asking him who his favorite character in Mahabharat is..and as I guessed he said Karna.

Then I told him 'I guessed as much..you are also like Karna..and keep giving people everything at the expense of your own self..finally Karna got screwed so you better make sure you dont get screwed too"

With a close friend we can be frank and honest..but it also depends on the gender of the friend cos females are more sensitive and might not take frankness as well.

Males on the other hand are not that sensitive..even if they feel bad they might just have a can of beer and feel better again!LOL

Just to add..as we age silence is the best policy..so unless a particular situation is life threatening..most of the while I try not to be too frank.

 

[prasad1]

Only a true friend can be honest with you. If you recognize that then only you can value the friendship. If you are looking to boost your ego you can buy friendship, but it will not be real.
In Renuka's words:

..as we age silence is the best policy..so unless a particular situation is life threatening..most of the while I try not to be too frank.

 

[krish44]

Dear Dikshita ji,

Actually we can be frank without being frank..that is sometimes we need to sugar coats words as and when needed.

I believe in speaking the truth at all times but at times I remain silent or delay the truth just to diffuse some situations.

I frankly do not tolerate insincere people and usually I delete them from my friendship list withoit even them realizing it.

To my true friends I am honest and frank without hurting their feelings.... if I really need to be frank and honest I usually spice my words with humor so that the message is got across without the person feeling bad.

I have a friend who is too nice to everyone and many people take advantage of his kindness..so one day I felt that I need to tell him to realize that people take advantage of him.

So I started the conversation by asking him who his favorite character in Mahabharat is..and as I guessed he said Karna.

Then I told him 'I guessed as much..you are also like Karna..and keep giving people everything at the expense of your own self..finally Karna got screwed so you better make sure you dont get screwed too"

With a close friend we can be frank and honest..but it also depends on the gender of the friend cos females are more sensitive and might not take frankness as well.

Males on the other hand are not that sensitive..even if they feel bad they might just have a can of beer and feel better again!LOL

Just to add..as we age silence is the best policy..so unless a particular situation is life threatening..most of the while I try not to be too frank.

you seem to believe mounam is parama oushadam[medicine].this un renuka ji like. one learns something new everyday .you might even become conventional in course of time. lol

 

[dhikshita]

Dear Dikshita ji,

Actually we can be frank without being frank..that is sometimes we need to sugar coats words as and when needed.

I believe in speaking the truth at all times but at times I remain silent or delay the truth just to diffuse some situations.

I frankly do not tolerate insincere people and usually I delete them from my friendship list withoit even them realizing it.

To my true friends I am honest and frank without hurting their feelings.... if I really need to be frank and honest I usually spice my words with humor so that the message is got across without the person feeling bad.

I have a friend who is too nice to everyone and many people take advantage of his kindness..so one day I felt that I need to tell him to realize that people take advantage of him.

So I started the conversation by asking him who his favorite character in Mahabharat is..and as I guessed he said Karna.

Then I told him 'I guessed as much..you are also like Karna..and keep giving people everything at the expense of your own self..finally Karna got screwed so you better make sure you dont get screwed too"

With a close friend we can be frank and honest..but it also depends on the gender of the friend cos females are more sensitive and might not take frankness as well.

Males on the other hand are not that sensitive..even if they feel bad they might just have a can of beer and feel better again!LOL

Just to add..as we age silence is the best policy..so unless a particular situation is life threatening..most of the while I try not to be too frank.

Dear Doctor,

this un renuka ji like as said by Mr.Krish44.

.as we age silence is the best policy..so unless a particular situation is life threatening..most of the while I try not to be too frank

 

[Raji Ram]

you seem to believe mounam is parama oushadam[medicine].this un renuka ji like. one learns something new everyday .you might even become conventional in course of time. lol

Does anyone say 'mounam' parama oushadam??

It is not 'langaNam'!! :hungry:

Sometimes 'mounam' is NOT golden because it might be thought of as 'approval'!! :lol:

 

[renuka]

you seem to believe mounam is parama oushadam[medicine].this un renuka ji like. one learns something new everyday .you might even become conventional in course of time. lol

Dear Krish ji,

Silence sometimes can be the best remedy as you have stated..really its true.

Sometimes I think in my mind "do I really need to tell him or her this?? I know that person will not listen to me or change for the good or for the bad..so to heck with them" and I choose to remain silent.

Silence saves a lot of mental energy.

 

[renuka]

Dear Doctor,

this un renuka ji like as said by Mr.Krish44.

Dear Sir,

I think you guys are used to my talkative side...that is why when I mentioned Mounam it seemed surprising.

To avoid major problems I feel Mounam is the best choice.

 

[krish44]

Dear Sir,

I think you guys are used to my talkative side...that is why when I mentioned Mounam it seemed surprising.

To avoid major problems I feel Mounam is the best choice.

when my lady boss in office used to shout and rant , we used to keep cool and thought it was

normal . if she became quiet and silent , we would investigate if something has gone wrong with

her , she would get highly composed and control her emotions that we would know everything is

not OK.

if renukaji is not chirpy and challenging , it is a sure sign something has flipped .lol

 

[renuka]

if renukaji is not chirpy and challenging , it is a sure sign something has flipped .lol

????? Hey I am human too yaar...I do have my euphoric chirpy days where I cant shut up and my quiet days where I can stay one whole day all alone without talking...when I dont have the mood to talk I disconnect my clinic phone for 1 day and tell my family that if anything urgent call my mobile cos sometimes I just cant stand talking.

Sometimes some people just call to talk stuff that I dont want to hear!LOL

So you see I am not chirpy 24/7 and I guess that is normal. I am always very silent on Mondays cos I have severe Monday morning blues! I wont talk much till some 6pm on Mondays.

 

[krish44]

noted.birds sing only when they are happy

one bird in delhi is singing today in delhi .

going on a holiday to escape delhi summer

so postings will be erratic , subject to availabilty of wifi in places of visit

 

[renuka]

noted.birds sing only when they are happy

one bird in delhi is singing today in delhi .

going on a holiday to escape delhi summer

so postings will be erratic , subject to availabilty of wifi in places of visit

Oh you mean one old Maama bird?

 

[krish44]

Oh you mean one old Maama bird?

well old mama birds can also sing.

singing limited
by 40 degrees chennai heat ..

shall escape to cooler place in three or four days

 

[C RAVI]

I get into these introspection while dealing with my friends -

1) When to be frank and when not to be, depending on the situation that can bother both my friend and myself.
2) Tactics to be applied while interacting with an individual/friend depending on his/her sensitivity to the matter.
3) Being absolutely FRANK when some one need to be corrected for his/her own good.And, when it is "must" for me to make my position clear.

Despite all these efforts, if a friend mistakes me and get away, I will be least bothered. But, would welcome him/her back if a person wishes to. We can very well find out that, the person has realized what is what and has valued our personality.

 

[Raji Ram]

Welcome Ravi! I was thinking of you when this thread started!

 

[Raji Ram]

Being frank with new friends leads to lot of misunderstandings and I have experience recently! :nod:

Most of the new friends wish to be praised them all the time. :hail:

 

[C RAVI]

Welcome Ravi! I was thinking of you when this thread started!

Thank you, Smt.Raji Ram.

 

[prasad1]

There are degrees of friendship. A true friend, where the friendship has grown to the present level with maturity and understanding can withstand honest opinions, but you have to be judicious.

 

[renuka]

Being frank with new friends leads to lot of misunderstandings and I have experience recently! :nod:

Most of the new friends wish to be praised them all the time. :hail:

The truth..the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

RR ji..I got proper scolding from my dad yesterday all becos I was frank to him...you see he was driving and the car was sort of unsteady and moving into the wrong lane and I alerted him for that(nicely and politely) and that was it..I got proper scolding for telling him the truth.


So you see its not easy being frank especially to males when it comes to their driving...but I had to do what I had to do..cos road safety comes first.

 

[prasad1]

When you are not driving, please be careful as a back or passenger side driver. No two persons drive the same way. So instead of nagging while the driver is driving, you should discuss your concerns after you reached your destination. If you are scared for life, then you should ask the driver to pull over and drive yourself and face the consequences later.

When I am not driving, I am a passenger and I enjoy the drive.

One can not be rude in the name of honesty.

satyam bruyat priyam bruyat na bruyat satyam apriyam
priyam ca nanrutam bruyat esha dharmah sanatanah

 

[V.Balasubramani]

The truth..the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

RR ji..I got proper scolding from my dad yesterday all becos I was frank to him...you see he was driving and the car was sort of unsteady and moving into the wrong lane and I alerted him for that(nicely and politely) and that was it..I got proper scolding for telling him the truth.

Doctor Mam,

A good driver is a bad passenger IMO.

 

[tbs]

hi

to be frank always not good....even a frank husband is NOT always a good husband....if we want a good wife....we should not be very

frank.....this is kind of my experience....we should not be very frank with elders/close friends....every body wants praising them...