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Why the elderly go downhill after losing a partner

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How True! Have seen men getting depressed after the passing away of their wife especially octogenarians & nonagenarians...The downhill starts soon..Here a scientific explanation is provided by the author

Elderly people require company..They need to share their experiences, anxieties, fears..If right company is given they will get over the trauma of losing the partner..But a difficult one!

[h=1]Why the elderly can go downhill, after the loss of their partner[/h]

Bereavement can have a devastating impact on the immune systems of older people and may explain why many elderly spouses die soon after the loss of their loved ones, scientists have said.



A study has found that a key component of the immune defences that protect the body against lethal infections is weakened in the period of grief when someone loses a person very close to them.


However, the researchers found that the phenomenon was only seen in people older than 65. Younger people appear to be less susceptible to the physical effects of bereavement on their immune systems, the scientists found.


The study involved analysing a type of white blood cell called the neutrophil, which plays a critical role in fending off any invasions of bacteria or other infectious agents that could lead to serious illnesses, such as pneumonia, which often claims the lives of elderly, bereaved people.


“The neutrophil is a white blood cell. It's really prolific and what it does is eat and kill rapidly dividing bacteria, like pneumonia. If your neutrophils are not working properly and you're exposed to pneumonia, then you're in trouble,” said Anna Phillips, reader in behavioural medicine at the University of Birmingham.


The study compared the functional response of the neutrophils in 30-strong groups of bereaved younger and older people, as well as non-bereaved individuals.


While neutrophil numbers were not lowered in the older people, their ability to kill bacteria with destructive molecules called reactive-oxygen species was compromised. The neutrophils of younger people experiencing grief were not affected the same way, Dr Phillips found.


“We thought this was really interesting and may be one of the key reasons why older people are more susceptible to infection after a bereavement,” she told the British Science Festival at the University of Birmingham.


“During the difficult weeks and months after loss we can suffer from reduced neutrophil function. Neutrophils are the most abundant type of white blood cell and as such are essential at combating infections and illnesses, so we become vulnerable when this happens,” she said.


The damaging impact of grief on the immune system could be traced to the disruption in the balance of two hormones, cortisol and dehydroepiandrosterone sulphate (DHEAS), which are involved in coping with stress.


In younger people the proportion of the two hormones remained balanced after the death of a loved one, while in bereaved, elderly individuals the levels of cortisol were relatively high compared to the low levels of DHEAS.


DHEAS is known to counteract the harmful effects of cortisol in times of stress and protect the immune system, and its level declines with age.


“Cortisol is known to suppress elements of the immune system during times of high stress, so having an unbalanced ratio of cortisol and DHEAS is going to affect how able we are to ward off illness and infection when grieving,” said Professor Janet Lord, also from the University of Birmingham, a co-researcher on the study.


“But it is also incredibly useful - particularly in activating some anti-stress and anti-inflammation pathways - so it's not as simple as trying to suppress the cortisol in vulnerable people,” Professor Lord said.


Evidence suggests that other elements of the immune system might also be affected by the stress of bereavement, including T-cells and “natural killer cells”, which are important for fighting viral infections and cancer, the scientists believe.
Other studies have shown that people affected by bereavement do not react so well to flu jabs.

The critical age at which losing a loved one threatened to cause serious harm to the immune system appears to be around 65.

Older study participants were aged 65 and older, and the younger participants 28 to 45. The psychological effects of bereavement are known to last a long time - as much as two years, Dr Phillips said.

Why the elderly can go downhill, after the loss of their partner - Health News - Health & Families - The Independent
 
Wow detail study.

When a wife dies the male feels stressed out because:

1)there is no one to make him his coffee

2)there is no one to cook his meals

3)there is no one to clean the house

4)there is no one to shout at

5)there is no one to find fault with

So males become depressed!LOL
 
men should learn to make coffee ,cook meals and clean the house and learn to be independant

they can learn to shout at many and find faults with all around who can put up with it

rather a tall order these for men.

easier to kick the bucket when wife passes away.
 
The op is very true.
We had here in my town two elderly couple.
The husband passed away, and with 6 months the wife too is no more.
 
The op is very true.
We had here in my town two elderly couple.
The husband passed away, and with 6 months the wife too is no more.

What can one do in case the partner pass away..Read this from the "National Institute on aging"..It covers various scenarios and gives practical suggestions to overcome the grief and trauma...Useful tips

What Can You Do?


In the beginning, you may find that taking care of details and keeping busy helps. For a while, family and friends may be around to assist you. But, there comes a time when you will have to face the change in your life.
Here are some ideas to keep in mind:

  • Take care of yourself. Grief can be hard on your health. Try to eat right, make exercise a part of your daily routine, take your medicine, and get enough sleep. Bad habits, such as drinking too much alcohol or smoking, can put your health at risk. Keep up with your usual visits to your healthcare provider.
  • Talk to caring friends. Let family and friends know when you want to talk about your husband or wife. It may help to be with people who let you say what you’re feeling.
  • Join a grief support group. Sometimes it helps to talk to people who are also grieving. Check with hospitals, religious communities, and local agencies to find out about support groups.
  • Try not to make any major changes right away. It’s a good idea to wait for a while before making big decisions like moving or changing jobs.
  • See your doctor. If you’re having trouble taking care of your everyday activities, like getting dressed or fixing meals, talk to your healthcare provider.
  • Don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Sometimes short-term talk therapy with a counselor can help.
  • Remember your children are grieving, too. You may find that your relationship with your children has changed. It will take time for the whole family to adjust to life without your spouse.
  • Mourning takes time. It’s common to have rollercoaster emotions for a while.

Mourning the Death of a Spouse | National Institute on Aging
 
I had one elderly relative who lost his wife.

He used to help in the kitchen when his wife was alive

When she died , he stopped entering the kitchen

He got disoriented. took to drinking.

His children were upset finding him drunk at all times of day

he was found roaming in various parts of the city .

he tried staying with his relatives in other parts of country . they could not put up with him

his sambandhi kept him for sometime .

he passed away within a short time as he could not be helped by anyone

men find it very difficult to cope with loss of wife .

ladies fare much better
 
I had one elderly relative who lost his wife.

He used to help in the kitchen when his wife was alive

When she died , he stopped entering the kitchen

He got disoriented. took to drinking.

His children were upset finding him drunk at all times of day

he was found roaming in various parts of the city .

he tried staying with his relatives in other parts of country . they could not put up with him

his sambandhi kept him for sometime .

he passed away within a short time as he could not be helped by anyone

men find it very difficult to cope with loss of wife .

ladies fare much better

In India we are not used to seeing Counselors or Psychologists when we face trauma..It is quite common in West

Also there should be someone who talks to the elderly..We get busy in our own chores and forget them

The elderly too should seek some alternate solace, may be Reading, Watching TV etc

There should be a conduit for a smooth sailing!
 
I think most of the mAmAs are 'paduththal' cases! Hence many ladies fare well when the nagging spouse passes away!
But, some mAmAs also may feel free when the nagging mAmi leaves this world! :peace:

So......... uphill or downhill depends on how supportive and loving the lost spouse was! :decision:
 
I think most of the mAmAs are 'paduththal' cases! Hence many ladies fare well when the nagging spouse passes away!
But, some mAmAs also may feel free when the nagging mAmi leaves this world! :peace:

So......... uphill or downhill depends on how supportive and loving the lost spouse was! :decision:


Dear RR ji,

I feel men might not mind the nagging as long they get work done at home by their wives.
 
The report is for the rich west; the widower can invest in many things - an electric coffee maker with alarm, home delivery pizza while watching sports, lady cleaner once a week, continue to shout as before at empty walls, still post faults on the internet. Not depression, the slow poison fed is taking effect.

Now for the story. The bride full of love promised her husband that she will never get angry and for every instance of her contained anger, she will make a doll and put it in a box. The husband must never open it till she gives him permission. When she is about to die, she allows him to open the box. The box had only 2 dolls; the hubby was moved to tears that in all sixty years of married life she was angry at him only twice. In the bottom compartment of the box he found 100000 dollars in cash. The dying wife said - that is the money I made selling the dolls.

Wives die early because they suppress. This was in the good old days. The roles are now reversed.

Wow detail study.

When a wife dies the male feels stressed out because:

1)there is no one to make him his coffee

2)there is no one to cook his meals

3)there is no one to clean the house

4)there is no one to shout at

5)there is no one to find fault with

So males become depressed!LOL
 
A joint family with people of all ages helped!

In India we are not used to seeing Counselors or Psychologists when we face trauma..It is quite common in West

Also there should be someone who talks to the elderly..We get busy in our own chores and forget them

The elderly too should seek some alternate solace, may be Reading, Watching TV etc

There should be a conduit for a smooth sailing!
 
Wives die early because they suppress. This was in the good old days. The roles are now reversed.


The roles havent changed much..wives still suppress but now there is internet to start complaining about it without husband knowing!LOL
 
the downslide for the elderly starts even when the spouse is alive

I have a relative who felt when he was nearing 80yrs that materialism is meaningless. He started distributing free all his belongings including all consumer durablesTVs , cots ,beds e

he and his wife slept on -replacing with mats,clothes except a few minimal things. He became stone deaf. His wife was much younger and could not put up with him. she

became insecure living with him.He would vanish on pilgrimages without telling his whereabouts and going of with minimal things.

then wife took control . she sealed all his bank accounts and property papers. Decided to accompany him forcibly on his pilgrimages and not let him out of sight.

when men suddenly change and become senile it can be very difficult for ladies . they have to manage them. these ladies are commendable . they have the inherent sense

to stay rooted and sensibly draw on their strength to manage such spouses.
 
the downslide for the elderly starts even when the spouse is alive

I have a relative who felt when he was nearing 80yrs that materialism is meaningless. He started distributing free all his belongings including all consumer durablesTVs , cots ,beds e

he and his wife slept on -replacing with mats,clothes except a few minimal things. He became stone deaf. His wife was much younger and could not put up with him. she

became insecure living with him.He would vanish on pilgrimages without telling his whereabouts and going of with minimal things.

then wife took control . she sealed all his bank accounts and property papers. Decided to accompany him forcibly on his pilgrimages and not let him out of sight.

when men suddenly change and become senile it can be very difficult for ladies . they have to manage them. these ladies are commendable . they have the inherent sense

to stay rooted and sensibly draw on their strength to manage such spouses.

These types should be given the lethal injection!

Tie them up and tell them that even the body is material and I am helping you get rid of it!LOL
 
whether nagging or paduthuthal or shouting or sickly or overdemanding or .....
the best company for the elderly is the spouse because we have lived for so long with him or her and with all the qualifications and disqualifications. When one of us passes away, the other cannot live alone in the same house and he or she has to shift to the son's or daughter's house. There you will be at the mercy of the daughter in law or the son in law. Life becomes tougher after that. The nagging husband was better she feels. The shouting wife was better he feels. Death comes naturally when the heart becomes heavier.
 
In old age , many men have a lot of time on their hands

yet They hardly help their women folk home

according to a recent study indian males spend average 19 minutes a day helping in household work as compared to couple of hours and more in western countries and the US

nothing prevents them from helping their mates '

indian women pamper their senior citizen husbands and often take over many works which men normally do like fixing fuse or changing light biulbs

so they find it very difficult having to function without wives.

since white men are trained to help with house work from young age due to lack of servants , they take up the house work willingly and keep themselves occupied better

I visited an indian home where The husband would lay the dining table and clear it besides washing the dishes . Since we were around , the wife did these jobs herself

when we were there so that we do not think lowly of her husband .so much about pride of the indian male and the need for his wife to project that he is not doing these jobs home
 
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I have a few friends who live happily after their husband's time in a senior resort!( Krish Sir will say 'Hmmmmmm, here is RR ji!' :lol: )

Their hubbies have left them enough wealth to take care of themselves. They sing bhajans, learn new songs, go to temple and

spend their time in good ways, forming a group! :thumb:

P.S: It is not necessary that the senior citizens have to bother their son / daughter to take care of them, always! :)
 
RRji
Nice to feel remembered even if it is for wrong reasons.

but what I do not understand why they should be singing bhajans or go to temples in case husband is no more

you are presenting a very poor picture of ladies after demise of their husbands

some can genuinely like to do better things than these things to occupy themselves

i know ladies living by themselves in their flats even upto late eighties.

they have a large circle of friends and relatives ,

they live it up without the nuisance value of old husbands.

recommend a film ' finding fanny' in hindi and english starring naseeruddin shah playing an old man trying to relocate his girl friend he was in love with years back when he was youngand

dimple kapadia an old widow who goes with him all over goa in an old car to join the hunt for the long lost girl friend of shah.

they end up getting married to each other. a nice satire worth watching
 
Even today quite a few Indian families are well-knit group because each member has been reared up on dependence. Nowadays things are changing and there is less dependence (which of course has become a problem too). The couples do not wait for death to separate them. Old people should better learn to be independent. Do not wait for "ganga jal". Like modern lot, carry a kamandal (water bottle) with you to quench that last thirst.
 
........... some can genuinely like to do better things than these things to occupy themselves ..........
You are taking about 'liberated' women and I talk about those who seek 'pORa vazikkup puNNiyam!' :)

You will never think this way is good because you believe in having the three W-s in life! :lol:

P.S: Most of my friends are very good singers. Or may be, I make friends with those who sing well!! :decision:
 
You are taking about 'liberated' women and I talk about those who seek 'pORa vazikkup puNNiyam!' :)

You will never think this way is good because you believe in having the three W-s in life! :lol:

P.S: Most of my friends are very good singers. Or may be, I make friends with those who sing well!! :decision:
perhaps you could consider including those also who appreciate music and are not singers themselves.

it is nice to bond with a wider circle with a variety of interests.

when RRji gently pulls my ears early in the morning about my comments on love for 3Ws, I feel everything is alright with the world around me.

Who knows , I might reform and start doing puja and haunt temples for salvation

there is a saying in hindi' sau choohe khakar billi haj ko chali' meaning ' cat went on a haj pilgrimage after consuming hundred rats'.lol
 
தந்தையுடன் கல்வி போம், தாயுடன் அறுசுவை உண்டி போம், இல்லாளுடன் எல்லாம் போம்! Provided the couple lived a mutually fulfilling life.
 
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