ஆண் முதுமையில் இழக்க கூடாத சொத்து மனைவி &#2990

[krish44]

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A spouse does not have to be dead for one to feel freedom.

If two people really cant stand each other its better to opt for a divorce and wish each other well instead of being envious of someone who has freedom due to a dead spouse!LOL

in conventional families divorce and such things are unheard off for oldies. moreover it is a matter of economics . the men have the pension which the housewives do not have.so they pay a price and are bound to their men whether they like it or not.As RRji says some ladies heave a sigh of relief when the infirm husband kicks the bucket

 

[krish44]

Dear PJ sir,

Some of my uncles are widowers and they are fine...they are practical and understand that life and death is not in our hands.

They too have loved their wives but they did not break down and are managing well in all aspects of live.

After the initial phase of grief reaction most people get on with life very well.


In fact I know an elderly person who lost his wife and son and still continues life happily..he left everything to God and goes around doing lots of Seva as before.

I feel its men who had not treated their wives well when their wives were alive are the ones who cant cope cos only in their wives absence they feel how much they took her for granted and they start to feel guilty and that guilt breaks them down but for the man who had treated his wife well and loved her..he lives in her fond memories and does not break down cos he has no guilt...and he can even move on and marry again.

Accusing old widowers of guilt feelings also when they are unable to cope with loneliness after loss of spouse is unfair. have some emotions for the lonely old widower . they get shunned by all and many are condemned to retirement homes to await the end

 

[Raji Ram]

Mam,

You cannot generalise all tambaram Mamas.

Please read my post carefully, Balu Sir! I am NOT generalizing.

 

[Raji Ram]

hey RRji
what have I done? to deserve this smart label. .......

You have to observe my posts, dear Sir! :spy:

No bold font means :gossip: ...... :lol:

 

[Raji Ram]

....... I agree with you that once his kids are married ,and settled ,he could play his second innings with some old hag without baggage who might put up with him

I don't agree! If one has celebrated the silver jubilee wedding day, then no way to :bolt:
AND no need to look for another spouse! Having a set of good friends should suffice! :tea:
P.S: OMG! If all the single oldies start searching for old spouses 'mudhiyOr matrimony' sites will start minting money!! opcorn:

 

[krish44]

thank you for being nice. and discreet.I do not know the nuances of fonts and caps and blue colour.BTW why do you post in blue?. is it your favourite colour. some letter are also capital . is your keyboard uncooperative? gives capital instead of small letters.

 

[krish44]

I don't agree! If one has celebrated the silver jubilee wedding day, then no way to :bolt:
AND no need to look for another spouse! Having a set of good friends should suffic
P.S: OMG! If all the single oldies start searching for old spouses 'mudhiyOr matrimony' sites will start minting money!! opcorn:

Madam ji
It might be easier to find an old spouse than finding good friends in old age. it is a one time effort.money has got nothing to do with it. .who would like to be friends with oldies. ?

 

[Raji Ram]

Accusing old widowers of guilt feelings also when they are unable to cope with loneliness after loss of spouse is unfair. have some emotions for the lonely old widower . they get shunned by all and many are condemned to retirement homes to await the end

Dear Sir,

You never miss a chance to attack retirement resorts!

Old widowers are not shun by all, if they have been kind to people around them in their younger days. Daughters always have

a soft corner for their parents and settling them in a r.r will be a good change for them, having some like minded people around
because, now a days, no youngster has the patience to talk to elders or listen to their unsolicited advice! :kev:

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Dear PJ sir,


[TABLE="width: 744, align: center"]
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[TD]When a tree sways with the wind, its branches bend and toss up and down. But the tiny bird sitting on it is not afraid? Why? Because the bird relies on its wings. Even if the branch falls down, as long as its wings are fine, it is safe. With this realization, the bird sits bravely on the swaying branch. However, human beings do not have so much faith as a tiny bird. Even with the slightest problems on the tree of life, people get very worried, why? It is because they have lost their self-confidence. Even at the slightest suffering, people are frustrated, depressed and unable to bear. Instead of depending on your intelligence, physical strength or wealth, trust your self-confidence. Do good deeds; let every step and all your efforts be directed to win His Grace and proximity. Then, you will surely triumph!

[SIZE=-1]- Divine Discourse, 'My Dear Students', Vol 3, Ch 3, Jun 30, 1996.[/SIZE]​

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Mam,

It also depends on how one take things in life, I mean the mind set which differs to each individual. Some birds can cope up with the fall of a tree, but no bird can cope up with broken wings. For some wife is like wings.

As RR Mam says ''சக்தி இல்லையேல் சிவம் இல்லை"


One can write a book on leading a very happy life without a life partner citing few cases and can give a thought provoking lecture on a subject of leading cheerful life without a wife, etc etc but practically a partner is a partner in real sense, a better half.

 

[Raji Ram]

thank you for being nice. and discreet.I do not know the nuances of fonts and caps and blue colour.BTW why do you post in blue?. is it your favourite colour. some letter are also capital . is your keyboard uncooperative? gives capital instead of small letters.

I have been using bold blue fonts ever since I entered our forum!

I check all my posts with 'Go Advanced' option. So, some 'cap's are used deliberately!

 

[Raji Ram]

Madam ji
It might be easier to find an old spouse than finding good friends in old age. it is a one time effort.money has got nothing to do with it. .who would like to be friends with oldies. ?

Sir Ji,

No paatti would like to marry a thAththA! :lol:

Oldies who can't find any friend will get similar oldies as a friends! :thumb:

 

[renuka]

renukaji
you are a menace with your unconventional views.all TB ladies will chase you away from this forum.All TB men are patnivrata and do not let go of their wives. suggesting divorce or even talking about happiness after the same - though may be a fact in most cases- is considered unacceptable. it is kallanum manaivi,pullanum manaivi .
normal boys are not getting girls to date that easily . pl do not tell divorced man also to join the race. He has already got one chance. He should leave the field and give a chance to youngsters in the family
I agree with you that once his kids are married ,and settled ,he could play his second innings with some old hag without baggage who might put up with him

Hello Krish ji,


No TB lady or TB male will chase me away from forum!LOL

BTW there are 3 types of Patnivrata:

1)The True type of Patnivrata that lived in Treta Yuga but even then he did not really care for her all that much and send her away to the forest!

2)The ones who had tough time getting a spouse and will hold on to her till death do us part cos he knows he can never get another.

3)The one who want to test the waters but does not have the guts cos of fear of getting caught.

4)The one who can only imagine cos the physical body has failed him!LOL


BTW everyone has the right to join the race and finish first!

 

[Raji Ram]

I have heard one mAmA lament, 'OMG! I got a knife instead of a wife! :blah:

 

[renuka]

Accusing old widowers of guilt feelings also when they are unable to cope with loneliness after loss of spouse is unfair. have some emotions for the lonely old widower . they get shunned by all and many are condemned to retirement homes to await the end

Dear Krish ji,

This is not an accusation but a fact!LOL

 

[renuka]

Sir Ji,

No paatti would like to marry a thAththA! :lol:

Oldies who can't find any friend will get similar oldies as a friends! :thumb:

Dear RR ji,

I actually wanted to find a Paatti for my widower Father In law but sadly no one liked the idea especially my husband..only my son supported me.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

I have heard one mAmA lament, 'OMG! I got a knife instead of a wife! :blah:

Deserving ones get knife instead of wife.... it is Karma.... pay the penalty....now

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear RR ji,

I actually wanted to find a Paatti for my widower Father In law but sadly no one liked the idea especially my husband..only my son supported me.

There is a saying in Tamil - thAyaip pOla piLLai ! How very true!!

 

[Raji Ram]

Deserving ones get knife instead of wife.... it is Karma.... pay the penalty....now

Oh! This karma theory follows me wherever I go! :car:

 

[renuka]

Mam,

It also depends on how one take things in life, I mean the mind set which differs to each individual. Some birds can cope up with the fall of a tree, but no bird can cope up with a broken wings. For some wife is like wings.

As RR Mam says ''சக்தி இல்லையேல் சிவம் இல்லை"


One can write a book on leading a very happy life without a life partner citing few cases and can give a thought provoking lecture on a subject of leading cheerful life without a wife, etc etc but practically a partner is a partner in real sense, a better half.

Dear Sir,

Both wings belong to one bird..the birds are not sharing their wings.
After any injury to the wing..the fracture heals and the bird resumes its flight schedule.

I dont really consider any partner a better half or a lesser half...if we become too dependent on anyone that is where all the problem starts..so always plan life to face adversities.

Sometimes when we prepare for worst case scenarios we become practical and less sentimental..so no matter whether our wings are broken or burnt we can still be of some use....after all Jatayu with his wings cut off still managed to get the honour of having a cremation done by Lord Rama.

So that is why total faith in ourselves is very important..one can be a householder but no harm thinking like a Nirashraaya(one who does not depend on others)..but be smart as not to show others how we think cos people might mistake us of being icy cold.

 

[renuka]

I have heard one mAmA lament, 'OMG! I got a knife instead of a wife! :blah:

If mAmA is into S&M then the knife can become handy!LOL

 

[krish44]

Dear Sir,

You never miss a chance to attack retirement resorts!

Old widowers are not shun by all, if they have been kind to people around them in their younger days. Daughters always have

a soft corner for their parents and settling them in a r.r will be a good change for them, having some like minded people around
because, now a days, no youngster has the patience to talk to elders or listen to their unsolicited advice! :kev:

since many felt that I am unfairly targetting retirement homes , I am taking up the offer of one of the honourable members of this forum and stay in one of the resorts suggested for two days in may . Just I am curious to feel such an environment.I shall share my experiences in that regard.I visit so many cities /countries . why not retirement homes.
Daughters do have soft corner for their parents. . but settling parents in retirement home ,I have my own reservations.Like minded people does not mean that they have to be toothless old men/women.have a heart.
if senior citizen under stand youngsters and talk on subjects which interest them ,they might melt and communicate with you. also building inter dependance with many in all age groups would be a good idea. It is not that difficult. for that to happen one has to give a lot first to receive little in return later.more one gives to many people, the more chances of getting good returns. Over a period we will have a lot of hanger on who will wait for you to unburden themselves and look for empathy and support.I have heard so many sob stories . I do not find the need to see tamil TV serials like chennai housewives.

 

[dhikshita]

P.J.Sir,

I posted this poem of Avvaiyar in your other thread ‘பாசம், நேசம், அன்பு, அரவணைப்பு .......

In this poem while the first line speaks about the delicious food offered by the mother, the last line explains about the importance of wife.

தாயோடறுசுவைபோம்,தந்தையோடுகல்விபோம்
சேயோடுயாம்பெற்றசெல்வம்போம்- மாயவாழ்வு
உற்றாருடன்போம்,உடன்பிறப்பால்தோள்வலிபோம்
பொற்றாலியோடுஎவையும்போம்,
-ஔவைமூதாட்டி.
This same poem comes handy here too. When wife is alive, life goes on smoothly and hence most don’t find her significance in taking care of the family especially during times of crisis. When one’s wife is alive nobody dare to spare a thought of living without a wife and when this unfortunate happens, men find themselves like fish out of water, struggle to manage things. I have seen few friends of mine who recently lost their wives struggle hard to lead a normal life. There can be no substitute for a wife as she is known to take different avatars depending upon the situation.

They are known to perform ‘Shatkarma’ i.e. (1) Kaaryeshu dhasi, (2) Karaneshu Manthri, (3) Rupeshu Lakshmi, (4) Shamaya Tharithri (5) Snehe sa Maatha and (6) Sayaneshu Veshya. They are prone to run extra mile on their duties. Maintaining the home as a sweet home, immense love and affection towards family members, bringing up children, planning and execution, etc etc

In short, a ‘temporary separation’ will certainly prove the importance of a wife for a husband/family and when such a member is lost everything is lost. Life will become miserable and will be a boat without a oar/row.

There is yet another thread discussing on growing old. When age grows, energy slowly diminishes and we start using aids like specs, walking sticks, hearing aid, etc. But these things help us only to some extent to attend routine. But what about the timely expert advice………. of a minister ……..???

Morale: Preserve and protect wife who is highly precious!

VB,

I agree with you and like the morale or otherwise the general advice. Keep it up.
Preserve and protect wife who is highly precious!

 

[krish44]

Hello Krish ji,


No TB lady or TB male will chase me away from forum!LOL

BTW there are 3 types of Patnivrata:

1)The True type of Patnivrata that lived in Treta Yuga but even then he did not really care for her all that much and send her away to the forest!

2)The ones who had tough time getting a spouse and will hold on to her till death do us part cos he knows he can never get another.

3)The one who want to test the waters but does not have the guts cos of fear of getting caught.

4)The one who can only imagine cos the physical body has failed him!LOL


BTW everyone has the right to join the race and finish first!

you have put down 4 types after saying 3
Do you have no faith in goodness of menfolk ?. do you always have to analyse and find out in which tight slot to put the man
why not take people at face value and enjoy each persons company without being judgemental. you do not know .people have a way of surprising you with actions which you least expect as per assessment of their character

 

[dhikshita]

Dear PJ sir,

Some of my uncles are widowers and they are fine...they are practical and understand that life and death is not in our hands.

They too have loved their wives but they did not break down and are managing well in all aspects of live.

After the initial phase of grief reaction most people get on with life very well.


In fact I know an elderly person who lost his wife and son and still continues life happily..he left everything to God and goes around doing lots of Seva as before.

Madam,

I fully agree with your following comments: Well said!

I feel its men who had not treated their wives well when their wives were alive are the ones who cant cope cos only in their wives absence they feel how much they took her for granted and they start to feel guilty and that guilt breaks them down but for the man who had treated his wife well and loved her..he lives in her fond memories and does not break down cos he has no guilt...and he can even move on and marry again.

Madam,
I feel its men who had not treated their wives well when their wives were alive are the ones who cant cope cos only in their wives absence they feel how much they took her for granted and they start to feel guilty and that guilt breaks them down but for the man who had treated his wife well and loved her..he lives in her fond memories and does not break down cos he has no guilt...and he can even move on and marry again.

 

[krish44]

Sir Ji,

No paatti would like to marry a thAththA! :lol:

Oldies who can't find any friend will get similar oldies as a friends! :thumb:

In gujarat they have a concept called 'maithri Karar'. ie friendship contract. men who feel alone, make a legal contract for friendship and living with ladies.It does not have the binding of marriage and lasts till the end of contract period which can be renewed.many businessmen enter into this type of contract .
what makes you think paatis will not accept thathas . he should be a good thatha to qualify