ஆண் முதுமையில் இழக்க கூடாத சொத்து மனைவி &#2990

[renuka]

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you have put down 4 types after saying 3
Do you have no faith in goodness of menfolk ?. do you always have to analyse and find out in which tight slot to put the man
why not take people at face value and enjoy each persons company without being judgemental. you do not know .people have a way of surprising you with actions which you least expect as per assessment of their character

Krish ji,

I am not judging anyone..I am just categorizing them!LOL

Judging people and categorizing people is entirely different.

When we categorize people we individualize their specific needs..so in other words I pay each person different attention..so you see that way I am more caring and understanding.

BTW who said I dont have any faith in menfolk? Some of my best patients are gay men..I like gay man...they are nice to talk too!LOL

 

[krish44]

Dear RR ji,

I actually wanted to find a Paatti for my widower Father In law but sadly no one liked the idea especially my husband..only my son supported me.

if you had found the right paati ,the opposition would have melted . It is like any other normal alliance . only the people are a little older

 

[renuka]

Madam,
I feel its men who had not treated their wives well when their wives were alive are the ones who cant cope cos only in their wives absence they feel how much they took her for granted and they start to feel guilty and that guilt breaks them down but for the man who had treated his wife well and loved her..he lives in her fond memories and does not break down cos he has no guilt...and he can even move on and marry again.

Dear Dhikshita ji,

You quoted what I wrote but you did not say anything else in your reply..can you kindly tell me what you wanted to say?

 

[krish44]

Krish ji,

I am not judging anyone..I am just categorizing them!LOL

Judging people and categorizing people is entirely different.

When we categorize people we individualize their specific needs..so in other words I pay each person different attention..so you see that way I am more caring and understanding.

BTW who said I dont have any faith in menfolk? Some of my best patients are gay men..I like gay man...they are nice to talk too!LOL

once you categorise ,you end up looking at them as part of a category and your actions are guided by that . technically you are correct . categorisation is differentfrom judgemental . one has to be judgemental however to put them in any category . once slotted ,these persons may not live up to the classification
well gays are also people. I have not met any . transgenders are more visible in cities.some of them at traffic lights can be a big menace .

 

[renuka]

if you had found the right paati ,the opposition would have melted . It is like any other normal alliance . only the people are a little older

actually there was one Paatti whom I wanted to recommend..she is an elderly lady a friend of my mum and my mum yelled at me even for even thinking about this.She said her friend is a decent person who wont think of such things!LOL(my mum is like RR ji..very prim and proper)

actually I like to pair up people..once when I was in the government hospital one unmarried psychiatric patient who was on treatment told me he was looking for a companion cos he was getting old and lonely..so I paired him up with another unmarried female psychiatric patient and they hit off well.

Both improved in their mental status cos they felt loved.

So you see elderly widows and widowers need not think of marriage but they can be friends just to share their thoughts and views and may be spend time just being good friends..but what to do we Indians somehow dont think in this manner at all.

 

[Raji Ram]

if you had found the right paati ,the opposition would have melted . It is like any other normal alliance . only the people are a little older

OMG! No one is perfect in this world and a marriage is successful ONLY because of many compromises made

throughout the wedded life! So, many will never opt for a second innings. :nono:

Once bitten twice shy?!! :lol:

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

You think about widowers and widows as just one person! It is not so. They have their own children, siblings and in-laws and friends

as their group of near and dear ones. I don't think it is necessary to get married to be close to a person. What will happen if every one

of the widowers or widows goes in search of a new partner even for the sake of friendship alone? The whole society will rot! out:

 

[renuka]

once you categorise ,you end up looking at them as part of a category and your actions are guided by that . technically you are correct . categorisation is differentfrom judgemental . one has to be judgemental however to put them in any category . once slotted ,these persons may not live up to the classification
well gays are also people. I have not met any . transgenders are more visible in cities.some of them at traffic lights can be a big menace .

Its not being judgmental in anyway becos I review the classifications from time to time ..its not fixed and transmigration from category to category sometimes occur.

Its easier to deal with people that way..so you know how to deal with them and also cater to what they need..it works both ways.

 

[krish44]

actually there was one Paatti whom I wanted to recommend..she is an elderly lady a friend of my mum and my mum yelled at me even for even thinking about this.She said her friend is a decent person who wont think of such things!LOL(my mum is like RR ji..very prim and proper)

actually I like to pair up people..once when I was in the government hospital one unmarried psychiatric patient who was on treatment told me he was looking for a companion cos he was getting old and lonely..so I paired him up with another unmarried female psychiatric patient and they hit off well.

Both improved in their mental status cos they felt loved.

So you see elderly widows and widowers need not think of marriage but they can be friends just to share their thoughts and views and may be spend time just being good friends..but what to do we Indians somehow dont think in this manner at all.

R ji
This is one interest I also have. I have tried and developed matchmaking skills . even learnt how to cast and match horoscope . also can tell how to fudge horoscope to get good horos. all for a good cause. I have got many married . In fact I am the event manager for all extended family weddings.only one or two ended up in divorce courts. lol

 

[Raji Ram]

Each ones autobiography will have many entries. Husband / wife number 1, 2, 3, 4......... and so on. :bump2: . . . :shocked:

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

You think about widowers and widows as just one person! It is not so. They have their own children, siblings and in-laws and friends

as their group of near and dear ones. I don't think it is necessary to get married to be close to a person. What will happen if every one

of the widowers or widows goes in search of a new partner even if only for the sake of friendship? The whole society will rot! out:

Dear RR ji,

Elderly people especially the widowed ones are just like furniture at home..children etc are busy with their lifes and can not fill the place of a loving partner.

At an old age sex might not be possible but hugging/kissing is still possible and I dont see any reason why an elderly person should not confess his/her love if they meet the right person to feel close again.They can at least walk in the park (if they can still walk) holding hands and sharing their thoughts..what is wrong??

We cant be selfish and put restrictions on people's feelings.

 

[krish44]

Its not being judgmental in anyway becos I review the classifications from time to time ..its not fixed and transmigration from category to category sometimes occur.

Its easier to deal with people that way..so you know how to deal with them and also cater to what they need..it works both ways.

God ,you have an answer to this also . with migration clause.-you can move people depending on need - whose need yours or the person categorised.lol

 

[renuka]

God ,you have an answer to this also . with migration clause.-you can move people depending on need - whose need yours or the person categorised.lol

Dear Krish ji,

I seldom think of my needs cos I somehow adapt well to anything and will find my way our of anything too... but if I cant stand someone I just ask them to get lost from my friendship list but obviously I sugar coats my words while asking them to get lost.

So that's all..what is so hard?

 

[Raji Ram]

This situation song is because of Renu!

Poongatru Thirumbuma | Muthal Mariyathai

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

Whatever you say, I can not agree to your views about oldies remarriage. Some old mamas get married but to a much younger

woman and not to one equal in age! But as far as I know, many men and women will NOT opt for a second innings at old age!

 

[dhikshita]

Dear Dhikshita ji,

You quoted what I wrote but you did not say anything else in your reply..can you kindly tell me what you wanted to say?

Dear Madam,

In response to your comments I wrote that 'I fully agree with your comments' but to my surprise it didn't appear in the thread. Of course, your query made me to write about the following whether you accept it or not?

Though one can feel guilty for not having served to the satisfaction of his spouse because of various factors but not because of love and affection. One can definitely feel very happy to serve his best to his wife when she was ailing. This could be with some dissatisfaction over retrospection with a question that 'had the individual took early note the ailment he couldn't have lost his better part, thus landing him to face the fact and consequences that exists around the world to-day. He reminisences the sacrfiices made by her towards the progress and prosperity of self family, their he stood as an guilty and selfish motive personal with an idea of extraction from haven't. He would only be self-satisfied at least to have an opportunity to render service back to her in times of her need as self-consolation. Though she did plenty but I have given up to do this much in return. But nothing would equal to her service.

The stress and strain that follows after the demise of the beloved one (wife) is beyond words since the bond between them were, give and take, love and affection, sacrifice as they were inseparable. Seldom happens in the world as very few couples are made for each other. Blessed by the Grace of Almighty. The other things would be to lead a life that come before the individual by the grace of God, face it boldly, courageously, politely, silently by serving happily to others. The rest in my next.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

Whatever you say, I can not agree to your views about oldies remarriage. Some old mamas get married but to a much younger

woman and not to one equal in age! But as far as I know, many men and women will NOT opt for a second innings at old age!

Dear RR ji,

I was talking about relationships not marriage..oldies dont have to get married they can just have a partner to share feelings with..if they want to get married that will be fine too..just simple registered marriage would do.

You see no one has done a survey to find out what old people desire at old age cos they would be shy to admit what they want.

 

[renuka]

I used to be under the impression that females are the complicated,sentimental ones but from most posts here it seem like mens are always in need for someone to care for them...whether its mother or wife..I think men have more attachment than women..Now I understand why Sanyas is recommended for men and not for women cos men are the ones who cant give up relationships as easily as women...so they have to be isolated in the jungle to give up worldly attachments.

I wonder how many of you guys have ever thought.."this is my spouse for this life but who was my spouse in the previous life and who will be my spouse in my future life..so who is actually our spouse?'

If we think that way we feel less attached to anyone cos we know the " husband and wife"scenarior has changed partnership from lives before and lives to come.

 

[krish44]

Dear Renu,

Whatever you say, I can not agree to your views about oldies remarriage. Some old mamas get married but to a much younger

woman and not to one equal in age! But as far as I know, many men and women will NOT opt for a second innings at old age!

RRji
these are only for discussion to fill our drab lives with hypothetical scenarios.we can be bold for the sake of discussions but it will be an absolutely no if we are faced with this scenario of second marriage.
oldies of course will not marry again at old age other oldies. you are right .I had one one relative of mine a widower who remarried at 59 yrs a lady much younger about 35 plus who was unmarried and who could not get a match. he had only daughters and grand children . since no one was prepared to support him , he married again and lived for twenty plus years and got a girl thru second wife at 60 plus and married her off when he was 80 yrs. He made a lot of money after retirement thru private practice which he left for his second wife and daughter.
this was more than 30 years back but these days such things are not acceptable .
oldies should feel satisfied if they have led a good life with one mate and spend their balance life
occupying themselves with other activities.
do you now feel satisfied with my post?

 

[vaithehi]

They make all hue and cry because they consider wife as their possession rather than a better half who cares more for husband than her self..not all ladies are fortunate enough to live a meaningful life after the death of husband especially old ladies who have no one to care for or widows who don't have proper education or financial security or self employed ..THIS IS THE BITTERST TRUTH NO MALE WILL AGREE :faint:

 

[krish44]

I used to be under the impression that females are the complicated,sentimental ones but from most posts here it seem like mens are always in need for someone to care for them...whether its mother or wife..I think men have more attachment than women..Now I understand why Sanyas is recommended for men and not for women cos men are the ones who cant give up relationships as easily as women...so they have to be isolated in the jungle to give up worldly attachments.

I wonder how many of you guys have ever thought.."this is my spouse for this life but who was my spouse in the previous life and who will be my spouse in my future life..so who is actually our spouse?'

If we think that way we feel less attached to anyone cos we know the " husband and wife"scenarior has changed partnership from lives before and lives to come.

men and women are equally sentimental .it is not a gender issue.
who would not like someone to take care of them. it is a human need
it is unwise to talk of sanyas or giving up worldly attachments as it is to think of spouse of earlier or future life to enable detachment . the latter is a bizarre thought which only you can have.

 

[vaithehi]

This they feel only in their very old life and not before

 

[krish44]

They make all hue and cry because they consider wife as their possession rather than a better half who cares more for husband than her self..not all ladies are fortunate enough to live a meaningful life after the death of husband especially old ladies who have no one to care for or widows who don't have proper education or financial security or self employed ..THIS IS THE BITTERST TRUTH NO MALE WILL AGREE :faint:

vaithehi ji
it is not like that
some ladies face an uncertain future if they are not provided for by their husbands. in brindavan ,mathura , widowed ladies are left helpless by their relatives after death of their husbands they manage by begging or doing menial jobs. their condition is pathetic. now widows pension is given by govt as social security . in delhi it is 1500 rs per month. lot of ladies get it .money gets transferred to their bank accounts.they become domestic helps also together it is ample money to live fairly ok.

 

[Raji Ram]

............
I wonder how many of you guys have ever thought.."this is my spouse for this life but who was my spouse in the previous life and who will be my spouse in my future life..so who is actually our spouse?'

If we think that way we feel less attached to anyone cos we know the " husband and wife"scenario has changed partnership from lives before and lives to come.

Dear Renu,

Do you understand why we are oblivious of the previous and forthcoming births?

The spouse in this life might have been the mother-in-law in previous birth! :lol:
Let the couples be sincere to each other in THIS life, without searching the unwanted details! eace:

 

[Raji Ram]

...... oldies should feel satisfied if they have led a good life with one mate and spend their balance life
occupying themselves with other activities.
do you now feel satisfied with my post?

:yo: YES Sir!

Still the example you have given might happen even now, because men folk think that they are young till they hit 70!!

BTW, last year one guy from our village celebrated his 'maNi vizhA' within three years of his marriage with a lady about

10 years younger to him. No kids possible hence. :sad: