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Basic questions from a non TB attending son's marriage to a TB

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I'm full of questions: I am caucasian & so is my son. He is going to wed a TB young lady in a month. Please define types of discrimination they will likely encounter. Also, how do fellow TBs react toward one another in this situation? I want to understand what they have to contend with. From my perspective, I am without prejudice & hope the majority of people concur with my sentiment.
At the Indian wedding, as the Groom's Mother, what is expected of me with respect to gifts? Am I supposed to invite her family to dinner? How do I greet the her family; is it a handshake; an air kiss on either side of the face; do I tip my head down in deference? What is basic protocol/etiquette that I should be aware of? When girls are young do they learn how to gracefully sit on the floor? Is it common practice for adults to sit on the floor? I can't imagine gracefully rising up from that position. I know shoes are removed upon entering the temple; what about entering homes? I have a myriad of other questions, but hope that some of you can enlighten me with key pointers. Thank you in advance
 
[email protected] said:
I'm full of questions: I am caucasian & so is my son.
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Dear sir, this solves half your problem, if there is any.

Tamil Brahmins come in all variety from extremely conservative to extremely liberal. If you are dealing with an average middle-class TB family, then I would suggest you just follow your customs. The only thing I would avoid from what you have mentioned is hugs and kisses across gender -- even this will be alright if this is a TB family living in the U.S.

Take it easy, have fun lots of laughs, and best to the young couple.....

Cheers!
Every opinion based on scientific criticism I welcome. As to prejudices .. to which I have never made concessions ... “Segui il tuo corso, e lascia dir le genti.” -- Karl Marx
 
[email protected] said:
I'm full of questions: I am caucasian & so is my son. He is going to wed a TB young lady in a month. Please define types of discrimination they will likely encounter. Also, how do fellow TBs react toward one another in this situation? I want to understand what they have to contend with. From my perspective, I am without prejudice & hope the majority of people concur with my sentiment.
At the Indian wedding, as the Groom's Mother, what is expected of me with respect to gifts? Am I supposed to invite her family to dinner? How do I greet the her family; is it a handshake; an air kiss on either side of the face; do I tip my head down in deference? What is basic protocol/etiquette that I should be aware of? When girls are young do they learn how to gracefully sit on the floor? Is it common practice for adults to sit on the floor? I can't imagine gracefully rising up from that position. I know shoes are removed upon entering the temple; what about entering homes? I have a myriad of other questions, but hope that some of you can enlighten me with key pointers. Thank you in advance
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madam, im just curious here, may be with a bit of apprehensions.

looks like you are new to this forum, but wonder how you quickly grabbed this acronym TB?
 
[email protected] said:
I'm full of questions: I am caucasian & so is my son. He is going to wed a TB young lady in a month. Please define types of discrimination they will likely encounter. Also, how do fellow TBs react toward one another in this situation? I want to understand what they have to contend with. From my perspective, I am without prejudice & hope the majority of people concur with my sentiment.
At the Indian wedding, as the Groom's Mother, what is expected of me with respect to gifts? Am I supposed to invite her family to dinner? How do I greet the her family; is it a handshake; an air kiss on either side of the face; do I tip my head down in deference? What is basic protocol/etiquette that I should be aware of? When girls are young do they learn how to gracefully sit on the floor? Is it common practice for adults to sit on the floor? I can't imagine gracefully rising up from that position. I know shoes are removed upon entering the temple; what about entering homes? I have a myriad of other questions, but hope that some of you can enlighten me with key pointers. Thank you in advance
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There was no indication if the weding would take place in India or not.
I presume you are in USA. Even if not, there must be some Indian families living near whereever youare. Talk to them and you may get useful info. At the least, if the marriage will be held in India, no handshakes or kisses to anyone, just fold your palms and say "namaskar". This is the preferred protocol/etiquette.

...do I tip my head down in deference?
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Yes, that is always acceptable.
 
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Mrs. McAndrew,

Welcome to the forum. How unique that you have the name Dale, you are the first woman I have ever had the pleasure to encounter with that name. It was a close friend of mine's name as well.
"I'm full of questions: I am caucasian"
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LOL! I feel like that a lot you aren't alone! I hope you find the answers that you need but in regards to
"Please define types of discrimination they will likely encounter. Also, how do fellow TBs react toward one another in this situation? I want to understand what they have to contend with."
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I must say.... there's an old saying you may have heard "We'll burn that bridge when we get there." My point is that there is absolutely no telling what the couple will experience in their time together discriminatory or otherwise. There is also something to be said for not spending your time living in the future, especially one in which you are focus on possible negative happenings. I really don't think this part of your question can be answered.

-
Roman aka BostonSankara
 
It simply made sense to me. I saw it reiterated numerous times and I tried to figure it out. I am new to this forum. I'm caucasian and I'm eager/anxious to assimilate the culture asap. Sorry, if I've offended you!
Regards
 
Thank you for your advice. I'm not sure how to fold my palms..please excuse me for being nieve. Do I put one palm on top of another and close my fingers? Thank you in advance for your guidance.
 
You sound like my DIL. She is full of positive energy. I loved her immediately and dearly from the moment I met her. I am 60 years old now; however, I remember reading The Prophet by Kahill Gibran when I was approximately 15 years old. That book was remarkable, as is my to be DIL, and they both fill me with positive energy. Thank you for your advice; it is wise, I'm sure beyond your years.
 
It's an honor that you had a close friend by the name of Dale. Everyone always addresses me via e-mail as Mr. Dale. The spelling of my name is the male version; the female version is Dayle. However, perhaps you already knew that. Regardless, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I wish all good things are bestowed upon you!!!!
 
Your guidance and insight are greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. One additional question comes to mind and I'm sure you have the answer...I shall plan to bow my head in reverance/deferance to my DIL's parents; however, I've read some things about respecting elders in India. I'm 60 and the Father is 58. I assume bowing my head is still appropriate protocol? I'm hoping you'll respond accordingly. Apologies for my dilemma!
 
It means a lot to me that you took time out of your busy day to respond to my request for information. I shall certainly follow your advice. Many thanks for assisting me in my time of need.
 
In my attempt to assimilate, I ardently thought through the acronym TB. If I was in any way disrespectful because I'm not a TB, I apologize profusely. Honestly, I love my DIL and my son and simply want to be appropriate. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my request. It is appreciated!
 
Dear Sankara,
How very odd that you had a friend with my name; no doubt it was a male friend. You're so right about your quote " We'll burn that bridge when we get there." It's just I that I love them both so much that I don't want them to have to burn any bridges.....it's the mother in me; I guess!
Thans again! I can't believe your name is Sankara......I also am well acquainted with a Sankara!!!! Small world, I guess!
Best regards
 
I had a fabulous response from all of you today and I thank you immensely. I realize now that I failed to denote the location of the wedding; which will be in the states. I sense, ideally, my DIL would want her wedding to be in India. I'm only just learning about your culture. I'm in the learning process! Many thanks to each and every one of you who responded to my request for information. Your assistance in my time of need...was wonderful...helpful..positive..kind...benevolent...and so much more!
 
I appreciate your kindness for informing me as to how to acknowledge my son's to be in-law's. I simply had no idea what was appropriate protocol. Many thanks for taking the time to assist me in my time of need. Hope life is kind toward you.
 
I appreciate your insight and am relieved that it is appropriate to just follow my familiar customs. However, would you kindly interpret the Karl Marx statement? Thank you in advance for your translation! Best Regards
 
This site has given me a wealth of information. I thank each and every member who responded to my request for edification of proper Indian etiquette. Please now, I intend to follow your helpful information. Best wishes to all for a healthy, prosperous life, filled with well being for you and yours!
 
Here is a lovely picture to teach how to do 'namasthe'
2786703508_9d03fea6a9.jpg


Photo courtesy: Mr. Ragesh Vasudevan - Flickr.
 
Thank you for introducing me to 'namasthe'. She looks quite lovely in her red/gold & jeweled attire. Until this moment, I was unacquainted with this form of salutation. I will practice doing this prior to meeting my son's new in-law's. Your kindness and generosity in sending me an example of how to greet properly is most appreciated. I couldn't hope for a more accurate example of how to greet another person appropriately. Best Regards
 
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Dear Madam Dayle Ji,

Please don't be anxious. I see you doing lots of posts here.

Seems to me your future DIL comes from a TB family that is ready to accept your son. Believe me, if they are orthodox, she would not even have met your son and things would not have progressed this far.

Just be yourself. No need to be nervous. We are not an uncultured bunch - our culture goes back thousands of years. If you have watched the 'My fat Greek wedding' movie, as the father of the girl says 'when we were drinking wine, your forefathers were swinging from......or something like that! :) :) Sorry, just a joke.

You will find your DILs parents going out of the way to accommodate you. They will not ask you to sit on the floor - heck most of the Indian born TB kids can not do it.

Just do a Namaste. No need to 'bow' down your head to anyone. If they initiate it, by all means, give a hug. Just smile. They will be the ones to give you respect because you are the boy's mother.

Another secret is to ask for the meanings behind the ceremonies you see. Nowadays, in the USA, they already usually printed the meanings and give. Otherwise do not hesitate to ask, as each step in the wedding has a meaning, if they follow the TB wedding.

In summary, don't worry. Have a good time.

Regards,
KRS
 
I believe the saying is - we will cross the bridge. Of course the bridge can be burnt if one doesn't want to go back (not to fall prey to temptations) or ensure that no one from the other side crosses over.
Just an observation; not for discussion.

BostonSankara said:
"We'll burn that bridge when we get there."
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