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Divorce rearing its ugly head among Tambrahms

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renuka said:
What you say is acceptable provided no insults are exchanged.

Thats not too difficult for anyone to adhere.

Even harsh words can be diplomatically worded.

For eg If we want to tell a person to go to Jahannam..we should not directly tell them but convince them to buy a ticket themselves.
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My Sardarji friend used to tell me janne mein jane do yaar whenever he used to get riled up. It can not be more direct. So each one has his own style. Even he may not mean what he says literally. So it is better to patiently wait out a scholar. He will cool down. That unidirectional vector time is a great teacher. And erudite people learn fast. Just this is how I look at it.

You can join issue with scholars on subjects and topics leaving aside their barbs. That may help the forum gain.

Just try it.
 
Vaagmi said:
My Sardarji friend used to tell me janne mein jane do yaar whenever he used to get riled up. It can not be more direct. So each one has his own style. Even he may not mean what he says literally. So it is better to patiently wait out a scholar. He will cool down. That unidirectional vector time is a great teacher. And erudite people learn fast. Just this is how I look at it.

You can join issue with scholars on subjects and topics leaving aside their barbs. That may help the forum gain.

Just try it.
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I have nothing personal against anyone with regards to their style of writing but at times when insults are exchanged surely a moderator has the right to.intervene as each forum has rules.

All of us in the past too have been red inked.

For me I do not measure a human based on his/her knowledge or education or erudition...cos thats all just Laukika.

There is much more to life than just bookish knowledge.
 
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LOL..
the Atma is never destroyed..it just takes new forms..I just got a new thumbs down!LOL

Welcome back !
 
biswa said:
Who is the scholar here?

I hardly know any Sanskrit, but one sentence I learnt from my father: Vidya dadati vinayam.
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On technical grounds it makes me wonder why sometimes the Sattva gene fails to express itself.

There is so much to gene theory we humans havent decoded.
 
Vaagmiji,
It is debatable as to who is scholar and who is not.
I trust the moderator to hold the line. I have been warned, and post edited or deleted. I presume the moderator must have tried all that. I do not know the exact steps taken.
But a "scholar" must be smart to know the ground rules.
Everyone is supposed to know or learn the social norms.
A "scholar" going 100 mph in a 50 mph zone has to face the consequences.
 
prasad1 said:
Vaagmiji,
It is debatable as to who is scholar and who is not.
I trust the moderator to hold the line. I have been warned, and post edited or deleted. I presume the moderator must have tried all that. I do not know the exact steps taken.
But a "scholar" must be smart to know the ground rules.
Everyone is supposed to know or learn the social norms.
A "scholar" going 100 mph in a 50 mph zone has to face the consequences.
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I tried to get across a point. As I find a stonewall I give up. Thanks folks for your time.
 
Actually there is no real point to get across..we only have facts.

The truth is...each and everyone of us have our own style of writing and we do get on each others nerves too from time to time by opposing each other in ways best known to us.

Thats perfectly acceptable cos it will train our mind to present our posts differently to get any point across.

BUT at all times decorum needs to be in.the substratum of our presentation.

Its just human to have emotionally charged posts too but as long we refrain from insulting personal attacks ...any form of emotionally charged replies can be handled even though sometimes our feelings get hurt.

Yes..we all do get angry..its acceptable and normal..dont see anything wrong with that too.

But whatever said and done..no form of abuses should be tolerated even if it comes from a scholar or anyone higher up the imaginary scale.
There should not be name calling..calling members evil..equating them with animals...cursing members to lose all 4 limbs in accidents etc.

Tolerating abuse just becos it comes from a scholar translates as victim blaming.

Those days are over where anyone could abuse anyone and it needs to be tolerated.

The fact is no one is above the law..even God adheres to Dharma ..so what can I say about us lesser mortals?
 
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Vaagmi said:
Presume this is addressed to me.

Yes. I wonder what is going on here.

Sri Narayanaswamy Iyer appears to be erudite and is comparatively new here. He is not aware of the indercurrents here.

His style of presenting his ideas sometimes gets other people uncomfortable.

And then starts a free for all in which even the 'red-letter-privileged' participates and there is a lot of crimson splashed alround.

What we lose is a scholar's ideas and his participation in the forum.

Let us accept people for what they are-even if they are people with a big ego. Gets mellowed with time.

Less frequent intervention from powers that be and patience from members here will retain knowledegeable people here and the forum will benefit.

If I am going to be shown the door for saying this, I just do not care. The profit of my Company is not going to dip. LOL.
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Surprisingly I agree with Mr Vaagmi who makes a compelling point.
Clashes of egos can throw out good contributors (I do not know enough to say who is scholarly and who is not).
Some members post harsh attacks disguised (or they have a friend to join the party or 'protect' ). Few others do not know how to attack (back) and are raw.
Best is to stop the disguised attacks. It will be best for the forum
 
The situation is like 'meesaikkum Asai; koozhukkum Asai'! :cool:

meesai = use abusive words about fellow members (in Sanskrit / English);

koozh = staying in our dear forum! :grouphug:
 
a-TB said:
Surprisingly I agree with Mr Vaagmi who makes a compelling point.
Clashes of egos can throw out good contributors (I do not know enough to say who is scholarly and who is not).
Some members post harsh attacks disguised (or they have a friend to join the party or 'protect' ). Few others do not know how to attack (back) and are raw.
Best is to stop the disguised attacks. It will be best for the forum
Click to expand...

From now on lets all be HARD CORE!LOL
 
Raji Ram said:
The situation is like 'meesaikkum Asai; koozhukkum Asai'! :cool:

meesai = use abusive words about fellow members (in Sanskrit / English);

koozh = staying in our dear forum! :grouphug:
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Dear RR ji,

I am enjoying the peace before The Return of the Jedis.
 
Its not always about disguised attacks vs raw attacks.

Raw does not = Abusive.


Every human has disguise ability known as dampening effect to tone down harsh intentions becos Viveka kicks in to not sound overtly abusive even though the Manas is fleeting with anger or abusive thoughts.

Buddhi jumps starts Viveka and we check ourselves..we tell ourselves..nope..not to be rude...get a grip of ourselves or even feel who cares ..I have seen worse..this wont ruffle me.

Then either we withdraw or we tone down the actual intent so a message is got accross in a diplomatic manner.

BUT if Ahamkara is dominant..one reacts in a raw primal manner and all hell breaks lose.

Every action is stored in the Citta.

If we overuse Ahamkara induced states..Each time there is a confrontation only Attack mode is employed.

Buddhi goes into disuse atrophy.

So its just a matter of training to be more Buddhi oriented.

As I wrote elsewhere even if we want to abuse someone arrange galiyaans in a poetic fashion so that the other person does not know what just hit them.

Honestyly its just all about playing smooth criminal in a psychological mode.
 
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When I had a stint of service in Ahmedabad, I have heard this joke which is popular there:

A Gujarathi was walking on the street and he was stopped rudely by someone who came along. The stranger started giving gaali to the Gujarathi (abusing ) non-stop and was going on and on.

A Punjabi came by and asked the Gujarathi, whom he knew, as to why he is not giving it back and is taking all the gaalis.

The Gujarathi replied quite disarmingly "arey bhai wo to deta hi hai, kuch letha tho naheen. Hamko kya nukshaan hai?"

Meaning "Oh friend, he is only giving me something. He is not taking away anything. So why should I worry. No loss for me".

That is a good philosophy and I recommend it here.

A doctor would say it is indicated here.
 
Vaagmi said:
When I had a stint of service in Ahmedabad, I have heard this joke which is popular there:

A Gujarathi was walking on the street and he was stopped rudely by someone who came along. The stranger started giving gaali to the Gujarathi (abusing ) non-stop and was going on and on.

A Punjabi came by and asked the Gujarathi, whom he knew, as to why he is not giving it back and is taking all the gaalis.

The Gujarathi replied quite disarmingly "arey bhai wo to deta hi hai, kuch letha tho naheen. Hamko kya nukshaan hai?"

Meaning "Oh friend, he is only giving me something. He is not taking away anything. So why should I worry. No loss for me".

That is a good philosophy and I recommend it here.

A doctor would say it is indicated here.
Click to expand...

Exactly...whoever gets banned is no loss for me!LOL
 
Point made in post 311 is this.

To the target of an attack it does not matter if it is raw or disguised. The attacker, the attacked and all the onlookers know exactly what is going on. Even in divorces often but not always both parties are at fault, one may be more subtle in the damage they had caused to their relationship.

Best way to stop this is to stop ourselves only from attacking a poster or talk about other people's ego. Attacking which is disguised is just as damaging which is why that is the first type that should be rejected by all members here.

Now if someone attacked me unfairly - how should I respond? Dont know the answer to that but the best thing to do is to call out the attack openly especially if it is disguised ..
 
a-TB said:
Point made in post 311 is this.

To the target of an attack it does not matter if it is raw or disguised. The attacker, the attacked and all the onlookers know exactly what is going on. Even in divorces often but not always both parties are at fault, one may be more subtle in the damage they had caused to their relationship.

Best way to stop this is to stop ourselves only from attacking a poster or talk about other people's ego. Attacking which is disguised is just as damaging which is why that is the first type that should be rejected by all members here.

Now if someone attacked me unfairly - how should I respond? Dont know the answer to that but the best thing to do is to call out the attack openly especially if it is disguised ..
Click to expand...


Dear Sir,,



Even the Prince of Darkness is a gentleman.

Rudeness does not = honesty = raw.

Raw has an innocent appeal.

Pure lack of manners is not raw.

99.99% of members state their opinions in various shades of grey but just very few have a view to a kill.
 
Posting again what I had written earlier, since it is relevant to this thread!

Source: வண்ண வண்ண மனிதர்கள்!

கல்யாணமாம் கல்யாணம்!

முன் காலத்தில், பெற்றோர் பார்த்துத் திருமணம் செய்து வைப்பார்கள். இந்நாளில், compatibility என்ற சொல் படாத

பாடு படுகிறது! அதே போல இன்னொன்று wave length!! இதையெல்லாம் பார்த்து, கேட்டு, தெளிந்து, பழகிய

பின்னரே கல்யாணமாம்! இதில் வெளிநாட்டில் மாப்பிள்ளையோ, பெண்ணோ அமைந்தால், இன்னும் பெரும்பாடு!

அவர்களை சந்திக்க வைத்து, சம்மதம் பெற்று, விடுமுறை கிடைத்து, கல்யாணம் செய்வதற்குள், இந்தியாவில்

பெற்றோருக்கு விவாகரத்து ஆகுமளவு சண்டைகள் பெருகிவிடும்!


ஒரு புதுவிதக் கல்யாணம் + விவாகரத்தைக் கேளுங்கள்! இந்த இணையதளத்தில் யாருக்காவது சொந்தமாகவோ,

நட்பாகவோ இருக்க வாய்ப்பு உண்டு! எனக்கு நண்பியின் வட்டம்தான். 'எஞ்சினீரிங்' பட்டம் பெற்ற பெண்ணுக்கு,

அமெரிக்க மாப்பிள்ளை நிச்சயம் செய்தார்கள். இவளும், மேற்படிப்புப் படிக்க வேண்டும், அவன் செலவில் டிக்கட்

வாங்கவேண்டும் ... இன்னபிற கண்டிஷன்களுடன், சம்மதித்தாள். மாப்பிள்ளை வீடு 'ஆமாம் சாமி' போட்டதுடன்,

'ரெஜிஸ்டர்' செய்துவிட்டால் 'விசா' எளிதாகக் கிடைக்கும் என்று நம்பினார்கள். இருவரும் 'ரெஜிஸ்டர்'

செய்துகொண்டு, 'மற்ற' விஷயங்கள் பாரம்பரியத் திருமணம் ஆன பிறகு என்று சொல்லிவிட, மாப்பிள்ளை லீவில்

மீண்டும் வந்து மணம் செய்துகொள்வதாகக் கூறி, US சென்றான். அவனுக்கு லீவு கிடைக்கும் முன்னே,

பெண்ணுக்கு ஆஸ்ட்ரேலியாவில் நல்ல சம்பளத்தில் வேலை கிடைத்தது; வந்தது வம்பு! படிக்க வேண்டும் என்று

சொன்ன பெண், வேலைக்குப் போய்விட்டாள். மாப்பிள்ளை கதி, அதோகதிதான்! அவள் இருக்கும் ஊருக்கு, அவன்

வந்து வேலை தேடிக்கொள்ள வேண்டுமாம். இல்லையென்றால் விவாகரத்தாம்! இது எப்படி இருக்கு? யார்

சொல்லியும் கேளாமல், பெண் பிடிவாதம் பிடிக்க, விவாகரத்து கோரப்பட்டது! ஒரு நாள் கூட உடன் வாழாமல்,

விவாகரத்து செய்ய சட்டம் இடம் கொடுக்கிறதே... இடம் கொடுத்தால், மடம் பிடிக்க மாட்டார்களா, என்ன!


அவ்வை ஷண்முகி படத்தில் ஒரு காட்சி வரும். வாயில் விரல் போடும் மகளைக் கண்டு, ஹீரோ 'பல்லு தெத்துப்

பல்லு ஆகும்! அப்புறம் எவனுமே உன்னைக் கல்யாணம் பண்ண மாட்டான்' என்று சொல்ல, அந்தச் சிறுமி ஒரு போடு

போடுவாள்! 'கல்யாணம் ஆகலைனா, டைவோர்ஸும் ஆகாது!' ஏனோ இந்தக் காட்சி நினைவு வருகிறது.

:drama:
 
For the above write-up, Smt. Subhalakshmi replied:

''This is not the first time I have read something like this.. one of our family friends brother did go through something like this

nearly 20 years ago.. this young man was married and before the wedding the girl's condition was that she wants to support her

family, and would continue to work and this man had no problem.. in about a four months they came to know that his father

was diagnosed with cancer, so the treatment started and the oldest DIL and his mother began to care for him.. Now our friend

had two children and while he was at work, his wife the oldest DIL had to take care of their activities.. so the young married

man approached his wife and said, could you please quit for a few months, this time is crucial and since Manni and mom are

taking care of father among other things would you please quit and go back to work, once things have settled a bit..

In this girl was outraged, and she said to him, YOU agreed to my condition and no way I am going to quit for your family's sake

and she applied for divorce and also aborted her fetus and walked out of his life, JUST LIKE THAT.. this young man was so

shocked and a person who is very affectionate and loving, certainly did not deserve this.. he just became like a zombi.. I am not

sure what happened to him later in life, but I was shocked at the whole thing because how could her parents allow such a thing..

anyway, who are we to judge, but today I was reminded of that story.. just felt sad.''

Source: வண்ண வண்ண மனிதர்கள்
 
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