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Divorce rearing its ugly head among Tambrahms

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I was watching 'sovadellam unmai' program in zee tv some months ago.

there was case of a lady who appealed against her sambandhi raising suspicions at her sambandhi of the mysterious sudden death of her daughter-in-law.

the appellant's daughter having married her son through love-marriage notwithstanding.

the anchor was interrogating and cross-questioning the defendant, the victim's mother, who was only trying to dodge making factually inaccurate and inconsistent statements.

eventually the anchor advised the appellant to proceed with lodging a complaint with the police.

the anchor did not fail to express her amazement at the bond between the mil and her dil. usually in such cases it is the parents of the victim who appeal against in-laws but in this case it was ulta.

incidentally the people involved were not TBs.

there are even in this 21st century, m-i-ls and d-i-ls, who have struck a bond among themselves that m-i-l would appeal for her d-i-l.

when non-tb m-i-ls and d-i-ls could do it, tb m-i-ls and tb d-i-ls could do it better.
 
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GNANA SUNYAM said:
I was watching 'sovadellam unmai' program in zee tv some months ago.

there was case of a lady who appealed against her sambandhi raising suspicions at her sambandhi of the mysterious sudden death of her daughter-in-law.

the appellant's daughter having married her son through love-marriage notwithstanding.

the anchor was interrogating and cross-questioning the defendant, the victim's mother, who was only trying to dodge making factually inaccurate and inconsistent statements.

eventually the anchor advised the appellant to proceed with lodging a complaint with the police.

the anchor did not fail to express her amazement at the bond between the mil and her dil. usually in such cases it is the parents of the victim who appeal against in-laws but in this case it was ulta.

incidentally the people involved were not TBs.

there are even in this 21st century, m-i-ls and d-i-ls, who have struck a bond among themselves that m-i-l would appeal for her d-i-l.

when non-tb m-i-ls and d-i-ls could do it, tb m-i-ls and tb d-i-ls could do it better.
Click to expand...

Why the need to compare who will do things better?
TB or Non TB?

Just try to see this as 2 humans bonding..try not to divide and rule that a TB should do better than a Non TB or a Non TB should do better than a TB.

There is no one human who can actually be a yardstick or role model to anyone..
All are just Ghulams..only Allah is Maalik.
 
renuka said:
There is no one human who can actually be a yardstick or role model to anyone..
All are just Ghulams..only Allah is Maalik.
Click to expand...


Again that is philosophy.
In reality, we are social beings. So we have social norms. Our action in society is purely dictated by outside agencies.
 
renuka said:
Why the need to compare who will do things better?
TB or Non TB?

Just try to see this as 2 humans bonding..try not to divide and rule that a TB should do better than a Non TB or a Non TB should do better than a TB.

There is no one human who can actually be a yardstick or role model to anyone..
All are just Ghulams..only Allah is Maalik.
Click to expand...

Fully agreed madam.

But in this thread we are addressing the specific impact of this issue of divorce on the TB community and its waning image as a whole.

some in this forum even perceive it as a special travail. so just to re-assure them, no hell has broken lose after all.
 
prasad1 said:
Again that is philosophy.
In reality, we are social beings. So we have social norms. Our action in society is purely dictated by outside agencies.
Click to expand...

mr prasad,

you are so broad-minded, broad-hearted. why don't you extend the broadness of your mind to accept TBs are not divorce-proof after all?
 
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Who is really hurt when couples fall apart?

If there are no children for the couple, it is least damaging.

As long as both are clear that they cannot live together for whatever reasons, it appears to me that they should go their separate ways.

There is no need to lament.

If they can separate using their own wisdom, they can also find another match for themselves if they wish.

Being a TB does not bind a person to another in married relationship for a lifetime more than any other community.

Only stigma used to be more in brahmin community. Economic liberation of women thru education and career has enabled women to exercise their right to get out of bad

relationship instead of suffering for a lifetime.

All have only one life to live.

They should have right to live as per their desires and choices.
 
GNANA SUNYAM said:
mr prasad,

you are so broad-minded, broad-hearted. why don't you extend the broadness of your mind to accept TBs are not divorce-proof after all?
Click to expand...

Sir,
What gives the impression that I do not accept Divorce in TB community?
If you read all my post I have been advocating the acceptance in this forum.
Divorce is a necessary evil option, that can not be taken off the table in any society.
 
prasad1 said:
Sir,
What gives the impression that I do not accept Divorce in TB community?
If you read all my post I have been advocating the acceptance in this forum.
Divorce is a necessary evil option, that can not be taken off the table in any society.
Click to expand...

sorry prasad sir,

I mis-addressed the post.

one small change requested in the above. 'necessary option' but no longer 'evil' sir.

good wishes!
 
krish44 said:
1. Who is really hurt when couples fall apart?

2. If there are no children for the couple, it is least damaging.
............

3.If they can separate using their own wisdom, they can also find another match for themselves if they wish.

4. Being a TB does not bind a person to another in married relationship for a lifetime more than any other community.

5. Only stigma used to be more in brahmin community. Economic liberation of women thru education and career has enabled women to exercise their right to get out of bad

relationship instead of suffering for a lifetime. .........
Click to expand...
1. The parents. :Cry:

2. Yeah! Because finding a mate after begetting children is a problem.

3. In some cases, Yes. One tambrahm guy loved a Kerala NB girl and his parents forcefully got him married to a tambrahm girl.

Soon, the difference of opinions started between the couple and they got the divorce. Girl got back all the 25 lakhs that her dad

spent on her wedding! She married her NB classmate and settled abroad. Now she has a kid. The boy married his lover girl and

lives happily! No kids yet.

One tambrahm mAmA living in the U S of A, divorced his wife after 40 years of wedded life because she became a cancer patient.

She suffered all alone (no children) and died after suffering for 3 years. :sad:

4. True.

5. Stigma is there in ALL the communities, Krish Sir! My kshathriya friend is separated from her husband, after 25 years of

wedded life - not divorced yet. Her son married a Menon girl and lives in Australia. The daughter wants to marry only a guy

selected by her mom. This is not possible for the past 15 years; rejection because of parents' separation; girl is now 40.
 
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RRji

1. Why parents should be hurt when their children cannot cope with their partners?.Most parents do not know the mindset of their own children.They become judgemental

about the girl who married their son.They sometimes take sides and increase the differences between the son and DIL.Similarly girls with unreasonable demands on

husbands are propped up by her parents to take on their husbands. They are in many cases the cause of splits .Thats why I tend to think that parents should never go near

newly married children for a few years after their marriagfe when they cope and adjust to each other,. Hands off attitude really brings young couple together with natural

balance striking between the two.
2.Interestingly boys with a kid[widowers] get a match [divorced or otherwise] if they are financially well off with a decent career.But no boy accepts a divorced/widowed girl

with kid.I am trying to find a match for a well off widower in a good job about 38years with a kid.Interestingly widowed/divorced girls with kids are ready .But girls with no

kids are not prepared to bring up his kid.similarly, he is not prepared to marry any girl with kids.There are double standards in widowers and widows.

3. When parents separate, their children find it tough to get an arranged match.Most think that children brought up in such household with single separated parent are likely

cases for marital discord later.In some cases, separated parents come together for marriage of children. There are very few enlightened ones that way.

4. I like to put together boys and girls widowed or divorced type and help them to start afresh. Mostly I have come across many with broken engagements and found

matches for them. Thats far easier.Divorced /widowed types are tougher nuts to crack
 
We all have realized that, ultimately it is the young couple have to resolve their problems ,discussing then & there,not involving eir parents, The couple smhould endeavour to have the First child , within a year or Two, so that the illwill if any would vanish & bring the parents closer & if it is in U.S all the more coordination & both rush to get better name & All enjoy literally visiting U.S voluntarily & keep relations intact
Present day problems can only be discussed, but no solution can be found. So the parents can keep away & leave the couple for a year or more, till they come ack to parents , getting more matured.
the couple should be vehemently told " It is easy together t Divorced. BUrb, what next ?
sincerely,
A.Srinivasan(Rishikesan)
 
krish44 said:
................
2.Interestingly boys with a kid[widowers] get a match [divorced or otherwise] if they are financially well off with a decent career.But no boy accepts a divorced/widowed girl

with kid.I am trying to find a match for a well off widower in a good job about 38 years with a kid.Interestingly widowed/divorced girls with kids are ready .But girls with no

kids are not prepared to bring up his kid.similarly, he is not prepared to marry any girl with kids.There are double standards in widowers and widows.
Click to expand...
Dear Krish Sir,

This confirms that we still have the male chauvinistic society! :sad:
 
rishikesan said:
Present day problems can only be discussed, but no solution can be found.
So the parents can keep away & leave the couple, till they come ask the parents for help.
The couple should be helped, you might suggest group therapy or other helpful ideas.
sincerely,
A.Srinivasan(Rishikesan)
Click to expand...


By discussing and acknowledging the problem, divorce can be made palatable.
There is tremendous guilt associated with divorce. If the parents accept and support it after all attempts have failed, it would help the girl and the boy.
 
rishikesan said:
We all have realized that, ultimately it is the young couple have to resolve their problems ,discussing then & there,not involving eir parents, The couple smhould endeavour to have the First child , within a year or Two, so that the illwill if any would vanish & bring the parents closer & if it is in U.S all the more coordination & both rush to get better name & All enjoy literally visiting U.S voluntarily & keep relations intact
Present day problems can only be discussed, but no solution can be found. So the parents can keep away & leave the couple for a year or more, till they come ack to parents , getting more matured.
the couple should be vehemently told " It is easy together t Divorced. BUrb, what next ?
sincerely,
A.Srinivasan(Rishikesan)
Click to expand...
hi sir,

solution can be found....diagnosis the problem...cure comes next...the problem is more individualistic than a common...ladies are

the main issue....ladies can help to solve the solution....
 
Raji Ram said:
Dear Krish Sir,

This confirms that we still have the male chauvinistic society! :sad:
Click to expand...
Dear RRji

There are as many widowers as widows/divorcees who have double standards.

So less of a gender issue.

It is just a mindset that one party should get everything while the others should only oblige and bear with a grin.

I was reading about a boy lamenting that the working girl he married , refuses to contribute even part of her earning to family living and wants his mother to do all house

work.It ultimately ended up with with his wife and mother bickering and she filing for separation with Rs 50 lakhs demand for separation. He says she threatened to slap 498A

on his family. This I found posted on a social site Quora.

It is indeed sad that many take extremist stands in marriage.
 
Tamil brahmin families are far better than other communities when it comes to break ups .

They are far more reasonable , make attempts at reconciliation through elders before calling it quits.

Only very bad cases lead to divorce.

Many times elders do not play the role of peacemakers and instead fuel the separation further.

In fact most girls complain that the parents of the boy fuel small issues and enjoy the sufferings of the girls.

Also these also tell them that they faced worser issues than them and adjusted .

Boys in many cases are far immature than girls with narrowed age difference between mates and end reacting foolishly damaging marriages.

These days breakups are more due to this than any real inter personal issues.
 
tbs said:
hi sir,

solution can be found....diagnosis the problem...cure comes next...the problem is more individualistic than a common...ladies are

the main issue....ladies can help to solve the solution....
Click to expand...

Ladies cannot solve any problem -they are the problem.lol
 
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