somaiya, sangom,
i detect a bias against the woman in your posts.
Dear Kunjuppu Sir,
If you found any bias against women in my post, it was not my intention; I wanted to describe what is actually happening in so many instances. BTW, there are two women here, m-i-l and d-i-l; did my post sound having bias against both categories?
i think this is a hangover from the past, that the dil is a defacto servant and nurse for the mother in law. she is supposed to be the life insurance guarantee also these days, with her income.
That was not said by me and I don't think the m-i-ls today here in India expect such a thing now. What the m-i-l is afraid of is the d-i-l prevailing over her husband and putting the m-i-l in an old age home. Incidentally, last week or so, the Asianet channel showed the granddaughter of C.P. Ramaswamy Iyer in an orphanage-cum-old age home in Pathanamthitta, Kerala; that lady was unwilling to say anything about why and how she had to come there.
why don't we switch the sexes. will the boys be willing to accept such roles in their in law houses? why should the boy feel superior to the girl?
I presume that you are located abroad and are not aware of the present situation here. Recently a marriage has been agreed to on the condition put forward by the girl at the time of "penn paarkkal" to the effect that the boy's parents may come as occasional visitors but their stay should not exceed more than a week, while her parents will be free to come and stay with the couple for as long as they wanted! Initially the boy had reservations in accepting these stipulations but later he and his parents consented; of course, now that the marriage is over they don't admit that such an incident happened.
In another case - and I am referring to TB marriages only - there was serious shortage of food and many people invited by the boy's side had to return without meals. The girl happened to hear some people complaining to her m-i-l about this, and after a few days (less than a week) the girl left the house in a huff saying she did not want to hear any complaint about her parents. This case has gone to the divorce stage now!
there is no place for in laws to live with their children with this types of attitudes. many instances now, there are only girls children. don't they too have a right to take care of THEIR parents?
Here again I feel you are not aware of the ground realities here. As just one example, I know a case where the wife's parents have come permanently to stay with their daughter and s-i-l and the boy's (husband's) parents have shifted to another house because the son's house is small and cannot accommodate the three pairs and two grown-up children.The wife's parents generally call the shots now and no one is complaining that it should not be so. Even when the old couple have two or even three sons, they are now spending their old age with their daughter/s and this will be OK as and when it becomes universal and those who have only sons and no daughters will, automatically, go to the old age homes.
overall, while i feel extremely sorry for the boys without brides, when i see the attitudes of the boys' parents, their perceived loss of free old age care, the loss of income earned and above all bragging rights of all this to their immediate family, i am not at all surprised that many girls want to call it quits.
Despite the changes which have come about so far, if you still feel the villains are the boys' parents, well, you are surely entitled to that view.
let there be serious attitude change. i have yet to hear inthis forum, of one, ie ONE boy's parent, willing to foot the entire marriage bill. or even offering to share 50%. truly sirs, when will these attitudes change, before it is too late? or is already too late to turn the clocks?
In more than a few cases the expense for food, i.e., the breakfast and meals, is shared on a rough pro-rata basis (not 50-50) particularly where the boy's side expect more invitees and the girl's side has comparatively less. In addition, there is some ostentatious expense in gifting the "sambandhis" (girl's parents) with costly silk saree, veshti+angavastram of a quality matching the bridegroom's attire. In addition, the boy's side nowadays present the inner family circle of the bride (athai-athimbar, mama-mami, chithi-chithappa (paternal & maternal), sibling/s of the bride and their children etc.,) and spend a considerable amount on this, even if there is no matching gifts from the girl's side. I suppose this is a good beginning and sharing the entire expense is not far away.
as a devout SV, I wrote a series of articles detailing everything that happens in Srimat Ahobila Matam. If you are interested you may download the collection from 
opcorn:
