Happily divorced

[sarang]

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Your decision to consult others is itself a sound decision. This world is full of nitwits who can't decide on their own nor listen to what is told.
முப்பத்தி இரண்டு லக்ஷ்ணத்திலே இரண்டு தான் இல்லே. தனக்காவும் தெரியாது, சொன்னாலும் தெரியாது. For the prospective groom!

Furthermore I am Libran and Librans are not too good in making decisions without help from others.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuji,
Librans are good at judgement. Thula rasi people weigh the pros and cons
and take a judgement. The sign is balance in hand - tharasu.

Vrichika rasi natives are wavering because of debilitated moon and rishaba
rasi people are head-strong and have strong ego because of exalted moon.

Making final decision is ours to decide but before I take that drastic step I would like to hear inputs from others so that I make the correct final decision.

Even at work most of us doctors consult and discuss with each other for major decisions.
So we friends keep calling up each other and discuss cases too.
But the final decision has to be our own only.

I agree that Librans tend to weigh pros and cons.
But sometimes the weighing process might taking a bit too long so in that time gap I consult others for expert opinions.

 

[S.Ramanathan]

There is no divorce in living together. Now living together is becoming popular in Chennai.

 

[Raji Ram]

There is no divorce in living together. Now living together is becoming popular in Chennai.

Is it so?? :faint:

 

[kk4646]

There is no divorce in living together. Now living together is becoming popular in Chennai.

My Goodness.. I am yet to come across any such couples... !!

TVK

 

[renuka]

So far out here the only Happily Divorced are those who have left an abusive marriage.
These types of divorcees are happy with their new life and just spend all their time caring for their kids and do not have plans for remarriage.

 

[Raghy]

The divorced hope to find better partners in their successive innings.
But I think that "The known devil is better than the unknown angel!"

Sowbagyavathy VR, Greetings.

Sometimes we neither need angel nor need devils known or otherwise.

Cheers!

 

[Raghy]

As always you are very honest.
We need a ma's help in many tasks like changing a fused bulb, reaching the attic,
carrying heavy weights etc. If we seek the help of another man, the help will come
with strings and ropes attached to them. :fear:
Poor hubbies will be more than willing to oblige the requests of their wives
expecting NOTHING in return. :angel:

Sowbagyavathy VR,

This is the problem I am on about. Just give nothing to husband! Just demand him to do this and that; knowing very well he will ask for a piece of you, find fault in what he did, although you are quite pleased with his help and send him away packing without even a word of 'thanks'. Yes, every help should be strings and ropes attached to it.'Tied down' action is really cool, you know!? At one time tying down was quite expected in our household!

Cheers!

 

[Raghy]

With her husband a lady feels safe. But what about the chivalrous gents
who give company and ask for impossible returns for their escorting service
more so when the lady wears daring, baring, stunning outfits!!
In all probability he might lead her into an ambush!!! :shocked:

Oh Well!! those chivalrous gentlemen escort with only one thing in their mind.. an invitation for a night cap or a coffee to polish the night off.... What's wrong with that? If that gentleman could earn it, doesn't he deserve it?

Cheers!

 

[Raghy]

There is no divorce in living together. Now living together is becoming popular in Chennai.

I don't know about Chennai. Here in Australia, 'Living together' is considered as a legal union and has to go through all the conditions just like a marriage at the time of parting. One couple across the road lived to gether for 7 years, two children. She did't want to tie the knot, but he did. So, after 8 years later they tied the knot and divorced the next year! lot of people find 'living together' works well for them.

Cheers!

 

[kk4646]

I don't know about Chennai. Here in Australia, 'Living together' is considered as a legal union and has to go through all the conditions just like a marriage at the time of parting. One couple across the road lived to gether for 7 years, two children. She did't want to tie the knot, but he did. So, after 8 years later they tied the knot and divorced the next year! lot of people find 'living together' works well for them.

Cheers!

So..these specimens got married for the sake of getting divorce... !!..

The greatness our culture is to treat/consider marriage as an institution ..not as a pass-time ..

TVK

 

[S.Ramanathan]

Manam onri vaazhvadhal manam verukka vaaippillai.

 

[Raji Ram]

Manam onri vaazhvadhal manam verukka vaaippillai.

vaazhvadhaal? OR vaazhndhaal??

 

[Raghy]

So..these specimens got married for the sake of getting divorce... !!..

The greatness our culture is to treat/consider marriage as an institution ..not as a pass-time ..

TVK

Both of them were absolutely very nice persons. Treated everyone with respect irrespective of their skin colours. We felt so sorry for them when they got seperated. for some weird reason they thought marriage put them under pressure. That pressure reflected in their business and they had a very bad year. Then it was blame game and pointing fingers. It was very unfortunate. If they were specimens, they were very nice specimens. Although they were only living together, there was so much love between them.

Cheers!

 

[kk4646]

Both of them were absolutely very nice persons. Treated everyone with respect irrespective of their skin colours. We felt so sorry for them when they got seperated. for some weird reason they thought marriage put them under pressure. That pressure reflected in their business and they had a very bad year. Then it was blame game and pointing fingers. It was very unfortunate. If they were specimens, they were very nice specimens. Although they were only living together, there was so much love between them.

Cheers!

It is realy very strange...!! As long as they lived together ...love exist and once they got married it evaporates...!!

TVK

 

[renuka]

Both of them were absolutely very nice persons. Treated everyone with respect irrespective of their skin colours. We felt so sorry for them when they got seperated. for some weird reason they thought marriage put them under pressure. That pressure reflected in their business and they had a very bad year. Then it was blame game and pointing fingers. It was very unfortunate. If they were specimens, they were very nice specimens. Although they were only living together, there was so much love between them.

Cheers!

May be their horoscopes did not match..so as long as they were not married..the planets did not have much influence and only when they married the influence took place.

Or may be their Karmic partnership for this life is over and they went seperate ways.

Some people can't take pressure of a commitment.
Anyway why get so committed to anyone when one fine day we are going to leave everyone when death comes knocking on the door.

So just stay happily for as long as we can.. and do not have too high expectations of anything.

All problems start when expectations are not met.

Indian marriages last longer not becos they are more stable but just becos we are conditioned to believe that marriage has to last life long.

We are like Pavlov's experiment and when he hear marriage bells our mind secretes the thought "Oh It should be everlasting"

 

[suraju06]

Folks,

(1)You have a father who has fallen sick and becomes very demanding. He has to be taken to the bathroom every time even though he is physically fit to move around on his own. But his problem is that he has become very forgetful. He can not remember whether he ate or not just five minutes after his lunch and start demanding for his lunch. You are not rich enough to engage a nurse to take care of him. There are many such problems with him. What do you do? Divorce? Disown?

(2)You have a mother who has gone insane. She spits on every one who goes near her. She lives in a world of her own. She does not even bother to cover herself properly-she does not know that she has to wear her saree properly always. She thrown up tantrums when she is approached by any one. What do you do? Divorce? Disown?

Such cases are not products of my fertile imagination. They are real cases that I have witnessed. None of those unfortunate souls were thrown out of the house. They were somehow taken care of until their day.

Why should there be a difference when it comes to husband -wife relation alone. With just one exception perhaps. When the cruelty inflicted on the partner is due to lack of affection and empathy, it is better to call it a day. All other divorces are cruelty inflicted mutually. Post divorce, these couples live on the periphery of existence hoping against hope for the missed fortune to come back. Pathetic indeed.

 

[suraju06]

Dear Renuka,

May be their horoscopes did not match..so as long as they were not married..the planets did not have much influence and only when they married the influence took place.

Yeah. The planets perhaps suddenly woke up and decided to fight it out among themselves..

All problems start when expectations are not met.

All problems start when expectations are met. More expectations are constantly added to the list and the appendage always stays.

Indian marriages last longer not becos they are more stable but just becos we are conditioned to believe that marriage has to last life long.

Indian marriages last longer becos we are tolerant. When the structure creaks and is about to fall we get the prop "fate" and ita works well.

 

[renuka]

Dear Suraju ji,

I agree to a certain extent with what you wrote but the fact remains that we do view spouse on a different level from Muhrim relationships(Muhrim is an arabic word for those related by blood and hence marriage can't take place).

Even in Ramayan..when Lakshman was unconscious Lord Rama did lament..
"Oh Lakshmana I can find another wife like Sita but I can never get a brother like you"

Spouse is like a true friend and the option to become enemies is always there.

 

[Raghy]

It is realy very strange...!! As long as they lived together ...love exist and once they got married it evaporates...!!

TVK

Love did not evaporate. They still loved each other. But the strain in life caused regular arguments between them. They could not handle that. In fact, this morning we were talking about Indian marriages at work. My acting boss is from Kuala Lumbur, aged about 60. He was discussing some of the issues in marriage and we Indians and POI handle such pressures. All the western ladies present there could not even comprehend that. He was saying, we may not even love each other; but that doesn't mean seperation for us. But the same concept doesn't apply to the westerners.

 

[Raghy]

Dear Suraju ji,

I agree to a certain extent with what you wrote but the fact remains that we do view spouse on a different level from Muhrim relationships(Muhrim is an arabic word for those related by blood and hence marriage can't take place).

Even in Ramayan..when Lakshman was unconscious Lord Rama did lament..
"Oh Lakshmana I can find another wife like Sita but I can never get a brother like you"

Spouse is like a true friend and the option to become enemies is always there.

Only a very much loving wife can make the most bitter enemy.

 

[kk4646]

Love did not evaporate. They still loved each other. But the strain in life caused regular arguments between them. They could not handle that. In fact, this morning we were talking about Indian marriages at work. My acting boss is from Kuala Lumbur, aged about 60. He was discussing some of the issues in marriage and we Indians and POI handle such pressures. All the western ladies present there could not even comprehend that. He was saying, we may not even love each other; but that doesn't mean seperation for us. But the same concept doesn't apply to the westerners.

"the same concept doesn't apply to the westerners."...True they treat marriage as an "Agreement"...but for us it is a "Commitment"..

TVK

 

[renuka]

Ok now lets god detail into marriage vows.
Note the word Friendship is used to denote the husband and wife relationship.


[TABLE="width: 500, align: center"]
[TR]
[TD="class: SubHeadings, bgcolor: #cc3300, colspan: 3, align: left"]Saptha Padhi[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="class: BodyText, colspan: 3"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 300"]This is the most important part of the marriage ceremony, and only when they walk 7 steps together (i.e. perform Saptha Padhi) the marriage is completed legally. The belief is that when one walks 7 steps with another one becomes the other's friend.

The mantras recited then mean:

"Ye who have walked seven steps with me, become my companion, whereby I acquire your friendship. We shall remain together, we shall share - love, share the same food, share the strengths, the same tastes. We shall be of one mind, we shall observe the vows together. I shall be the Sama, you the Rig, I shall be the Upper World, you the Earth; I shall be the Sukhilam, you the Holder-together we shall live, beget children, and other riches, come thou, O sweet-worded girl!"
[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

Margadarsini - Saptha Padhi​

 

[renuka]

"the same concept doesn't apply to the westerners."...True they treat marriage as an "Agreement"...but for us it is a "Commitment"..

TVK

Nope..for us Indians it is a Friendship.Read what pasted above.

 

[Raghy]

Sri. Raju said,

Why should there be a difference when it comes to husband -wife relation alone. With just one exception perhaps. When the cruelty inflicted on the partner is due to lack of affection and empathy, it is better to call it a day. All other divorces are cruelty inflicted mutually. Post divorce, these couples live on the periphery of existence hoping against hope for the missed fortune to come back. Pathetic indeed.

Sri. Raju, Greetings.

No. There should not be a seperation or divorce. Our mutual requirements keep changing. We should learn to keep up with our mutual requirements. I was going to type an example, but stopped; I don't want this message becoming too personal. But it would be suffice to say, we have to observe each others requirements and make them happen. If we can't observe, then we can openly ask. I don't see anything wrong with that. When one of the partners expect their desire to be fulfilled without even their asking, trouble starts.