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krish44 said:
Some like to make fun of seniors by asking for advice on such matters .

IMHO those who sincerely ask for such advise must be morons or close to it.

what anyway are they expecting from seniors in this forum

Those who give advise -well perhaps nothing better to do .

Nobody in any case listens to their advice in their own families.lol
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Advice is the only thing in the world

we would not care to take it from others;
if we give it to the members of our own family will not be listened;
we used to give it free of cost to others even if it is not asked for and listened to;
Why should we spare the strangers in the forum after all it is ensured the frowning , smiles and what not...... of the stranger are invisible.
 
Help? No idea! Observation - yes - Except my 2 sons none 0f the children in our huge family had arranged marriages. All wedding - well attended - successful no divorce and separation except in one due to death of a spouse It is rosy and glossy!

Funny sentiments here - My brother in Delhi has 2 children married as per their wish and 4 grand children marrying as per their choice When I was in Delhi to attend his G daughters wedding -This is what he said - See the boy has Brahmin DNA He is from the family of Priest In Kalkhaji Temple - and i am happy about it even if it is Alpa Santhosham! Thought I should agree with him - Do yo?
 
tks said:
In the past, posts by newbie members seem to appear in the middle of a thread. The only explanation I can think of is that perhaps they are initially screened and approved prior to posting but once approved they may appear sequentially based on date & time of posting. So if there is a real Preethi and it is a she, then her response may appear in a few days :-)
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100% correct, Sir! :)

So let us be alert!! :spy:
 
A small extension to the definition of 'arranged marriage' will show current marriages in a better perspective. Marriages approved by and blessed by the parents, even though they are not directly involved in the selection of bride or groom. Boys and girls marry late, have 'friendship' with colleagues, and in some cases through the net - all this do reduce the influence of parents on their children.

In the second fortnight of june, I attended 4 weddings in chennai; all belonged to the second category with the boys selecting the girl and parents of both taking it further. In one sense it is love marriage but the union met all expectations of parents. Three were iyengar-iyengar and one was iyengar-iyer. And there are instances of boys from USA on a short holiday and ordering parents to find and finalise and book wedding hall.

If boys and girls before falling in 'love' look for background issues too, chances of parents approval and active participation will improve.
 
J J Ji! Modern parents who don't bother about customs and traditions might happily show the 'green flag' to their children's choice.

Some might be even happy to be saved from the trouble of running with horoscopes in hand, behind the astrologers!

And, it is an intelligent way of keeping children by their side (for dependent parents)! :hug:

Result: Now a days, ONLY those who are jAlrAs to their offsprings are good parents!

P.S: I know one orthodox parent who is suffering silently, as his son has married a half Hindu - half Muslim!! :sad:
 
Janaki Jambunathan said:
Help? No idea! Observation - yes - Except my 2 sons none 0f the children in our huge family had arranged marriages. All wedding - well attended - successful no divorce and separation except in one due to death of a spouse It is rosy and glossy!

Funny sentiments here - My brother in Delhi has 2 children married as per their wish and 4 grand children marrying as per their choice When I was in Delhi to attend his G daughters wedding -This is what he said - See the boy has Brahmin DNA He is from the family of Priest In Kalkhaji Temple - and i am happy about it even if it is Alpa Santhosham! Thought I should agree with him - Do yo?
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In states where caste polarisation is very high on account of affirmative reservation policies of the govt, the hostility to inter caste marriages is also higher and

more young get into this type of marriage as the aspiration in terms of desire for mates [girls?] from so called forward castes also sharply rises.

In large cosmopolitan metros like delhi location preferance , language affinity, takes precedence over caste. Most would prefer to stay in delhi with some

compromises on caste. Some are happy that they have got brahmin matches even if they are north kanyakubj or sarayuparin brahmins.Most in civil service or

private sectors are either kayasths like srivastav,mathur or baniyas like gupta,agarwal who do not mind tamil brahmins. when it comes to punjabis of course

many dread to accept these in their families.UP or biharis appear to be OK as matches
 
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Raji Ram said:
J J Ji! Modern parents who don't bother about customs and traditions might happily show the 'green flag' to their children's choice.

Some might be even happy to be saved from the trouble of running with horoscopes in hand, behind the astrologers!

And, it is an intelligent way of keeping children by their side (for dependent parents)! :hug:

Result: Now a days, ONLY those who are jAlrAs to their offsprings are good parents!

P.S: I know one orthodox parent who is suffering silently, as his son has married a half Hindu - half Muslim!! :sad:
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Good Parents donot play Jalras or Othu or a second fiddle But play high diplomacy & follow Panchasheell Marg!


  1. Mutual respect for each other's territorial integrity and sovereignty.
  2. Mutual non-aggression.
  3. Mutual non-interference in each other's internal affairs.
  4. Equality and cooperation for mutual benefit.
  5. Peaceful co-existence.
 
Raji Ram said:
J J Ji! Modern parents who don't bother about customs and traditions might happily show the 'green flag' to their children's choice.

Some might be even happy to be saved from the trouble of running with horoscopes in hand, behind the astrologers!

And, it is an intelligent way of keeping children by their side (for dependent parents)! :hug:

Result: Now a days, ONLY those who are jAlrAs to their offsprings are good parents!

P.S: I know one orthodox parent who is suffering silently, as his son has married a half Hindu - half Muslim!! :sad:
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This suffering of seniors due to children , I do not buy such stories.

Most of them are having a gala time encouraging the children to get into IC/IR marriages which they did not have the courage to get into when they were young.

Most of the objections and tantrums if any is only shadow boxing for the benefit of relatives and friends
 
krish44 said:
This suffering of seniors due to children , I do not buy such stories.

Most of them are having a gala time encouraging the children to get into IC/IR marriages which they did not have the courage to get into when they were young.

Most of the objections and tantrums if any is only shadow boxing for the benefit of relatives and friends
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Shri krish,

I know more than three parents who all live in our midst. Their children (son or daughter) have married Christian, Half-muslim, Ezhava, etc., partners and all these parents have gone more than once to the foreign locations where there children live and have also posted photographs in their facebook pages. The (orthodox) mamis can be seen wearing skirts just touching the knees, tight-fitting shirts, sleeveless tops and so on. One couple was seen in the backdrop of what looked like a restaurant serving NV food, liquours, etc. also. Hence it is beyond doubt that even these so-called orthodox people have absolutely no worry to go abroad and enjoy the life there. But once they return and meet us somewhere, they usually as though some great loss has happened to them on account of the IC/IR marriage of their son or daughter. We do not broach the facebook photo subject in our conversations because we know it will only result in spoiling our existing relation/friendship.

We all want our children to be happy in their lives; they cannot be taken back in a time machine to our youth or to the youth of our grandparents.
 
sangom said:
Shri krish,

I know more than three parents who all live in our midst. Their children (son or daughter) have married Christian, Half-muslim, Ezhava, etc., partners and all these parents have gone more than once to the foreign locations where there children live and have also posted photographs in their facebook pages. The (orthodox) mamis can be seen wearing skirts just touching the knees, tight-fitting shirts, sleeveless tops and so on. One couple was seen in the backdrop of what looked like a restaurant serving NV food, liquours, etc. also. Hence it is beyond doubt that even these so-called orthodox people have absolutely no worry to go abroad and enjoy the life there. But once they return and meet us somewhere, they usually as though some great loss has happened to them on account of the IC/IR marriage of their son or daughter. We do not broach the facebook photo subject in our conversations because we know it will only result in spoiling our existing relation/friendship.

We all want our children to be happy in their lives; they cannot be taken back in a time machine to our youth or to the youth of our grandparents.
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The dresses that our women wear when they are abroad ,{ I am talking of middle aged and older] ,they would not dare to wear in india.

Many I come across during my holidays in europe or singapore are more carefree in dressing.'

Regimentation and fear of society cramps their living to a large extent in india . Most must be really suffocated with the taboos here.

Most of these senior ladies would not like their children to live in india and they feel happy they are abroad in a more liberal society.

When many in this forum put up a pretence of ultra conservatism , I feel tempted to find out how they live india and how their children cope with them
 
I beg to differ, Sangom Sir! Not all ladies prefer scanty dresses when they go abroad. I have seen many South Indian girls dressed

in a very decent way - no tights or showy dresses. Ladies wear salwAr suits or decent pants and shirts. Please do not generalize, after

seeing a few in your circle! :)
 
Brahmanyan said:
Dear Mrs Raji Ram,

You are correct. I got the same doubt when I read the post of the new member. Again, such personal problems cannot be solved by others, that too in a community Forum. ..........
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Dear Sir,

Thank you very much. I too feel that personal problems can't be solved in a public forum. :)
 
yesmohan said:
[COLOR=#0 ko000cd]If the OP is a reel, that Miss Preethi , after seeing all these discussions, might have gathered courage and decided to marry her lover. [/COLOR]
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I think everyone familiar with the forum is aware of the kiteflying possibility. But everyone is happyto use the opportunity to reiterate their position in this matter for the umpteenth time. Lol.
 
Hello all,

Sorry for the late reply. My thread was waiting for sometime for screening, later I dint get any notifications, I am replying immediately now after seeing the responses. Thanks a lot for the many responses.

1. My family: Everyone in my family are God-fearing, but they were quite liberal in views. There have been quite a few love marriages in the close circle.
2. I am sorry if I have hurt you all by not replying, which was not my intention. I wasn't trying to make fun of by asking for advice, but really felt I need some help.
3. Reason for posting: May be because of the fervent desire of getting a green signal (yes my heart wants it, I am being frank). Also due to the fact that I want to close this stressing problem.

Thanks a lot to each and everyone for taking time and helping me.

As suggested by some members, I am taking time to decide about my future since I have time and I do not want to decide things in a haste.

Thanks a lot once again!
 
Vaagmi said:
I think everyone familiar with the forum is aware of the kiteflying possibility. But everyone is happyto use the opportunity to reiterate their position in this matter for the umpteenth time. Lol.
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​Yes! Never tired of 'arachcha mAvu'!! :D
 
sangom said:
I know more than three parents who all live in our midst. Their children (son or daughter) have married Christian, Half-muslim, Ezhava.
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Was the marriage of the above three an arranged one or due to love affair? If it is arranged, we can appreciate the boldness of the parents; and if not, the parents had failed in their attempt to convince their wards to stay, especially in the case of IR marriages.What happen subsequently in the case of IR marriages: the B Brides are very disciplined in their adopted religion and follow practices scrupulously, and the 'divine love' takes the back seat.

The (orthodox) mamis can be seen wearing skirts just touching the knees, tight-fitting shirts, sleeveless tops and so on. One couple was seen in the backdrop of what looked like a restaurant serving NV food, liquours, etc. also. {/QUOTE]

There is certainly a difference between wearing modern dress, eating NV etc., and converting to other religion and following it very seriously.

Overall, we Hindus lack seriousness and interest in our religious matters and its spread, and in the name of secularism, we encourage such marriages, especially IR marriages.
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preethichandra said:
Hello all,

Sorry for the late reply. My thread was waiting for sometime for screening, later I dint get any notifications, I am replying immediately now after seeing the responses. Thanks a lot for the many responses.

Miss Preethi,
Waiting for some time will not mean shying away or having no courage to meet the problem.
It is a good strategy to get a better result and so also to identify people around you of their true colours.

1. My family: Everyone in my family are God-fearing, but they were quite liberal in views. There have been quite a few love marriages in the close circle.
2. I am sorry if I have hurt you all by not replying, which was not my intention. I wasn't trying to make fun of by asking for advice, but really felt I need some help.
3. Reason for posting: May be because of the fervent desire of getting a green signal (yes my heart wants it, I am being frank). Also due to the fact that I want to close this stressing problem.

Thanks a lot to each and everyone for taking time and helping me.

As suggested by some members, I am taking time to decide about my future since I have time and I do not want to decide things in a haste.

Thanks a lot once again!
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Miss Preethi,

Waiting for some time does not mean that you are shying away or does not have enough courage to face the problem. Waiting IS A STRATEGY TO IDENTIFY PEOPLE OF THEIR TRUE COLOURS.
 
Preetiben,

This is from what I got from another group in which I am a member.

This may be useful to you. .....And to many others.

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A prayer for my son
Manju Gupta, The Tribune
Published on July 21, 2015​
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[TD="width: 589"]I was caught in a dilemma as I unwrapped the gift, choking with emotion. My son had bought me a present from his first paycheck and I was debating whether I should start a discourse or let life do the teaching. After some thought, I decided to err on the side of caution and do what parents do best: sermonise and preach. So here goes:

Never allow your livelihood to come in the way of living. Have a life, in fact, have many lives. Nurture diverse social groups— colleagues, family friends, gym buddies, book/movie clubs, kitty parties, bum-chums. Have a work life, a family life, but stay connected with your past. Keep these groups exclusive so that if one part of your life is not working, there are other aspects to fall back on. Learn to enjoy your own company.

Believe in the innate goodness of people. Take calculated risks, but don’t indulge in recklessness. Certain things have been proven dangerous, so trust elders and avoid these. Drink responsibly. Use seat belts and helmets. Walk away from fights and brawls. Obey laws and rules. Don’t make money at the cost of your well-being.

Marry for the right reasons. Don’t marry because it’s the next logical step in your life, or because your friends are doing so. And I might regret this later, but don’t marry because I ask you to. Marry when you are ready to share your life with someone and are ready for the accompanying responsibility. Don’t marry for money or status or for love, which is vague and fleeting. Marry someone you admire and who shares the same moral values. Long after the flames of passion have died, mutual respect will keep the relation alive.

Help with the housework. As the role of men and women continues to evolve, it is time you understand that just as the boardroom is no longer your exclusive domain, the kitchen isn’t hers. If the house is yours, so is the accompanying work required to run it. So pitch in. Learn to cook and clean up. It is when the domestic help is on leave that you have to prove that you are “maid” for each other.

Encourage your partner to live a fulfilling life. Motivate her to have a career and hobbies. Support her dreams and aspirations. Help her revive old bonds and friendships. This is imperative not only for her personal growth, but also for your well-being. A life spent pandering to your whims and needs can’t be wholesome. And being the sole reason for her happiness is too much pressure for you.

Although babies are a lot of work, they are still worth having; pink, blue or both. Have kids when you are ready. Participate in child rearing. More than money, spend time with them.

Be strong and stand up for your beliefs. Make decisions and take responsibility. Don’t drown that inner voice, which will guide you. Be a man to protect and provide for your family. More importantly, be a man enough to admit your mistakes and inadequacy, and if the occasion requires, be a man enough to cry. For before you are a man, you are a human.

There will be times when you’ll think that I won’t understand your predicament, that I am too senile, too uptight, too far removed from reality to deal with the truth. Try me. I might surprise you. I am extremely proud of you and there are few things you can do to change it. I’ll always be around in body or spirit, with my unsolicited advice!

The world is your oyster and nothing announces it better than this pearly ceramic timepiece which I will proudly wear on my wrist. Thanks for the gift, son, it’s your time on my watch![/TD]
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