How to control Anger.

[renuka]

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Why not trust Renuka? They are 100% in control of their emotions which makes their thinking unclouded. I would trust them 100%

Jalaluddin Rumi said.."Whoever's calm and sensible is insane".


I can not agree more.

I would further add 100 % calm mostly are frauds.
The best of con men and smooth criminals are as calm as placid waters...totally unclouded minds that can be dangerous.

A criminal mind is never in a state of unrest..its always an eerie calm.

A true normal human has every shade of emotion intact..he can laugh..cry..get angry..feel sad..feel euphoric..he is never entirely calm.

 

[sravna]

Jalaluddin Rumi said.."Whoever's calm and sensible is insane".


I can not agree more.

I would further add 100 % calm mostly are frauds.
The best of con men and smooth criminals are as calm as placid waters...totally unclouded minds that can be dangerous.

A criminal mind is never in a state of unrest..its always an eerie calm.

A true normal human has every shade of emotion intact..he can laugh..cry..get angry..feel sad..feel euphoric..he is never entirely calm.

Renuka,

Let us consider two levels: human, divine

Humans experience all the emotions while the divine experience only positive emotions. Since everyone is inwardly divine, all I am talking is moving towards the divine or in other words self improvement.

 

[renuka]

Renuka,

Let us consider two levels: human, divine

Humans experience all the emotions while the divine experience only positive emotions. Since everyone is inwardly divine, all I am talking is moving towards the divine or in other words self improvement.

Ok

So where is the Devil in this equation?

If human is a mixture of all emotions and Divine is ONLY positivity..that means Pure Negativity should exists too?

So where is the Devil?
He has to exists!

 

[sravna]

Ok

So where is the Devil in this equation?

If human is a mixture of all emotions and Divine is ONLY positivity..that means Pure Negativity should exists too?

So where is the Devil?
He has to exists!

Renuka,

There are different shades of human from devilish to divine

 

[renuka]

Renuka,

There are different shades of human from devilish to divine

So let me be both for I am human

[video=youtube_share;Gz_BunTylIM]https://youtu.be/Gz_BunTylIM[/video]

 

[Raghy]

I think I should really introduce the realities of life.

Women naturally deserve all the support we can give. When they were teen agers, when they were pregnant, when they give birth, when they go through menopause….. they go through hormonal changes. Their body chemistry goes out of whack… their emotions play havoc… With all that, they can smile?.... I salute them..

We have been talking about teen agers. I know for a fact, girls during teen years go through more chemical imbalance than boys… Body chemicals affect the brain and thereby the mind too. When the body chemicals go out of whack, the mind goes out of whack which gets displayed in mood changes from feeling on the top of the world to feeling depressed and low….. all in a span of 1 hour or less.

A woman, usually goes through menopause between very late 40s to early 50s…. it’s a transformation in about 6 up to 10 years… They can very easily feel low during those years…. Am I losing my pretty looks? …. Do I still attract my husband?.... have I lost too much hair already?... leave alone pretty, do I even look presentable?... would my husband start eating from the hotel?.... should I hold on with my savings to gain respect?.... How can I smile with all these thoughts going through in the back of my mind?... all these confusions take place due to chemical imbalances…

Now lets consider a newly married girl…. I am getting used to sex… God, the more I do it, the more I need it…. I can’t wait for it…. Boy! Am I pregnant?... Why my emotions are all over the place? I want to laugh…. I want to cry…. I want to love… I want to hate the same thing I love….

Now lets put a woman going through menopause, a newly married girl and a girl in her very late teen years, like 18 or 19…. How would that household look like?... What question is that? It would be like Melbourne…. 4 seasons during the same day, that’s before nightfall… you don’t know what to wear in Melbourne… you don’t know what you will see not one, but 3 women with whacky hormones… let me out!....I know that would be the usual reaction….

Anger or any other emotions can not be controlled. You may advise others to “ control” their anger. Would you advise someone to control their happiness, sadness, euphoria etc? Try telling that to my daughter… She would say “ Why don’t you get yourself a robot? You don’t really need a child, not a teen ager any way”….

So, how is this managed? I learned from a lady who did not complete her primary school… a gem of a lady… my sister-in-law’s mother-in-law….. I didn’t think much of her… We crossed swords in 1989…. But we learned about each other in 2012…. My wife observed her management strategies… she applied them to her daughter-in-law…

The mother-in-law says to her daughter-in-law during the week end after lunch .. “ Your husband called you”… Daughter-in-law goes “ Really? I didn’t hear it”… “ Ha, he was more like murmuring.. possibly he wanted some water.. take water to him.. take some sweets too.. he likes sweet.. Why don’t go to your husband’s room and relax a bit? I really like to have some rest.. if you like to sleep, go ahead for a hour or two.. when you return we will make coffee”…. After sending the daughter-in-law, this mother-in-law starts making snacks for the evening… after about 2 hours daughter-in-law comes back, ejaculated, pleasantly tired, with pleasant body pain, ravenously hungry…. “ oh.. here you are… I couldn’t sleep.. I made some snacks.. can you taste them… I am preparing coffee too… take some snacks and coffee to your husband.. comeback and give me company to eat some snacks… I like your coffee.. make some coffee for me”…. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are sitting down enjoying snacks and coffee…

The teen ager comes home, wonders.. how come this mother-in-law and daughter-in-law combination is so happy? Boy, I like a piece of this happiness too….

If properly managed, there is no anger. My client hit his neighbour out of paranoia, with a chain.. there was a lock at the end of the chain… needless to say, that neighbour was a guest in the hospital for a long time.. no case manager home-visited before me… I visited him.. showed him his anger can be managed… now he is settled, quite as a kitten… he trusts me like a family member… nobody has seen him angry in the last 12 months….

No emotion like anger, love, happiness, sadness, silliness… can be controlled. They are the emotions for us to live through and enjoy.

Remember, we just have one life time…. If you like to tell that girl “ God! You are pretty!”, just go ahead and do it. Emotions help us to express ourselves. My daughter often times call me by my name “Raghy”… I don’t mind… it’s much better than getting addressed by some colourful words… ( I bet most members wouldn’t imagine what those colourful words were… My daughter is an Aussie… Aussies use words colourful enough to put the rainbow to shame… It is quite common to use “F” word when I talk to my boss.. and she would use such words too )..

 

[Raghy]

Dear Renu,

I use the combination of Iyer Tamil and Chennai Senthamizh!!

I really wish I could use Chennai Thamizh in the forum. chennai Tamizh can shatter other's anger so fast....

It's a pity it's not allowed although it is Tamizh...

 

[Raghy]

Some say that let people express their anger so that the tension is released and not pent up. Yes expressing anger seems to be useful sometimes but based on my experiences I would say that is not the ideal. One can develop the right emotion to a given situation without expressing any of the negative emotions and be very effective.

Anger and other negative emotions are the result of the force factor or disharmony existing in the mind. The more the disharmony is, the less you exhibit intelligence and more of negative emotions. So, towards the ideal would be to exhibit more intelligence and less negative emotions. One can consciously work towards that.

Boss,

Anger is not a negative emotion. If someone did not get angry in the past, you would been circumcised when you were 12. Safety for others is assured only because some of us can get angry and wants to make changes. Can you kill someone if you have to? You need emotion boss! Loving your family is an emotion too. What is the difference you see between anger and love? I can love a person and get angry with that very same person.. I have done that in this very forum...

Why do you think kids from Sweden, Israel or New Zealand excel in their life? No one tries to control their emotions. They can try any thing short of hurting others... property damage, petty theft... these are nothing... We still maintain our daughter's room as she left it... few places the plaster punched in.... her attempts repair some of the larger holes in the wall... You know why? this is a home, not just a house.

Children are not robots. They should enjoy their emotions. I rather have a cursing, aggressive child over a broken down, crying child. I cried enough for the next 4 generations..... all because of controlling elders....

 

[sravna]

Dear Shri Raghy,

What I am saying is that there is a positive counterpart for all the negative emotions, which help you accomplish what the negative emotions can in a much more effective way but maintaining a great positive feeling. It is possible. We should not continue to live in a rut when a higher quality life is possible. Let us be open to possibilities especially when they can be positive.

 

[renuka]

Dear Shri Raghy,

What I am saying is that there is a positive counterpart for all the negative emotions, which help you accomplish what the negative emotions can in a much more effective way but maintaining a great positive feeling. It is possible. We should not continue to live in a rut when a higher quality life is possible. Let us be open to possibilities especially when they can be positive.

Dear Sravna,

Life cant be positive 24/7 and negative 24/7.

Its a combination of ups and downs..highs and lows.

Even in Geeta Krishna talks about the pairs of opposites to Arjuna.


Now..lets take Arjuna...who else can be better than him..he heard the Geeta directly from Krishna.
Had the vision of Vishwaroop.

But yet even after all that during the battle he would get dejected and lose focus and Krishna would have to guide him again.


Why?
Becos the mind reacts to any situation via our emotions.

Just imagine Arjuna could still have reactions via emotions and get affected even after receiving the Geeta and witnessing the Vishwaroop could still not be equiposed 24/7...do you really think a human can be calm and sensible 24/7?


Here is where I would totally agree with Rumi...
"Whoever is calm and sensible is insane".

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

Life cant be positive 24/7 and negative 24/7.

Its a combination of ups and downs..highs and lows.

Even in Geeta Krishna talks about the pairs of opposites to Arjuna.


Now..lets take Arjuna...who else can be better than him..he heard the Geeta directly from Krishna.
Had the vision of Vishwaroop.

But yet even after all that during the battle he would get dejected and lose focus and Krishna would have to guide him again.


Why?
Becos the mind reacts to any situation via our emotions.

Just imagine Arjuna could still have reactions via emotions and get affected even after receiving the Geeta and witnessing the Vishwaroop could still not be equiposed 24/7...do you really think a human can be calm and sensible 24/7?


Here is where I would totally agree with Rumi...
"Whoever is calm and sensible is insane".

Renuka,

I am talking only of gradual self improvement and not instantaneous enlightenment

 

[renuka]

Renuka,

I am talking only of gradual self improvement and not instantaneous enlightenment

In youth we see anger...middle age we become wise and somewhat calm..in old age we become tempremental again...then its time up!

Havent you realized old men and old women get agitated very easily.

Anger is infantile and it shows up again in senility.

Knowing this pattern of the human mind I have taken constructive steps to prevent myself from becoming an Angry old bird when I get much older.

One good way is lead a life with more isolation..lesser people you interact with less mood swings.

Also keep learning something new so brains have no time to get angry.

Thats why I am into learning a 6th language to engage my brains in something productive.

An idle mind is an angry mind.

 

[thebigthinkg]

Anger is ofcourse natural. It is indeed tamasic, because it reduces the amount of information (entropy) we can access during that state.

Due to pressure or volume (density) or temperature differential, moving from high to low is a natural way in which matter and biological beings evolve. The same thing happens with our thoughts. External pressures, information overload, excess emotions get let out and that letting out is anger.

Since it is about kids, the question is how often kids get angry, how long they remain angry, what conditions trigger their anger.

If they get angry (letting go) often, then it means that they could be in information overload and are handling much more than what they are capable of. To broaden their capability to handle that overload, sports, music, arts or such multitude of activities are better. These broaden our experiences as we play different roles and become better at handling varied information.

If they remain angry for long, (brooding over things and not ready to let get over it soon, the emotional types), it means they don't have broad perspectives of people, time and life. They may not be putting themselves in other's shoes, they may not understand how they are a small part of the big universe and how time flows across all of us changing everything. Such people need meditation, social service activities, volunteering efforts etc which broadens perspectives and experiences which teach us about people, time and life in different dimensions (which we term spiritual).

If certain specific conditions (parents pressure, peer pressure, teachers pressure etc etc etc) put them in anger, then they need to learn to adapt. Most kids do adapt and use various techniques. They lie to themselves, lie to others, hallucinate, generalize, just forget it by diverting away etc naturally. Most get to use this pressure positively. But in this case what helps them is their social connections. Such kids need good friends or parents as friends, cousins as friends etc. Kids with buddies with whom they share easily adapt to pressure.

These are generic. Often kids have a combination of all. Most important is to treat kids as friends, individuals with whom we can debate, disagree, agree to disagree and yet continue to be friends.

-TBT

 

[Raghy]

Dear Shri Raghy,

What I am saying is that there is a positive counterpart for all the negative emotions, which help you accomplish what the negative emotions can in a much more effective way but maintaining a great positive feeling. It is possible. We should not continue to live in a rut when a higher quality life is possible. Let us be open to possibilities especially when they can be positive.

Dear Sri Sravna,

( Points to note - 1. Although I recommend anger management, I do get very angry often times. My BP easily climbs up to 180 - 190 over 100. I have measured it. When I get a headache, I know I am about 200 in systalic....
2. I am not recommending anyone to become angry. I only say to youngsters that if they became angry at any given instance, they need not feel guilty about it since anger is just an emotion).

Anger is a positive emotion. Sometimes we have to show our anger, although it need not be throwing a tantrum. All emotions are positive emotions. Yes, sadness is also a positive emotion. Our brain handles a given situation by secreting the best possible hormone to handle the situation. We are talking about teenagers and youngsters here. They will find their own equilibrium as they get older and wiser.

Yes, what you are saying is good for an ideal person. I am talking about the majority, less than ideal persons here. Expressing emotions freely is not a lower quality of life. My daughter visited us yesterday. there was a conversation about anger and anger management, although I did not start the topic ( the conversation got started because I got angry about something nagging me for the last 10 years. I could not get over it; I could not move on; it's not resolved yet though). My daughter said while growing up she could direct her anger towards me without guilt and it helped her greatly. ( Again, I have offended everyone today. I can anticipate more situations in the following week).

If we live alone, we need not get angry at all. If we don't feel offended, cheated or unfairly treated by others, we need not get angry. But in a family, such feeling is common and a situation to get angry takes place. A smart person would try to find a positive outcome in any situation. That's life.

 

[sravna]

Dear Shri Raghy,

Though I tend towards idealism, I think I can understand your pragmatic point of view.

 

[sravna]

Though I am idealistic, I also believe it pays better to be pragmatic in a kaliyuga. That is why the Americans are so successful in today's reality. They are hardcore pragmatists.

 

[SATHYAN N]

Dear friends,
Good afternoon to all. In my point of view, Anger is a test of situation reaction. If someone hate ourselves, then angry is not need. Because diplomatic behavior is important. If that hated of the behavior is true then dont tell answer. Be piece. If it is not true then dont go angry. In free time, we have to do social awareness program, social service. Social Service tells satyameva jaya ta, truth alone triumph. We have to give value for respectful job as like Cleaning, labours, Take and catch, etc..In country, every project should going group task where will not do act, hesitate. Every person have work. There has no King by Kids. We can think all are doing service whatever may be buiness or any other good path which should have enhance of each work. My conclusion is Rain for all. Rescue for all. Respect for all. Rationalism is a cultural-ism. Right to justice solution for all problem. Great Mannerism should come in sacrifice. Delighted..........

 

[Raghy]

Dear friends,
Good afternoon to all. In my point of view, Anger is a test of situation reaction. If someone hate ourselves, then angry is not need. Because diplomatic behavior is important. If that hated of the behavior is true then dont tell answer. Be piece. If it is not true then dont go angry. In free time, we have to do social awareness program, social service. Social Service tells satyameva jaya ta, truth alone triumph. We have to give value for respectful job as like Cleaning, labours, Take and catch, etc..In country, every project should going group task where will not do act, hesitate. Every person have work. There has no King by Kids. We can think all are doing service whatever may be buiness or any other good path which should have enhance of each work. My conclusion is Rain for all. Rescue for all. Respect for all. Rationalism is a cultural-ism. Right to justice solution for all problem. Great Mannerism should come in sacrifice. Delighted..........

Good Evening Sir!

Your point of view I agree.I country grew up. Young age very poor. Very hungry. In country, many take catch jobs did. Country people respect give not. I worry not. I no theft I no cheated. I always head looked up walked. Many people help. very difficult silk read. lastly Gods Grace very difficult one good job discovered . Very difficult English learned . White people asandhu went! Now very happy very happy.

You very well said " Rain fall all. Rescue for all". In thousand, one word. Life experienced people only say in thousand, one word. My friend one boat have . One day told. I go Australia you come? I very careful. " One day hundred Rupee give, I all take catch job this boat do. You what say?" My friend think do think do, agree. Many many days go. Now this all old story.

I house buy, car buy, good position sat. You too come? Problem no. I arrange do. You already Engineer. You come. I do take catch job your house do. dollars salary pay!

Me you very like. I friend request send. accept.

 

[Vaagmi]

#68:

What a P.J.

I am disappointed. And I am getting angry.

English is not my mother tongue. and I do not think in English. I think in Tamil and express in english/hindi/malayalam etc., It is not a seamless process.

My thought processes and pathways are native ones................and I am angry.

I do not laugh at the riksha puller on the street who with one of his hands frantically signals to me that my headlights are on in the middday Chennai traffic. On the contrary I feel like stopping my car then and there and rewarding that famished poor stranger with a gold ring. I am a prisoner of my circumstances............... I love and appreciate my native values and thought processes.

and............I am angry.

 

[krish44]

A good way to not get angry is isolation from situations that make us angry.

Have layers of resources that cushion one from anger spots.

Have interests that do not involve transactions with people directly.

Shutting oneself off from people and situations can make for pleasant living.

My transactions with the world for last few months is through PCs and avoiding telephones.

Written communication makes one more objective and emotionfree.

 

[a-TB]

Do not understand post 68 ..
If it is a joke it is a flop

 

[Raghy]

Dear friends,
Good afternoon to all. In my point of view, Anger is a test of situation reaction. If someone hate ourselves, then angry is not need. Because diplomatic behavior is important. If that hated of the behavior is true then dont tell answer. Be piece. If it is not true then dont go angry. In free time, we have to do social awareness program, social service. Social Service tells satyameva jaya ta, truth alone triumph. We have to give value for respectful job as like Cleaning, labours, Take and catch, etc..In country, every project should going group task where will not do act, hesitate. Every person have work. There has no King by Kids. We can think all are doing service whatever may be buiness or any other good path which should have enhance of each work. My conclusion is Rain for all. Rescue for all. Respect for all. Rationalism is a cultural-ism. Right to justice solution for all problem. Great Mannerism should come in sacrifice. Delighted..........

Good Evening Sir!

I refer to my post number 68 in this thread.

I thought you were joking and I joked with you too.

You may or may not have joked.

That does not matter. In my hindsight, I think that post #68 is not in good taste. I did not not mean to offend you; like I said, I was joking with you.

Hereby, I apologise to you unconditionally for the post number 68. I am sorry.

You need not accept my friend request.

I welcome you to the forum Sir.

Regards,

Raghy.

 

[Raghy]

Do not understand post 68 ..
If it is a joke it is a flop

That's okay. Raghy had gone through many flops before. this is one more. Thanks for pointing out though.

 

[Raghy]

#68:

What a P.J.

I am disappointed. And I am getting angry.

English is not my mother tongue. and I do not think in English. I think in Tamil and express in english/hindi/malayalam etc., It is not a seamless process.

My thought processes and pathways are native ones................and I am angry.

I do not laugh at the riksha puller on the street who with one of his hands frantically signals to me that my headlights are on in the middday Chennai traffic. On the contrary I feel like stopping my car then and there and rewarding that famished poor stranger with a gold ring. I am a prisoner of my circumstances............... I love and appreciate my native values and thought processes.

and............I am angry.

English is not my mother tongue either.

I thought in my mother tongue and translated every word in English to the best of my knowledge.

Actually I thought, I was joking with the recipient of my message #68. It may not be the case though. I apologised.

I don't get what is P.J though.

Would you give a gold ring? Kindly tell me your car registration number... I will signal you if I see the headlights are on ( My car head lights are on at all times though)...

 

[Vaagmi]

English is not my mother tongue either.

I thought in my mother tongue and translated every word in English to the best of my knowledge.

Actually I thought, I was joking with the recipient of my message #68. It may not be the case though. I apologised.

I don't get what is P.J though.

Would you give a gold ring? Kindly tell me your car registration number... I will signal you if I see the headlights are on ( My car head lights are on at all times though)...

Dear Raghy,

To start with, P.J means Poor Joke.

I thought after a first reading of your post #68 that you had been very unkind to the member who posted.

Now please read my post and you will understand every word of it well.

So wrote that piece with anger welling up at the apparent arrogance.

You have apologised and only a gentleman can do that. You are a gentleman.

Please forget my post expressing anger at the injustice to that new poster.

Thank you.