I am a Thengalai Iyengar, loving a non-brahmin girl

[Raji Ram]

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....... BTW i was told thenkalai does not have baranyasayam..

OMG! Why this kolaveRi?? :shocked:

 

[srivai]

In some situation sasthras allow to marry other caste girls. one of it is if a Brahmin boy didn't get a Brahmin girl and because of it he could not get a male child to do his final rituals then for that purpose he can marry. I think I read this in gouthama sutram.

 

[psnarasimhan]

I was told by an iyengar friend that any one can become an iyengar. You have the procedure of samasharayanam and baranyasam and hence you can have the girl do it and get her into the iyengar fold. There should be no issue at all

Mr kameshratnam. Could you throw some light about the gentleman your friend, who told you that anybody can become an Iyengar just by undergoing Samassranayam and baranyaasam. You must think twice before posting such texts because it affects the whole brahmin community particularly sree vaishnavas otherwise called Iyengars of both sects.

 

[vgane]

Iyers sadly dont have any such methods to increase the tambrahm numbers

The method suggested is applicable only to Iyengars and the getting into the fold can be done only acharyans/ jeeyars and not by sastrigals..in case this bhattars.. BTW i was told thenkalai does not have baranyasayam..

That is a stupid post without basis..These are all sham ..No one can become an Iyengar..One has to be born in the community!

 

[Raji Ram]

......No one can become an Iyengar..One has to be born in the community!

:help: Vaagmi Sir!

 

[sangom]

Hello All,
I Am a Thengalai Iyengar, loving a non-brahmin girl. I have tried to convince my parents for the past one year, but still didn't succeed. I can't live without my parents and her . We wish to marry with our parents' blessings. My parents are constantly saying a point that Shastras say that a brahmin boy can not marry a non-brahmin girl and I will not be allowed to do my parents thithi in future.
So please, could anyone show me any references of veda shastras on whether a Brahmin boy can actually marry a non-brahmin girl. If I marry, will I be able to do thithi and shrartha in the future.

Thanks in advance.

You have not said the circumstances under which you developed intimacy with this non-brahmin girl, and the reasons for which you think marrying her will be beneficial for your future. Also, you ahould analyse whether it is mere physical, sexual attraction that draws you to her or whether you are fully prepared to stand by and support & protect her throughout your life, even if she turns out to be the really unbearable, nagging type, after marriage. It will be useful to see how her mother and (elder, already married)sisters behave after marriage.

In the vast majority of cases our Tamil Brahmin "ambis" are brought up without much contact with even their female siblings and so, when an ambi gets the first opportunity to interact closely with a nubile girl, they are overcome by their physical urge and want to possess "her" for themselves (எனக்கே எனக்கு) and term this urge as "love". Wiser ambis think calmly, get over such infatuation and marry a right girl at the appropriate time.

 

[CHANDRU1849]

As I belong to Iyer community, I have no knowledge about the shastras and sambradayas of Vadakalai and Tenkalai, let alone my caste.

But, our community has been passing thru difficult times at different stages. The present problem is dwindling in numbers on account of IC/IR marriages, especially in the case of girls. One member in this blog went to the extent of saying that it is easy to sleep with B girls. However, there is no clear statistics about NB girls marrying our boys. If it happens, it has to be encouraged.

In order to survive and retain our position in society, we have to take some bold decisions and make some sacrifices. Before marrying her, you can teach her about our community, customs and conventions, food habits, style of language etc., in a friendly way. Once satisfied, you can take introduce her to your parents. Meeting of parents from both sides is also a welcome sign, which can clear doubts, if any.

Making B boys are very conservative and follow B customs scrupulously may lead to a situation where B boys find it difficult to have suitable match from B girls. It is also possible, they may remain as bachelors during their entire life time, and once and for all the community may vanish completely.

Arresting erosion should be the prime motto.

Best wishes.

 

[Vaagmi]

:help: Vaagmi Sir!

samasrayanam makes one a vaishnava.

vaishnava is not=Iyengar.

vaishnava includes several others and also Brahmins called iyengars.

Naidus, naickers, gounders, rajus, some of the yadavas among Tamils are also vaishnavas. They also undergo samasrayanam.

 

[Vaagmi]

I was told by an iyengar friend that any one can become an iyengar. You have the procedure of samasharayanam and baranyasam and hence you can have the girl do it and get her into the iyengar fold. There should be no issue at all

your friend gave you a wrong info. Go and ask him why he did that.

 

[tks]

Hello All,
I Am a Thengalai Iyengar, loving a non-brahmin girl. I have tried to convince my parents for the past one year, but still didn't succeed. I can't live without my parents and her . We wish to marry with our parents' blessings. My parents are constantly saying a point that Shastras say that a brahmin boy can not marry a non-brahmin girl and I will not be allowed to do my parents thithi in future.
So please, could anyone show me any references of veda shastras on whether a Brahmin boy can actually marry a non-brahmin girl. If I marry, will I be able to do thithi and shrartha in the future.

Thanks in advance.

Sri Sathyarajan,

Within birth based caste beliefs, all of which are not rooted in our knowledge scriptures, you have no solution . Beliefs however irrational cannot be subject to reason.

My suggestion is for you to stay away from this girl for a period of 3 months without any contact whatsoever. If at the end of this period you still feel you only want to marry her or stay unmarried for life (and assuming she feels the same way) go ahead and marry her.

Your parents will be unhappy but threatening that you cannot do shraddham is blackmail .

Our scriptures do allow anyone who follows dharma to do sharaddham for
Pitrus .

If you ended up not marrying her you have no problem with your parents. Regardless of what you end up doing please support your parents unconditionally even if they ostracize you.

You may have been better off had you thought about all these consequences before getting involved.

In any case our Prarabdha Karma unfolds and the best we can do is to be aligned with Dharma. This means spending time to learn our scriptures beyond just memorizing some slokas and doing some rituals. Then you have to live the life supported by these learnings. You can do all these even if you ended up marrying this girl.

There is a belief that 'marriages are made in heaven' within Hindus. This actually reflects the belief in Prarabdha Karma and hence you need not feel guilty about how the events turn out.

Best wishes

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

your friend gave you a wrong info. Go and ask him why he did that.

I gave you a true story - remember - the folly of the grandpa resulted only in a Keloid and boy had to consult a plastic surgeon ! I doubt if it made him a vaisnava!!

 

[renuka]

whether you are fully prepared to stand by and support & protect her throughout your life, even if she turns out to be the really unbearable, nagging type, after marriage. It will be useful to see how her mother and (elder, already married)sisters behave after marriage.

.

Isn't this an Indian phenomenon? Females become naggers after marriage?!LOL

Its more seen in housewives...cos they do not work outside of home and are sort of taken for granted by their husbands becos a housewife is financially dependent on her husband and housewives are burdened with just too many responsibilities.

Working wives usually do not nag as much or do not nag at all becos they have more interaction with the outside world..chit chat with office mates of both sexes...so this gives them sort of an anti anxiety effect and when they reach home they do not find any reason to nag.

A working wife is seldom taken for granted becos of her financial independence.

BTW its hard to judge anyone..when it comes to marriage including love and arranged...initially everyone including family puts up their best front.

So there is no way to know how a person would turn out to be..both man and woman included.

 

[renuka]

My suggestion is for you to stay away from this girl for a period of 3 months without any contact whatsoever. If at the end of this period you still feel you only want to marry her or stay unmarried for life (and assuming she feels the same way) go ahead and marry her.

This will make any girl leave.

If a man would ever try to experiment his feelings...I know I would surely leave.

Becos feelings are not an experiment.

In fact if I were the girl I would ask "in that 3 months..are we allowed to see other people to keep options open in case you decide to break off..at least I wouldn't have wasted my time on a person who is unsure..and who knows I would find a better person than you and be married in that 3 months time frame"

Has anyone considered the girls feelings here?

That she should wait 3 months for a testing period?

For people who are in love..staying away even for 3 minutes would feel like 3 years.

If a man tells a girl that he has to go work abroad and wait for him for 3 years that is still OK cos he is sure of his feelings and would be in contact with her.

But if a person wants to not be in contact for 3 months just to test if he really loves a girl..that shows he is doubting his feelings.

The moment doubt arises..its always better to part ways and marry another person who is sure of his feelings.

A man seldom needs the backup family support in marriage like a girl does.

So he should be bold enough to make decisions if he decided to fall in love.

This is called Integrity.

 

[kameshratnam]

your friend gave you a wrong info. Go and ask him why he did that.

Other information which he has given me

1. Baranyasayam is the only way to moksha
2. There is no other god other than Sriman narayanan
3. After baranyasayam i am guaranteed moksha. I can live in anyway. i can smoke , consume alcohol ..still i will get moksha

Those who follow jesus Christ also say the same philosophy

Other things which i say in him
1. Total direspect for thenkalai since he is vadakalai

 

[tbs]

hi

just my thought.....convert this gal to thenkalai and get marriage....after becoming vaishnava,,,,nothing to worry abt sastras..

sarvam kesavam prati gaccati......becoz sriman narayanan takes everything....total saravagati according to vaishnava...

so make her as VAISHNAVI and get married...thats all...one more thing to remember....as tenkalai brahmin boy...getting

brahmin gal is tough...luckily u got a gal....dont loose the chance.....she may be better than many TB modern gal..

so make her AS SOON AS VAISHNAVI AND GET MARRIED...OTHERWISE U NEVER GET A GAL IN LIFE....its reality...

 

[krish44]

tbsgaru
great. You have evolved over time to develop revolutionary thoughts.

There are many considerate iyengar wives married to a christians

One lent her gothra to husband [ a christian who offered to do gruhapravesam with vadhyars and homam] when the vadhyar asked for it

There are some loving and equally helpful christian wives married to iyengars

One christian girl wearing nine yards sari and mangal sutra along with iyengar husband did perform thithi and shradham for parents in law who were iyengars.

Loving wives hindu or christian always do their duty and lend a helping hand to their husbands.

Iyengar husband however hid jesus photo which his wife had in his home during gruhapravesam at his new home and took it out only after the hindu function was over.

Women that way are more sensitive and caring.

Both iyengar male and female belong to my extended family and these are real incidents.

 

[tbs]

tbsgaru
great. You have eviolved over time to develop revolutionary thoughts.

There are many considerate iyengar wives married to a christians

One lent her gothra to husband [ a christian who offered to do gruhapravesam with vadhyars and homam] when the vadhyar asked for it

There are some loving and equality helpful christian wives married to an iyengar

One christian girl wearing nine yards sari and mangal sutra along with iyengar husband did perform thithi and shradham for parents in law who were iyengars.

Loving wives hindu or christian always do their duty and lend a helping hand to their husbands.

hi krish sir,

thanks ....but im modern conservative....i like culture and traditions......im liberal some aspects.....

 

[krish44]

Isn't this an Indian phenomenon? Females become naggers after marriage?!LOL

Its more seen in housewives...cos they do not work outside of home and are sort of taken for granted by their husbands becos a housewife is financially dependent on her husband and housewives are burdened with just too many responsibilities.

Working wives usually do not nag as much or do not nag at all becos they have more interaction with the outside world..chit chat with office mates of both sexes...so this gives them sort of an anti anxiety effect and when they reach home they do not find any reason to nag.

A working wife is seldom taken for granted becos of her financial independence.

BTW its hard to judge anyone..when it comes to marriage including love and arranged...initially everyone including family puts up their best front.

So there is no way to know how a person would turn out to be..both man and woman included.

Nagging is an art .

How to make a husband do what a girl/woman wants ?

This is not because of housewife status alone [meaning no economic power]

Many men are pig headed and keep repeatedly doing things which appear insensible to married girl/women.

So they get into nagging avathar to bring about a change.

Nagging wives are great change managers .

They are a requirement in new economy and social order.

 

[tbs]

hi krish sir,

thanks ....but im modern conservative....i like culture and traditions......im liberal some aspects....love us not easy thing...

especially with muslin/christian gals....some may think that love is cheap...its hardest part of life....we can assume the

depth of sea...but we can't assume the depth of WOMAN'S HEART....its so deep..no man can calculate the depth of

woman's mind/heart...ஆழம் இது ஆழம் இல்லை...சேரும் கடலும் ஆழம் இல்லை.....ஆழம் இந்த பொம்பளை மனசு தான்...

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

samasrayanam makes one a vaishnava.

vaishnava is not=Iyengar.

vaishnava includes several others and also Brahmins called iyengars.

Naidus, naickers, gounders, rajus, some of the yadavas among Tamils are also vaishnavas. They also undergo samasrayanam.

Vaihnava is not= Iyengars
Is converse true?
Who are they then? Needs further samasrayanam to become a vaishnava? - Certified Iyengar = vaishnava. - and uncertified Iyengar ? - looks Iyengars are divided not only by Kalai and also by Certification ! Sometime back they were split - knowledgeable & otherwise (stupid) as you called them -

 

[renuka]

hi krish sir,

thanks ....but im modern conservative....i like culture and traditions......im liberal some aspects....love us not easy thing...

especially with muslin/christian gals....some may think that love is cheap...its hardest part of life....we can assume the

depth of sea...but we can't assume the depth of WOMAN'S HEART....its so deep..no man can calculate the depth of

woman's mind/heart...ஆழம் இது ஆழம் இல்லை...சேரும் கடலும் ஆழம் இல்லை.....ஆழம் இந்த பொம்பளை மனசு தான்...

LOL!

I know my heart has 4 Ventricles.. I do not know about the depth of my heart! But I understand TBS ji...men are more sentimental when it comes to Lovvu..we females are more practical.

But what you say its true..Love can be true..as it is Ambis are not getting married..why let Ambis be Urdhva Retas?

Its not as if a TB girl is marrying a Non TB guy here to lament potential loss of culture.

In this case its a NB girl who would be following TB culture and her sons would carry the Gotra based Y chromosome.

After all Veda Vyasa did not have a Brahmin mother and neither did Parashurama....both turned out well!

 

[renuka]

Nagging is an art .

How to make a husband do what a girl/woman wants ?

There is something called the Silent Treatment...that works better.

No need to nag just keep silent and husband will panic and ask "why are you so quiet..what is on your mind?"

 

[tbs]

LOL!

I know my heart has 4 Ventricles.. I do not know about the depth of my heart! But I understand TBS ji...men are more sentimental when it comes to Lovvu..we females are more practical.

But what you say its true..Love can be true..as it is Ambis are not getting married..why let Ambis be Urdhva Retas?

Its not as if a TB girl is marrying a Non TB guy here to lament potential loss of culture.

In this case its a NB girl who would be following TB culture and her sons would carry the Gotra based Y chromosome.

After all Veda Vyasa did not have a Brahmin mother and neither did Parashurama....both turned out well!

hi renu,

every rule has an exception....every exception has a rule...lah...

 

[tbs]

There is something called the Silent Treatment...that works better.

No need to nag just keep silent and husband will panic and ask "why are you so quiet..what is on your mind?"

hi

silent most dangerous weapon...after a calm...there is BIG STORM conming....

 

[renuka]

hi renu,

every rule has an exception....every exception has a rule...lah...

Sahih betul...saya setuju.


(Absolutely right..I agree)