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I am a Thengalai Iyengar, loving a non-brahmin girl

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Dear Renuka,

There is the attraction towards other person's beauty, physical appearance, finances . Then there is attraction towards the person's intelligence and then there is attraction towards a person's goodness. Ironically though the most stable one is the last and the least stable the first one we find more and more of the first type of attraction. So the need for the trial so that one does not get involved in an unwanted relationship and pay the consequences. But if the love is strong the person would not feel the need for the trial and would not take it anyway.
 
renuka said:
Isn't this an Indian phenomenon? Females become naggers after marriage?!LOL

Its more seen in housewives...cos they do not work outside of home and are sort of taken for granted by their husbands becos a housewife is financially dependent on her husband and housewives are burdened with just too many responsibilities.

Working wives usually do not nag as much or do not nag at all becos they have more interaction with the outside world..chit chat with office mates of both sexes...so this gives them sort of an anti anxiety effect and when they reach home they do not find any reason to nag.

A working wife is seldom taken for granted becos of her financial independence.

BTW its hard to judge anyone..when it comes to marriage including love and arranged...initially everyone including family puts up their best front.

So there is no way to know how a person would turn out to be..both man and woman included.
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I know quite a few working wives who go on nagging not only the husbands but also their children because such women feel very much emboldened due to their education, interaction with the outside world and their independent financial position. When the children grow up they slowly realize the nagging nature of their mother; they either openly revolt or, in some cases, the daughters take a leaf out of their mother's book and start nagging her too!
 
sravna said:
Dear Renuka,

There is the attraction towards other person's beauty, physical appearance, finances . Then there is attraction towards the person's intelligence and then there is attraction towards a person's goodness. Ironically though the most stable one is the last and the least stable the first one we find more and more of the first type of attraction. So the need for the trial so that one does not get involved in an unwanted relationship and pay the consequences. But if the love is strong the person would not feel the need for the trial and would not take it anyway.
Click to expand...

Dear Sravna,

I think you had an arranged marriage and so did I.

To be frank in an arranged marriage we practically married a stranger!LOL

So what attracted me to my arranged marriage spouse was surely his looks and physical appearance.

Finance goes without saying cos he had to be a professional too to match me.

So we only know about goodness of a person or lack of it after marriage!LOL

Coming to intelligence..it also takes time to know IQ of spouse.

So mostly our judgement for anyone when it comes to marriage is mostly looks and a feeling of attraction.
 
Nagging is a fine art.

Women perfect it over the years.

Daughters observe mothers and take to it when they see its utility.

Last generation women without economic power got their way by utilising nagging regularly.

This generation ,women are close to a high explosive TNT combining nagging with economic power.

Sensible men blindly yield and let these nagging women have their way and escape to tamil brahmin forum .

Hre they lament about the status of tamil brahmin [they mean only men] and think how they can be uplifted.
 
Kanchi and Srigeri are neither Shaivites nor Vaishnavites. For ideitification, they sport Vibhudhi and survival chant Narayana Narayana: just like for construction for Raja Gopuram be an Advaithi and after that return to earlier position.
 
krish44 said:
Nagging is a fine art.

Women perfect it over the years.

Daughters observe mothers and take to it when they see its utility.

Last generation women without economic power got their way by utilising nagging regularly.

This generation ,women are close to a high explosive TNT combining nagging with economic power.

Sensible men blindly yield and let these nagging women have their way and escape to tamil brahmin forum .

Hre they lament about the status of tamil brahmin [they mean only men] and think how they can be uplifted.
Click to expand...

LOL!


Nagging is not a fine art..its a pathology!

I feel it a form of passive aggression.

A confident person will NOT nag cos its a waste of energy.

Its better to sit down and discuss any problem without resorting to nagging.
 
renuka said:
Dear Sravna,

I think you had an arranged marriage and so did I.

To be frank in an arranged marriage we practically married a stranger!LOL

So what attracted me to my arranged marriage spouse was surely his looks and physical appearance.

Finance goes without saying cos he had to be a professional too to match me.

So we only know about goodness of a person or lack of it after marriage!LOL

Coming to intelligence..it also takes time to know IQ of spouse.

So mostly our judgement for anyone when it comes to marriage is mostly looks and a feeling of attraction.
Click to expand...

Dear Renuka,

People generally underestimate a very important factor in decision making namely intuition. I trust my intuition a lot and so in reality I did not marry a stranger. I somehow knew about her.

But many a time emotions may cloud judgement. This is not exactly intuition and so one has to be careful about what to make of ones thoughts.

A rule of thumb is if you are able to have mastery over emotions you can trust your thoughts.
 
sravna said:
Dear Renuka,

People generally underestimate a very important factor in decision making namely intuition. I trust my intuition a lot and so in reality I did not marry a stranger. I somehow knew about her.

But many a time emotions may cloud judgement. This is not exactly intuition and so one has to be careful about what to make of ones thoughts.

A rule of thumb is if you are able to have mastery over emotions you can trust your thoughts.
Click to expand...

Dear Sravna,


Of all the mappillais that came..my husband was the most handsome..so I said yes!

Also I felt a Kuch Kuch Hota Hai feeling and I felt my heart flutter.

That was enough for me to say yes.

He too told me he liked how I looked and said yes.
 
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Dear Sravna,

In an arranged marriage..everything has been matched..almost all potential matches would be almost from the same background..horoscopes too would be matching..so the decision has to be made by just one meeting.

Surely the appearance of the person would be one of the deciding factors when everything else is almost the same.

Also there was one main factor how I selected spouse..I dont like materialistic persons.

So I saw what car they drove..the one that earns well and drives an fairly good car but not a flashy expensive one would be my choice.
Those who spend too much on flashy cars are usually not careful with money and are materialistic.
 
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renuka said:
Dear Sravna,


Of all the mappillais that came..my husband was the most handsome..so I said yes!

Also I felt a Kuch Kuch Hota Hai feeling and I felt my heart flutter.

That was enough for me to say yes.

He too told me he liked how I looked and said yes.
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Dear Renuka,

But both of you were able to look beyond the looks too. We may not even know that.
 
sravna said:
Dear Renuka,

But both of you were able to look beyond the looks too. We may not even know that.
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Yes..surely..cos all other Mappillais were making a big fuss of me being a Vegetarian.

There are not many Non Brahmins here who are vegetarian.

My husband felt happy to have a veg wife and now he is veg too.
 
renuka said:
Dear Sravna,

In an arranged marriage..everything has been matched..almost all potential matches would be almost from the same background..horoscopes too would be matching..so the decision has to be made by just one meeting.

Surely the appearance of the person would be one of the deciding factors when everything else is almost the same.

Also there was one main factor how I selected spouse..I dont like materialistic persons.

So I saw what car they drove..the one that earns well and drives an fairly good car but not a flashy expensive one would be my choice.
Those who spend too much on flashy cars are usually not careful with money and are materialistic.
Click to expand...

I agree
 
renuka said:
Yes..surely..cos all other Mappillais were making a big fuss of me being a Vegetarian.

There are not many Non Brahmins here who are vegetarian.

My husband felt happy to have a veg wife and now he is veg too.
Click to expand...
Good looks and also looks good.
 
Dear Renu,

Thanks for re-posting your lovvu story again! I have it by heart! :becky:
And............. as usual, the OP has lot of fun by :ranger: ONLY and not :typing: anything here!! :lol:
 
The Moral of the Story to the Original Topic Poster here is, never come here for any advice/guidance/reference etc. as any querry/post will be automatically highjacked by a handful of regulars to tear you apart and feel sinned, repentful. All I could observe in all topics here is, out of some 50 thousand members registered, only a handful of regulars visit, reply and block/highjack the topic and take you to nomans's land. May be they are chatbots or paid contributors (to increase the hits) or people with ulterior motives who do not want the site to continue the good work to TB community.

Sorry your kind of querry could never fetch a correct answer here.
 
Here is a song for Renu. :) (Vaagmi Sir's views - :welcome:)


REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE !!


mAppiLLaigaL palar vandhu

madhi mayangip pOyvida,

RENuvukku mAlaiyida

manadhAra vizhaindhida ! :becky:

(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)


nAn vegetarian -ena

RENuvum uraiththida,

nammaiyum mAtruvALO
ena avargaL Odida ! :bolt:

(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)


azhagan oruvan vandhu

veettinuL nuzhaindhida,

avan thalaiyil sottai illai
ena avaLum pArththida ! :spy:

(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)


avan veettup peNgalum

kuttip pottu vaiththida,

avanum padu smart-Aga

iruppadhaik kaNdida !
nominated_star.png


(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)


non.veg-ai iruvarumE

nAn uNNEn endrida,

iruvarin chemistry-yum

perfect-Ai amaindhida ! :hug:

(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)


petrOraL pArththuth thandha

mAppiLLai pidiththida,

oru arranged marriage-um

lovvudan mudindhida ! :love:

(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)

:clap2:
 
asadu said:
The Moral of the Story to the Original Topic Poster here is, never come here for any advice/guidance/reference etc. as any querry/post will be automatically highjacked by a handful of regulars to tear you apart and feel sinned, repentful. All I could observe in all topics here is, out of some 50 thousand members registered, only a handful of regulars visit, reply and block/highjack the topic and take you to nomans's land. May be they are chatbots or paid contributors (to increase the hits) or people with ulterior motives who do not want the site to continue the good work to TB community.

Sorry your kind of querry could never fetch a correct answer here.
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The truth well said.
 
Raji Ram said:
Here is a song for Renu. :) (Vaagmi Sir's views - :welcome:)


REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE !!


mAppiLLaigaL palar vandhu

madhi mayangip pOyvida,

RENuvukku mAlaiyida

manadhAra vizhaindhida ! :becky:

(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)


nAn vegetarian -ena

RENuvum uraiththida,

nammaiyum mAtruvALO
ena avargaL Odida ! :bolt:

(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)


azhagan oruvan vandhu

veettinuL nuzhaindhida,

avan thalaiyil sottai illai
ena avaLum pArththida ! :spy:

(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)


avan veettup peNgalum

kuttip pottu vaiththida,

avanum padu smart-Aga

iruppadhaik kaNdida !
nominated_star.png


(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)


non.veg-ai iruvarumE

nAn uNNEn endrida,

iruvarin chemistry-yum

perfect-Ai amaindhida ! :hug:

(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)


petrOraL pArththuth thandha

mAppiLLai pidiththida,

oru arranged marriage-um

lovvudan mudindhida ! :love:

(REnoo kalyAnA vaibhOgamE)

:clap2:
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That is a good song. I was wondering how it would be if extended (poetry) untill the first child is born. Renukaji has a son.
 
Vaagmi said:
That is a good song. I was wondering how it would be if extended (poetry) untill the first child is born. Renukaji has a son.
Click to expand...
Thank you very much Sir!

The song can go on and on till happenings of today!

Renu writes that someone has kept rose petals in heart shape near the entrance door of her house! :lol:
 
Raji Ram said:
Thank you very much Sir!

The song can go on and on till happenings of today!

Renu writes that someone has kept rose petals in heart shape near the entrance door of her house! :lol:
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I am sure she wears chappals and has some patience to wait. LOL.
 
Thank you all for your response..
I expected some references and ways to make my marriage possible with my parents' blessings. I see the responses in the thread became so diluted in content. Thank you so much for some ppl who took some care and replied. But I still didn't get what I expected. I'll post here some of the references which I got in different forums..
 
Some of the responses which I got..

Who is a Brahmin?

Brahmin is a person who is on the spiritual path of attaining Brahman.
He is the one who observes strict discipline (like not eating meat, no intoxication, rituals, chanting mantras etc).
He lives by teaching (preaching) the shastras and he is not material minded at all.
He is pure outwardly and inwardly (pure minded)

In today's world, where can you find people who observe all these strict disiplines?

In your case, your boyfriend is just a superfical Brahmin(I am assuming this, no offense) which means he is just a Brahmin by caste.

Our caste system was based on our duty(Dharma) and not by birth.

Brahminhood is a state of mind which has to be attained, a person doesn't become a Brahmin just because he is born of Brahmin parents.

Ksatriyas are the people who are administrators and defend the land..

So in this present world, you can call people who are working as Police, in the Army, Navy, etc as ksatriyas.

Vaisyas are the businessmen and traders.

Sudras are the people who serve the above mentioned castes.

Most of the people(around 98%) in the present world are sudras.

So, you both are sudras only..

You can get married to each other without any problem
clip_image001.png
(If your Horoscopes match)

If your boyfriend's parents oppose your marriage to him. Please give them a solid gyan on who a Brahmin is
clip_image001.png


Thank You.
 
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