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I C and I R weddings!

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Daksha Kumar said:
What would the members do if their son wants to marry a non Hindu??

How many of you would insist that the other person convert's to Hinduism?

Particularly in case of a son?
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Yahaan Kal Kya Ho Kisne Jaana?

I asked my son..when you grow up would you marry a male or a female?

He said "Amma..I am not gay"

So for now..I know I will get a Daughter In Law.
 
renuka said:
..... Respect,manners etc does not disappear with an intercaste or inter religious marriage.

These are basic human values that can be present or absent in anyone.....
Click to expand...

Well said, Renu! But even in a love marriage, if one of the couple's side is very orthodox, problems will arise! I gave

an example, where the Muslim + Brahmin parents were NOT orthodox and hence the brahmin guy had a happy wedding.

He is still a brahmin. Otherwise, I am sure he would have been forced to convert, to which he would have obliged! :hail:
 
renuka said:
Dear Sravna,

Depth of anything in this world is questionable..I am sure with your spiritual mindset you surely know nothing is not subject to change.

Even though I had an arranged marriage..I do not really believe an arranged marriage is superior to a love marriage or vice versa.

Both are marriages and need commitment for it to work out.

I recently asked my husband..what made him choose me as his wife.

His answer was just one line "Your looks"

See..this is an arranged marriage and he said he chose me cos he felt I looked good(beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway)

So was that a superficial reason for him to marry me?

I dont think so..cos everyone does look for something in anyone.

Mine was an intercaste arranged marriage.

Faith in culture..respect for elders...I have noted some family members who had inter religious marriage their spouses respect and understand differences in culture too.

Respect,manners etc does not disappear with an intercaste or inter religious marriage.

These are basic human values that can be present or absent in anyone.

BTW I am a progeny of an Intercaste marriage and I feel I turned out just right.
Click to expand...

Dear Renuka,

Beauty is not a superficial reason. It strongly attracts. The way to assess qualities is to see if(i) it is rare (ii) time tested for long lasting good effects.

Love marriages based on beauty and physical aspects are for the first reason and since the arranged marriages are based more on the second reason they are lot less fragile though they may not be as intense as love marriages initially.
 
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renuka said:
Dear Sravna,

Depth of anything in this world is questionable..I am sure with your spiritual mindset you surely know nothing is not subject to change.

Even though I had an arranged marriage..I do not really believe an arranged marriage is superior to a love marriage or vice versa.

Both are marriages and need commitment for it to work out.

I recently asked my husband..what made him choose me as his wife.

His answer was just one line "Your looks"

See..this is an arranged marriage and he said he chose me cos he felt I looked good(beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway)

So was that a superficial reason for him to marry me?

I dont think so..cos everyone does look for something in anyone.

Mine was an intercaste arranged marriage.

Faith in culture..respect for elders...I have noted some family members who had inter religious marriage their spouses respect and understand differences in culture too.

Respect,manners etc does not disappear with an intercaste or inter religious marriage.

These are basic human values that can be present or absent in anyone.

BTW I am a progeny of an Intercaste marriage and I feel I turned out just right.
Click to expand...

What really happens is that when two of opposite gender meet , in some cases there is instant chemistry.

There is lightning and flash.

Then there is rain song.

Do not you ever see indian films?
 
krish44 said:
What really happens is that when two of opposite gender meet , in some cases there is instant chemistry.

There is lightning and flash.

Then there is rain song.

Do not you ever see indian films?
Click to expand...
Sometimes, the first touch produces an electric shock and a dream song will follow! :hug:
 
Raji Ram said:
Well said, Renu! But even in a love marriage, if one of the couple's side is very orthodox, problems will arise! I gave

an example, where the Muslim + Brahmin parents were NOT orthodox and hence the brahmin guy had a happy wedding.

He is still a brahmin. Otherwise, I am sure he would have been forced to convert, to which he would have obliged! :hail:
Click to expand...

The question is why can't the Brahmin/ Hindu groom insist that the Muslim bride convert to Hinduism???
 
Raji Ram said:
Dear friends,

Lot of I C and I R weddings are happening, where either bride or groom is a brahmin.

Should we support these or not?

Krish Sir has posted this in another thread:
Click to expand...

this was what prompted me to mention Mr. Krish's name, that's why I used the word 'chosen" I am well versed that this thread belongs to you RRji
 
GANESH65 said:
this was what prompted me to mention Mr. Krish's name, that's why I used the word 'chosen" I am well versed that this thread belongs to you RRji
Click to expand...
Oh, Yeah! Krish Sir's post prompted me to start this topic today! :)

So, what is your 'stand', Ganesh Sir? Support or no?

BTW, any thread is a property of this site and does NOT belong to the OP. :cool:
 
Raji Ram said:
Oh, Yeah! Krish Sir's post prompted me to start this topic today! :)

So, what is your 'stand', Ganesh Sir? Support or no?

BTW, any thread is a property of this site and does NOT belong to the OP. :cool:
Click to expand...

RRji,



Okay let me make it clear. With all due respects to inter-cast,inter-religion and may be "inter-gender" marriages I would still like to vote for the arranged marriages within same communities. I have my own reasons for doing so. At the instance of one honourable member of this forum I started maintaining data of marriages of TB boys and girls outside their community which came to my knowledge. Initially I did it for sake of that member who wanted to have data for last 10 years for may be some sort of his studies. Later I also gathered some intrest in it and wanted to know how the marriages worked. So far I have been able to collect details of about 23 such couples who were married out of our community and believe me 19 of them have resulted in failure! Most of them not even lasting for one year. Cultural differences and food habits were some of the reasons behind the split although they were not the main reason. However 4 of them are doing fine and hopefully will remain so as the understanding between them are excellent. I also witnessed 8 arranged marriages within our community during this period and all of them are working fine. (atleast to my knowledge!)

I also had an opportunity to get to know about 3 other marriages which were also inter-cast/religion in which no TB was involved. They all are e doing excellently well. These results have prompted me to believe that a tamil brahmin (whether it is a boy or a girl) finds it a little difficult to adjust with other cultures so far as personal life styles are concerned and that's the base for my reason to stand for arranged marriages for TBs. It does'nt mean that arranged marriages do not break. But the percentage is much lesser compared to the other one.
 
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Dear Ganesh Sir,

Thanks for your detailed reply! :)

Now, it is time for my 15 mts afternoon nap! So, going to :sleep: !
 
krish44 said:
Ganesh sir will not even accept vaishnavite brahmin.

He is a staunch saivite .
Click to expand...

May I know what prompted you to believe so, Krish ji?


For your kind information, I am highly comfortable with both Vishnavites and Shivites. I do visit temples of both believes and do sevas there.
 
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Woulld you marry into a vaisnavite family or take a girl from vaishnavite family?

Visiting temples is only a superficial activity.

Both sects have different dress , food habits besides religious sampradayam.

Both believe they are exclusive and many times keep a distance.

Have you studied iyer-iyengar couples also.?

How do they cope with each other?
 
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krish44 said:
Woulld you marry into a vaisnavite family or take a girl from vaishnavite family?

Visiting temples is only a superficial activity.

Both sects have different dress , food habits besides religious sampradayam.

Both believe they are exclusive and many times keep a distance.

Have you studied iyer-iyengar couples also.?

How do they cope with each other?
Click to expand...

Sure, I won't have any problem with alliance from Vaishnavite for my family member. I visit both the temples with equal devotion and integrety. Infact, I have visited and offered prayers at more than 30 divya desams.
Both sects have different dress , food habits besides religious sampradayam.

Both believe they are exclusive and many times keep a distance.
Click to expand...

Here I can only say that I would be able to adjust and won't try to maintain any distance, but agree with you, the cooperation should be from both sides. If the other person do not want to mingle, probably I may not be successful.

Unfortunately I do not have any iyer-iyengar couples for a close watch. One of my cousin has married an iyengar girl only and leading a happy life. But we are not in constant touch.
 
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In our family same caste marriages bloom like அத்திப்பூ I really believed that we are making new casteless India! and even proud about it ! I was in Delhi to attend the wedding of the Grand Daughter of my eldest B in L All the wedding in this family are IC. By way of compliments I said You look happy His response yes - more so she is marrying a Brahmin boy - his ancestors are pujaris of Kalkaji temple you know! This made me think - yes we are not unhappy with IC wedding We accept it don't welcome it - But are we ready to arrange such wedding for our children? We can accept but don't promote them with conviction ! It may happen in generation next!
 
GANESH65 said:
RRji,



Okay let me make it clear. With all due respects to inter-cast,inter-religion and may be "inter-gender" marriages I would still like to vote for the arranged marriages within same communities. I have my own reasons for doing so. At the instance of one honourable member of this forum I started maintaining data of marriages of TB boys and girls outside their community which came to my knowledge. Initially I did it for sake of that member who wanted to have data for last 10 years for may be some sort of his studies. Later I also gathered some intrest in it and wanted to know how the marriages worked. So far I have been able to collect details of about 23 such couples who were married out of our community and believe me 19 of them have resulted in failure! Most of them not even lasting for one year. Cultural differences and food habits were some of the reasons behind the split although they were not the main reason. However 4 of them are doing fine and hopefully will remain so as the understanding between them are excellent. I also witnessed 8 arranged marriages within our community during this period and all of them are working fine. (atleast to my knowledge!)

I also had an opportunity to get to know about 3 other marriages which were also inter-cast/religion in which no TB was involved. They all are e doing excellently well. These results have prompted me to believe that a tamil brahmin (whether it is a boy or a girl) finds it a little difficult to adjust with other cultures so far as personal life styles are concerned and that's the base for my reason to stand for arranged marriages for TBs. It does'nt mean that arranged marriages do not break. But the percentage is much lesser compared to the other one.
Click to expand...

Good analysis Ganeshji..When I collected data about a year back 25% of our TB's were marrying outside the community...75% are marrying within the B community..I had not considered Iyer/Iyengar as separate...Here Krishji asked this question if a Saivaite will marry a Vaishnavite...Iyers are not Saivaites..We (Including me) are smarthas..We believe in both Shiva & Vishnu avatars..Do you know how much of cultural shock is there when both families are Iyers but one is from Tanjore & other is from Palghat..There are so many differences in dialect, language, traditions between the two groups (They curse each other as Malayalathaan and Kizhakkan) but many are marrying ironing out the differences as both are Tamil speaking Brahmins..So let us not create artificial barriers...There could be a minority who are very orthodox Iyengars who will not accept an Iyer bride or vice versa...
 
hi

before talking abt IC/IR marriages...lets talk about iyer /iyengar marriages...i think...we have to a long miles to have unity

among iyer/iyengar....are we really mingled together?....still need a patch work?...
 
tbs said:
hi

before talking abt IC/IR marriages...lets talk about iyer /iyengar marriages...i think...we have to a long miles to have unity

among iyer/iyengar....are we really mingled together?....still need a patch work?...
Click to expand...

Hold on...before discussing iyer iyengar marriage...what about Vadakalai Thenkalai marriages?

How is that viewed?
 
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