If You Think Marks Are Everything In Life, You Need To Think Again!

[V.Balasubramani]

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புத்தியுள்ள மனிதரெல்லாம் வெற்றி காண்பதில்லை
வெற்றி பெற்ற மனிதரெல்லாம் புத்திசாலி இல்லை

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSack7BDRNk


"‘எல்லோருக்கும் வாழ்வதற்கான பொருள் உண்டு. அதை அவரவர்தான் தேடிக் கண்டுபிடிக்க வேண்டும்’ என்பதைப் பள்ளிப் பருவத்திலேயே உணர்ந்துவிட்டேன். ஒவ்வொரு தோல்வியும் ஒரு சின்ன மரணம். ஒவ்வொரு அவமானமும் அதுதான். அவை பலரைச் சிதைக்கின்றன; சிலரைச் செதுக்குகின்றன. ... தோல்வியையும் துயரத்தையும் உளிகளாக மாற்றிக்கொள்பவர்கள்தான் சிற்பமாகச் சிறப்படைகிறார்கள்".

Courtesy: V. Iraianbu, I.A.S.,

 

[JR]

PJ ji,

I find it real funny that people seem to equate good education and having parental encouragement to procure the same out of young minds, with acquisition of 'bad traits' as if focus on education led the kids astray... it is NOT education or focus on education that led anyone astray... it is their own mental makeup that led them astray! AND they would have gone astray EVEN if they weren't highly educated or had pushy parents. It is a bad idea to equate sound education and focus on it with acquisition of vices! Humans will be humans whether or not they are motivated to achieve well academically! It is just that sound achievements prepares them MOST OFTEN THAT NOT for a successful life. Nothing is a guarantee, we all look for better opportunities, it will be foolish to forego this opportunity.

 

[Jaykay767]

JR JI –Absolutely agree, parental pressure on the kids to do well is mostly a positiveinfluence. People wrongly see it as negative all the time!! Many high achievers have attributed their success to their parents consistent push to out perform.

 

[Jaykay767]

Renuka JI –

First off, we are talking about survival in life, not about some very intelligent billionaire not having human values, not about being No.1 in life, not about some people not interested to do their jobs, not about those who play politics at work, not about those who want to race against time, not about education & character, not about true success being happiness index. Phew. LOL !!

Having clarified all that - Marks are everything in life for “survival itself”. That 35 pass marks is an “absolute must” to get a degree, a job & a life.

Of course one should continue to push to score into the 80s, 90s..!!

Cheers,

 

[Jaykay767]

VB JI –

Do you know that the “toughest way to make money” is through “Entrepreneurship”? Infact I call Entrepreneurship as a “Gamble in life” with 99% failure rate – this 99% is a statistical study & you will find 100s of sources for it in the Internet.

One should “never ever try to be an entrepreneur” unless some VC gives huge amounts of money. Even then it may not be worth the effort.

Most importantly most people do not work unless a Boss tells them to do & gives him or her a deadline. So how many people can work hard, with burning ambition to succeed & become a millionaire.

Agree with earlier posts that all these business success, millionaires etc.. are all “exceptions”

Cheers,

 

[Jaykay767]

Renuka JI, VB JI –

Finally – lets say the milkman’s son comes to you for career advise at the age of 10 yrs –will you say –

1. Marks are the only way out of the morass - Score High Marks, get the college degree & get a job in a good company.

OR

2. Don't worry lah, if you can study well - okay lah, if not also - okay lah, if you work hard in life, you will come up in any field lah, etc... like your father keep working hard lah...

Not to forget his father as a milkman works 16 hrs a day to put his kids to school & going nowhere in his life.!!!!!

Cheers,

 

[sarang]

The best and only advise one should give is - study well, work hard, and get high marks. Even our grandparents said the same. And nowadays parents have to sacrifice a lot and invest heavily in time and money to push their prodigy through the gates of any educational institution. Our parents were spared of this worry at least.

Do what you want, don't worry about your study or grades, is a recipe for disaster.

Renuka JI, VB JI –

Finally – lets say the milkman’s son comes to you for career advise at the age of 10 yrs –will you say –

1. Marks are the only way out of the morass - Score High Marks, get the college degree & get a job in a good company.

OR

2. Don't worry lah, if you can study well - okay lah, if not also - okay lah, if you work hard in life, you will come up in any field lah, etc... like your father keep working hard lah...

Not to forget his father as a milkman works 16 hrs a day to put his kids to school & going nowhere in his life.!!!!!

Cheers,

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Jaykay Ji,

My point is ‘mark’ is important, but securing more mark is not everything in life. There is lot more to learn in life and practice, besides Academic Excellence to succeed.

I think more emphasis is being paid to Academic Excellence these days, taxing the children from dawn to dusk.

Have you not noticed how these parents push their children to ensure that everyone becomes a professional in their life discarding personal interest, taste, passion, etc of the children?

Ultimately in the race of everyone becoming a professional, the Engineering degree has lost its charm.

Most of the students not seems to enjoy every day school life, because they are in the race and the parents expect them the perform better, score more marks. Every second of a student is being watched by the parents. He is not supposed to waste a single minute. His time is best managed by keeping him busy throughout the day by enrolling him in various coaching classes. Look at the stress imposed on them. It is pathetic during the exam time. When, there will be ban on movies, ban on cable connection, ban on games either in door or out door, ban on all other activities. Only desired concentration is on Marks ….. Marks ….. nothing but more Marks.

And you could have noticed that when the results are published, there are lot of news about suicide reported in every daily by both boys and girls who are unable to face failure.

Why this koleveri on securing more marks at the cost of enjoyment of real life including school life, by young generation.

When they grow up, when they look at the other children playing merrily on the ground, they start cursing the parents for having deprived their pleasure and for having behaved like a ‘Ring Master’ in a circus and for having pushed them against their will to become a bookworm to score more marks.

The sufferings of the young generation in the hands of parents having high hopes cannot be explained in words.They are made victims to realise parents colourful dreams!

If one has a will, vision, goal, etc he will succeed in life like Bill Gates, bearing in mind the sayings of Swami Vivekananda "Arise, awake and stop not until the goal is reached".

Goading is necessary but within the limits.

Cheers.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Statistics say that nearly 2471 students have committed suicide during the year 2013 alone for the only reason of having failed in the examination.

Excerpt from the news report “Four charts show why India's youth suicide rate is among the world's highest”.

“A common cause for concern is the pressure from parents to do well in the national board examinations, especially for Class XII, before finishing school. As scores in these exams often determine college admissions and subsequent employment opportunities, students aged 16-18 are often subjected to undue pressure at home to succeed. When they don't, suicide becomes a way out. In 2013 alone, 2,471 suicides were attributed to "failure in examination".


Source: Four charts show why India's youth suicide rate is among the world's highest

Scared Students Commit Suicide Across Tamil Nadu Due to Board Results

Read more at: http://www.newindianexpress.com/cit...o-Board-Results/2015/05/09/article2805092.ece

Why they were forced to take such an extreme step?

Is there is no life after that, if one fails in the Exam?

Parents should understand the feelings of young generation, their emotions, dilemmas, adventure, fear,interest, passion, etc and should be very friendly in their approach.

For heaven's sake don't drive them please.

 

[P.J.]

Dear Members

Posting this Thread is to dissuade those students who got less marks or fail marks to take extreme
step of ending their life.

Examination Results were out and already many depressed students ended their life and many

are confused about their future; Their parents are also very anxious about their ward's future.

By chance if they see my Thread ( Video ) there ia a chance that they will come out of their present predicament

and think ALL IS NOT LOST FOR THEM!!!!

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Dear Members

Posting this Thread is to dissuade those students who got less marks or fail marks to take extreme
step of ending their life.

Examination Results were out and already many depressed students ended their life and many

are confused about their future; Their parents are also very anxious about their ward's future.

By chance if they see my Thread ( Video ) there ia a chance that they will come out of their present predicament

and think ALL IS NOT LOST FOR THEM!!!!

 

[renuka]

Renuka JI, VB JI –

Finally – lets say the milkman’s son comes to you for career advise at the age of 10 yrs –will you say –

1. Marks are the only way out of the morass - Score High Marks, get the college degree & get a job in a good company.

OR

2. Don't worry lah, if you can study well - okay lah, if not also - okay lah, if you work hard in life, you will come up in any field lah, etc... like your father keep working hard lah...

Not to forget his father as a milkman works 16 hrs a day to put his kids to school & going nowhere in his life.!!!!!

Cheers,

dear JK,

You somehow do not seem to get it.

I am not asking students not to try their very best and score high marks..but its just that one needs to know that even if one does NOT score high marks (after trying) that does not mean there is no future ahead.

If one notes the degree of stress students face today becos of fear of not scoring high marks then one would understand.

There have been suicides too cos top students failed to score the marks they wanted.

I can see from your post that money seems to be everything for you in life..surprised actually to note you think that way.

I am not saying money is not important..it is important but do not make money the main motive of securing an education.

One should secure an education for self sustenance and a comfortable life and not just to show others we have made it.

Greed would come in next and then ethics goes out the door and we have corruption and white collar crimes.

The best advice I would give a student including my son is ...

Study very hard..keep in mind that sometimes we might not get the marks we want but that does not mean we are less intelligent or not capable..work hard and try your level best..know your strength and weaknesses along the way but always remember that sometime we do fail along the way and might feel depressed and if you do feel depressed..talk it out with someone and do not think that life is all about marks alone.

Work on your plus points and try again..sometimes we might aim for something but our true calling could be in some other field.




**** JK ..many of us work 12-14 hours day ..so the milkman isn't the only one working long hours.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Navigating the storm
by Anuradha Shyam

When you are overwhelmed by despair, reach out to people around you for support.

The taste of victory is sweet, and for the scores of students across the country waiting with bated breath for their results, it was a time for celebration. Images of students shedding tears of joy and sporting sunny smiles were splashed across various media streams. The smiles were a culmination of burning the midnight oil, intense preparation and guidance from a community of teachers and concerned family members.

What remained invisible is the other side of this rosy picture. An army of students who had not made it, either failing to make the grade or not meeting their own high standards of self-created images of excellence. The taste of failure is bitter and seeps deep within, the hurt magnified by the mirror of one’s own judgment.

Facing reality

Sushmita (name changed) was mortified when the results were announced. She had failed most subjects, and watching her own friends celebrate their results was painful. To console the young lady, many of us tried to help by speaking to her about her options to show her that no door is ever permanently closed.

Read more at: Navigating the storm - The Hindu

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Reaching out
By Anusha Parthasarathy

Distress helplines provide students with a ray of hope. Help is just a call away.

It’s that time of the year when tensions are as high as the temperatures outside. It’s not just the students, especially those who had just given their board exams, waiting anxiously for the results but also distress helplines, with counsellors ready to offer a helping hand to those who are disappointed or have failed. What exactly happens in a distress helpline centre?

“This is the busiest time of the year for us,” says Paras Sharma, Programme Coordinator, iCall, apsychosocial helpline project by Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Mumbai. “We have been functioning for three years now. The overall call average during the year is 500–1,000 in a month. But in May– June, when the exam results are announced, our call volume spikes to about 1,500–3,000 calls in a month.”

SNEHA, a suicide prevention helpline based out of Chennai, has been dealing with student distress for decades now. “Around this time, we get about 25 calls a day. At SNEHA, we try to tell the distressed students that they must have someone to vent to. We listen to them and make them explore exactly what they are feeling at that moment. Then we try to tell them that exams are not everything and what they can do to feel better,” says Dr. Lakshmi Vijaykumar, Director, SNEHA. The non-profit helpline has about 48 volunteers working round the clock to provide a helping hand.

Read more at: Help is just a call away: Reaching out - The Hindu

 

[P.J.]

Thanks for your Valuable Info V.Balasubramani Sir

 

[sarang]

When pass percentage in SSLC was less than 60% in the sixties, there was no such rush to give up one's life. Now pass percentage is 90% +, but suicide rates are far far higher. Better to study the conditions then and draw some lessons.

 

[Jaykay767]

Renuka JI –

On the contrary, you don’t seem to get the point !!

First off, you love to go out of the topic – It is not about “whether I think money is everything”. I am not the topic here… By the way, I am talking about milkman’s son needing money for sustenance. So, how that translates to “money is everything for me” beats me…

All of us know first comes greed, then ethics, then corruption, & white collar crimes… but that is NOT the topic of discussion here.

Again I am asking you – “what will be your advise to the milkman’s son, not to your son who is privileged to have you & your husband to support him with all the necessities” Again the topic is – for all normal poor people like milkman’s son.. not about you or me…

So everyone needs “money for basic survival to pay the bills” – this is a “must” & “not optional”. Again let me repeat, I am not talking about millions, billions, trillions, greed, ethics, values etc... I am talking about “normal poor people” like the milkman's son who needs say 15,000 INR per month… for sustenance..

Having said all this…

1. Lets focus “only on the statement” without worrying about the “impact” – “Marks are everything in life”
2. Money for "sustenance" comes from a Job, Job comes from having a college degree, college degree comes from “minimum pass marks”. So "marks are everything in life".
3. For a milkman’s son, the “only way out is education, marks, degree, job” otherwise his survival is at stake. Millions have descended into poverty, crime due to “lack of diploma/college degrees”
4. Lets please keep Steve Jobs, great entrepreneurs, heroes, etc.. “out of the picture” LOL !!
5. So answer to statement in #1 is “unequivocal yes” (Again don’t worry about the suicide impact – I will come to this)
6. So “without worrying about the impact”, the answer is“yes”

Great, now we have “focused only on the statement” & got the “answer” cleared, lets focus on the impact.

Lets analyze the impact:

1. Road accidents are common, so do we stop going out ?
2. Airplanes, Cars, etc.. all meet with accidents,so do we stop driving them ?
3. Jobs are stressful, many have suffered health problems, some have died, some have suicided, so do we stop working ?. do we tell our kids – it is okay if you don’t have a job… somehow “money will fall from the trees to pay the bills” ?
4. College is stressful so do we tell people to stop going to college ?
5. Life itself is stressful & full of risks, do we go to God & say – stop the entire creation ?

So now because a “few students suicide due to the enormous pressure on them by parents, etc.” does NOT make the “statement –marks are everything in life untrue” like “job stress leading to suicide ” does not make the “statement – Jobs are absolute must in life untrue”

Hopefully this clarifies… LOL !!

Cheers,

 

[Jaykay767]

So one should rather debate about parenting so that we can save these kids from suicide, & also how do we prepare our kids to face the life's pressures, challenges, etc... Similar to how to make our roads safer, how to make our flights safer, how to make our "jobs safer" etc...

 

[renuka]

Renuka JI –

On the contrary, you don’t seem to get the point !!

First off, you love to go out of the topic – It is not about “whether I think money is everything”. I am not the topic here… By the way, I am talking about milkman’s son needing money for sustenance. So, how that translates to “money is everything for me” beats me…

All of us know first comes greed, then ethics, then corruption, & white collar crimes… but that is NOT the topic of discussion here.

Again I am asking you – “what will be your advise to the milkman’s son, not to your son who is privileged to have you & your husband to support him with all the necessities” Again the topic is – for all normal poor people like milkman’s son.. not about you or me…

So everyone needs “money for basic survival to pay the bills” – this is a “must” & “not optional”. Again let me repeat, I am not talking about millions, billions, trillions, greed, ethics, values etc... I am talking about “normal poor people” like the milkman's son who needs say 15,000 INR per month… for sustenance..

Having said all this…

1. Lets focus “only on the statement” without worrying about the “impact” – “Marks are everything in life”
2. Money for "sustenance" comes from a Job, Job comes from having a college degree, college degree comes from “minimum pass marks”. So "marks are everything in life".
3. For a milkman’s son, the “only way out is education, marks, degree, job” otherwise his survival is at stake. Millions have descended into poverty, crime due to “lack of diploma/college degrees”
4. Lets please keep Steve Jobs, great entrepreneurs, heroes, etc.. “out of the picture” LOL !!
5. So answer to statement in #1 is “unequivocal yes” (Again don’t worry about the suicide impact – I will come to this)
6. So “without worrying about the impact”, the answer is“yes”

Great, now we have “focused only on the statement” & got the “answer” cleared, lets focus on the impact.

Lets analyze the impact:

1. Road accidents are common, so do we stop going out ?
2. Airplanes, Cars, etc.. all meet with accidents,so do we stop driving them ?
3. Jobs are stressful, many have suffered health problems, some have died, some have suicided, so do we stop working ?. do we tell our kids – it is okay if you don’t have a job… somehow “money will fall from the trees to pay the bills” ?
4. College is stressful so do we tell people to stop going to college ?
5. Life itself is stressful & full of risks, do we go to God & say – stop the entire creation ?

So now because a “few students suicide due to the enormous pressure on them by parents, etc.” does NOT make the “statement –marks are everything in life untrue” like “job stress leading to suicide ” does not make the “statement – Jobs are absolute must in life untrue”

Hopefully this clarifies… LOL !!

Cheers,

Dear JK,

My answer remains the same..who ever it is..whether privileged or underprivileged..whether the person is my son or a son of a milkman...I will only say..try your very best to secure good marks in exams..but remember that even if we do not get the marks we aimed for that does not mean there is no future.

Jaykay...children should be taught to value life as being much more important than anything else..they should be taught to have human values FIRST so that the education they receive is used for the betterment of self and society.

Take ISIS for example...many brilliant people have joined ISIS..many top ranking professionals run their network..so what say you? Education without human values?

So for me my answer always remains the same..human values first..that will automatically make a student imbibe education and knowledge in the right way and they will be stronger individuals that can handle success and failure with equal ease and finally choose what destiny has carved for them.

I do not really expect you to agree with my answer.

BTW you say that only some students commit suicide..that is becos we view death of those who are not related to us as mere statistics..but if that person is related to us than its not statistics anymore but stark reality!

 

[V.Balasubramani]

My point is that academic excellence is not everything in life. There are more that children can learn outside the class room which no teacher can teach……

Excerpt from letter of a Pennsylvania father addressed to the principal after the family received a nasty, threatening letter about missing three days of school by his children for a family trip to the annual Boston Marathon which is self-explanatory.

“While I appreciate your concern for our children’s education, I can promise you they learned as much in the five days we were in Boston as they would in an entire year in school. Our children had a once-in-a-lifetime experience, one that can’t be duplicated in a classroom or read in a book,” he wrote. Rossi explained that his children spent their time in Boston watching the marathon and cheering their father on, all while learning about perseverance and determination.

“They watched their father overcome, injury, bad weather, the death of a loved one and many other obstacles to achieve an important personal goal,” he said. Rossi also told Marbury that his children were able to pay respects to the victims of the Boston Marathon bombings — something they wouldn’t have the opportunity to do had they not attended this year’s marathon with him.

“They also paid tribute to the victims of a senseless act of terrorism and learned that no matter what evil may occur, terrorists can not deter the American spirit. These are things they won’t ever truly learn in the classroom,” Rossi wrote

Read more at: Father Writes EPIC Response To Kids? Principal For Letter Condemning ?Unexcused? Absences | Top Right News

 

[V.Balasubramani]

BTW you say that only some students commit suicide..that is becos we view death of those who are not related to us as mere statistics..but if that person is related to us than its not statistics anymore but stark reality!

Doctor Mam,




IN Chennai, after announcement of results, schools on their part, started taking advantage of the situation, go for big advertisement boosting achievement of ‘100% pass’ during the Academic year.

What is the logic behind this??

It is nothing but sheer commercialization and exploitation.

Students are not products!

IMO securing more marks is different from securing more knowledge.

 

[renuka]

Dear Bala sir,

I send my son for piano lessons and his previous teacher used to be too exam and marks oriented.
She was only preparing students to score high marks for their music theory and practical exams...there was no "love" for music in her lessons..it was all for exams!

So I finally changed the teacher and chose a young male teacher who was not exam oriented.The male teacher teaches music for the love of music and I see that my son is enjoying his lessons more and plays much better than when we was learning under his previous teacher.

 

[JR]

So one should rather debate about parenting so that we can save these kids from suicide, & also how do we prepare our kids to face the life's pressures, challenges, etc... Similar to how to make our roads safer, how to make our flights safer, how to make our "jobs safer" etc...

Dear JayKay ji,

+1 to the above message. As usual, you make absolute sense with a sound logic. (Also I have to tell you, your messages also contain a ton of info...).

Do we tell (stress) our kids about the importance of scoring high: Yes

Do we tell (teach) them also about points in your above list: Yes.

Is this enough/correct of right parenting: Yes.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

So one should rather debate about parenting so that we can save these kids from suicide, & also how do we prepare our kids to face the life's pressures, challenges, etc.....

Jaykay Ji,

I agree

There are also don'ts for parents and teachers.

In fact parents are also supposed to learn to handle children at the time of Examination especially those whose children are doing 10th, +1 and +2.

Some of the parents scold their children when they secure poor marks by using words like 'you are good for nothing' or 'you are fit for nothing', etc etc

And some pressurize them by comparing them with best performing children, thus insult/irritate them.

When the children are depressed, all that they need is an ear that will hear them patiently and a soul that will console them.

Why do we read history?

Thomas Alwa Edison is a school drop out, just think about a world without his discoveries.

Let us spread happiness and lead a peaceful life with 'Live and let live' slogan.

Life is how we take it.

Cheers.
.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Dear Bala sir,

I send my son for piano lessons and his previous teacher used to be too exam and marks oriented.
She was only preparing students to score high marks for their music theory and practical exams...there was no "love" for music in her lessons..it was all for exams!

So I finally changed the teacher and chose a young male teacher who was not exam oriented.The male teacher teaches music for the love of music and I see that my son is enjoying his lessons more and plays much better than when we was learning under his previous teacher.

Doctor Mam,

I agree.

Nowadays, most of the teachers are only quantity oriented,more publicity........... more students……….. more exams………….. more fees……….. more money/wealth - Happy going.

And not definitely quality oriented.

Love for money dominates and love for arts, value, dedication, etc pushed to the back seat.

Cheers.