sangom,
you are absolutely right re the old ways in which we used to treat servants.
you might remember v.v.giri when he was the vice president of india in the 60s. at that time, one of his children married (arranged, horoscoped) into a tambram family known to me. giri had come to the sambandhi, for dinner. those times were simpler times re security. apart from the driver there was only one military personnel who accompanied the vice head of state.
my friend's family, after everyone had eaten, seated the military guy, who was all along was asked to wait outside, was invited through the back door along with the driver and asked to sit with the servants in the kitchen and was fed along with them.
one of the guests knew something about the stripes adorning the uniform, and it was later after giri left, he told the family that this quiet unassuming uncomplaining sikh soldier was probably lieutenant colonel or major general in the army. not sure what the sikh officer felt all along or his opinion of tambrams of that time.
it was common knowledge among my rich relatives of yore, that the first decoction of coffee to the samaiyakaran and vaalikaran. these woke up early, got access to the fresh milk, and boiled and got the breakfast ready. nothing could be done about them getting the primary coffee. most of those women were either dumb or lazy to care about it either.
by contrast, many canadian families have live in maids particularly foreign girls (usually filipinos) to take care of the babies, while the parents go to work. these maids are treated as part of the family, and eat with the family and in all manners are assumed to be one of them.
my relatives in singapore have maids from india (palghat iyers) or filipino or malay. in all cases, i have seen them well treated, given a separate room for privacy's sake and paid according to singapore govt regulations. i now hear that the maids in india are thinking of forming unions ... .
the attitudes are changing, i think fast. my girl cousin in india has a dalit maid, who not only cooks the food, but eats with my cousin and on the whole considered one of the family. such changes in attitudes are long overdue.