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is it possible to convert into a brahmin ?

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kailash krishnan

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greetings,
to start with, i am a non-brahmin. i'm this lost soul who is desperately needing answers that might change my life !
let me just put it across. as it is commonly said ..."we dont choose who we fall in love with'' ...i did too fell in love with this beautiful iyengar girl !! i havnt loved anyone like i loved her. at first she refused my proposal ,even thought she liked me, only because her family would not accept. but after about 2 yrs of talking...she finally said 'yes'. i was completely mad in love. she was too. but then this problem of her parents not accepting came up again. and she left me saying it's better to let go now and the after being together for years and then having to let go because their parents dont accept. it's not that easy to let go and i'd take the mightiest of steps to have her back in my life and to have her with me forever so i could keep my promise of taking good care of her for a lifetime.
coming to the topic now...the main problem here is that i am not a brahmin. i seriously question this to their parents: "is the caste that very important than the happiness of your daughter who is willing to let go of her's just for you ?? "
i don really think this question will fetch me any answers.
i only want to know if there is a possibility of me converting into an iyengar. infact after getting to kno of her family, i really did start liking the culture and practices. but then if there is, i surely will convert and swear to follow every religious ritual with the fullest of my heart.
i beg for an answer :'( PLEASE HELP ME....
 
Kailash Krishnan ji,

Let the Brahmins of the forum help you out in this.

But your name is unique blend of Iyer/Iyengar..Kailash and Krishna.

Interesting.

Anyway what are your parents saying?

Are they OK for you to marry out of your caste or they too are opposing?


OK here is my advice:

1)If you love someone go ahead and get married.

2)If you have to change your identity for that..better not marry cos when we are in Lovvu we feel the Ricther of Love.. we will even bring the Parijatha tree down from Indraloka..after a few years of marriage then when Lovvu dips a little ..then we will feel that we gave up something of ours and might feel angry and frustrated..this is when all problem starts.


3)I am no Iyengar or Brahmin..but I do believe that people who love each other should not change what they are.
Both should respect each others culture and all these conversions from one religion to another..one caste to another(if its even possible) is not advisable.

4)Now..Love does not always comes only once in our life..so have a good talk with your Iyengar lady love...if she feels afraid of her parents..than dont force her to marry you.

A marriage should not start of with objection.BTW you said that she has left you..so its better to respect her decision cos sometimes girls choose to be polite when they want to break off but in reality they could have stopped loving the guy or realized that in the long run the marriage might not work.

Most girls use "my parents are objecting" dialogue..when they want to break off.

5)You should understand what you are bound to face from both your family and your inlaws and be prepared to face the music of any kind.


6)So the final decision is yours..frankly if you ask me..the caste tag in India remains till a person dies..I dont see any reason why you even want to think of a caste conversion.What about your own father? Isnt it unfair to him that you decide to give up his caste and convert to another caste for the sake of a girl?

That is like changing one's lineage..serious man..not an easy thing to do.
Being yourself is always the best cos we can only be ourselves..so called conversion of any kind is just a delusion.

BTW I dont think conversion to Iyengarism is actually possible(let Iyengars answer this)....even a Vadakalai will not marry a Thenkalai as you would be knowing.

So think hard..in the moment of Lovvu..dont get carried away by emotions.

7)If you really still want to marry her than marry her(provided she also wants to marry you) and best of luck..but the choice is yours.

BTW Heartbreaks are short lived..eventually everyone gets over it.

Kindly dont get angry with me...This is just my honest opinion.
 
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There are several man made barriers like caste, religion etc. that segregate people. Acceptance of one by the other is generally difficult. If you are to overcome the barrier the best way is through means that transcend these barriers. For example a mass leader cuts across almost all of these barriers. He has something that is universal and timeless in nature.

It is a tall order. But the only sure and enduring way is to present yourself to their parents as someone whose love for their daughter is above the mundane. You first have to convince the girl about that and then I think the job will become easier. I also mean you really love the girl unconditionally. If that indeed is really the case, avenues will naturally open up for you.

All the best.
 
Pyar Kiya to darna Kya?
If if love some one why fear.
[video=youtube;TdOS-0sIW-Y]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdOS-0sIW-Y[/video]

My marriage was an arranged marriage, so I have no personal experience.
But one my relations Brahmin girl loved a non-brahmin boy. The parents on both side would not agree to the relation. So finally they went had a registered marriage. They have a child, now both set of parents are forced to accept the relationship. The families still does not communicate but obviously it is working for the children.

If you are afraid of the consequence, you should not start the activity.

If the Brahmin parents do not want the relation, because of social pressure, you can not do anything to become a brahmin (it still will not be acceptable). So the best possible solution is to ask the brahmin family or give an ultimatum.
Tell me what you want to do to be acceptable to you, or you are going to loose a daughter.
 
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kailash krishnan said:
greetings,
to start with, i am a non-brahmin. i'm this lost soul who is desperately needing answers that might change my life !
let me just put it across. as it is commonly said ..."we dont choose who we fall in love with'' ...i did too fell in love with this beautiful iyengar girl !! i havnt loved anyone like i loved her. at first she refused my proposal ,even thought she liked me, only because her family would not accept. but after about 2 yrs of talking...she finally said 'yes'. i was completely mad in love. she was too. but then this problem of her parents not accepting came up again. and she left me saying it's better to let go now and the after being together for years and then having to let go because their parents dont accept. it's not that easy to let go and i'd take the mightiest of steps to have her back in my life and to have her with me forever so i could keep my promise of taking good care of her for a lifetime.
coming to the topic now...the main problem here is that i am not a brahmin. i seriously question this to their parents: "is the caste that very important than the happiness of your daughter who is willing to let go of her's just for you ?? "
i don really think this question will fetch me any answers.
i only want to know if there is a possibility of me converting into an iyengar. infact after getting to kno of her family, i really did start liking the culture and practices. but then if there is, i surely will convert and swear to follow every religious ritual with the fullest of my heart.
i beg for an answer :'( PLEASE HELP ME....
Click to expand...


Sri Kailash Krishnan

For a harmonious marriage it will be useful to get the parents of the girl along.
At this point it appears that this girl has chosen her parents and their wish over her commitment to you. That does not mean she does not want to get married, only that her family's support and blessings are important.

Therefore you have two options

1. Get over her, Let go which is completely possible though you may not think that way right now. Mostly what you call as Love is just infatuation at best. Only in movies we have concepts of 'I am nobody without you' etc. You can use this as an opportunity for self growth. Usually letting go 95% of a strong sense of love takes about half the time of the relationship - in your case this will be a year. You can pick up any activity that involves doing good work to others during this time and healing will be fast

2. The second option is to find a way to convince her parents. What is not clear is how knowledgeable they are and how open minded they are likely to be. There are people in this world from all castes who have this blind understanding that your caste is what you are born with. Such people cannot be reasoned with at all. If the girl was willing to come with you I would approach along the way Sri Prasad has suggested (ultimatum) in this thread ! But in this case it seems to be a sort of one-sided 'love'. So I will suggest the following steps

- Evaluate by talking to the girl if people are open minded to understanding our own scriptures. Most Hindus over the last thousand years have been driven to a set of beliefs dictated only by mythological stories and/or ritualistic practices. They have gone away from a commitment to understanding and doctrinal aspect of the teachings of Vedas and B.Gita. Such people though educated are actually closed minded (and I am not referring only to those carrying the Brahmin tag). Even Non-Brahmins like to think that this caste (not Varna) which is an outgrowth due to outside invaders are determined only by birth.

- If you think there is a room for openness not to you but to the teachings of our scriptures then there is a way. B. Gita talks about the name Brahmin as determined by one's nature (called Guna). It is possible you could be a birth based Non-Brahmin (whatever that is) but can live the life of a Guna-Brahmin. (There are illiterate people who will object to my statement here but they are people you cannot reason with and if the parents are like that you are out of luck). Take this year to learn our scriptures, learn Sanskrit, learn how you can be a Satvik person and start acting like one. You do not need a Poonool or any symbols but you have to become very knowledgeable about our scriptures. In particular focus on learning the SV related teachings many of which are available in Tamil and English. Investment here will be helpful life long even if this love does not work out. However the parents may be surprised that for all practical purposes you are true Brahmin from a Guna sense and will loose their reservations if they are fair and open minded.

You can cite scriptures to make your point and can have discussions as to why their daughter will not go astray with you.


You may not have time or inclination to go through all these so best is to take option 1

All the best
 
Dear TKS Sir,

Now a days, most of the brahmins have no knowledge of Gita or bother to do any rituals. Even if a non brahmin is well versed with

scriptures and Gita, he is not considered a brahmin and a brahmin is the one who has brahmin parents. In matrimonial sites also

there is a separate column for 'varans' with I C parents!

May be if Ramanujacharya was alive, He would have taken initiative for conversion as desired by Sri. Kailash.
 
Somehow I have the view that anything genuinely wished for and aligned with the moral has a very good chance of being realized. This I think may be because it is something that is real and representing harmony. It has happened to me a number of times.

Conversely anything that is fake or feigned and is achieved by force is anti nature and even though "realized" because of the use of force is bound to recoil in the future and be nullified.

So, I think nothing else matters if you are aligned with nature. It will help you out . The more you are in alignment the more you get the help of nature.
 
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Dear Kailash,

Just forget her..It is going to be of no use converting or trying to convince them..Looks like the parents of the girl are against it and the girl is caught between her parents and you..

Caste cannot be changed so there is no point ruing about it

As a intelligent man, you should have known had the girl decided to marry you, she would have just thrown everything and followed you..That has not happened

It is better to forget your lady love and move forward in life! Treat this infatuation as a dream gone sour!
 
Ok, let me also pile on some confusing advice. :)

Assuming the marriage goes through, be aware that later problems may not come from parents. They may also come from either you or your wife. For example, it is possible that she may regret that she did not marry a pure-blooded Iyengar or that you may resent having to change your lifestyle and practices to please your wife.

Just be aware that difficulties come from unexpected places, that's all.
 
Mr. kailash krishnan,
If you really want to marry this girl and she is ready for it, you should marry and move to a different city, state, or country. Nobody would care about your caste in a new location. The parents of the girl would have a face saving excuse, but will come around to help your family.
It would be impossible for you to marry and stay in the same town in TN.
 
dear kailash,

i do not understand what the fuss is all about. you are a hindu and we pray to the same God, same temples and celebrate the same festivals.

i know girls who have married muslims or christians, the parents helpless and finally accepting it.

i think, you and the girl, go ahead with your lives. once you have settled down, start a family, and gradually, put out feelers. be prepared if the parents do not accept. but chances are they will. God Bless.
 
biswa said:
Just be aware that difficulties come from unexpected places
Click to expand...

Wow..liked what you wrote...in fact I would like to add this line of yours to the famous saying :

"Let noble thoughts come from all directions and just be aware that difficulties come from unexpected directions"
 
Dear Kailash Ji,

Firstly you do this..you had mentioned that the girl herself does not want to marry cos of her parental objection.

Ok let me share with you how a female thinks..I am not generalizing but this is just to help you deal with the situation.


Lovvu is different and marriage is different.
Lovvu makes us feel high and if that leads to marriage then well and good.

But sometimes when it comes to marriage that is when girls get scared if her parents object cos you see they are afraid to take the risk..in case the marriage does not work out they have no one to fall back upon and parents too will keep telling her 'I told you and you never listened to me"

So you see what happens tomorrow no one knows..even an arranged marriage might get screwed but at least if the parental support is there the girl somehow can survive and pull through.

So try to think from the girls point of view..she could be scared if she might not have parental support.

Ok now coming to reality..we all know in India marriage means both parents and inlaws jumping in to cause as much as trouble possible for the newly weds..each parent or in law try to impose rules and regulations that might even put the Constitution to shame!LOL

So as long all these exists..its not easy being married with parental opposition in a country where people are still very much orthodox.

So if you really want to marry her or she really wants to marry you..then you both have to be a full time nuclear family far away from the guided missiles of both your parents and her parents.

Are you willing for that?

Now next question..is there a possibility that she could have changed her feelings and not feel the lovvu of the same intensity?

Men tend to be sort of intense when it comes to love but females can be practical...that is why we see only male Devadas alcoholics but not females..no female drinks for a guy that ditched her.

Now many females fear to tell a guy that they dont feel the same love again..you did mention that initially she did not respond but after 2 years of pursuing her she started liking you.
Now if you ask me there is a possibility that she gave into the pressure and professed love..I could be wrong but even then there is a possibility becos 2 years is too long a time..we cant force or plan love..its happens that's all.


So now..ask her if her feelings have changed..but before that you have to come to terms with your self that she could have changed her feelings for you and dont get angry or lose your temper or get depressed..dont feel that one who changes her feelings is a cheat..reality is any feelings can decline..Dharma itself can decline so do you expect anything to stay the same?

So tell her that dont be scared to tell you the truth if she still loves you or not.

If she says she still loves you,..then take the bold decision to marry her and move out of the current town.

If she says that she does not love you the same anymore..then just walk away as friends and start life again..after a while we humans get over anything eventually cos happiness or sorrow comes to us in rapid succession in a cyclical manner throughout of lives.
 
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kunjuppu said:
....... i do not understand what the fuss is all about. ............
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Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

The main point is that the girl does not want to oppose her parents and go ahead with the I C wedding!

Now the story has a twist and becomes 'oru thalaik kAdhal'!! :sad:
 
@Mr. KK: Post #15 perhaps offers the best advice. Let me add my two bits.

You never mentioned your age, qualifications, nor the kind of job you are doing, nor whether your parents approve. What if you are merely running a chai shop? (Don't point to Narendra Modi as having made it). If you are not in a pensionable Govt job that offers some financial security, what if you lost your job and could not get a decent well-paid job again - can your parents support both of you just in case?This is where parental approval takes care of "difficulties that may come from unexpected directions".

PS: KK joined the forum 18 June 2014. Since KK has not said a word subsequent to his OP, I think the OP could be a phony, trying to have some fun watching what kind of response people give.
 
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kunjuppu said:
dear kailash,

i do not understand what the fuss is all about. you are a hindu and we pray to the same God, same temples and celebrate the same festivals.

i know girls who have married muslims or christians, the parents helpless and finally accepting it.

i think, you and the girl, go ahead with your lives. once you have settled down, start a family, and gradually, put out feelers. be prepared if the parents do not accept. but chances are they will. God Bless.
Click to expand...

OP merely mentioned that he is a NB. He did not mention anything about his religious beliefs.

All the same, I am curious. Would your "advice" be different if OP is a non-hindu? If yes, why is that so?
 
Raji Ram said:
Dear TKS Sir,

.
.


May be if Ramanujacharya was alive, He would have taken initiative for conversion as desired by Sri. Kailash.
Click to expand...

My hope for the world is that it is not necessary for anyone to really 'convert' . I would not want someone whose name is hard for me to pronounce to change his/her name because he has come to work in my organization.

Our true Dharma based thinking can accommodate differences while recognizing the commonality of all beings. But the world is Adharmic by and large and the caste system of discrimination is not in line with our teachings (including the definitions of Varna that is referred to in B.Gita or Pursushasuktham etc)

Nothing stops a person from achieving higher goals even today in the area of character building.

More than converting anyone to anything what is needed is education to achieve higher degree of maturity. Such teachings are rare in any place of study.

In our heritage there is no need for conversion but that has taken a twist to the unacceptable caste hierarchy...

Since the original poster has not said anything it might have been a posted by the girl in question who also posted at Yahoo site :-)
 
Naina_Marbus said:
............PS: KK joined the forum 18 June 2014. Since KK has not said a word subsequent to his OP, I think the OP could be a phony, trying to have some fun watching what kind of response people give.
Click to expand...
Dear Naina Sir,

May be like Harini Iyer... old wine in a new bottle! :)

P.S: I am unable to provide any link because all 'those' posts got deleted along with other traces of H I .
 
tks said:
...........Since the original poster has not said anything it might have been a posted by the girl in question who also posted at Yahoo site :-)
Click to expand...
Dear TKS Sir,

The link I gave is seven years old! Please see the best answer:

''answered 7 years ago:

No !!!!

In india, caste is something u are born with or in it !!!

But perhaps, if a lady marries in to a diff caste, she normally becomes of that caste ;

but people still look down upon such cases!!''
 
Naina_Marbus said:
@Mr. KK: Post #15 perhaps offers the best advice. Let me add my two bits.

. What if you are merely running a chai shop? (Don't point to Narendra Modi as having made it).
Click to expand...


Do we really need to call running a chai shop as "merely running a chai shop?"

After all a chaiwala is also doing a honest job.

I feel any job done within its Dharma is worthy of praise be it a Chaiwala or a PM wala.
 
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