[Information Wanted] Iyer ponnu from Kerala wanting to marry Nair boy

[avakkaioorga]

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I'm an iyer ponnu (27F) from Kerala and want to marry my long term partner who is a Nair (Malayalee, non brahmin). We are both settled abroad and have great careers in medical field. I am expecting a lot of resistance from my side of the family that I'm still figuring how to navigate. Something that is very important to me is that I want to get married the iyer way. This maybe debatable, but I don't believe that just because I'm marrying someone outside of my community, I have to foresake my identity and culture. I am not sure my own family would support this but I'm hoping to stand my ground.
I know that this is fairly common in the modern world but what I don't know is what rituals will have to be skipped due to boy not being a brahmin and/or ways to bypass this? What rituals and wedding events can be kept as it is? Is there something that the boy needs to do ahead of the wedding to make participation in some rituals more permissible?


Many thanks in advance.

Ps please send my way any tips and personal experiences on how to communicate this with my extremely educated but conservative parents.

 

[Lotusinsanskrit]

All the rituals are based on male chanting mantra. So if anything of that nature is applicable to Nair's community only that is hold good. However of late people started wearing iyers costume for both bride and bridegroom and doing kasi yathra malai maththuthal, oonjal pachapidi and thali at the father's thigh. These can be done only if male side is accepted because for iyers costume males are bare body and hence many people hesitate and in that case only you have to wear iyer costume that is madisar and he will wear nair costume and do only the above three while other rituals cannot be done by him. Like (Keerthy suresh wedding only costumes are known to public and what happened inside public may not know and that too he being christian and she also not 100% brahmin as his father being other caste and they have done christian marriage too.)