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Laughter - The best medicine!

Raji Ram said:
One more miser joke! Heard recently in a pattimandRam and modified. :cool:

A close friend sent his wedding invitation through whatsapp, to Srini and requested him to 'treat' it as personal invitation. :hug:

Srini sent a reply in whatsapp, with the photo of a 500 rupee note and requested him to 'treat' is a gift given in person!! :D
Click to expand...

Well matched friends... made for each other! :thumb:
 
Three drunken guys entered a taxi after a heavy night of drinking.

Immediately realizing that the men were inebriated, he quickly thought up a plan to get rid of them.

He started the engine, turned it off again and said: “We have reached your destination".

“Alright pal, here you go,” said the first guy as he gave him the money.

The second guy thanked him enthusiastically.

The third guy slapped him across the face with brute force.

The driver was shocked thinking the third drunk knew what he did, but then he asked: "What was that for?"

The third guy replied, "Why were you speeding like that, man? You nearly killed us!"

Source: www.ba-bamail.com
 
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues,

when all of a sudden, an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door, with him standing

right there. "NOOO!" he screamed. Because he knew that no matter how much a mechanic tried to fix it, it never

would be the same!

Finally, a policeman came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY BMW'S DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY

SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!" he exclaimed. "You're a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am. But what

does this have to do with my car?" the lawyer asked. "HA!" the policeman replied. "You lawyers are always so materialistic.

All you care about are your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing, did you?" the cop said.

The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed: "MY ROLEX!!"

Source: One Day There Was This Lawyer .........
 
During a recent outing in New Orleans, a woman snuck off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute.

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will

die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the fortune teller's lined face, then at the single flickering candle,

then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met

the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"
 
Raji Ram said:
Thank you Narayan Sir! :thumb:

I read it recently and wanted to share, thinking that for some friends also, it might be new one! :)
Click to expand...

It is Pope not Einstein here!


After getting all Pope John-Paul II's luggage loaded in the limo (and His Holiness doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the kerb. "Excuse me, Your Holiness" says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so that we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing that he'd never gone to work that morning. "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh my God, I'm gonna lose my licence," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the patrolman approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back on his motorcycle and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatch. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo doing a hundred and five.

"So bust him," said the Chief.
"I think this guy's a big shot," said the cop.
"All the more reason."
"No, I mean a really big shot," said the cop.
"Who've you got there, the Mayor?"
"Bigger"
"Governor?"
"Bigger"
"Well", said the Chief, "Who is it?"
"I don't know", said the cop, "but he's got the Pope driving for him."

Hope this raises a smile.
 
If you don't believe the doctor ........

Source: BabaMail.

A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out

his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said,

"I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might

just be in a coma or something." The vet sighed, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes

later with a old dog. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front

paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad

eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he

returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat

sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman

and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

He turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's

owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!?" The vet shrugged.

"I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the

Cat Scan, it's now $150."
 
How to make money!
icon3.png


A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression.

I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the

end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at

5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80."

"After that," the old rich man continued, "I invested the $9.80 into a market stall so I could polish and display a lot

more apples. I began making about $50 a month from then on."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

Source: Baba Mail.
 
Once in life

The gentle man entered the exclusive club. It was raining out side. He saw an old club member sitting in the corner. He wanted to while away the time conversing with him.

"Good evening Sir."
"Hmm." Grunted the old man.
"May I share the table with you sir."
"Hmm. Ok." Said the old man

He ordered for a bottle of lager and asked the old man " shall I order one for you sir !"
"No, I had taken lager only once when I was young", said the old man.
"Ok Sir, shall we play a game of rummy to pass the time" asked the youngster.
"Oh no. I have touched cards only once in my life" said the old man.

At that time an youngster came in and called the old man.
"Father rain has stopped, shall we go home"
The old man raised from his seat and introduced the youngster as his son.
"Oh yes I could see Sir, he must be your only son" said the young man.

Brahmanyan
Bangalore.
 
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass

by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one of the men:

"Why are you eating the grass?"

"We don't have money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.

The man answered "But sir, I have a wife and two children!

"Bring them along" replied the lawyer.

The lawyer turned to the other man and said, "Come with us."

"But sir, I have a wife and six children?" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!" replied the lawyer as he headed for his limo. They all climbed into the limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem. The grass at my house is almost a foot tall."

Source: BabaMail
 
In a car garage, where a famous heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his Mercedes, there was a loud mouthed mechanic who was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car. He saw the surgeon waiting and lured him into an argument.

He asked the doc after straightening up and wiping his hands on a rag, "Look at this car i'm working on. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind them, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon very calmly leaned over and whispered to the loudmouth mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."
 
Tit for Tat!!

A newly wed fisherman's wife sees her husband sleeping on the couch. Bored, she decides to take the boat

on a ride around the lake. She goes forward a bit, then drops the anchor and reads a book in peace. A short

while later, an officer of the coast guard appears and stops besides her.

"Good morning, ma'am, what are you doing?"

"I'm reading a book." Answered the surprised woman. Couldn't he see that, she thought.

"I'm afraid this is a no fishing area." The officer notified her.

"I'm sorry officer but I'm not fishing, I'm clearly reading."

"Yes but you can start at any second, you have all the right equipment. I'm going to have to take you to

the station and fill out a complaint."

"OK, but if you do that I will have to give my own complaint about you sexually assaulting me!"

"But.." splattered the surprised office, "I never touched you!"

"Yes that's true," Replied the woman, "but you can start at any second, you have all the equipment..."
 
Guruji! How do I learn about my mistakes? :pray:

Guruji: Identify one mistake in your wife and ask her to correct it. She will help you

to identify, not only ALL your mistakes but also those of your family and friends! :spy:
 

Different types of phone call duration:

Boy to Boy - 00:00:59

Boy to Mom - 00:00:50

Boy to Dad - 00:00:30

Boy to Girl - 01:23:59

Girl to Girl - 05:29:59

Girl to Boy - Missed call

Husband to Wife - 00:00:03

Wife to Husband - 14 Missed Calls :dizzy:

Source: WhatsApp
 
One more from WhatsApp!!

Humorous description of seven stages of Life......
1.
1f47c
0-5 yrs we experience many "SPILLS" ..
2.
1f476
6-16 yrs we undergo many "DRILLS" ..
3.
1f471
17-25 yrs we discover many "THRILLS" ..
4.
1f466
26-40 yrs we pay many "BILLS" ..
5.
1f468
41-60 yrs we suffer many "ILLS" ..
6.
1f473
61-75 yrs we take many "PILLS" ..
7.
1f474
76 yrs. & above we worry about our "WILLS" ....
Thereafter we smile and remain STILL .......................................
1f607
 
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient

sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room,

hanging from the ceiling by his foot. The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor. The patient

replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?"

"Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."

The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?"

"What? And work in the dark?"

Source: Baba-mail
 
We would have read and enjoyed 'Humour in Uniform'. But nothing can beat the comedy in the classroom! :clap2:

One of my forum friends sent a link to me. I shall post the images in this thread, for others to enjoy!
 

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