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Laughter - The best medicine!

A school teacher stopped to gently correct her student, when she found him making faces at others on the playground,

She thought for a minute about what to say, then came up with what she thought was the perfect solution.
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Smiling sweetly, she said: "Son, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and

I would stay like that." Just as the teacher paused, David also paused to think and replied:

"Well, Ma'am! I guess that should be TRUE!!"
 
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied,

'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week'. The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting for

him at his door.

Later, a grocer came in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept

money from you , I'm doing community service this week'. The grocer was happy and left the shop. The next morning

when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank You' card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money

from you. I'm doing community service this week'. The politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut. :flock:

And that illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

REMEMBER: POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON. ;)

This is a forward from my friend. :)
 
A judge was punishing three dumb men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was to spend

a few years in the desert. The judge said that they could each take one thing with them.

The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants.

The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty.

Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door.

The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?"

The man exclaimed, "If it gets too hot, I can roll down the window."

Source: BabaMail
 
Ever like to taste Beans Goat curry or Frog's plait??

Here is a hilarious menu card: (please click on image to enlarge)

hilarious menu card!.jpg
 
Source: My mail box

A cat dies and goes to Heaven.

God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours,

all you have to do is ask." The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep

on hardwood floors." God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the

same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only

have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."

God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God

gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"

The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life.

And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!" :hungry:
 
A policeman is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell,

on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the policeman moves closer to the boy's position. He steps

smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder,

leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the policeman smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

Source: BabaMail
 
Source: BabaMail

Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy

accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen and chains them

together and says: "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"

The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing,

and with him is another ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.

The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very,

VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter

comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, sexy blonde.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!" :moony:
 
Long live, mother-in-law!! ;)

A Bible study group was talking about what they would do in the event that their death was imminent.

The leader of the discussion said, "If we all knew when we would die, we would better prepare ourselves and

use our time better ahead of the event." Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment. Then

the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had four weeks of life remaining before

your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?"

A gentleman said, " I would go out into my community and spread the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted

the Lord into their lives."

"Very good," said the group leader, and all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do.

One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, "I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family,

my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction."

"That's wonderful!" the group leader said, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.

But one gentleman finally spoke up loudly and said, "I would go to my mother-in-law's house for the 4 weeks."

Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader asked, "Why your mother-in-law's home?"

Then the gentleman smiled sarcastically and said, "Because, that would be the longest 4 weeks of my life!"

Source: BabaMail
 
Who said blondes are NOT intelligent? Read this:

A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play

a game, "All you have to do is ask a question and if I get it wrong or don't know, I'll give you five dollars, then I

ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars." "No," she says. "I just want to sleep."

He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says he will pay her 500 dollars, but she still only has to pay five

dollars. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" he asks. She gives him 5 dollars.

"What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five?" she asks.

He pulls out his laptop and searches it, but finds nothing. Then he emails his friends. After an hour, he still hasn't got

an answer, he hands her 500 dollars. Then he asks her: "So what is the answer?"
She hands him 5 dollars.:fish:

Source: BabaMail
 
Smart blonde!

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.

So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to

discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde.

"That could be an interesting topic, but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--

grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.

Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded.

Finally, he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde,

"How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know jack sh*t??"

From BabaMail
 
OMG, Blonde!!

A blonde was rollerblading with her headphones on. She stopped at a hair salon and asked for a haircut.

She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off her headphones. The stylist replied refusing to cut

her hair, so she left. She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. This time, the stylist agreed

to cut her hair. After a while, the blonde fell asleep in the chair. The stylist took off the headphones and the

blonde died on the spot. Confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones.

They were saying: "Breath in, breath out."

Source: BabaMail
 
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations.

He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.

The case was brought before a judge.

After listening to the long, passionate presentation by the atheist's lawyer, the judge banged his gavel and declared, "Case

dismissed!" The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling.

"Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter, and many other observances.

Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. Yet, my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!"

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously, your client is too confused to know about, much less

celebrate his own atheist holiday!"

The lawyer pompously said, "Your honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be?"

The judge replied, "Well, it comes every year on exactly the same date. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there

is no God.' Thus, if your client says there is no God then, according to the Bible, he is a fool.

April Fool's Day is his holiday. Now, get out of my courtroom!"

Source: BabaMail.
 
Oh! How brilliant!!

A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening.

The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough

and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total silence. He popped

the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited

knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine. Feeling despondent as he stood looking at the gradually

fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries like he had promised himself.

Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump." The man raised up quickly, striking his

head on the underside of the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded. There were two horses standing in the fenced field

alongside the road and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's your fuel pump. Tap it

with your flashlight, and try it again."

Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared to life.

He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away. When he reached the next town, he ran into the local

bar. "Gimme a large whiskey, please!" he said. A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked,

"What's wrong, man? You look like you've seen a ghost." "It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale

to the rancher. The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a

white horse?" The man replied in the affirmative. "Yes, it was! Am I crazy?"

"No, you ain't crazy. You're lucky," said the rancher, "because that black horse don't know sh*t about cars."

Source: BabaMail
 
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An Indian Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in US so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside:

GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100

A American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic...

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste"
Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth"

Lawyer: "Ugh..this is kerosene"
Doctor: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20"

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...

Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything"
Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth"

Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste"
Doctor: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20"

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see anything"
Doctor: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100"

Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100"
Indian : "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"!!

You can't beat Indians!!
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Source: A forward by my friend! :bump2:
 
Source: BabaMail

A man walked into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

As he sat down, the waitress came over and asked for their orders.

The man said, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke." Then he turned to the ostrich and asked,

"What's yours?" "I'll have the same," said the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returned with the order saying, "That will be $6.40 please." So the man

reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich came again and the man said, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke".

Then the ostrich said, "I'll have the same."

Once again the man reached into his pocket and paid with exact change.

This became a routine until late one evening, the two entered again.

"The usual?" asked the waitress. "No, it is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato,

and salad," said the man. "Same for me," said the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress came with the order and said, "That will be $12.62." Once again

the man pulled the exact change out of his pocket and placed it on the table.

The waitress couldn't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," said the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it

a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would

just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" said the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always

be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," said the man.

The waitress asked, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighed, paused, and answered,

"My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
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A light hearted joke

There was this handsome chap who married a beautiful girl and took her home. There was a servant maid in his house. Watching the newly married couple having fun with each other, the servant got jealous. Whenever she saw the husband embracing his wife, she became upset. Once the wife had to go to her house for some reason. That day, friends of the husband teasingly asked him 'What will you do tonight?' He jokingly replied 'Tonight I will sleep with my head on the chest of the servant'. It became midnight. The servant maid remained awake, hoping that the master might come to her room at any moment. But he wasn't coming. Hours went by and as the clock struck 2 O' clock, she impatiently went to his room and pushed it open. The noise woke him up and he asked 'Who is that?' She replied 'It is me. Didn't you tell your friends that you will spend the night with your head on my chest? I came to inform you that I will not allow it'.
 
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