Life is in peril...need help.....

[Jaykay767]

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I am going to be absolutely blunt on this issue!. Sorry in advance if sujatha/or other members get upset !

First of all - totally agree with kunjuppu - there is absolutely no place in this world for racism & prejudice.

It is really really sick to see men cry like this !!. What is this nonsense about i am a god/great/extremely good/heavely person - jesus himself stuff !. I am so so good, she is so so bad !! Who cares ??

What the hell is the problem here ?? Has the world come to a standstill ?.

Come on man - people & babies are dying every day becos of lack of food, water, shelter, money, healthcare? They are worried about where they will spend the night. Is your problem greater than this ?? Get some sense of proportion on the issue.

Sht happens, so what?. Get on, hit the road, travel the world, meet people, date people (go on the net if req). marry a widow or a divorcee with kids, bring happiness to their life !!. Help people, support charity for kids.

Dump the crap. Sing - good riddance to bad rubbish. Send her a sayonara/see ya/tata bye bye card & get on with your life !!

 

[sangom]

I think this affected friend of Sujatha's husband is a very vindictive type and on top of that he feels he is an absolutely perfect, free from any blemish, man. So, since his god is not teaching his wife a "lesson" he wants to do that.

Let the man continue with his thinking. But the way Sujatha, the original poster, has been doling out the story and the fashion in which it is done, I have a lurking suspicion that she expected this forum would recommend her providing "emotional" support to this hearbroken, 'gem of a man'. She (or is it Mr.X himself who wants 'moral support' through this forum for some planned 'conquest' of a gullible friend's equally gullible wife?).

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Sujatha,

In my openion, the sollution for your husband's friend would be -

1) Just do prayers at home/temple, being pious, believing in God/Spirituality/Karma etc and provide solace to himself.

2) Be happy, stay with mother and make his life peaceful and joyful, forgeting his bitter experiences and his wife who don't need him from her heart and mind (due her own reasons).

3) Make life meaningful by involving in social services, charity etc. As it is he is not having any kids. So, he can dedicate his life serving the needy and living in Bakthi Margam with out any duties and responsibilities towards any of his family members.

4) Never to think of re marriage and try to make the best of the available life span. Need to associate himself with some charity trust, spiritual organisations etc and continue to work, as the opportunity offers. Accummulate as much money as possible and to prepare himself well to be accommodated in old age homes during the ripe old age, all by his own money.

5) Since he believes in God and Karma theory, he should not keep wailing on his plight. Should forget everything, without being bitter towards any one. Be determined to live his life in all the glory of allmighty, serving the needy in the society.

6) He may be wrong or his wife may be wrong. Or both of them may be wrong in some way, inside the four walls. All we have to blame is our Karma. Thus, it is good for him to remain composed if he truly believes and practice spirituality. It is better for him to come out of the mental agony and take care of himself well. For this, he should just calm himself down, be in spirituality and dedicate his life to the underpriviledge/suffering people and be happy, finding happiness in them.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

A gem adds lustre by getting additional facets when harshly rubbed.

This 'gem' is simply crumbling to useless dust.

What kind of a 'gem' would do that except

diamond - before it became a diamond??

Can it be the man himself under the name of an imaginary

friend's imaginary wife??? :spy:

In a forum like this we can pretend to be great persons
whom we have never seen in our lives! :moony:

 

[C RAVI]

A gem adds lustre by getting additional facets when harshly rubbed.

This 'gem' is simply crumbling to useless dust.

What kind of a 'gem' would do that except

diamond - before it became a diamond??

Can it be the man himself under the name of an imaginary

friend's imaginary wife??? :spy:

In a forum like this we can pretend to be great persons
whom we have never seen in our lives! :moony:

Smt.Visalakshi, you are right!!

It is well known to all of we grown up adults that, in this virtual world we can never know who is genuine and honest and who is not. As such, we come accross many comments by members when some one seek some suggestions/solace/sollutions etc.

If the seeker himesef/herself is at fault and portraying a good image, the negative comments about himself/herself by other members would be justifiable. If the poster is genuine in all the aspects, than the negative comments about him/her would defenitely pain him/her. Since we dunno the truth about the poster in this platform, I would prefer to give him/her benefit of doubt and would provide my openion in his/her favor.


My above post #53, I believe, would serve the purpose to the suffering soul , IMHO, irrespective of him being right or wrong. Dosen't matter who posted the real life story and if posted under the pretext of some relationship/information etc.

 

[kunjuppu]

ravi,

i like your post #53 as a sensible solution, though may not be the one, that sujatha wants. remember, now, even writer sujatha 'borrowed' his wife's name as a pen name. so it is possible what we are hearing sujatha's words here, is really the man himself. does not matter.

i am also, in attune with sangom's post #52. i shudder to think what would happen to the wife, if she so decides to come back. this sujatha has a lot of psychological and mental problems. best she stays away, where she is, and sujatha, stick with his mother.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

I hate cry babies.
I hate crying adults even more!
A man's behaviour must suit his age!

 

[C RAVI]

I hate cry babies.
I hate crying adults even more!
A man's behaviour must suit his age!

Smt.Visalakshi,

"You" as an "individual" may hate crying Man who is fully grown up and is an adult. But the pains of life/relationship is the same to both men and women as humans. And in extreme cases it is quite natural and normal for men crying out. None of the genders can be generalized and expected to showcase daring and brave heart in all circumstances, without any sense of anxiety, distress, mental agony etc.

The above is just my openion and am sharing here with you and with all in general. I have nothing to pin point about your liking and disliking.

 

[kunjuppu]

i tend to agree with ravi #58.

it has been the norm in our tradition, that men should not cry.

but men are people too, and we are exposed to the same sorrows and tragedies as the females. crying is but another form of expression, and in many cases a tension reliever. i have cried several times, not only when i lit the pyres for my parents, but at times of contrition and just at the sight of witnessing horrors or musuems of horror, like the dachau concentration camp near munich.

i will probably weep if i ever visit the monument to those burnt agriculture labourer of kilvenmani or the memorial at jallianwala bagh.

so dear visa, please do not deny us the facility and outlet to cry. it is a therapy. mind and soul consoling one at that too.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Men and women may suffer the same distress but they are supposed to deal with it in different ways. I guess now the roles are reversed. Many Women take bold steps and many men break down and cry.

Smt.Visalakshi,

"You" as an "individual" may hate crying Man who is fully grown up and is an adult. But the pains of life/relationship is the same to both men and women as humans. And in extreme cases it is quite natural and normal for men crying out. None of the genders can be generalized and expected to showcase daring and brave heart in all circumstances, without any sense of anxiety, distress, mental agony etc.

The above is just my openion and am sharing here with you and with all in general. I have nothing to pin point about your liking and disliking.

 

[renuka]

Men do cry..Ever heard a mute/hearing impaired man cry?
I once had to tell a mute/hearing impaired patient that the baby his wife was carrying was dead in utero for 3 days(there was no fetal movement for 3 days and she didnt realize it till she started to have pain).That time I was still in the government hospital in 1999.

Ok he could not read or write and his wife was also mute/hearing impaired and so I had to show him by hand movement and when he knew what I was saying
he started crying and wailing in a voice that was so loud and not like how anyone of us normal ones cry..He broke down and it was a very very sad sight.

Men do cry..I prefer men to cry cos society tends to suppress the emotions of men so dont blame them later if men turn out to be less emotionally connected when married.

Men and woman dont really differ in handling emotions..women actually cry and get over it faster and men keep it in and affects them more in the long run.

So that why sometimes when I administer injections to kids and boys start to cry..their parents tell them not to cry cos they are boys..I always tell the boys..if you are afraid you can cry but it wont hurt for long.

Never suppress emotions...thats why men turn to smoking and to the bottle..if they are allowed to cry we wont see that many smokers/alcoholic and substance abusers.

On a personal note I find a man who is open about his feelings sexy and makes me want to love him more.

 

[Jaykay767]

Men do cry..Ever heard a mute/hearing impaired man cry?
I once had to tell a mute/hearing impaired patient that the baby his wife was carrying was dead in utero for 3 days(there was no fetal movement for 3 days and she didnt realize it till she started to have pain).That time I was still in the government hospital in 1999.

Ok he could not read or write and his wife was also mute/hearing impaired and so I had to show him by hand movement and when he knew what I was saying
he started crying and wailing in a voice that was so loud and not like how anyone of us normal ones cry..He broke down and it was a very very sad sight.

Men do cry..I prefer men to cry cos society tends to suppress the emotions of men so dont blame them later if men turn out to be less emotionally connected when married.

Men and woman dont really differ in handling emotions..women actually cry and get over it faster and men keep it in and affects them more in the long run.

So that why sometimes when I administer injections to kids and boys start to cry..their parents tell them not to cry cos they are boys..I always tell the boys..if you are afraid you can cry but it wont hurt for long.

Never suppress emotions...thats why men turn to smoking and to the bottle..if they are allowed to cry we wont see that many smokers/alcoholic and substance abusers.

On a personal note I find a man who is open about his feelings sexy and makes me want to love him more.

Hi Renuka,

Sorry have to respectfully disagree with you !. The issue that it is okay for men to cry is applicable to Whites becos they never show any emotion at all. thats how they are brought up !!

Indians particularly south men are so weak, they cry for everything. look at the rubbish title for this post - "life in peril..." !

Infact I am surprised that our south kingdoms were able to stop the Muslim invasion for 700 yrs !!. I wonder where has all the bravery gone !!.

so we as the next gen must ensure our kids grow to be absolutely brave men/women, heroes & mentally very very tough !! & not breakdown like this becos a silly wife left !! we as people must build a culture where brave people are worshipped so that others get inspired to be brave & tough !!

PS: Nothing unhealthy about supressing emotions, americans are living the longest on an average (& majority) compared to all others in the world !!

Cheers,
JK

 

[Raghy]

Sri.Jaykay, Greetings.

I refer to your message in post #62. Men do cry. There were times, I cried. There were times, I cried like a baby. Does that make me a weak whimp? I don't know. But most people who know me well may not agree I am a whimp; but, quite far from it.

The ability to cry is the safety valve for our emotions. Sure, in the European and Anglo-Saxon cultures, men seldom cry (but I have witnessed men from that culture cry too. on few occassions I comforted them); but then I also notice more instances where they just 'break down' and act even violently. I am glad south Indians do cry, using the safety valve.

Suppressing emotions is not healthy at all; such persons more often than not end up with psychological insuffiencies.

Cheers!

 

[Raghy]

This thread is rather disappointing.

The author of the opening post is only seeking help from others where, others are expected to do something to clean up the mess caused by one individual.

The 'gem of the person' never showed any inclination to ask himself this simple question - "What can I do to fix my problems?' Instead, this person is asking " what a Godman/Swamy/God/this forum/and others can do for him while he would do nothing to fix his own issues". Strangely enough, all the encouraging messages where that 'gem of the person' has to do something were not even acknowledged.

This person is not seeking 'any help', but seeks an excuse not to help himself.

Cheers!

 

[Jaykay767]

Sri.Jaykay, Greetings.

I refer to your message in post #62. Men do cry. There were times, I cried. There were times, I cried like a baby. Does that make me a weak whimp? I don't know. But most people who know me well may not agree I am a whimp; but, quite far from it.

The ability to cry is the safety valve for our emotions. Sure, in the European and Anglo-Saxon cultures, men seldom cry (but I have witnessed men from that culture cry too. on few occassions I comforted them); but then I also notice more instances where they just 'break down' and act even violently. I am glad south Indians do cry, using the safety valve.

Suppressing emotions is not healthy at all; such persons more often than not end up with psychological insuffiencies.

Cheers!

Hi Raghy,

Let us look at the context: western men never cry their entire life right from childhood age, they are told that boys dont cry ever !!. if at all they break down it is when someone very close passes way!!. they are so bold, they take phenomenal risks, most of them are entreprenuerial, adventerous, well travelled, etc.. & when some undee bomber gets on their plane, they will single handedly put him down !!. I doubt any of us would have done it !.

On the other hand, specially we south people (we TB's are even worse!!), cry for everything (occassionally if someone breaksdown it is okay!!). look at our movies, everyone cries at the end of each of these movies!!. so thats what i am saying we need to address. if you build a culture that it is okay to cry, then men will cry like babies which is what is happening now. tell me what has a silly wife leaving has to do anything with "life in peril..." !!

I showed this thread to my american friends, they were laughing to splits !!.

Cheers,
JK

 

[Raghy]

Hi Raghy,

Let us look at the context: western men never cry their entire life right from childhood age, they are told that boys dont cry ever !!. if at all they break down it is when someone very close passes way!!. they are so bold, they take phenomenal risks, most of them are entreprenuerial, adventerous, well travelled, etc.. & when some undee bomber gets on their plane, they will single handedly put him down !!. I doubt any of us would have done it !.

On the other hand, specially we south people (we TB's are even worse!!), cry for everything (occassionally if someone breaksdown it is okay!!). look at our movies, everyone cries at the end of each of these movies!!. so thats what i am saying we need to address. if you build a culture that it is okay to cry, then men will cry like babies which is what is happening now. tell me what has a silly wife leaving has to do anything with "life in peril..." !!

I showed this thread to my american friends, they were laughing to splits !!.

Cheers,
JK

Sri.Jaykay, Greetings.

In my previous message I said I have witnessed western men cry and I have comforted them too. It seems you are ignoring that. You may not know, but don't say 'western men never cry'; you can't speak for all western men at all times. If you think very highly of western men, that is well and good; but your opinion about south people, particularly Tamil Brahmins is not quite desirable. You are talking about all the brahmins across the board. Tamil Brahmins face resrvation system, they know they are disadvantaged, they know even if they score a distinction in school finals, still may not get an enrolment for higher studies; inspite of all these set backs, still they try hard, still have time to laugh, very importantly, don't discriminate others (remember, they are being punished for discriminating others!). You like it or not, they are a very brave bunch of people crying occassionally not withstanding.

By the way, I have no desire to enter in a debate for this.

Cheers!

 

[prasad1]

You just have to google Speaker Boehner cry.

Or Newt Gingrich cry

 

[Jaykay767]

Sri.Jaykay, Greetings.

In my previous message I said I have witnessed western men cry and I have comforted them too. It seems you are ignoring that. You may not know, but don't say 'western men never cry'; you can't speak for all western men at all times. If you think very highly of western men, that is well and good; but your opinion about south people, particularly Tamil Brahmins is not quite desirable. You are talking about all the brahmins across the board. Tamil Brahmins face resrvation system, they know they are disadvantaged, they know even if they score a distinction in school finals, still may not get an enrolment for higher studies; inspite of all these set backs, still they try hard, still have time to laugh, very importantly, don't discriminate others (remember, they are being punished for discriminating others!). You like it or not, they are a very brave bunch of people crying occassionally not withstanding.

By the way, I have no desire to enter in a debate for this.

Cheers!

Dear Sir,

Sorry I didnt mean to come across as stubborn. !

Let me clarify - I agree western men do cry. I was only comparing on - "under what circumstances they cry" versus ""what circumstances we cry". Also I do not consider other cultures as great, there are some points we can leverage.

Read my posts under "religion", we south dravidians are a direct descendants of the famed eyptians. And all religions/texts came from either egyptians or their direct decendants - south dravidians !!

On your assessment of TB's, agree it is a huge challenge for us during these times !.

Wish you a very happy/prosperous 2012 !

Cheers,
JK

 

[sangom]

Hi Raghy,

Let us look at the context: western men never cry their entire life right from childhood age, they are told that boys dont cry ever !!. if at all they break down it is when someone very close passes way!!. they are so bold, they take phenomenal risks, most of them are entreprenuerial, adventerous, well travelled, etc.. & when some undee bomber gets on their plane, they will single handedly put him down !!. I doubt any of us would have done it !.

On the other hand, specially we south people (we TB's are even worse!!), cry for everything (occassionally if someone breaksdown it is okay!!). look at our movies, everyone cries at the end of each of these movies!!. so thats what i am saying we need to address. if you build a culture that it is okay to cry, then men will cry like babies which is what is happening now. tell me what has a silly wife leaving has to do anything with "life in peril..." !!

I showed this thread to my american friends, they were laughing to splits !!.

Cheers,
JK

Shri Jaykay,

'Crying men' imo, is a recent phenomenon in both the hemispheres. I don't know whether this has any connection with the emancipation and equality of women with men, whether a man gets any advantage/s by crying in public, etc. But if you have been watching tv news, there will be many instances.

I was told by an NRI (PIO) that taking one's wife and family, crying, etc., have now become very necessary for famous personalities to pass muster as devoted husbands, emotionally normal men. Even today, I do not find men in TN crying very easily, and that includes Tabras also. But the younger generation, especially those influenced by the IT boom, do cry even when their parents pass away at a ripe old age - something which we, the previous generation could not do.