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Looking for Old age home for Brahmins in Madurai

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kunjuppu said:
soumay, yes i agree, life can be hell with the wrong guy.choose carefully choose good. choose heaven. on earth. :) btw no time is as good as now. dont procrastinate. time is the thief of life. we old fogeys are only too aware of that. marry young. mother when young. :)
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im only in 4th year bds..so there actually is time..atleast i still have 2 years...or maybe if im lucky enough 5more..:):)
 
Hello All:

After reading a few posts I get the feeling that some people think that "daughters take care of parents well.. or better than sons".

Here is another look at it..

As I wrote before, my parents departed long time ago.. I have my aging mil and fil (in their 80s), who have two daughters U 59, G 57 - my wife, and lost their son when he was 58. They viscerally feel son is more important in their life than daughters - son is the one to keep the lineage alive, not daughters and that's the way God Almighty made it!

As Traditionalists and Brahmin Supremacists, my ils feel that they can't live with their daughters and to their grief the only son departed very early! They live alone with the help of a maid in Velachery, Chennai. My wife says that if they want they can go and live with her sister in B'glore or they can come to Houston!

I am waiting and watching as to what would happen if one of them depart, leaving the other alone!

Life is very complicated once you are old and dependent!

Cheers.

:)
 
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Dear Revathy,

Some such mothers DO exist. I have written about this under the caption 'Ammaak kOndu' in one of my threads, recently!

But many newly wedded boys either work in a different city, if in India or somewhere abroad, where the parents can't stay with them even if the DIL herself wants their help! (remote chance, though!)

As Yamaka Sir says, life is very complicated once a person is old and dependent!

BTW, nice to see you back! Best wishes......... :)
 
Should we try to answer the original post or just take it where we want?
The original poster may have some need to get some answer to their query.
Just a thought.:violin:
 
We are taking the thread in a different direction, Prasad sir! But Kunjuppu sir has given a reply in his post # 3 promptly.

And there is no interaction form the thread starter about the original topic!
 
Thanks madam! I keep visiting on and off - But no time to share what I think...

Regards
Revathi
 
I honestly feel that, neither the guys nor the girls who express their concern of taking care and keeping their parents with them after their marriage are NUT CASES.

When I think about what a girl would think of a guy who just want to ignore his parents and keep them in any old age homes just as his duty and want to enjoy his married life with his newly wedded wife, to live in and live with passionate love in all privacy, I have no idea as how girls would consider such guys?

Are such guys - Brilliant / Honest / Fair minded / True Men OR Nut Cases?

The same would go with girls who want to take care of their dependable parents. Will such girls be considered Nut Cases or otherwise?

What to tell about guys and girls who just dont want any of their dependable parents to be with them, after their marriage, when they can?

Whether it is a guy or a girl, the parent-child relationship with all love and care from the stage of infancy is the same for every one. The parents are equally important for any prospective guys and girls looking for marrying each other.

Guys and girls expressing their concern of taking care and keeping their parents with them after their marriage should not be considered Stupid, Nutcase, Moron etc.

Let us respect the feelings of love and care of every guys and girls towards their parents. We all are depending on our Father/Mother in some or other way, though we are fully grown up and independent. We need their suggestions, guidance, blessings, moral support etc. etc that all are genuine out of their experiences, wisdom & love and care towards us. Parents can never be ignored and isolated and these feelings are common to all.

Human life and human relationships are complicated, fragile and sensitive. Let us respect every guy and girl for their love towards their parents. I wish, all guys and girls should have maturity, patience, be polite, humble and sensible towards each other while proposing each other for marriage and discussing on things after marriage.

If a guy has decided to keep his parents with him after his marriage (obviously when he knows no other possible and comfortable ways), the Girl can very well ignore him, considering his terms unfeasible for her, doesn't matter what her justifications are. But, need not to consider him a NUT. She can very well look out for Mr.Right.

If a girl has decided to keep her parents with her after her marriage due obvious reasons, the Guy can very well ignore her and look out for any other girl.

Neither of them should be bitter towards each other for each of their conditions and when they could not derive a suitable and convincing sollution with mutual consent to proceed with marrying each other.

Have purity of mind and heart, without being too selfish with one's own married life and leave things in the hands of God for better.

 
Soumya Ramasubramanian said:
superb....love ur post....if it were for me id have very politely shown that guy the exit door...hahahaha..actually...such selfish guys should be like majorly eliminated like in one go...phuffffff...and all gone...wow...that'd be awesome...:):):)
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Don't be bitter Soumya. Life is too short to be bitter. This is just my humble and unsolicited advice. I don't know how old are you and how experienced are you in managing the sweet and tender But often complicated/embarassing feel of true love and care between parents and children.

Do you mean that a guy who don't want to leave his dependable parents stranded and suffering, is a selfish guy??

Do you mean that, since the guy narrated in a story in post #14 could not answer the girl when she asked him "what about my parents?" and could not decide to forget his parents to keep gir's parents with them (after their marriage), he is a cruel, selfish and a male chauvanist?

If the girl and guy could like each other based on their personal liking and could think of marrying and living with each other, than they can very well discuss on how to go about taking care of each of their parents after their marriage, with patience and respect towards each other and each other's parents. Should be considerate towards each other and try to see how best they can come to mutual acceptance in manging the needs together.

If they could not derive such possible sollution, they can very well say good bye to each other in a positive spirit and wish best of luck to each other.. :)

Take care...



 
C RAVI said:
Don't be bitter Soumya. Life is too short to be bitter. This is just my humble and unsolicited advice. I don't know how old are you and how experienced are you in managing the sweet and tender But often complicated/embarassing feel of true love and care between parents and children.Do you mean that a guy who don't want to leave his dependable parents stranded and suffering, is a selfish guy??Do you mean that, since the guy narrated in a story in post #14 could not answer the girl when she asked him "what about my parents?" and could not decide to forget his parents to keep gir's parents with them (after their marriage), he is a cruel, selfish and a male chauvanist? If the girl and guy could like each other based on their personal liking and could think of marrying and living with each other, than they can very well discuss on how to go about taking care of each of their parents after their marriage, with patience and respect towards each other and each other's parents. Should be considerate towards each other and try to see how best they can come to mutual acceptance in manging the needs together.If they could not derive such possible sollution, they can very well say good bye to each other in a positive spirit and wish best of luck to each other.. :)Take care...
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i'm 20..but the amount of people and the amount of experiences ive seen and heard has made me come to a very generalised opinion that most men are selfish...well exceptions exist...and so does my generalised opinion also have..its just that majority of the families ive seen,the guys are always their mother's tail..and are rude when it comes to the girl's family..this im talking is my parents generation and all above..i guess nowadays situation is better than before...so for now i have no comments about it..atleast not until i see any of my friends getting married and seeing their guy's attitude towards her parents..and family..
 
Ravi,

I didnt realise you were referring to my post and i never thought it would sting you this much. Soumya is not bitter. You sound bitter to be honest. I repeat that guy i saw is a NUTCASE only.

I even explained why. But i guess you missed reading that part so i will explain again. He has sooooo many siblings and even an older brother who can keep his parents with them. I have none. I'm the eldest girl. This nutcase insisted he wanted to keep his parents only with him. I just asked him what about mine since my parents have nobody else? He couldnt answer me. He is so selfish to think only about his parents when his parents have loads of other kids and mine don't.

So that was the point really. I dunno why that got you soo riled up.
 
amala, soumya,

i have to agree with you both, re guys have a difficult time letting go of the sari mundhanai of their mother. many of them, and it is true today as it was in my generation.

let me tell you a sad story which is still unfurling.

one of our friends, lady, married for 25 years. the husband , one of 3 sons, all abroad, and the parents rotate for 4 months each per son.

this time the inlaws stayed for 8 months.

to give a background, right from day one, it was a bad marriage. this guy used to beat up his wife, and she being the meek one, and programmed by her parents to put up with it, suffered all along. the sad fact is, the two children, boy and girl, seeing the father abuse the mom, take the cues from the father, and order about the mother.

finally, she had it. on one of the sessions of abuse, aided by the inlaws, she called the police, who immediately ordered out the inlaws. the husband, meekly went out with them.

the son who is doing phd in ivy league university, admonished the mom over the phone for calling the police. the daughter indicated that she 'did not want to get involved' and stopped returning her mom's calls.

the poor lady, after 25 years of 'stay at home' wife, is now all alone. in usa.

as usual, yours truly suggested, she consult a female lawyer, because the schemy hubby will work out to screw her and throw her out in the street. guess what? the lady's parents, demur. they want her to apologise to the in laws and make up. crap i dont understand.

boys, when they marry, have to understand and be willing, that wife is #1. their children are #1. parents if circumstances permit, and everything runs smoothly, can be accommodated. unless boys have their priorties straight, the girls are in for a rough time.

amala, your guys was a nut case. good that you gave him a wide berth. you usually want to avoid boys who are living with their parents, or worse, widowed mothers, for there is a possessive dependency on each side, which stacks against the prospective married life. such boys are best single and it is a mutually satisfying arrangement - boy & mommy with the umblical chord in tact.
 
what happened to jeyashree.. did she read through my list of old age homes. or got something else. if so, we would not mind hearing about
the place she selected :)
 
Dear ravi,

I think all this talk of reasonableness and negotiation, is good only in theory. In real life it does not work.

Possessive mothers, more than anyone else, have gone to destroy the married lives of their sons. More so, than possessive mothers of daughters. I have found, wherever there is an inlaw present, one of the spouses gets the raw end of the deal. It is just that in the past, our girls were programmed to accept the situation.

Now many of them don’t. some still do. for folks in situation, where they come to the marriage dais, along with their parents, it is best to chose girls who will go along with such arrangements.

For girls, who are in the marriage market, clear out the air, right at the beginning. Things will not get better with marriage. If you think you cannot accommodate the inlaws in your house, it is best to declare it upfront. There is nothing wrong with it. It is your life, and you have a right to form and image it to your satisfaction. Atleast make a start with all the right tunes.

what i have found that works best, is for the young couple to be left alone, and raise a family by themselves. when the inlaws reach an age liek their 70s+, the marriage has withstood the test of time, and when either inlaws need the comfort of in house care, it is best time to move in with the children. or an old age home. but not from definitely the day of the marriage. let these guys have some life!!
 
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From my observation and seeing the experience of many parents, I think parents who have pension or some similar steady source of regular income, should make it clear to children that they (the parents) would like to live separately. If and when the parents become incapable of looking after themselves or if one of them passes away and the other does not like a lonely life in a house, he/she can go to an old age home suitable and affordable to him/her.

Staying with married son and dil should be avoided at all costs. Many parents who imagined that by 'visiting' their sons frequently, they will be able to get the good will, affection, etc., of their dil and grandchildren have mostly failed. Some stay permanently with daughter but of late even those daughters do not like to look after bed-ridden parents.

The only way out for our community seems to go fully western style, i.e., don't spend on children's higher education but ask them to start earning and study privately, distance education, etc. In this way only middle class parents will be able to create some financial provisions for their retired life, imho.
 
Soumya Ramasubramanian said:
i'm 20..but the amount of people and the amount of experiences ive seen and heard has made me come to a very generalised opinion that most men are selfish...well exceptions exist...and so does my generalised opinion also have..its just that majority of the families ive seen,the guys are always their mother's tail..and are rude when it comes to the girl's family..this im talking is my parents generation and all above..i guess nowadays situation is better than before...so for now i have no comments about it..atleast not until i see any of my friends getting married and seeing their guy's attitude towards her parents..and family..
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Thank you for your clear reply, mentioning your age, Soumya.

Yes, smart are the people who see the present and not the past. Smartest and kind are the people who thinks of and can understand other's situation, can realize many possible reasons behind unclear explanations and refrain from downgrading others out of anger and immaturity.

It is better to ignore and move on rather judging / insulting a guy or girl for what they need to manage themselves and their parents. We can refrain from calling guys and gals as nut cases, atleast when they think of and express their need to "keep their parents with them", after their marriage.

Each family has lots of issues and complications that remains concealed within four walls. The guy or the girl and the God knows what the situation demands. We just have to ignore and move on if the other's demand is not acceptable to us.

Soumya, you are a young girl. My only honest suggestion to you is, manage your life as the situation demands and act truly and honestly, considering yourself and the people who want to live with you at present and in future. I would also like to add that, never have an opinion that guys who ignore their mother are gem of a person and can be a good husband to their future wives.


There are many false perception among many guys and girls that, guys who love their mother are in thier mother's "Mundhaanai Mudichu" and are just their mother's tail, moving right and left, up and down, as how mother's head orders to move. Such cases do exists and are not the majority cases now a days. Those are the majority cases of our parent's generation. Many are the wrong guys with inborn or perceived wrong attitude who do all selfish things and white wash them in the pretext of their mother's demand.


Dear Soumya, for your information, let me tell you that, there are hell lots of cases where many many husbands had/having bitter experiences and were/are crying within themselves, concealing their tears to others. The issue is, many are the wives who had acted upon their mother's direction and have detached their husband from his parents and family members, have made their children stick to their family members, ignoring husband's family members all together.

All I am trying to tell you is, allways have positive perceptions and clear mind set. Evaluate the situations and see how you can justify your needs and that of your future husband. If your future prospective guy/lover has his priorities, try to see how much is his needs justifiable and how much considerate he is, toward you. If the situation demands you both to ignore each other, don't have bitter feelings towards him, considering your demands alone. Have balanced view of life and ponder on the demanding situations with a clear and cool mind, without any negative mental preoccupations.

Wish you good luck..





 
C RAVI said:
..... I would also like to add that, never have an opinion that guys who ignore their mother are gem of a person and can be a good husband to their future wives.


There are many false perception among many guys and girls that, guys who love their mother are in thier mother's "Mundhaanai Mudichu" and are just their mother's tail, moving right and left, up and down, as how mother's head orders to move. Such cases do exists and are not the majority cases now a days. Those are the majority cases of our parent's generation. Many are the wrong guys with inborn or perceived wrong attitude who do all selfish things and white wash them in the pretext of their mother's demand.


Dear Soumya, for your information, let me tell you that, there are hell lots of cases where many many husbands had/having bitter experiences and were/are crying within themselves, concealing their tears to others. The issue is, many are the wives who had acted upon their mother's direction and have detached their husband from his parents and family members, have made their children stick to their family members, ignoring husband's family members all together.





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ravi,

i think you missed the point here.

i think, what is meant by women of today, is not that relationships with inlaws need to be cut off. it does not mean, that in order to show the boy's love for his mother, that he should put her up in his house.

you may not like it, but that is the reality of today. for that matter, most boys do not want the girls' parents living with them. do they?

today's girls are educated and earn a handsome salary. why should they put up with additional hassles for a stranger - for indeed any man woman relationship will take years before it matures into a level of given and take, where in laws can be accommodated.

boys can be loving husbands, and wonderful sons. but not at the expense of thsese two women sharing the household. i know you are a bachelor, and probably looking for a wife. it is a great experience for you to discover how many girls will be willing to share the house with your mother right from the day of marriage.

times have changed, and the sooner, the boys accept them, they can find a solution for workaround. if they deny it, then they are in for a long haul of search for the minority of girls who may still look upon taking care of in laws as duties of a marriage, from day one.

today's marriage and household dynamics are differeent than a generation ago, when the mother largely stayed at home, and was a docile partner. today's girls contribute more, and expect a fair deal. admittedly some boys are supporting their parents out of circumstances or love. if that is theri priority, they might find it impossible if not difficult, to find a wife these days, within our community. or for that matter, in many urban communities cutting acoss caste and religion.
 
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kunjuppu said:
amala, soumya,

i have to agree with you both, re guys have a difficult time letting go of the sari mundhanai of their mother. many of them, and it is true today as it was in my generation.

let me tell you a sad story which is still unfurling.

one of our friends, lady, married for 25 years. the husband , one of 3 sons, all abroad, and the parents rotate for 4 months each per son.

this time the inlaws stayed for 8 months.

to give a background, right from day one, it was a bad marriage. this guy used to beat up his wife, and she being the meek one, and programmed by her parents to put up with it, suffered all along. the sad fact is, the two children, boy and girl, seeing the father abuse the mom, take the cues from the father, and order about the mother.

finally, she had it. on one of the sessions of abuse, aided by the inlaws, she called the police, who immediately ordered out the inlaws. the husband, meekly went out with them.

the son who is doing phd in ivy league university, admonished the mom over the phone for calling the police. the daughter indicated that she 'did not want to get involved' and stopped returning her mom's calls.

the poor lady, after 25 years of 'stay at home' wife, is now all alone. in usa.

as usual, yours truly suggested, she consult a female lawyer, because the schemy hubby will work out to screw her and throw her out in the street. guess what? the lady's parents, demur. they want her to apologise to the in laws and make up. crap i dont understand.

boys, when they marry, have to understand and be willing, that wife is #1. their children are #1. parents if circumstances permit, and everything runs smoothly, can be accommodated. unless boys have their priorties straight, the girls are in for a rough time.

amala, your guys was a nut case. good that you gave him a wide berth. you usually want to avoid boys who are living with their parents, or worse, widowed mothers, for there is a possessive dependency on each side, which stacks against the prospective married life. such boys are best single and it is a mutually satisfying arrangement - boy & mommy with the umblical chord in tact.
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I'm really shocked that that actually happened in the USA. So many sadistic people out there on a power trip. And even her own kids!

The thing is Shri Kunjuppu, not sure if you believe this or not, but even though many boys are very independent and not holding on to their mother's pallu, in many cases there are these mothers who are so dependent on their sons. The poor mothers have always depended totally and fully for everything on their husbands that when their husbands pass on they turn to their sons.

Some of them are even afraid to venture out alone. Its really sad but its not that the son is stuck to the mother but the other way round. Such boys can never leave their mothers alone. Those ladies just cannot be alone.

Just for Ravi's benefit i want to repeat that I'm not against looking after in laws per se at all. I will look after in laws should the need arise. But since I'm the eldest girl, my parents come first.

That too if they are frail only because they are highly capable people, highly independent, health conscious (only because they realise how important it is to not depend on their kids) like their freedom and like Sangom Sir said would never want to intrude or live with us. Because my father has seen it all in his relatives and so on about the "issues" that can crop up with parents living with married children and so for as long as possible they will not even dream of it. When my parents can be this considerate I fail to understand how many boys parents would want to live with their kids even though they are fine and dandy, hale and hearty. Strange!
 
Anybody watch "Everybody loves Raymond" sitcom? That arrangement is ok too. His parents live opposite but are always in his house and his poor long suffering wife :) bless her!
 
kunjuppu said:
ravi,

i think you missed the point here.

i think, what is meant by women of today, is not that relationships with inlaws need to be cut off. it does not mean, that in order to show the boy's love for his mother, that he should put her up in his house.

you may not like it, but that is the reality of today. for that matter, most boys do not want the girls' parents living with them. do they?

today's girls are educated and earn a handsome salary. why should they put up with additional hassles for a stranger - for indeed any man woman relationship will take years before it matures into a level of given and take, where in laws can be accommodated.

boys can be loving husbands, and wonderful sons. but not at the expense of thsese two women sharing the household. i know you are a bachelor, and probably looking for a wife. it is a great experience for you to discover how many girls will be willing to share the house with your mother right from the day of marriage.

times have changed, and the sooner, the boys accept them, they can find a solution for workaround. if they deny it, then they are in for a long haul of search for the minority of girls who may still look upon taking care of in laws as duties of a marriage, from day one.

today's marriage and household dynamics are differeent than a generation ago, when the mother largely stayed at home, and was a docile partner. today's girls contribute more, and expect a fair deal. admittedly some boys are supporting their parents out of circumstances or love. if that is theri priority, they might find it impossible if not difficult, to find a wife these days, within our community. or for that matter, in many urban communities cutting acoss caste and religion.
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Shri Kunjuppu,

I haven't missed any of your points and I have no objections to your above POV. Your POV above is the same as that of my parents, regarding new couples to live alone, understand each other and live happily without any sort of confusions and ill will towards each other.

What all I express here, I do so without considering my personal case. Every family has some issues and many parents are dependable to their son or daughter in their old age due many valid reasons. All I am saying is, if the guy or the girl is sticking to his/her demands pertaining to keeping his/her parents with him/her after his/her marriage, the other can well ignore and move on to search for other partner. It doesn't makes any sense to express anger on the other, when the person has openly expressed his/her needs before the marriage takes place.


All my posts here so far was, considering the wish of a guy or a girl to keep his/her parents with him/her, doen't matter what his/her parents think of. All I am saying is, to think the other as same as one self and have cool and clear mentality to take things easy when this only shows the guys's or girl's love and care towards his/her old and dependable parents.

There is no sense practically to think that only elder daughter or elder son need to keep their old and dependable parents with them after their marriage, irrespective of the circumstances.

Both the boys and girls knows the value of each others as husband and wife who are well educated and earning a lot and both are responsible to build their own family. Both boys and girls should also have the maturity and fair mindedness to respect each others love and care towards their old and dependable parents. This alone can ensure healthy and positive mentality of boys and girls.



 
C RAVI said:
Thank you for your clear reply, mentioning your age, Soumya.Yes, smart are the people who see the present and not the past. Smartest and kind are the people who thinks of and can understand other's situation, can realize many possible reasons behind unclear explanations and refrain from downgrading others out of anger and immaturity.It is better to ignore and move on rather judging / insulting a guy or girl for what they need to manage themselves and their parents. We can refrain from calling guys and gals as nut cases, atleast when they think of and express their need to "keep their parents with them", after their marriage.Each family has lots of issues and complications that remains concealed within four walls. The guy or the girl and the God knows what the situation demands. We just have to ignore and move on if the other's demand is not acceptable to us.Soumya, you are a young girl. My only honest suggestion to you is, manage your life as the situation demands and act truly and honestly, considering yourself and the people who want to live with you at present and in future. I would also like to add that, never have an opinion that guys who ignore their mother are gem of a person and can be a good husband to their future wives.There are many false perception among many guys and girls that, guys who love their mother are in thier mother's "Mundhaanai Mudichu" and are just their mother's tail, moving right and left, up and down, as how mother's head orders to move. Such cases do exists and are not the majority cases now a days. Those are the majority cases of our parent's generation. Many are the wrong guys with inborn or perceived wrong attitude who do all selfish things and white wash them in the pretext of their mother's demand.Dear Soumya, for your information, let me tell you that, there are hell lots of cases where many many husbands had/having bitter experiences and were/are crying within themselves, concealing their tears to others. The issue is, many are the wives who had acted upon their mother's direction and have detached their husband from his parents and family members, have made their children stick to their family members, ignoring husband's family members all together. All I am trying to tell you is, allways have positive perceptions and clear mind set. Evaluate the situations and see how you can justify your needs and that of your future husband. If your future prospective guy/lover has his priorities, try to see how much is his needs justifiable and how much considerate he is, toward you. If the situation demands you both to ignore each other, don't have bitter feelings towards him, considering your demands alone. Have balanced view of life and ponder on the demanding situations with a clear and cool mind, without any negative mental preoccupations.Wish you good luck..
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I have absolutely no problem in having the guy's parents with me..and to look after them...i have been brought up in a nuclear family...but i love the whole concept of joint family..so cuz i feel it a safe and secure environment..So in laws are really not a burden for me...cuz presently i dont know how they are or anything...I will be more than happy to look after them provided1. They are good too2. They do not show any ignorance or any act of displeasure towards my parents..My parents are my first priority now..and when i get married my husband comes first priority..along with my parents..just because some random guy comes into my life,i can't just not bother about my parents...the whole reason i am alive today,the whole reason my husband is marrying me is because i am alive and have been kept alive and healthy and looked after and cared by My parents..My whole point is it is ok for us girls to look after the guys parents but not if the guys shows a not bothered attitude towards girls parents and ignorance towards girls parents..
 
Dear ravi,

Let me explain once more.

I am addressing day 1 of marriage. In today’s world, no girl, wants to be a nurse and caretaker for the inlaws as a starting point. And to set the equation fair, no boy would agree to live with his inlaws.

It takes time to develop relationships, trust, affection, care and what not.

Over a period of years, it may so happen, the dil would genuine come to love the inlaws, and would not think twice of having them stay with her. Same goes for the guy, these days, as there are ‘girls only’ family.

Many old folks here in Canada or usa, do live with their children, but only at very late stage in their lives. again there is no sense of entitlement felt by the parents, and all are grateful for the privilege of living with their children. Such is not the case in india, where usually the boy’s mother runs the household, and the newly wed wife has, at the best play a second fiddle, if she has a role in running the house at all.

I think, it is not practical or realistic, for the boy, to announce right upfront, that he wishes to have his parents with them, starting day 1. or for that matter, include that as a condition of marriage.

Based on past practices, it is a smart girl these days, that spells out these conditions. Because when we marry an arranged way, arrangements can be and should be negotiated upfront.

I agree that it is not what many of the boys want to hear. But times have changed, and what I feel, is that unless such stuff is spelt out clearly before day one, the couple are in for a lot of grief, many a times the girl, and sometimes the boy.

Many bachelors today, may be better off just living with their mothers, and unnecessarily avoid the guilt of not taking care of the parent. And also double blessing, not putting a girl through grief.
 
C RAVI said:
Thank you for your clear reply, mentioning your age, Soumya.Yes, smart are the people who see the present and not the past. Smartest and kind are the people who thinks of and can understand other's situation, can realize many possible reasons behind unclear explanations and refrain from downgrading others out of anger and immaturity.It is better to ignore and move on rather judging / insulting a guy or girl for what they need to manage themselves and their parents. We can refrain from calling guys and gals as nut cases, atleast when they think of and express their need to "keep their parents with them", after their marriage.Each family has lots of issues and complications that remains concealed within four walls. The guy or the girl and the God knows what the situation demands. We just have to ignore and move on if the other's demand is not acceptable to us.Soumya, you are a young girl. My only honest suggestion to you is, manage your life as the situation demands and act truly and honestly, considering yourself and the people who want to live with you at present and in future. I would also like to add that, never have an opinion that guys who ignore their mother are gem of a person and can be a good husband to their future wives.There are many false perception among many guys and girls that, guys who love their mother are in thier mother's "Mundhaanai Mudichu" and are just their mother's tail, moving right and left, up and down, as how mother's head orders to move. Such cases do exists and are not the majority cases now a days. Those are the majority cases of our parent's generation. Many are the wrong guys with inborn or perceived wrong attitude who do all selfish things and white wash them in the pretext of their mother's demand.Dear Soumya, for your information, let me tell you that, there are hell lots of cases where many many husbands had/having bitter experiences and were/are crying within themselves, concealing their tears to others. The issue is, many are the wives who had acted upon their mother's direction and have detached their husband from his parents and family members, have made their children stick to their family members, ignoring husband's family members all together. All I am trying to tell you is, allways have positive perceptions and clear mind set. Evaluate the situations and see how you can justify your needs and that of your future husband. If your future prospective guy/lover has his priorities, try to see how much is his needs justifiable and how much considerate he is, toward you. If the situation demands you both to ignore each other, don't have bitter feelings towards him, considering your demands alone. Have balanced view of life and ponder on the demanding situations with a clear and cool mind, without any negative mental preoccupations.Wish you good luck..
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missed out on this point...all guys who love their mothers are munthanai mudich...nopes...i am definitely not under that opinion...but most guys of older generations somehow land up like that after few days of getting married...If i have to conduct a survey in my hostel, 95% would say they hate their father's mother and father's sisters...we talk about it many times...everyone of us here hate them for the very fact that the mother in laws are selfish,possessive and arrogant...oh even the sister in laws...Present generation coming to think of it,well the guys are forget mother,they are hardly attached to anyone in the family...infact its such a state that they want to just not have so many people around them and migrate elsewhere...so its actually not much of a problem nowadays...or rather it is getting better...
 
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