Looking for Old age home for Brahmins in Madurai

[Servall]

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Dear K:

as usual, yours truly suggested, she consult a female lawyer, because the schemy hubby will work out to screw her and throw her out in the street. guess what? the lady's parents, demur. they want her to apologise to the in laws and make up. crap i dont understand.

I agree with you 100%.

If we go by your account and the poor woman is not at fault, I say screw the guy for whatever she can get for the rest of her life.

I dont mean to be crude, here is a lady who sacrificed her life for her husband and children and took all the crap for all these years and they have the heart to abandon her like this!!

Word of caution to young women like Soumya: the magic word is independence folks!! If this same lady was a professional and making good dough, I am sure the husband's family wouldnt dare do things like this nor would she take this crap.

Get a good degree, find a nice job, be financially independent and make sure even if some guy or his family try to screw you up, you are not in the lurch.

My 2 cents......

 

[C RAVI]

I have absolutely no problem in having the guy's parents with me..and to look after them...i have been brought up in a nuclear family...but i love the whole concept of joint family..so cuz i feel it a safe and secure environment..So in laws are really not a burden for me...cuz presently i dont know how they are or anything...I will be more than happy to look after them provided1. They are good too2. They do not show any ignorance or any act of displeasure towards my parents..My parents are my first priority now..and when i get married my husband comes first priority..along with my parents..just because some random guy comes into my life,i can't just not bother about my parents...the whole reason i am alive today,the whole reason my husband is marrying me is because i am alive and have been kept alive and healthy and looked after and cared by My parents..My whole point is it is ok for us girls to look after the guys parents but not if the guys shows a not bothered attitude towards girls parents and ignorance towards girls parents..

Well said Soumya!! I appreciate what you have expressed above.

Yes, every guy and girl who all are ready to get married are alive, healthy and prepared to have their own family only because of their parents love, care, sacrifice and best wishes.

Not only the girls BUT guys should also have the refined mentality to consider wife's parents as own and give them all love and care.

 

[kunjuppu]

dear servall,

This lady is really of the old fashioned ‘mami’ type even though she is only in her early forties. She married in her teens after just having immigrated here. Never has worked and is always dressed only in saris even at home (not even housecoats).

Her sil’s are all employed and very assertive, which was the reason, the inlaws plonk themselves in this lady’s house, and husband dances
to the tune of the mother. The kids have no respect for mom, because both grandparents and father show no respect for her,
and have been poisoned against her. I hold her parents to fault, for right from the start, they have insisted that she ‘work it out’
with her husband. And inlaws.

Basically, we all hope problems don’t exist. Hope they go away. Also all their friends are common tambram friends, and so apart from the
fear of ostracization, there is really no one to whom she can confide or seek advice. Because no one wants to ‘get involved’.

One rumour is that the hubby has another woman on the side. Which I doubt. I have met the husband, and folks like him are abusers,
and who cannot relate to any woman. Only their mothers. Very sad.

to give you an idea, of how hypocritical the fellow community is, i am the only one, who suggests a lawyer, and that too a female one,
and white one at that. indian lawyers, i do not trust, even in north america.

what to do?

 

[amala]

Thats sad. That Indian lawyers in North America are not trustworthy. I thought it was only in the UK. shri Kunjuppu i actually know a relative (of sorts) who is an abusive hubby to the wife but has a woman on the side and i s completely omg i cannot stress completely different man to the other woman. Also note worthing that the other woman is nothing like the wife. She is beautiful, accomplished, smart etc and he was apparently "forced" to marry the wife, being relatives and all.

 

[biswa]

i have to agree with you both, re guys have a difficult time letting go of the sari mundhanai of their mother. many of them, and it is true today as it was in my generation.

Mr. Kunjuppu, why do you specifically mention guys only?

I have seen it for a fact the other way also. Not only do some girls hold on to their mom's apron strings, but to their dad's coat-tails as well!

No gender discrimination, equal opportunity please!

 

[happyhindu]

Mr. Kunjuppu, why do you specifically mention guys only?

I have seen it for a fact the other way also. Not only do some girls hold on to their mom's apron strings, but to their dad's coat-tails as well!

No gender discrimination, equal opportunity please!

Biswa, i suggest you watch the Neeya Naana episode regarding mother-in-law versus daughter-in-law. Then you will understand the difference. Searched but cudn't find an online clip of the episode. Hope someone can search better and post a link of the episode here.

 

[kunjuppu]

biswa,

i agree with you. there are girls, in my own family, who need to talk to their mothers several times a DAY, even after 5+ years of marriage. with skype today's communication across continents is free and easily available. with time difference being the only constraint.

The nature of the call can be as mundane as amount of salt in a sambhar, or serious husband wife rifts. The hubby may suspect, but unable to do anything, about the intensity and extension of the intrusion of the mother in law in guiding and setting the direction of the new household. And many a times, unable or unwilling to impose conditions such as restricting the access or even tempering it, for anything can happen while he is away at work, and the wife at home.

I can see one benefit of these still hanging on to mummy’s mundhaanai, is that it helps identify early, cases of spousal abuse. Day to day conversation enables tensions to be transferred with equal intensity to the parents, and I have seen, quick action by the girl’s parents avoided atleast one marriage split up – the groom was warned sufficiently by the fil, to chasten him, and relieve HIM of his hanging on to HIS mummy’s mundhaanai.

What I have found, is that girls, busy with a career, and child rearing, and a supportive husband, have little time or inclination, to hold on to mummy. These girls by and large, are assertive with their husbands, have self confidence to address and resolve issues and above all, treat their spouse as a true partner, with whom they have invested the rest of their lives. truly bharathiar’s pudhumai peNNs.

 

[sarang]

We had a solution - vanaprastha. Not a bad idea even today for the elderly parents to spend quite quality time in a serene, nature rich resort among like old people.

Many jains do it even now. The elderly just take off one day leaving no contact details, visit temples and wander all over sacred jain sites. They go by walk everywhere, and all jain temples provide for their basic needs.

 

[kunjuppu]

We had a solution - vanaprastha. Not a bad idea even today for the elderly parents to spend quite quality time in a serene, nature rich resort among like old people.

Many jains do it even now. The elderly just take off one day leaving no contact details, visit temples and wander all over sacred jain sites. They go by walk everywhere, and all jain temples provide for their basic needs.

sarang,

is it practical today to practise the vanaprastha of old? even then, do we know, if the old of those times, just wandered off, never to be seen again by their children? did they take all the inheritance with them, to see to their comforts. or did they go about living in poverty?

the eskimos of canadian north, had one practice, which is no longer done. we are talking of the arctic tundra, with little vegetation and little food. at some point, when they become 'useless', the old, just leave the tribe and wander away, to become food of the polar bears and other wild animals. thus completing the cirlce of life, for these animals in turn are hunted and provide as food for the younger generation.

i think today's values are too complicated for any average person to practise vanaprastha. the closest to it, is old age homes. there are also retirement communities, and if there is anyone here living in one, i hope, would not mind sharing their experiences. particularly the social aspect.

re the jains, what happens, when these reach a stage when they are unable to walk. do the temples take care of them?

 

[kunjuppu]

once again, WHERE IS JEYASHREE the originator of this thread?

 

[Raji Ram]

Hi Jeyashree,

Could you find a good senior citizen home for your father? Why no reply from you? :noidea: