Marriage Is it a dying institute?

[kunjuppu]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Share Link

Even now in South India, basically follow the arranged marriage procedure. As arranged marriage
practice is being adopted, someone other than the Couple getting married makes the selection of
the persons to be wed initially. In some families, only when the horoscope tally/match
etc is finalized, the boy or girl gets an opportunity to meet each other to know themselves. There
are places in some parts, where time has not moved forward. Above all, dowry system is still
in place, it has rather become more of a "bride-price" tag. These things affect some of the girls.
Hence now-a-days, because of many girls have started going for work as contrast
to yester years, marriages formed out of love AKA "love marriages" take place. In some places
the girls start looking for a person who would be suitable to them and give the suggestion to the
parents to go in for finalization. These could be seen easily by everyone of late.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

dear bala,

i agree with you that our community, has the extremes. on one hand, just look at all the ads in the matrimonial sites.

every one of them has the jadhagam. even if one does not want to do jadhaga porutham, but go only on status/mana porutham, there is not much chance. we are deliberately weeding away compatible matches due to jadhagams non matching - and everyone agrees that no two josiyars agree

when the community as a whole, is 50 years behind, in certain aspects of its activities, is it not but natural, that the younger generation finds it frustrating? just imagine the feelings of many of the boys, single here and elsewhere, who are pushing 30+ and still no chance of a bride.

could they not loosen up some of the filters, even within our own caste?

 

[nachi naga]

i think 8 variety of marriages classified is very apt.indians love ritual,tradition,customs a lot as life s made to be fun filled with joy & happiness.but the increasing costs needs to be shared as just the brides party shouldering is somewhat a lopsided custom,imho.

 

[Iyyarooraan]

If the institution of marriage is to be "killed", the next step would be to kill the antecedents, i.e. 'kill' the parentage. The new human-living beings after a century or so would start doing research on how they came into being. There will be new class or caste calling themselves as "illegitimates". That class would refuse to tell their 'father's' or 'mother's' name as it would not know. Or better, if possible, the new born could be given a digital ID with reference to genetic code making a 16 or 20 digit code. It will be a whole lot of fun in the digital world. Hypocrisy! thy name is future, or progress?

 

[kunjuppu]

If the institution of marriage is to be "killed", the next step would be to kill the antecedents, i.e. 'kill' the parentage. The new human-living beings after a century or so would start doing research on how they came into being. There will be new class or caste calling themselves as "illegitimates". That class would refuse to tell their 'father's' or 'mother's' name as it would not know. Or better, if possible, the new born could be given a digital ID with reference to genetic code making a 16 or 20 digit code. It will be a whole lot of fun in the digital world. Hypocrisy! thy name is future, or progress?

iyya,

i may be wrong, but i detect a lot of vehemance and anger in your post.

just fyi, even as we speak, they are building these huge baby factories in china - where anyone, anywhere in the world, can request for custom made babies - apparently they are following the brazilian example of classifying the babies by as many as 40 skin tones.

the eye colour to can be requested, and first orders indicate, there are very few requests for slanted eyes, only proving, that most asiatics prefer round eyes.

the chinese are yet to market these babies beyond beta, because they are working on how to classify the babies by IQ or by skill sets. there is also the fear, that everyone would want only high IQs and no one would want babies who could only be plumbers or electricians.

add to it, there is now the real scare as to how the land will get tilled, who will kill the latrines and and who will be the cannon fodder in foreign wars - stuff that the scientists did not care about, but now very much the concern of the politburo.

as Y would say, 'wait and watch' !!

 

[renuka]

Last week I had met a person who was a real good motivational speaker and he had asked me a few questions.

The 1st question was "why did you get married?"

He started laughing at my answer when I told him "I thought everyone gets married eventually"

Next question was "what do you think of marriage"

My answer was '"I really don't know"

I thought I saw his eyes widen a little with my answer.

Then he was asking some general questions like "do you feel you have known life in this 41 years of your existence?"

My answer was "I can only say I have some 41 years of experiences and I really cannot say thats enough to know what life is all about cos it might just be the tip of the ice berg and a lot more that I dont really know..so my answer is No..I dont feel I have known life in this 41 years"

He said " when I asked you what you know why are you answering me what you dont know"

I replied "Cos thats the truth for me right now"

It was kind of nice when he was asking all this questions..he found most of my answers funny..dont know why?

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

I too have no precise answer to the above post. I can only submit that
it has been traditionally understood, i.e. virtually in every human society, it is
important to have a good association as one family unit. Marriage extends so
many good features, far beyond a mere emotional commitment. Marriage is
rather culmination of a commitment on the part of the couple, though it is not a
right, rather it is a responsibility of leading to physical/financial support, and
an approved social structure for cohabitation. I would also say, it is God's design
and wish and it is thus performed in the presence of elders and society with the
blessings of everyone and the wishes of God.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[kunjuppu]

Last week I had met a person who was a real good motivational speaker and he had asked me a few questions.

The 1st question was "why did you get married?"

He started laughing at my answer when I told him "I thought everyone gets married eventually"

Next question was "what do you think of marriage"

My answer was '"I really don't know"

I thought I saw his eyes widen a little with my answer.

Then he was asking some general questions like "do you feel you have known life in this 41 years of your existence?"

My answer was "I can only say I have some 41 years of experiences and I really cannot say thats enough to know what life is all about cos it might just be the tip of the ice berg and a lot more that I dont really know..so my answer is No..I dont feel I have known life in this 41 years"

He said " when I asked you what you know why are you answering me what you dont know"

I replied "Cos thats the truth for me right now"

It was kind of nice when he was asking all this questions..he found most of my answers funny..dont know why?

renus,

the way i see it, the purpose of motivational speakers or psychiatrists dealing with mindplay/games/issues, is for you to 'self realize' your shortcomings so that they can come up with 'solutions'.

in my gym, every year, they have shoe 'fitting' workshops. this is run by a shoe company which deals with speciality shoes.

after all these years, a few months ago, i went to one of the 'fitting' sessions.

she tested out a whole bunch of things, and rather disappointedly told me, that she could 'not help me' as there was nothing wrong with my shoe affecting my posture

maybe your MS was trying the same thing out of you.. had you complained or found fault with anything that he asked you about, he would have gleefully rubbed his hands, smacked his lips, and told you 'what was wrong with you'?

dont know. maybe?

 

[prasad1]

Last week I had met a person who was a real good motivational speaker and he had asked me a few questions.

The 1st question was "why did you get married?"

He started laughing at my answer when I told him "I thought everyone gets married eventually"

Next question was "what do you think of marriage"

My answer was '"I really don't know"

I thought I saw his eyes widen a little with my answer.

Then he was asking some general questions like "do you feel you have known life in this 41 years of your existence?"

My answer was "I can only say I have some 41 years of experiences and I really cannot say thats enough to know what life is all about cos it might just be the tip of the ice berg and a lot more that I dont really know..so my answer is No..I dont feel I have known life in this 41 years"

He said " when I asked you what you know why are you answering me what you dont know"

I replied "Cos thats the truth for me right now"

It was kind of nice when he was asking all this questions..he found most of my answers funny..dont know why?

How can one find fault with perfection? LOL

 

[prasad1]

I too have no precise answer to the above post. I can only submit that
it has been traditionally understood, i.e. virtually in every human society, it is
important to have a good association as one family unit. Marriage extends so
many good features, far beyond a mere emotional commitment. Marriage is
rather culmination of a commitment on the part of the couple, though it is not a
right, rather it is a responsibility of leading to physical/financial support, and
an approved social structure for cohabitation. I would also say, it is God's design
and wish and it is thus performed in the presence of elders and society with the
blessings of everyone and the wishes of God.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

Mr. Bala,
This thread was exploring the death of the term marriage and family as we know.
1. When same sex couple want to legitimate their union as "marriage" that is death of marriage as we know.
2. When married couple divorce, that is end of marriage.
4. Cohabitation makes marriage obsolete.
5. Single woman can have her own designer baby by artificial insemination or in-vitro-fertilization.
6. When single person can adopt.
7. society, values, morals are changing.
8. We might need a new definition of the word marriage.
No longer can we say that marriages are made in heaven, we live on earth. Similarly we can not say "till death do us apart" it should be "till I find an alternative". Talk to Mr. Gingrich he served divorce paper to his wife when she was undergoing chemotherapy.

I am not judging any individual situations, I am sure they have their reasons.


In US Married Couples Are No Longer a Majority.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/26/us/26marry.html

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

Prasadji No doubt what you say is correct. But our Society in India will not accept all
these. If an unmarried girl gets a baby, through artificial insemination, people will not
accept the truth and they will start telling 100 odd stories and they will put a tag on her,
leading to the Society looking at her in a different fashion. Cohabitation just like Canada
or foreign countries cannot last long here and that will also lead to whispers amongst
neighbours. A spinster or a bachelor adopts a child late 50s, people may agree to
some extent, but that too people add a remark stating that person has sufficient wealth
and property and hence one wants an adopted child to protected the ancestral property.
Is there an end to it. Marriage is a holy Institution and it should continue whatever may
be the drawbacks that may occur here and there.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[sangom]

I feel marriage is a dying institution. But it is not possible to predict its "death" with any certainty, imo, because the changes will be seamless and continuous when we deal with such social constructs.

The etymology of the word marriage takes us to the Latin marītāri which itself is related to OF matremoine which ultimately derives from Latin mātrimōnium which combines the two concepts mater meaning "mother" and the suffix -monium signifying "action, state, or condition."(Marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

Hence, marriage as a social institution had relevance only as long as it was a means of making a woman into a mother, or, in other words, begetting progeny. The male was supreme then and the female had to accept a very subsidiary and sub-ordinate role.

The state of society has changed radically now. It was very evident in the western countries (Japan included) which rapidly industrialized, waged two World Wars and created a large number of war widows. The change is now slowly coming in India also because of women's emancipation, education and their equal role in highly paying service sector jobs. Marriage cannot work within the conventional parameters in the changed circumstances and the first symptoms thereof is what we see (and have been discussing animatedly, at times) as inter-caste marriage for which the newly emancipated tabra girls are venturing.


We have cases of "living in" even in metro cities and some of our tabra girls (one or two I know for sure) who were so living in US and pursuing their higher studies courtsey their living-in male partner. The strange thing was that this was known fairly well back home in India too but it did not make even the slightest ripple!

I therefore feel that as society goes forward in time, marriage will be substituted by a process of selecting a life-long friend by trial & error and any child/children born during such trial periods will have to be eventually taken care of by the Government if it claims to be a welfare state. Otherwise abortion laws will have to be made extremely liberal.

As and when a man and woman finally decide to select each other as long-term partners, there could me some formal function such as registration of marriage, celebration of the event, etc. But this again will be capable of being nullified legally with minimum hassles to both parties involved. Thus there will be great variety of gene-mixing which, perhaps, is what nature has designed to improve the genetic stock of mankind.

Anyway, I may not be there to witness all these changes.

 

[prasad1]

I therefore feel that as society goes forward in time, marriage will be substituted by a process of selecting a life-long friend by trial & error and any child/children born during such trial periods will have to be eventually taken care of by the Government if it claims to be a welfare state. Otherwise abortion laws will have to be made extremely liberal.

Even in welfare state, government can not care for these abandoned children.

 

[Iyyarooraan]

I am no god. I cannot control whatever happens to the society or our civilization. I have grown up with an idea of the world and life which I have been enjoying and in which I have suffered too by and with kith and kin and friends and other movers of the society. I might have been annoying my parents and elders/seniors and yet in the evening of your life you love them, you are awed by them and respect them. We are seeing new generations growing in an unknown style having their own attitudes. You tolerate them because your own children are the part of that generation. In your subconscious mind you do not approve of them but consciously you want to be kind to them and indulge in benign neglect of their compulsions. Change is inevitable. It occurs and keeps happening every fraction of a second. We are all part of that change and we cannot refuse to change. Smooth change is ordained in nature and it will be in harmony. But sudden and compulsive change will be destructive and violent which human nature cannot look forward to face.

 

[sangom]

Even in welfare state, government can not care for these abandoned children.

Yes, you are right. I actually referred to this, but while writing, the emphasis somehow changed:

"In Norway single parents receive a child allowance, a child care cash benefit, an education benefit, a housing allowance, and transitional and advanced cash benefits. While most single parents (90%) have incomes less than half the median family income, only 9 percent of all children in single-parent families fall below the poverty line."

Read more: Single-Parent Families - Public Assistance For Single-parent Families - Poverty, Family, Children, and Welfare - JRank Articles Single-Parent Families - Public Assistance For Single-parent Families - Poverty, Family, Children, and Welfare - JRank Articles
​

 

[prasad1]

Yes, you are right. I actually referred to this, but while writing, the emphasis somehow changed:

"In Norway single parents receive a child allowance, a child care cash benefit, an education benefit, a housing allowance, and transitional and advanced cash benefits. While most single parents (90%) have incomes less than half the median family income, only 9 percent of all children in single-parent families fall below the poverty line."

Read more: Single-Parent Families - Public Assistance For Single-parent Families - Poverty, Family, Children, and Welfare - JRank Articles Single-Parent Families - Public Assistance For Single-parent Families - Poverty, Family, Children, and Welfare - JRank Articles
​

Yes government can at best throw money at it. Raising a successful child takes much more than money. The parenting, loving, caring and making a responsible adult out of a baby is a task. You need human no superhuman sacrifice in raising a child.

That is why I think that people who frown on birth control, and abortions should be forced to raise these children.

 

[nachi naga]

marry age is marry and age.to marry need not neccessarily be holy matrimony.matter is money.to procreate there is no need to marry.marriage is a human made institution prevailing only amongst humans who value culture tradition hygeine god.as is evident giving into carnal pleasures has its merits and demerits.sense gratification is all that we have,rest is figment of imagination.i will never ever marry again,once bitten twice shy

 

[kunjuppu]

....i will never ever marry again,once bitten twice shy

i agree nachi. hope you find happiness next time. no need for marriage. i think a 'live in' arrangement keeps both folks on their toes, esp at our age. also, you need to be careful about inheritance..ensure your blood gets the results of your hard earned toil.

i have lost count of folks, who enter into wedlock the second time, and the children of the previous marriage get shafted.

best wishes nachi...it is not natural for man to be alone dear friend..God Bless.

 

[prasad1]

i agree nachi. hope you find happiness next time. no need for marriage. i think a 'live in' arrangement keeps both folks on their toes, esp at our age. also, you need to be careful about inheritance..ensure your blood gets the results of your hard earned toil.

i have lost count of folks, who enter into wedlock the second time, and the children of the previous marriage get shafted.

best wishes nachi...it is not natural for man to be alone dear friend..God Bless.

Best of luck to Nachi, what ever that is.
Mr. K,
Why should you ensure that blood gets the toil, and is the kids with new wife not also blood?

Your wealth should be distributed the way you want. It could be to a charity, or it could be to a caregiver. Please make a will and leave it with your lawyer.
It is important, the family left behind is going to fight over every asset, so please leave a detailed list.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Nachi Sir,

Felt sad to read your post. But believe me Sir. There are 'second innings' which are glorious! If you get an understanding

partner, please get married. In my close family circle, the d i l who was not treated well by her husband and in-laws got her

divorce, married again and is blessed with a baby. One of my teen age student's mom got remarried and leads a happy life.

This may happen to you too Sir! Best wishes.

Regards,
Raji Ram

 

[Raji Ram]

My dad used to always use the word 'wedding' and never the word 'marriage'. Reason? In the word wedding, WE comes before I.

In the word marriage MAR comes first! If all the couples think of the happiness of each other, there will be no divorces.

BTW, I read a joke.

Q. What is the main reason for divorce?

A. Marriage!!

 

[renuka]

marry age is marry and age.to marry need not neccessarily be holy matrimony.matter is money.to procreate there is no need to marry.marriage is a human made institution prevailing only amongst humans who value culture tradition hygeine god.as is evident giving into carnal pleasures has its merits and demerits.sense gratification is all that we have,rest is figment of imagination.i will never ever marry again,once bitten twice shy

Dear Nachi,

what this bitten and shy yaar..You know I was just watching Spiderman and there was one line there where Peter Parker was saying about the person you love that is when you look into the persons eyes and when the person looks back into you eyes..you feel yourself getting stronger and also getting weaker..

I was thinking I must tell Nachi this..so get you best suit on and go spin your web somewhere..surely someone will fall into your web..just dont make anyone a wife too fast..marriage kills romance!!LOL

You have all the time now to fall in love again and again and again and again..
The initial high of falling in love is the best feeling that one can get..so keep getting high..