moral dilemma

[Vanaja Mani]

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My astrologer has recommended we perform the Swayamvara Parvathi mantra homam at a cost of Rs. 20,000 for timely marriage of daughter. I am feeling that maybe I can donate this money to a poor girl's marriage expenses.
What do the learned members of this forum think?
If I do want to go ahead with donating the money, how do I identify a suitable recipient. Are there still poor brahmins in Tamilnadu/Chennai?

Please share your thoughts.

Regards

Vanaja

 

[krish44]

dear madam
pl do not waste your money in mantram and homams.
if you really feel you must donate , identify any good edu. institution like engg. and pay tuition fee of a poor kid. this is vidya dhanam
if you have any servant at yr place, if they have any girl for marriage ., give them support
I have a brahmin iyer cook at my sons place whose husband is a temple priest . they are iyers . her daughter marriage is finalised .they are in bangalore . if you are interested I can PM the girls parent contact to you for yr consideration.
it would be wiser to direct your efforts to finalise your daughters marriage. without going near astrologers. they can only put you into useless exercises utilising your vulnerability.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Mrs. Vanaja,

Unless the 'correct time' comes, marriage never clicks! This is my experience.

One of my very close relatives spent nearly one lakh on parihArams to nullify the dhOshams in their son's horoscope.

This includes the hOmam you have mentioned. Nothing happened for about two years. Suddenly the marriage got fixed

within ten day's time, by the efforts from the girl's side! All is well that ends well, right?

There are poor brahmins in Tamil nadu. You can find out from your circle of friends and relatives.

 

[Vaagmi]

Vanajaji,

Swayamvara Parvathy homam is a pariharam usually suggested by astrologers for early marriage. If you have decided on not spending it for this homam and instead on a charity it is not a bad decision. I give below an address. This is a home for destitutes run by Seva Bharathi. They have girl students studying in college who need support for meeting the college fees which comes to Rs. 35,000/- at a time. If you find it meeting your expectations you may contact them. They are genuine.

Annai Sri Kanthimathi Amba Anbu Illam, Regn No. 563/2010. 2/11 28B Indira Nagar, Suththamalli, Via-Pettai, Thirunelveli 627 010. Phone: 0462-2342226,99650 23395, 9443450477 E-mail. [email protected]

 

[tks]

Prarabdha Karma is like an arrow that has left when birth took place. It will fully fructify and nothing done can alter it.
The concept of Pariharam is to willfully do an action to offset the effect of Prarabdha Karma - at least that is the model and belief system.

In the modern day the willful action has translated into money to many people like Astrologers and Priests. While they have to earn a livelihood it is hard to please anyone which is part of the purpose of homam etc .
The price tag will keep going up and in the end it is all about fake action and frustration.

Therefore my suggestion is that you do not seek Astrologers. Even if you believe them, theycan only tell you about Prarabdha Karma and nothing more. Pariharams are made up by Astrologers and improvised through the generations.

Instead take up the task of meditation for an hour every day - You may want to learn to meditate properly. Scientifically it is proved across many parts of the world that mediation will aid in clarity of thinking. Based on the nature of meditation it can become a form of prayer to give you peace of mind in dealing with unknown and hidden variables. It is a kind of a surrender in meditation to accept whatever outcome happens in the case of the marriage of your daughter.

If you have the money to spend for a donation my suggestion is to do this silently for whatever cause brings you peace of mind knowing that you did a good deed for someone in the most respectful manner without expecting anything in return. The respect part and relative anonymity is key though. You have to be thankful that someone not so fortunate existed in this world to earn you Punyam with your action.

Finding worthy cause for your offering is more straightforward - forum members have given some specific suggestions.

My suggestion is that whatever you do make it without any announcement in a private manner and with utmost humility

 

[prasad1]

Like TKSji I too do not believe that pariharm can change anything. It might have the placebo effect at best. I do not think 99.999999% of astrologers can get a decent honest job.
So instead of wasting money on useless things, spend it wisely.
All the best.

 

[tbs]

Prarabdha Karma is like an arrow that has left when birth took place. It will fully fructify and nothing done can alter it.
The concept of Pariharam is to willfully do an action to offset the effect of Prarabdha Karma - at least that is the model and belief system.

In the modern day the willful action has translated into money to many people like Astrologers and Priests. While they have to earn a livelihood it is hard to please anyone which is part of the purpose of homam etc .
The price tag will keep going up and in the end it is all about fake action and frustration.

Therefore my suggestion is that you do not seek Astrologers. Even if you believe them, theycan only tell you about Prarabdha Karma and nothing more. Pariharams are made up by Astrologers and improvised through the generations.

Instead take up the task of meditation for an hour every day - You may want to learn to meditate properly. Scientifically it is proved across many parts of the world that mediation will aid in clarity of thinking. Based on the nature of meditation it can become a form of prayer to give you peace of mind in dealing with unknown and hidden variables. It is a kind of a surrender in meditation to accept whatever outcome happens in the case of the marriage of your daughter.

If you have the money to spend for a donation my suggestion is to do this silently for whatever cause brings you peace of mind knowing that you did a good deed for someone in the most respectful manner without expecting anything in return. The respect part and relative anonymity is key though. You have to be thankful that someone not so fortunate existed in this world to earn you Punyam with your action.

Finding worthy cause for your offering is more straightforward - forum members have given some specific suggestions.

My suggestion is that whatever you do make it without any announcement in a private manner and with utmost humility

hi sir,

well said...........nobody can change PRARBDHA KARMA...BELEIVE IT OR NOT...ITS REALITY...nice words....i like the last line very

much....once again ...thank you for your suggestion...

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Therefore my suggestion is that you do not seek Astrologers. Even if you believe them, theycan only tell you about Prarabdha Karma and nothing more. Pariharams are made up by Astrologers and improvised through the generations.

My suggestion is that whatever you do make it without any announcement in a private manner and with utmost humility

:clap2:

 

[Vaagmi]

Vanajaji,

Therefore my suggestion is that you do not seek Astrologers. Even if you believe them, theycan only tell you about Prarabdha Karma and nothing more. Pariharams are made up by Astrologers and improvised through the generations.
Instead take up the task of meditation for an hour every day - You may want to learn to meditate properly. Scientifically it is proved across many parts of the world that mediation will aid in clarity of thinking. Based on the nature of meditation it can become a form of prayer to give you peace of mind in dealing with unknown and hidden variables. It is a kind of a surrender in meditation to accept whatever outcome happens in the case of the marriage of your daughter.

What is given above is an advice at a more fundamental level.

Even a person who has a healthy disrespect for astrologers and their words sometimes, in a desperation, seek their advice and that is understandable. When the events that happen are such that you feel completely helpless you are prepared to try any solution that comes to your hand. In this the hearsay and advice by relatives and friends too play a significant role. I won't advise you go and do meditation when the pain of disappointment for you is an everyday, every moment reality. Here my suggestion would be:

1. These are days when girls are fewer and boys are more in the marriageable age market. So it is just a question of waiting. If you have started your search already late then keep your expectations down to realistic levels. Look for a good boy with good habits and from a good family background than a boy with a fancy degree and fancy pay-packet. Ultimately the reality is that this world has enough place to live comfortably for a Mukesh Ambani, my IAS Officer friend and the next door Nachamy mama with a tight monthly budget and a family to look after. Time is linear and unidirectional. What is lost can never be replayed and relived. So- this is the most important part of the suggestion- please have regular dialogue with your daughter and try to pass on your years of native intelligence, wisdom and experience. Try to be a friend of her in addition to being her worried mother.

2. Do perform a swayamvara parvati homam if that will help you renew your hopes and you can do it as a budget homam. You have only to make a search for a good Sastrigal/Vadhyar.God bless you.

I do not want to make this lengthy so I stop here. All the best.

 

[krish44]

vaagmiji
A nice realistic post
most getting into marriage transactions are not realistic in their expectations. many times parents and children cannot agree on what they should look for in a prospective groom. parents get into astrological details , subcaste etc and do not compromise on it . children look for good physical features , non orthodox persons almost of same age as them. both can perhaps agree on education and job of the groom and place of work and put other things on low priority. with minimalistic, realistic specs it should be possible to get a match easily. in marriage there is a need for compromise for both boys and girls side and ultimately it should be the choice of the girl and the boy. in most cases parents fear for themselves what a prospective bride/groom can do to them by action and behaviour . It is true educated girls are in short supply . many of them set unrealistic specifications for the prospective groom .they spend years before realising they have lost a lot of time and end up over compromising and taking what is available out of a bad left over lot.this happens to girls over 28-29 yrs and boys over 30 yrs.
in these modern days with lot of demands on young people, if one gets a few good years of happy married life , he/she is lucky

 

[Brahmanyan]

My astrologer has recommended we perform the Swayamvara Parvathi mantra homam at a cost of Rs. 20,000 for timely marriage of daughter. I am feeling that maybe I can donate this money to a poor girl's marriage expenses.
What do the learned members of this forum think?
If I do want to go ahead with donating the money, how do I identify a suitable recipient. Are there still poor brahmins in Tamilnadu/Chennai?
Please share your thoughts.
Regards
Vanaja

Madam,

It all depends on your faith and belief. Money spent on homam also reaches a few poor Brahmin Priests and material suppliers. Instead you can donate the sum to augment marriage expenses of a poor Brahmin girl. Both are same.
Any help, how ever small or big, to the needy without expecting returns will give us immense mental satisfaction and joy.

Wishing you well.

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[prasad1]

Madam,

It all depends on your faith and belief. Money spent on homam also reaches a few poor Brahmin Priests and material suppliers. Instead you can donate the sum to augment marriage expenses of a poor Brahmin girl. Both are same.
Any help, how ever small or big, to the needy without expecting returns will give us immense mental satisfaction and joy.

Wishing you well.

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

Not all priests are poor. Here in Usa You have the pay the Temple $200+ $200 for the priest Dakshina for Puja, Homam etc.
The Temple priests earns on an average Month $1000 cash (no Tax) + his salary which in our case is $55,000/annum. In addition he get free accommodation (a 3BR apartment) + Free car. Not bad at all.

 

[Vaagmi]

Money paid to purohitt is service charge paid for service rendered. It is a compensation paid. For time and effort. Like we pay a plumber for time and effort.

 

[prasad1]

Money paid to purohitt is service charge paid for service rendered. It is a compensation paid. For time and effort. Like we pay a plumber for time and effort.

Was this directed at my post? I pay the plumber an arm and a leg, but I still have the right to point out the facts.
Brahmanyanji, said poor Brahmin Priest, I was telling him that not all of them are poor. It will be like feeling sorry for the poor lawyers.

 

[tks]

Not all priests are poor. Here in Usa You have the pay the Temple $200+ $200 for the priest Dakshina for Puja, Homam etc.
The Temple priests earns on an average Month $1000 cash (no Tax) + his salary which in our case is $55,000/annum. In addition he get free accommodation (a 3BR apartment) + Free car. Not bad at all.

Prasad ji - Which temple were you referring to?

 

[tbs]

Prasad ji - Which temple were you referring to?

hi

may be in some california temple..not all the temples in USA....

 

[biswa]

Not all priests are poor. Here in Usa You have the pay the Temple $200+ $200 for the priest Dakshina for Puja, Homam etc.
The Temple priests earns on an average Month $1000 cash (no Tax) + his salary which in our case is $55,000/annum. In addition he get free accommodation (a 3BR apartment) + Free car. Not bad at all.

Wow! What kind of car? Isn't there green card sponsorship as well?

 

[Brahmanyan]

Not all priests are poor. Here in Usa You have the pay the Temple $200+ $200 for the priest Dakshina for Puja, Homam etc.
The Temple priests earns on an average Month $1000 cash (no Tax) + his salary which in our case is $55,000/annum. In addition he get free accommodation (a 3BR apartment) + Free car. Not bad at all.

I refer to our purohits in South India, who spend their ten to twelve years of life in learning our scriptures in Veda Patasalas under meagre conditions. When they come out they have to to elk their living without future benefits. Yes, our purohits get little more in Metros and big cities, for which they have to run about corner to corner in the heavy traffic to reach on time. For that matter our children also migrate to foreign Countries to earn more money and modern comforts. Similarly the new generation of purohit families are leaving this profession and migrate to greener pastures in search of money.

 

[Vaagmi]

Unlike Christian priests and Muslim priests who also perform the religious rites and rituals for the members of the community Hindu priests do not have any institutional support. For a christian priest there is a standard rate of compensation fixed for the time spent and it is fixed by the local laity members or the church itself. In the absence of such an institutionalised arrangement our purohits are an exploited lot by the grihastas. A grihasta will spend a thousand rupees for ordering pizzas for the evening but will grudge spending a hundred rupees to the priest for helping him perform the Amavasya Tharpanam.

But each problem gets its own solution in course of time. Nowadays I find in Chennai young men coming in two wheeler to help you with tharpanam and after attending to a couple of such calls going back home to proceed further for his job in a IT MNC. If it is a holiday they also attend japam in functions such as upanayanam, grihapravesam, seemantham etc., I am happy that young people look at this with the proper frame of mind and maturity while elders lack this maturity.

 

[prasad1]

Wow! What kind of car? Isn't there green card sponsorship as well?

We let him choose it, he has 2012 Honda Accord. We did sponsor his J1 Visa, then we got him Green Card. Now he has bought a new house that he rents out, while enjoying the free Temple house. It is not unique to my town. Then the priests, leave the temple and work independently as contractor and make even more.

 

[krish44]

I refer to our purohits in South India, who spend their ten to twelve years of life in learning our scriptures in Veda Patasalas under meagre conditions. When they come out they have to to elk their living without future benefits. Yes, our purohits get little more in Metros and big cities, for which they have to run about corner to corner in the heavy traffic to reach on time. For that matter our children also migrate to foreign Countries to earn more money and modern comforts. Similarly the new generation of purohit families are leaving this profession and migrate to greener pastures in search of money.

Brahmanyanji
what you say is true
our purohits spend quite a few years in veda pathshalas.
most of them have to make a living on small money.
in metros enterprising some with leadership capabilities and business acumen do well .
I know one iyer purohit in east delhi having a 3BHK flat and mobike leading a small group of juniors taking up marriage, death and other functions . He charges 50k rupees for marriages and supplies pooja materials also.he is in demand and booked in advance-a few weeks earlier in marriage season. He makes a killing on deaths ,For small functions sends his juniors and collects a cut.
one issue is these guys do not keep time which makes people fret and look for alternatives . for a funeral of a relative , I engaged a north indian purohit who are reasonable in time keeping and charge very little .even the dead are at the mercy of south indian purohits who decide when last rites are to be performed.

 

[Brahmanyan]

Brahmanyanji
what you say is true
our purohits spend quite a few years in veda pathshalas.
most of them have to make a living on small money.
in metros enterprising some with leadership capabilities and business acumen do well .
I know one iyer purohit in east delhi having a 3BHK flat and mobike leading a small group of juniors taking up marriage, death and other functions . He charges 50k rupees for marriages and supplies pooja materials also.he is in demand and booked in advance-a few weeks earlier in marriage season. He makes a killing on deaths ,For small functions sends his juniors and collects a cut.
one issue is these guys do not keep time which makes people fret and look for alternatives . for a funeral of a relative , I engaged a north indian purohit who are reasonable in time keeping and charge very little .even the dead are at the mercy of south indian purohits who decide when last rites are to be performed.

Agreed. All services have to respond in line with the simple law of "Demand and Supply". As the things proceed I am afraid that the Hindu rituals will cost more in due course. Interestingly many Castes who were not interested in our Rituals are evincing more interest in the same, now a days. But the number of purohits is getting reduced year after year. One solution is that our Mutts can involve themselves and regularise the professional help.
To my knowledge only Arya Samaj is doing a lot in this direction.

Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[tbs]

Agreed. All services have to respond in line with the simple law of "Demand and Supply". As the things proceed I am afraid that the Hindu rituals will cost more in due course. Interestingly many Castes who were not interested in our Rituals are evincing more interest in the same, now a days. But the number of purohits is getting reduced year after year. One solution is that our Mutts can involve themselves and regularise the professional help.
To my knowledge only Arya Samaj is doing a lot in this direction.

Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

hi sir,

its true....arya samajis simplified everything...even in death ceremony....after third day of death...they do simple havan with

gayatri mantra...may be SHOKH SABHA for departed soul wth friends and relatives...they wont follow 13 days rituals....

 

[tbs]

Not all priests are poor. Here in Usa You have the pay the Temple $200+ $200 for the priest Dakshina for Puja, Homam etc.
The Temple priests earns on an average Month $1000 cash (no Tax) + his salary which in our case is $55,000/annum. In addition he get free accommodation (a 3BR apartment) + Free car. Not bad at all.

hi

i know many temple priests are treating like SLAVES IN USA....many are exploited....many have gone court cases....till they

get GC/citizenship....they treat as second class immigrants....so many left temples and start their ow temples/independent

prisests than a temple priest....no respect for them...its true reality...

 

[biswa]

We let him choose it, he has 2012 Honda Accord. We did sponsor his J1 Visa, then we got him Green Card. Now he has bought a new house that he rents out, while enjoying the free Temple house. It is not unique to my town. Then the priests, leave the temple and work independently as contractor and make even more.

I think you should have offered the job to TBS ji or someone he knows. I do know that sometimes priests get fired as well, probably because of monetary issues. It is like any other job.