moral dilemma

[tks]

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hi

i know many temple priests are treating like SLAVES IN USA....many are exploited....many have gone court cases....till they

get GC/citizenship....they treat as second class immigrants....so many left temples and start their ow temples/independent

prisests than a temple priest....no respect for them...its true reality...

Many temple administration tend to abuse priests. In the late 1980s and early 1990 I have heard of first hand horror stories. The priests who are brought from India are educated at Veda Patashala but are not well versed in English or in overall manners.

The salary promised was far less since money was deducted for housing etc. The social security tax payment by the employer was not done for years and this old priest who thought that he may be eligible for social security after 10 years of service was in for a rude awakening.

Some of the priest have told me that the administration took them to junk yard to pick whatever they need - like discarded beds etc!

In one temple a priest who was brought in was told to act like a start up company and asked to clean the temple bath rooms. In another case the priests were given performance review in English which the poor priest did not even understand.

Things have improved significantly in many temples these days. The reverse is happening. The priests in some instances are making a lot of unaccounted cash.

In one instance, one priest was making a trip to India and all the fellow priests sent their cash with this priest so the one going to India can convert them to Rupees for a much better rate. It turned out that this priests was caught carrying over $15000 in cash and undeclared. Plus with the money he was supposedly paid for employment, there is no way he could have saved that much in 1 year!

The temple had to send a lawyer and deal with charges of money laundering etc.

With all this said, our TB types tend to be not nice to priests. North Indians and Gujarathis treat them better. The free lancing types are hardened because people book them for a day and cancel without announcement.

Overall except for a few employed priests (like the example Sri Prasad gave, except I do not know which temple it is) many still struggle especially if they do not have 'leadership' traits.

One of my friends joked in a speech that if one were to get angry at some one close and feel like cursing the best curse is - "May you be born in your next life as South Indian Hindu temple priest in North America" . This curse will make the person suffer big time in their next life but they will still earn Punya being close to doing priestly activities LoL

PS: The large cash found with this traveling priest by Customs in USA was rolled with a bunch of Darbai grass LoL

 

[prasad1]

hi

i know many temple priests are treating like SLAVES IN USA....many are exploited....many have gone court cases....till they

get GC/citizenship....they treat as second class immigrants....so many left temples and start their ow temples/independent

prisests than a temple priest....no respect for them...its true reality...

The NY Ganesh Temple priests who went to court, admitted that they filed the law suit at the urging of dissident Boards members. They lost the case and the job (rightly so).

But majority of Temple priest are very well off after getting their green card. They are at the mercy of Temple management till they are on J1.
A priest who left our temple, and went somewhere else, just bought 50 acre farm in West Palm Beach. He cultivates coconut, mango, leechi, and other indian fruits and vegetables. In his spare time he visits the local homes to conduct pujas. He is very enterprising and great salesman. He and his family are well off. They are my friends, we visited them Last month.

 

[tbs]

The NY Ganesh Temple priests who went to court, admitted that they filed the law suit at the urging of dissident Boards members. They lost the case and the job (rightly so).

But majority of Temple priest are very well off after getting their green card. They are at the mercy of Temple management till they are on J1.
A priest who left our temple, and went somewhere else, just bought 50 acre farm in West Palm Beach. He cultivates coconut, mango, leechi, and other indian fruits and vegetables. In his spare time he visits the local homes to conduct pujas. He is very enterprising and great salesman. He and his family are well off. They are my friends, we visited them Last month.

hi

temple priests are coming on R! visa...not J1...J1 for doctors from india.......Religious visas misused many times....im very close

with temple and part of temple priest's help... i know very well interior story of priest life in america....ONLY NORTH INDIAN/

GUJATATI PRIESTS ARE DOING VERY WELL....when compare to south indian priests...becoz they have community support....

all gujus/north indian devotees help their priests...very rare south indian help their south indian priests....like ABCD.....

E F G H groups helps very welll....A B C D MEANS...AMERICAN BORN CONFUSED DESI......E F G H MEANS....EMMIGRANTS

FROM GUJARAT AND HYDERABAD....these both comminities doing well in america...

 

[krish44]

Agreed. All services have to respond in line with the simple law of "Demand and Supply". As the things proceed I am afraid that the Hindu rituals will cost more in due course. Interestingly many Castes who were not interested in our Rituals are evincing more interest in the same, now a days. But the number of purohits is getting reduced year after year. One solution is that our Mutts can involve themselves and regularise the professional help.
To my knowledge only Arya Samaj is doing a lot in this direction.

Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

the numbers of purohits getting reduced along with loss of interest in rituals among south indian brahmins is an issue. not many purohits would like their children to be one. they are going in for normal education in schools and colleges and leaving the profession.even girl child of these are getting education in decent schools and colleges and getting married into non priest families.
there used to be an association of these priests where one could register for services from them and they serviced the tamil community in delhi.but I think it has folded up. our parents generation had benefits of that.
another issue is lack of places where these religeous rituals can be performed.. many would not like to perform rituals in their homes I know of some enterprising vadhyars arranging small flats with cooking arrangements and cook and pooja materials for shraad and funeral ceremonies. this is a requirement for many due to lack of space in homes and general reluctance to have these ceremonies in homes
mostly most are slowlyl giving up on rituals. I have other ways of remembering the dead on their anniversaries.for funerals , I prefer the north indian types. for marriage alone , I use them.I am tempted to get them from south for the function or make it the responsibility of marriage contractor to get me some of them[ more than one is a requirement]
Arya samaj is preferred for north indian and inter region weddings . south indians do not go in for it in delhi

 

[sarang]

As with any other profession, purohits are available to suit all pockets. In chennai temple priests officiate for doing vaideeka karyams. They also have a network to recommend others when not available. I know a few have even left their mundane job to devote full time in this profession. Easy availability and affordability of mobile and motor bike have made a big difference. Instead of waiting till the last minute, it is advisable to start the search in advance, select one and develop a rapport with the vadyar. When there is a will there is a a way. What is needed is faith, shradda and willingness to pay right amount that will make the vadyar happy.

In the process if one comes across a poor brahmin vadyar, he should make extra effort to treat him well, compensate him better and recommend him to others.

Coming to the main topic, there is no moral dilemma at all. Why 'or', it has to be an 'and'; do both; puja and dana have traditional sanction and recommended dharmas. parihara puja is special, done for a specific cause; and dana is general,can be done any time without any reason.

 

[Vanaja Mani]

I really like the suggestion to do the homam on a budget and donate the majority of the allocated funds to help a poor brahmin girl in her marriage expenses.

I am not living in India hence it is a bit difficult to find a suitable recipient although I am going to PM the member who mentioned about his cook's daughter in Bangalore.

Is it better to just offer the cash or to take up specific expense such as buying thirumangalyam, saree , dhothi etc? That way I know my funds were utilised for the most essential expense?

By the way, my daughter is 24 years old turning 25 in October. She is not having any unrealistic expectations but would prefer someone who is brought up in the western world with clean habits and interest in India, its spirituality and culture.
After having heard some horror stories about marriages being broken etc she is understandably cautious before committing herself.
My experience (not extensive) so far has been that boys brought up in the west and their parents are VERY old-fashioned and still have the olden day attitude when dealing with girls and their parents. I suppose it works well for them to maintain this attitude as it gives an image that they are traditional and are hence able to get what they want including demanding lavish weddings, refusing to share expenses etc which is the norm in non brahmin communities here.

On the other hand I have found the parents of boys brought up in India are very understanding, liberal and treat us much better. I am hoping to convince daughter to consider such boys.

 

[Vaagmi]

Vanajaji
It is interesting to read your post. I thought boy's parents r the same everywhere. Anyway continue to speak with your daughter so that she learns enough about assessing people. That will help.

 

[krish44]

vanajaji
I can see what ou are going through.
If you require any help in india, in delhi , bangalore or chennai pl. do not hesitate to send me a PM .I stay in delhi but visit the other places often because of my children or property interests.
I can always spare time for a good cause such as a girls marriage
I feel sometimes, parents who moved to western countries are out of touch with indian realities and how much things have changed.
they behave like parents of fifties and sixties and making demands on girls parents.
Parents in india have faced the realities of indian living and have moderated their behaviour and actions to some extent.
now , many are prepared to widen their search to atleast other brahmin communities if it is difficult in their subcastes.
education and jobs are priorities for bos and girls. also educated and working girls parents set terms to prospective grooms and their parents. many have developed a liberal mindset.
you might have different set of issues as your child has exposure to a different culture and the need for a prospective person to accept western liberal values. there are many boys who have worked a few years abroad and have post graduate degree from US univ and are working now in india. it should be pretty easy to locate a suitable person .
if you are prepared to search based on minimalist specs of decent education , job with liberal mindset and working in a metro of india.you can find good matches . I got my son and daughter married off on this basis,I do not regret my choices

 

[biswa]

What about the relocation issue?

 

[sarang]

Current practice is boy follows the girl.

What about the relocation issue?

 

[krish44]

What about the relocation issue?

the younger generation is open minded. left to themselves , they will find out ways to bridge the location mismatch.
only it may take a few months.
i am telling this as my. children have gone thru this.
one shuttled between south india and singapore and another between gujarat and karnataka before getting united in one place.
only seniors should keep their nose out of it and let them manage their affairs. the seniors of both boys and girls families are often guilty of putting a strain on marriages of children thru unreasonable behaviour and creating tensions in their lives in addition to work related issues.

 

[Raji Ram]

Current practice is boy follows the girl.

We have to say 'Sita irukkum idam Mithilai' instead of 'Raman irukkum idam Ayoddhi'

 

[vs_ramki1950]

dear vanaja mani.. if ur daughters marriage is delayed and if the delay will be cleared by performing the Swayamvara Parvathi mantra homam pls do it. my son's marriage was dealyed and perfroming this Homam he got married within 3 months. dont think these poojas and homamas are a waste. if u think so..then all poojas..homamas...including varalakshmi vratham.gowri pooja..avani avittam navarathri are wastes. i appreciate if u help poor brahmins, but that in no way is going to help ur daughter gtg married. i dont know abt the exact expense.but it is worth doing for ur daughters marriage.for more help mail me to [email protected]

 

[krish44]

We have to say 'Sita irukkum idam Mithilai' instead of 'Raman irukkum idam Ayoddhi'

if the choice is between living with wife at her place of residence or being alone what is a boy expected to do. he can have a remote marriage with skype or facebook or twitter or be weekend husband shuttling between his place of work and wifes place. most have a good understanding and manage to unite fast. one should not stand on prestige as far as basic human needs are concerned

 

[tbs]

What about the relocation issue?

hi

now a days..the technology is very fast...relocation is no issue...gals preference close their parents home/work place...the boy


has to move with gal....if he wants the gal....no way for reverse...the boy has to leave his parents...may be leave his present job

and search for a new job ....close to gal's home/work place..

 

[prasad1]

the younger generation is open minded. left to themselves , they will find out ways to bridge the location mismatch.
only it may take a few months.
i am telling this as my. children have gone thru this.
one shuttled between south india and singapore and another between gujarat and karnataka before getting united in one place.
only seniors should keep their nose out of it and let them manage their affairs. the seniors of both boys and girls families are often guilty of putting a strain on marriages of children thru unreasonable behaviour and creating tensions in their lives in addition to work related issues.

I fully agree with this post.

 

[krish44]

hi

now a days..the technology is very fast...relocation is no issue...gals preference close their parents home/work place...the boy


has to move with gal....if he wants the gal....no way for reverse...the boy has to leave his parents...may be leave his present job

and search for a new job ....close to gal's home/work place..

TBSji
What you say happens.Girls have these preferences.many marriages are under a strain since girls try to stay near their parents and try to thrust them on their spouses,Very few have a balanced view of equidistance from both sides and accepting inlaws fully in addition to their parents.
some make an attempt to utilise their parents as a resource to look after their kids if the are working types and give it as a logic for staying near their parents. girls parents are exploited by their girls this way. somehow they think boys parents are not suitable for this.most end up with a hectic worklife putting a strain on parents of both boys and girls.
these boys and girls should learn self sufficiency and let parents enjoy their retirement in peace.
who should change job to be united with each other is decided by job situation.those in govt jobs would hardly shift due to practical limitations unless they are in banks.I know boys who sacrifice their job prospects to be near the girl true love? or practical wisdom .lol

 

[tbs]

TBSji
What you say happens.Girls have these preferences.many marriages are under a strain since girls try to stay near their parents and try to thrust them on their spouses,Very few have a balanced view of equidistance from both sides and accepting inlaws fully in addition to their parents.
some make an attempt to utilise their parents as a resource to look after their kids if the are working types and give it as a logic for staying near their parents. girls parents are exploited by their girls this way. somehow they think boys parents are not suitable for this.most end up with a hectic worklife putting a strain on parents of both boys and girls.
these boys and girls should learn self sufficiency and let parents enjoy their retirement in peace.
who should change job to be united with each other is decided by job situation.those in govt jobs would hardly shift due to practical limitations unless they are in banks.I know boys who sacrifice their job prospects to be near the girl true love? or practical wisdom .lol

hi

idhu kaalathin kattayam....nothing else....

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear TBS Sir,

So...... you should feel happy to have daughters!!

 

[Raji Ram]

.... idhu kaalathin kattayam....nothing else....

yAnaikku oru kAlam vandhAl poonaikkum oru kAlam varum! :moony:

Picture courtesy: Google images

 

[tbs]

Dear TBS Sir,

So...... you should feel happy to have daughters!!

hi madam,

i have 1 plus and 1 minus too.....so im equal....like STITHAPRAJNA.....more details abt stithaprajna from renuka madam....

 

[Raji Ram]

............ i have 1 plus and 1 minus too.....so im equal....l ...

Oh, OK! I thought both are daughters. :becky:

 

[sarang]

One is ideal; two may start basket ball.

Oh, OK! I thought both are daughters. :becky:

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Sarang Sir,

I have seen really loving sisters in many families.

Thought it is better than one son and one daughter!

 

[sarang]

Agree. Then the ratio will become skewed. ஆசைக்கு ஒரு பெண், ஆஸ்திக்கு ஒரு ஆண் will energise many.

Dear Sarang Sir,

I have seen really loving sisters in many families.

Thought it is better than one son and one daughter!