NON marraige of brahmin men

[Raghavan84]

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Hello everyone, I'm 28 year old male, while looking for the bride for past one year i found some sharp contradicting things prevailing only in brahmin society:


1. 3 to 4 eligible, qualified bridegrooms for every bride, ( when i say eligible, qualified it refers to decently talented,educated men earning decent salary to live a contemplery,happy life)
i know decent percentage of young brahmin men(more than 50%) are highly educated, talented ,hard working,intellectuals


a) Now my first question is why there is so much shortage of bridegrooms only in brahmin society?,not in non brahmin society? is it because of large scale female foetus abortion? in 80s and early 90s (or) not going for second child when first one is male!


I have seen some non brahmin community like chettiar where eligible Bride vs bridegroom ratio is around 1:1.


b) Even with that i have seen unpteen no of cases where the parents of bride post for the seek of alliances in various matrimonial sites,forums,magazines just for the name sake ( to just know how much eligible bridegrooms are coming forward 15 or 20 or 25, thereby feeling very comfortable and confident that anytime they can marry thier daughter after 6 months or 1 year or 2 year or.. after 5 years)


when approached by the parents of bride they tell mundane,foolish reasons such as:
- we are seeking within a age diff of 3 years
- we want bridegroom to earn 60K and above
- our daughter is a post engg graduate(just for the degree sake??),we want bridegroom to be a post engg graduate.
- we want bridegroom to be in the same profession
- our daughter is telling now!!? to post pone alliance seek for 6 months.
- our daughter is too busy with the work !!? we have not yet talked to her
- 100% astromatch is required(not even 90%
- we are seeking from a particular sub sect only(wheres a love marraige with a non brahmin is OK)
- we have to ask our daughters bigfather, grandfather or great grandfather(who will be in his ancestral town and will take one month or .. ? to come)
- our family astrologer has gone on yatra


Then i came to the conclusion that since every eligible bride is getting 8 to 10 or 20 proposals from eligible bridegrooms, the parents of the bride or the bride herself is confused, undecisive which one to choose a sofware engr or charted accnt or govt engr or US NRI or mangement proff... etc..


They think what is the guarntee that life will be happy if any one of the above is chosen..? is it not better to to postpone temporarily..?(or indefinetly..??)

 

[Acharya]

Dear Raghavan,

Please seek God's perfect will regarding this matter. You will be blessed.

Regards,
Acharya

 

[P.J.]

Raghavan 84 sir

You have missed few more conditions from the bride side
1. The boy should leave the present job and a seek a fresh job nearer to the company where bride works.
2.Separate Family set up near bride's parents home.

My brother in law is reaching for his two sons earning decently, for the past 6 years.
These days bride's parents pollute the minds of the girl, and create unreasonable demands even before the marriage.

My advice is that if possible find a suitable match for you and with the acceptance of your parents, get married.

Good Luck, God Bless you with early Marriage.

 

[kunjuppu]

hi PJ,

the demands may be unreasonable from your pov.

just like upt 20 years, dowry, air fare/train fare for the inlaws, all the petty stuff demanded on wedding day and such - have looked downright unreasonable and inhumane for parents of girls in those years. as coming from a family where 4 girls had to be married off on an almost non existent budget, i know the humiliations my dad went, on behalf of his orphaned nieces.

the boys are stubborn. why dont they show up to the girls and marry girls from other castes. that definitely would bring down the demand for girls. and the old classic economic rule of supply & demand would kick in.

i found no takers among the boys for such things. only one lady, i think in this forum, married her son to a vegetarian pillai girl, and a few months later reported it here, as a well matched happy match

 

[P.J.]

Kunjuppu Sir
I understand the agony your father suffered in those days; not only him, but most of the girl's side.
When i got married, my parents did not take any dowry, also we did not demand any transport expenses etc; we also did not have Reception to minimize the expenses on the girl's side.
Nowadays Boys especially NRI willingly share the cost of Hall, meals Expenses.

Delay in marriage is only going to affect a girl as normal delivery might be difficult after certain age; even conceiving might be a problem.
So ultimately , only the girl will suffer, not the boy.
Boys have no such issues and even marry at a later age.

 

[kunjuppu]

dear PJ,

the agony is on both sides, though i think, it is the boys who are suffering the most.

it is a serious issue within our community. nobody talks of viable solutions. everybody only appear to enjoy breastbeating and pointing fingers. i think we need to move beyond that.

 

[sangom]

Hello everyone, I'm 28 year old male, while looking for the bride for past one year i found some sharp contradicting things prevailing only in brahmin society:


1. 3 to 4 eligible, qualified bridegrooms for every bride, ( when i say eligible, qualified it refers to decently talented,educated men earning decent salary to live a contemplery,happy life)
i know decent percentage of young brahmin men(more than 50%) are highly educated, talented ,hard working,intellectuals


a) Now my first question is why there is so much shortage of bridegrooms only in brahmin society?,not in non brahmin society? is it because of large scale female foetus abortion? in 80s and early 90s (or) not going for second child when first one is male!


I have seen some non brahmin community like chettiar where eligible Bride vs bridegroom ratio is around 1:1.


b) Even with that i have seen unpteen no of cases where the parents of bride post for the seek of alliances in various matrimonial sites,forums,magazines just for the name sake ( to just know how much eligible bridegrooms are coming forward 15 or 20 or 25, thereby feeling very comfortable and confident that anytime they can marry thier daughter after 6 months or 1 year or 2 year or.. after 5 years)


when approached by the parents of bride they tell mundane,foolish reasons such as:
- we are seeking within a age diff of 3 years
- we want bridegroom to earn 60K and above
- our daughter is a post engg graduate(just for the degree sake??),we want bridegroom to be a post engg graduate.
- we want bridegroom to be in the same profession
- our daughter is telling now!!? to post pone alliance seek for 6 months.
- our daughter is too busy with the work !!? we have not yet talked to her
- 100% astromatch is required(not even 90%
- we are seeking from a particular sub sect only(wheres a love marraige with a non brahmin is OK)
- we have to ask our daughters bigfather, grandfather or great grandfather(who will be in his ancestral town and will take one month or .. ? to come)
- our family astrologer has gone on yatra


Then i came to the conclusion that since every eligible bride is getting 8 to 10 or 20 proposals from eligible bridegrooms, the parents of the bride or the bride herself is confused, undecisive which one to choose a sofware engr or charted accnt or govt engr or US NRI or mangement proff... etc..


They think what is the guarntee that life will be happy if any one of the above is chosen..? is it not better to to postpone temporarily..?(or indefinetly..??)

Dear Shri Raghavan,

I take it that you belong to the Tamil Brahmin (tabra, for short) community. The situation in our community today is that a girl (any tabra girl for that matter) enjoys the highest premium in the marriage market, simply by virtue of the mere fact that she is a female. And, to make matters even worse for aspiring young men like you, most tabra girls compete satisfactorily with the boys at all levels of education including engineering, communications, computer science and all the sunrise areas of technology. They (the tabra girls) perform well in the matter of emigration to the foreign countries, adapting to the life-style changes required for living there happily and also for increasing their earnings. Thus, in every possible way the girls seem to equal, if not outsmart, the boys and are the winning sex today.

The days are gone when a girl's father would go from pillar to post in order to get his daughter married, somehow, to a boy with the minimum plus aspects. The roles have completely reversed now. And the first thing one who is in the marriage market, has to realize is this drastic reversal of roles. It is therefore, necessary that you, being a male, or your parents take this change into account, go searching for a girl and forget about any minimum requirement/s (except that it should be a female) and "woo" the girl and/or her parents/guardians so effectively that they condescend to give that girl in marriage to you. After the marriage also, you should well remember that it is she who consents to marry you and therefore, she is the superior authority—and not yourself. Changing your job/location/country and even any minuscule aspect which she may desire in you, will have to be conceded by you. It will not be possible any longer for boys to show off their "rubaab" (as they say in Hindi) and the boy's side will have to be the meeker party.

If you and your parents/guardian can absorb these changes, well and good. But it looks to me from your OP that you still have some of the old world "மாப்பிள்ளை முறுக்கு (māppiḷḷai muṟukku)" impinging on you. I have a friend whose son 33 is also seeking a bride, but since my friend and his wife are reluctant to change from the boy's side egoism, they are spending their entire day time in japams, visiting temples, performing vazhipāṭus etc. If you don't change as soon as possible, age will go very much against you in the marriage market.

An alternative is to seek inter-caste or inter-religious marriage.

P.S.

I don't think the shortage of tabra girls has come about due to any female foeticide, but only because our community (rather the hindu religion) has a misplaced priority for boys rather than girl children. Partly this was due to the ignominy suffered by parents who had many girl children to be married off. Nature is now taking sweet revenge in its own manner!

 

[P.J.]

dear PJ,

the agony is on both sides, though i think, it is the boys who are suffering the most.

it is a serious issue within our community. nobody talks of viable solutions. everybody only appear to enjoy breastbeating and pointing fingers. i think we need to move beyond that.

Kunjuppu Sir
You are right,the agony is on both sides, but i still think Girls will feel the pinch when they lose their charm after certain age.

 

[C RAVI]

Kunjuppu Sir
You are right,the agony is on both sides, but i still think Girls will feel the pinch when they lose their charm after certain age.

Why people especially the girls and their parents fail to realize this?


Sir, is it that only you and people like you could sense this? Is this sense really a nonsense or the truth?

I think, this materialistic world and a totally different mind set of girls is not making them to realize whats the real charm of life!!!

 

[Raghy]

Greetings.

We had conversations in a similar topic before.

Life is simple. Who dares wins. Majority of the girls like to be won. Majority of them don't include their parents in the initial process anyway.

If the boys are waiting for the girls to be delivered on a plate, they have to wait for a long time; it may not happen at all.

Girls want boys. Just go out there and hunt. Win the girl and drag her to your cave.

I know, most members will not view this message seriously; but that is the truth. Raghavan, Good luck to you. If you need more info, send me a PM. ( I know your PM may not be activated. Find a way to send me a PM. Winning a girl is more harder than that! )

Cheers!

 

[tbs]

Hello everyone, I'm 28 year old male, while looking for the bride for past one year i found some sharp contradicting things prevailing only in brahmin society:


1. 3 to 4 eligible, qualified bridegrooms for every bride, ( when i say eligible, qualified it refers to decently talented,educated men earning decent salary to live a contemplery,happy life)
i know decent percentage of young brahmin men(more than 50%) are highly educated, talented ,hard working,intellectuals


a) Now my first question is why there is so much shortage of bridegrooms only in brahmin society?,not in non brahmin society? is it because of large scale female foetus abortion? in 80s and early 90s (or) not going for second child when first one is male!


I have seen some non brahmin community like chettiar where eligible Bride vs bridegroom ratio is around 1:1.


b) Even with that i have seen unpteen no of cases where the parents of bride post for the seek of alliances in various matrimonial sites,forums,magazines just for the name sake ( to just know how much eligible bridegrooms are coming forward 15 or 20 or 25, thereby feeling very comfortable and confident that anytime they can marry thier daughter after 6 months or 1 year or 2 year or.. after 5 years)


when approached by the parents of bride they tell mundane,foolish reasons such as:
- we are seeking within a age diff of 3 years
- we want bridegroom to earn 60K and above
- our daughter is a post engg graduate(just for the degree sake??),we want bridegroom to be a post engg graduate.
- we want bridegroom to be in the same profession
- our daughter is telling now!!? to post pone alliance seek for 6 months.
- our daughter is too busy with the work !!? we have not yet talked to her
- 100% astromatch is required(not even 90%
- we are seeking from a particular sub sect only(wheres a love marraige with a non brahmin is OK)
- we have to ask our daughters bigfather, grandfather or great grandfather(who will be in his ancestral town and will take one month or .. ? to come)
- our family astrologer has gone on yatra


Then i came to the conclusion that since every eligible bride is getting 8 to 10 or 20 proposals from eligible bridegrooms, the parents of the bride or the bride herself is confused, undecisive which one to choose a sofware engr or charted accnt or govt engr or US NRI or mangement proff... etc..


They think what is the guarntee that life will be happy if any one of the above is chosen..? is it not better to to postpone temporarily..?(or indefinetly..??)

hi raghavan,
now i give TEN MODERN PORUTHAMS BY THE GIRLS MOTHER REQUIRED.....

1 boy should be hightly qualified...

2 he should be below 25 yrs.....

3 he should should earn more 100k per month...or equivalent USD....means US dollars....

4 he must have own flat in chennai/bangalore....

5 NO EXTRA LUGGAGES...LIKE PARENTS/UNMARRIED SISTERS WITH HIM....

6 ONLY SON PREFERED.....

7 she will employed and salary goes to her parents......

8 she will be VERY LIBERAL AND VERY SOCIAL....

9 she wont cook in home/ready to help for her daily house work.....

10 any caste OKAY.....BUT NOT AMMANCHI BRAHMIN BOY.....

if u agree this and qualified all ten poruthams....YOU MAY GET A BRAHMIN GIRL....EVEN NOT GURANTEED....IF U FAIL ANY

ONE PORUTHAM WHICH IS MENTIONED ABOVE....BE READY FOR DIVORCE....

 

[prasad1]

I am in unison with post#10.
I would not drag any body to your cave, but you must win the girl over.
If you think they are going to find you, it is not happening.
i like Mr. Sangom's post

I don't think the shortage of tabra girls has come about due to any female foeticide, but only because our community (rather the hindu religion) has a misplaced priority for boys rather than girl children. Partly this was due to the ignominy suffered by parents who had many girl children to be married off. Nature is now taking sweet revenge in its own manner!

There are eligible girls and eligible boys, the old match making art is disappearing. The new method has not been perfected, so there is no meeting of boy and girl is possible in Tabra community.

 

[tks]

Sri Raghavan

I hope you widen your search beyond the TB community. All the best!

 

[Raji Ram]

This topic has been discussed umpteen times in our forum. So, writing more will be like 'araichcha mAvaiyE araikkaRadhu'!

The time has come when tambram boys go in search of girls from other Hindu communities and make them Brahmin girls,

because it is said that the girl becomes a brahmin soon after she is wedded to a brahmin boy! This is in case the boy is not
able to find a tambram girl within two years of intense search! :fish2:

I know a few nonbram girls who have learnt the 'brahmin accent' and Tamizh, within two years. It is so nice to watch!

Best of Luck to Sri. Raghavan! :thumb:

 

[Brahmanyan]

This topic has been discussed umpteen times in our forum. So, writing more will be like 'araichcha mAvaiyE araikkaRadhu'!

The time has come when tambram boys go in search of girls from other Hindu communities and make them Brahmin girls, because it is said that the girl becomes a brahmin soon after she is wedded to a brahmin boy! This is in case the boy is not able to find a tambram girl within two years of intense search! :fish2:

I know a few nonbram girls who have learnt the 'brahmin accent' and Tamizh, within two years. It is so nice to watch!
Best of Luck to Sri. Raghavan! :thumb:

Dear Mrs Raji Ram,

Well said. As it is caste is losing its significance in the case of "love marriages". In recent times many boys and girls in our family have "fell in love" with girls and boys from other Castes and Regions inside and outside India and married them. The marriage functions itself have changed to a colourful mix of different traditions, starting with "Barat and mehndi " and ending with " collective dances" to film music.!! Since most of these couples live abroad, language does not seem to be a barrier. They converse in English or Hindi, according to their convenience.
Changes are constant in the social churning. They cannot be stopped.

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[sangom]

The problem with a few tabra households (and I think this point has also been discussed by us before, may be more than once) is that they simply refuse to wake up to the changing equations in our society.

Shri PJ and Shri C. Ravi have mentioned that the girls will "lose their charm" after a certain age; Shri Ravi goes further, in post # 9 and says what charm will be there in life if a girl gets married after she loses her pristine looks and beauty. I feel both of them are still in the 19th. or 18th. century mindset. Even though it may be offensive to some readers, may I say that performance-wise it is the boy (husband) who normally will age faster than the girl (wife). Added to this natural process is the present day "awareness" among women that a good husband has to be efficient enough to satisfy his wife in the bed also and not merely in the other mundane matters. There was a newspaper report sometime back saying that the percentage of divorce applications based on husband's lack of virility is steadily increasing. Hence, it is all the more necessary for the boy/male to set sail before the wind turns unfavourable (காற்றுள்ளபோதே தூற்றிக்கொள்).

There is an adage among illiterate Marathis which means that a road never gets tired, but it is only the pedestrian who does so!!

 

[sarang]

Brilliant advice for the youngsters and future generations. jyotirma tamaso gamaya!

We were decades behind the west in adopting their way of life, but we are now only a few years away thanks to tv, communication, travel, internet and advise of mod sages. Some eagerly wait for the days when 80% of the marriages will end in divorce, 60% of girls under ten will deliver or abort, when multi-functional man-woman relationships (from your babies, my babies and our babies to your partners, my partners and our partners) will rule.

Such hedonic civilizations will collapse.

The problem with a few tabra households (and I think this point has also been discussed by us before, may be more than once) is that they simply refuse to wake up to the changing equations in our society.

Shri PJ and Shri C. Ravi have mentioned that the girls will "lose their charm" after a certain age; Shri Ravi goes further, in post # 9 and says what charm will be there in life if a girl gets married after she loses her pristine looks and beauty. I feel both of them are still in the 19th. or 18th. century mindset. Even though it may be offensive to some readers, may I say that performance-wise it is the boy (husband) who normally will age faster than the girl (wife). Added to this natural process is the present day "awareness" among women that a good husband has to be efficient enough to satisfy his wife in the bed also and not merely in the other mundane matters. There was a newspaper report sometime back saying that the percentage of divorce applications based on husband's lack of virility is steadily increasing. Hence, it is all the more necessary for the boy/male to set sail before the wind turns unfavourable (காற்றுள்ளபோதே தூற்றிக்கொள்).

There is an adage among illiterate Marathis which means that a road never gets tired, but it is only the pedestrian who does so!!

 

[kunjuppu]

delightful to read brahmanyan, sangom, raji et al.

i cannot but help a chuckle, at so many with what was considered even 2 years ago, by majority, as blasphemy. ie our boys seek out girls from other castes.

those were the days of sarma and gang, swayamvarams and lots of cyber fire & brimstone flowing through these urls. i am quite sure those postings are still in the archives somewhere, if someone bothers to take a look.

I have also stated, that under current conditions, I would have found difficult to find a wife, under the old rules. Mom pointed a girl and I married her. Mom was dead set against intercaste marriages, and so was dad. IR marriages were not even mentioned in our house. When this happened on two occasions, there was only shock and disbelief in the house. No one knew how to deal with it, as everyone believed such things will/should not happen.

We tambrams, considered the rest of the tamil world as one entity – non Brahmins. Little did we realize the multitude of caste and the hierarchy of the castes, how the jostle among each other for ‘respect’ with reference to the next one supposed ranked below them. This, even among the dalits, who are not one single group but pallars at the top and arundhathiyars at the bottom or some such thing.

Living in Canada, my children have been taught to be casteless hindus. No poonals, because I do not follow the regimen reqd of those threads across my shoulders, and did not want to pass a hypocracy, which I know would not hold water with my sons. Not so my relatives abroad, who still faithfully go to india to do the upanayanam, only to see the kid hang the thread on the wall that very evening. As a community, if not in faith, atleast we appear to find conformity of our caste in doing the rituals, bereft as they are, of substance and fervence.

Our own ceremonies are now a function of the 3Cs – cash, comfort and convenience. Any one of us here, can come out with examples of such instances, in every single function.

Why do we still stick on the Brahmin mantle, I don’t know. Are we not comfortable just to identify ourselves as hindus. And be done with it.

Thank you.

 

[sangom]

Brilliant advice for the youngsters and future generations. jyotirma tamaso gamaya!

We were decades behind the west in adopting their way of life, but we are now only a few years away thanks to tv, communication, travel, internet and advise of mod sages. Some eagerly wait for the days when 80% of the marriages will end in divorce, 60% of girls under ten will deliver or abort, when multi-functional man-woman relationships (from your babies, my babies and our babies to your partners, my partners and our partners) will rule.

Such hedonic civilizations will collapse.

Dear Shri Sarang,

It was not my advice but only my telling which way the wind blows now. The Bible says "fire & brimstone" or some such things will come and end up , not exactly hedonic, but civilizations which tolerated homosexuality, like Sodom & Gomorrah would not have been destroyed by god's wrath if only there were ten good people were alive! Here, now, at least we have one and it may be easy to find nine more within TN itself; so the prediction that "Such hedonic civilizations will collapse." does not seem to be true.

Coming to "hedonism" and other points such as "80% of the marriages will end in divorce, 60% of girls under ten will deliver or abort, when multi-functional man-woman relationships (from your babies, my babies and our babies to your partners, my partners and our partners) will rule." also do not seem to be based on a clear knowledge of history. My maternal grandfather paid a certain amount in the Travancore currency of those days (which will be equivalent to about Rs. 10/= or 11/= if we take the Rupee as an unchanging standard, as "Kanyaa Shulkam" for marrying my grandmother, I have been told. In those days also, it seems that although the girl's side will initiate enquiries for a proper groom for their daughter, once a boy was located, some elderly (brahmins) would be sent as emissaries to the boy's side to inform about the girl and decide further matters if the parents of the boy (who would see the girl, after these initial talks with the emissaries) approved. There was no girl-boy meeting and the age of marriage was around 7 years for the girl and around 12 for the boy. In short it was a kids' play! Viewed from subsequent groom-domination era the older type of marriage can also be called hedonistic, in a way. So, coming to quick and extreme judgments may not always be correct in any such social matter.

Secondly, Shri Sarang, will you kindly explain how the boy/boy's parents seeking the girl/bride will give rise to all the things you list out, and how these will get stopped if only the girl's side continue to be submissive and go begging the boy's side? If you have sister's/daughters kindly try to find out also what their views are.

 

[tbs]

hi
the days are not long in our community...........homosexuals/lesbians are gettig legally approved society....very soon....our tambram

boys marry a tambram boy....due to lack of gals willing to marry ....our gals are fed up with our systems....either they go out

of our circle or marry a another gal....like lesbians do.....we may like it or not...beleive it or not....things are changing very

fast......

 

[kunjuppu]

hi
the days are not long in our community...........homosexuals/lesbians are gettig legally approved society....very soon....our tambram

boys marry a tambram boy....due to lack of gals willing to marry ....our gals are fed up with our systems....either they go out

of our circle or marry a another gal....like lesbians do.....we may like it or not...beleive it or not....things are changing very

fast......

not to worry, it is already happening.

a distant relative of mine, the guy in his thirties, already married, to another guy. with full support and participation of his parents.

 

[amala]

remind of this brilliant brilliant short film i came across a couple of years back! I had a permanent grin on my face for days! Ladies and gentlemen, may i present you ...drumroll please...Mr and Mr Iyer!!

Mr. & Mr. Iyer on Vimeo

 

[Raji Ram]

When we become familiar with something, we do not find anything wrong in it and we may start liking it too.

We had a discussion on 'vivAdhi' rAgams in another thread. 'VivAdhi' rAgam is the one in which vivAdhi swaram(s)

appear and vivAdhi swaram is the swaram which takes the place of a different swaram. There are four of them -

Ri in the place of Ga; Ga in Ri; Dha in Ni and Ni in Dha). These rAgams were NOT approved by many leading musicians

for a few decades. But now many songs in vivAdhi rAgams are very popular and appear frequently in Carnatic music

programs. Listeners request for these rAgams! I consider IC and IR weddings as 'vivAdhi weddings'! When we see many
of these happening, we accept them as a change in culture. eace:

 

[Raji Ram]

not to worry, it is already happening.

a distant relative of mine, the guy in his thirties, already married, to another guy. with full support and participation of his parents.

OMG! Just now I found a name for IC and IR weddings!
How should I name 'these'. :faint:

 

[renuka]

What I fail to understand in an inter caste marriage..why does one partner need to behave and become another caste?

What is the need to Brahminize or Non Brahminize a person?

Just say a Brahmin guy marries a Non Brahmin girl what is the need to Brahminize the girl?

Or a Non Brahmin guy marries a Brahmin girl..what is the need to Non Brahminize the girl?

After all how different can a life style of a Hindu get?

I have seen out here..girls trying to hard to become another community and I feel that is so fake cos our true self can never change.

After a while one will get sick and tired of being a fake and will surely rebel..that is where all problem starts.

Just be our true self and things will be better.

For example..my family never celebrated Pongal when we were growing up and my husbands family celebrated it without fail when they were growing up.

I made no attempt to celebrate it the way my husband's side did..cos that is how I am.
I was not under any compulsion to impress anyone from my husband's side.

Whenever anyone from husbands side asked me why I did not celebrate. grand scale ....I would just tell them about Makara Sankranti its significance.

So same way..my husband also has his own understanding about God etc.

He does not celebrate Buddha Jayanti but I do..cos I have a real soft corner for Lord Buddha.

I do not force my husband to follow teachings of Sathya Sai Baba even though I follow teachings of Sathya Sai Baba.

So I feel a husband and wife should just not try to change each other in becoming a mirror image of themselves.

In the Ardhanarisvara pic we always see..both Shiva and Parvati retain their individual half and become One..its a fusion of two we see and not a confusion to become one another.