Parents effort to imbibe traditions

[girijab]

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In today's fast paced world we are all leading a mechanical life.Who is putting more effort trying to inculcate our culture in the minds of the kids?Parents of kids who live in India/abroad. How successful has it been?

 

[JR]

Hello,

I've touched on this topic before at: http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/chit-c...dian-values-children-how-other-parts-usa.html.

Regards!

 

[kama]

According to my observation, that Very low percentage of south Indians make sure that the kids know the mother tongue and and the culture. However, Maharashtrians, Gujaratis and Bengalis are too good, to see that kids never give up the culture and language.
Indian children most of them born in USA. They follow life style of this country and do marry local people. This reminds me of I.S. Johar in 1960, answering a question in Film-fare magazine. The question was that when will India become USA? He answered that when Indians move to America and Americans move to India It did not make any sense to me then. However, in my last year visit to India, I noticed that life style is very Americanized. Children know more about life in USA than Indian children living here. The high tech generation and hardly they can communicate with people but with machine. God save the Universe LOL:target:

 

[JR]

According to my observation, that Very low percentage of south Indians make sure that the kids know the mother tongue and and the culture. However, Maharashtrians, Gujaratis and Bengalis are too good, to see that kids never give up the culture and language.
Indian children most of them born in USA. They follow life style of this country and do marry local people. This reminds me of I.S. Johar in 1960, answering a question in Film-fare magazine. The question was that when will India become USA? He answered that when Indians move to America and Americans move to India It did not make any sense to me then. However, in my last year visit to India, I noticed that life style is very Americanized. Children know more about life in USA than Indian children living here. The high tech generation and hardly they can communicate with people but with machine. God save the Universe LOL:target:

Namaste,

In my observation, Indian parents (be it living in USA or India), are either *completely this way* or *completely that way*. If they are Indian, they make their children learn mother tongue, mix with other Indian kids, take them to temple routinely, teach them Indian classical music or instrument or bharatanatyam, even teach them Sanskrit! Or they are totally Westernized, having no touch with anything Indian! I find either styles amusing. We (me and my hubby) are somewhere in the middle, we do take our children to Sunday programs teaching Indian culture and mother tongue, but both my son and daughter were/are enrolled in all seasonal sports activities throughout their school years like Soccer, BasketBall, etc. My daughter is further enrolled in Saxophone and we encourage her interests very much. There is no pressure on them to exactly learn this or that -- everything is given to them as per their unique interests. As I do not have many Indian friends, both our children mingle mostly with American kids and we do not stop them from doing that! But they do have some indian company via the Sunday schools. This way both we as parents and they as kids have an opportunity to thrive on their sole interests in a pressure free atmosphere and we feel that is so important to them growing up to be fair and balanced, level-headed individuals!

 

[kama]

I have noticed parents that for the children sake having Sunday school, bhajan get together and lots of Indian cultural minglings, etc. At School level kids loved those things. They all were participating at the same time,in all the American activities with no pressure. However, for college they all want to go out of town and that is where the real nature of the children pop up At least 75% end up marrying Americans and rest marry Indians born here. South Indians marry non south Indians most of the time !! This could be due to the scattered south Indians all over USA. Most of the parents have accepted the trend for their children's happiness. Then we worry about locals too ! Could be Afro american, Jewish, or of some other origin. All we can do is hope for the best eace:

 

[tbs]

hi

here in USA......mothers are helping kids their culture.....mothers can do a lot with kids than a father....here mother takes the

kids to sunday school in the temple then soccer/swimming in the evening....some weekends bharatanatyam etc......

here life goes on like this.....PAANCH DIN NAUKARI....EK DIN GROCERY......EK DIN LAUNDARY....its called american life..

 

[JR]

I have noticed parents that for the children sake having Sunday school, bhajan get together and lots of Indian cultural minglings, etc. At School level kids loved those things. They all were participating at the same time,in all the American activities with no pressure. However, for college they all want to go out of town and that is where the real nature of the children pop up At least 75% end up marrying Americans and rest marry Indians born here. South Indians marry non south Indians most of the time !! This could be due to the scattered south Indians all over USA. Most of the parents have accepted the trend for their children's happiness. Then we worry about locals too ! Could be Afro american, Jewish, or of some other origin. All we can do is hope for the best eace:

Absolutely! My son being of college age, having a wide circle of American friends, feels very much alienated with anything "Indian" except for my food, ofcourse! So with such a mindset, I do not hope he will be ok for an arranged marriage with an Indian bride... but then who knows? I will be ok as long as he marries a good person!

 

[JR]

hi

here in USA......mothers are helping kids their culture.....mothers can do a lot with kids than a father....here mother takes the

kids to sunday school in the temple then soccer/swimming in the evening....some weekends bharatanatyam etc......

here life goes on like this.....PAANCH DIN NAUKARI....EK DIN GROCERY......EK DIN LAUNDARY....its called american life..

Very true, TBS ji! You nailed it!

 

[kama]

Naukary, Grcery, Laundry! On the whole a life of mockery Children these day know what is best for them. The parents have no choice but to pray for their happiness. Indian way leave to the "prarabda karma":Cry:

 

[sudeshwer]

In USA, I agree with most of the comments particularly JR because 'no other way but to compromise'. yes we do take south indian and other indian temples, my grand children learn bharathanatyam, we celebrate diwali and the children. we do lot of pujas in the house when the children participate dressed with indian dresses like pavadai, even when we go to temples the chidren wear pavadai etc. I know places where vedas, yogas, sanskrit, various indian languages are taught. yes MH, Gujjus and bengalies, even keralite ensure the children speak their own mother-tongue. yet, the things r changing. In India, less is said is better; even the english they speak is 'copied american accent'. God save India and Hindus. muslims all over ensure the children speak their own language and follow muslim things(I prefer not to specify) - srinivasan

 

[Raji Ram]

......... I do not hope he will be ok for an arranged marriage with an Indian bride... but then who knows? I will be ok as long as he marries a good person! ...

Dear Jayashree,

This is what most of the tambram parents living in India also say! Some of them let their children have their choice of

'soul mate', so that they will NOT be blamed, if something weird happens later on !

 

[krish44]

the most decent role parents can play is abdication and allow their children to seamlessly integrate with the society

they live in. It only creates conflicts in minds of children having to live in a way totally different from the society they

live in.

people in all societies are only human beings. so better live in rome as romans do.

indians would do well not to unnecessarily waste their time to thrust indianness on their children abroad unless they

want them to return to india. even if they return after 20 years or so they will be misfits here.

even within our own country, I am more of a northerner than a south indian though I had been confused a lot about

my identity being a tamil brahmin home and northerner outside in delhi. it is a lot of strain , these multiple identities.

children can best be left to themselves to decide what they are in the society they are in without spoon feeding them

with something alien. many may not agree with me.I have practised what I say .

 

[JR]

the most decent role parents can play is abdication and allow their children to seamlessly integrate with the society

they live in. It only creates conflicts in minds of children having to live in a way totally different from the society they

live in.

people in all societies are only human beings. so better live in rome as romans do.

indians would do well not to unnecessarily waste their time to thrust indianness on their children abroad unless they

want them to return to india. even if they return after 20 years or so they will be misfits here.

even within our own country, I am more of a northerner than a south indian though I had been confused a lot about

my identity being a tamil brahmin home and northerner outside in delhi. it is a lot of strain , these multiple identities.

children can best be left to themselves to decide what they are in the society they are in without spoon feeding them

with something alien. many may not agree with me.I have practised what I say .

Dear Krish ji,

Why do you think it is even possible to force 'Indian-ness' on to children by merely teaching them few things about India and its culture? I do not practically think it is possible. The children, unless growing in densely Indian areas as in some parts of NJ, they are invariably going to pick up American living and standards in as many ways as possible. We are just giving them alternative perspectives and enriching their general knowledge... opening them to wider possibilities which they have a choice to 'mould into' should it appeal to them later in life (such as many Americans finding Indian way of living appealing and are converting to Hinduism). That is why in my post earlier in this thread, I said going either way, as in completely Indian or completely American seems funny and impractical. Being a staunchly religious-minded person, I can only atleast 'reveal who I am' fully to my children (if not for making them live my way of life) and that is possible only if I teach the children some of my values and traditions. Whether they will continue it or not, is left upto them. In any case, we enrich their knowledge and environment by teaching something as opposed to nothing. This is the way I see it!

 

[JR]

Dear Jayashree,

This is what most of the tambram parents living in India also say! Some of them let their children have their choice of

'soul mate', so that they will NOT be blamed, if something weird happens later on !

Honestly Raji mam, I would wish for a Tambram bride or groom only for my children if I lived in Chennai... but that being not the case, my reasoning is exactly as you have stated above! But still I wish whoever my children choose get 'my seal of approval'.

 

[Jaykay767]

Journey of the Indian immigrant in the USA !! LOL !!

1[SUP]st[/SUP] gen Indian immigrants in the US always reminisce in their late age, about what they did in their younger days, the festivals they celebrated, etc.. & regret the lost religion, culture & traditions. No wonder many come to this forum to re-connect with what is lost. Instead of re-connecting & learning, some come here to bad mouth the Indians… LOL !!

2[SUP]nd[/SUP] gen Indian Americans (born of Indian parents) who think marrying outside is a great achievement, regret much later what life could have been when they learn about the TB culture, Indian culture etc..ie when they run into their cousins from India following the culture, it stings them like a scorpion & they blame their parents for all the broadminded talk & letting them marry outside..

3[SUP]rd[/SUP] gen XXX – can no longer be called Indians, go through severe identity crisis, since they are neither Indian or American,& most live on food stamps. The kids of TBs who marry outside are not as intelligent as TBs most of the time. So they quickly fall down in the economic ladder & become dependent on food stamps.

There ends the story of the Indian immigrant to the USA!!! Sayonara Indeed !!

This is where one should look at the Jews, they marry within the community & even when they marry outside, they strictly follow the Jewish customs. So their kids & grand kids are rooted in the glorious culture & traditions of the ancient past…

 

[krish44]

the theory that those who do not subscribe to indian [TB?] values are going down the drain is a sweeping

generalisation.

every culture, race has its plus and minus points

one cannot ignore the society , country and the times one lives in.

thinking of past glories and living in make believe world of stories of a great ancient civilisation is a case of living in

a fools paradise.

one needs to be pragmatic and integrate with the society one is exposed to and has to transact on day to day

basis. that would be practical wisdom

 

[Jaykay767]

On the contrary, those who think, anything goes, after all no one can stop the march of time are the ones living in fools paradise. people who got into IC/IR marriages 30 yrs back, thinking the world will change are shocked to see it has not... & none of their kids can find an alliance in the TB world. oh, why their kids want to only marry TBs beats me.. after all shouldn't they be broadminded to marry anyone !! Only when people go outside of the community, they realize what a foolish mistake they made & try desperately to come back. fools are forced to learn from their mistakes, the wise learn from others mistakes... LOL !!!

 

[Jaykay767]

As long as mankind exists, religion will exist, communities will exist, culture & traditions will exist. Anyone who goes outside of the community has to pay the price of exclusion, identity loss,etc..

Anyone who thinks they can go to a “great place” by following the “road not taken” are living in fools paradise..

LOL !!

 

[JR]

நல்லதே நினைப்போம், நல்லதே செய்வோம், நல்லதே நடக்கும்!

 

[JR]

I feel like congratulating all our bhattachariyars at the temples of the West. They are more religious than anyone else, adhering to strict religious discipline down to dressing and keeping a 'kudumi' on the hair and sporting a 'naamam' (or Vibhuti). Recently one of our Vaadhiyar's daughter got married to a Tambram boy. Such vaadhiyar's selfless deeds of giving up one's country of birth gives rise to the continued spiritual efforts and temple going facility for us NRI's. When such Vaadhiyars themselves do not fear, what is there for us NRI's to fear? We envision that one day the West will have as many Hindus and Indians (why not? even Tambrams too...) that like Africans, we can practice Hinduism at large scale and intermarry without problems in finding a varan, etc. Why not? I see it is already happening.

Wherever one is, their fate seals their destiny...

(Not to mention I do find *some* truth in JK's writing... nevertheless owing to his harsh words, much of what he says seems like exaggeration... let me wait and see how USA unfolds our destinies...).

 

[prasad1]

Honestly Raji mam, I would wish for a Tambram bride or groom only for my children if I lived in Chennai... but that being not the case, my reasoning is exactly as you have stated above! But still I wish whoever my children choose get 'my seal of approval'.

What we wish our kids, and what they wish for themselves are two different things. When there is a conflict between the two wishes, our wish should be to let them have their wish.
We should be able to put our wishes aside and support them in this dream (grin and bear it).

 

[JR]

What we wish our kids, and what they wish for themselves are two different things. When there is a conflict between the two wishes, our wish should be to let them have their wish.
We should be able to put our wishes aside and support them in this dream (grin and bear it).

True... but in many cases, the parental instinct tells us to double-check, verify and question our childrens' choices... be it their choice of subject in college or their choice of spouse.

Definitely, when we think they made more or less a right (rather 'wise') choice, we should let them go their way...

Thanks.

 

[Jaykay767]

JR Ji –

Agree, my posts are harsh, but they are rooted in bitter truth. Let me explain.

Almost all TBs excel in our professions; do extremely well in our careers. Most have excelled in global organizations competing against all races, almost all of them have been in the jobs till retirement. So it is given that any TB kid will outperform most if not all of his or her competitors in the global arena.

Now imagine the shock of the TB parent whose IC/IR kids suddenly starts underperforming in the school, colleges, & unable to hold any job, get fired everywhere while their cousins outperform & excel in the world.

This is the same problem, NRIs face, their kids invariably marry outside & then the grandkids start dramatically falling down the economic ladder. And if the NRIs still have connect with their counterparts in India, they feel the pain of letting their kids marrying outside.

It is a question of one’s livelihood & existence here!!

So this is not about putting down a few NRIs in this forum, showing them in poor light & winning an argument, Indians in India need to realize the long term impact of sending their kids abroad.

Cheers,

 

[biswa]

I don't think there is any "proof" of intelligence or lack thereof of IC/IR kids. Just some isolated examples which can be cited to support one's point of view.

In this forum there was one Muslim member who had married a TB lady. Their kid, in the US, was a Rhodes scholar. This fact was actually verified by other forum members. So there you have a counter-example to your intelligence assertion.

 

[prasad1]

I don't think there is any "proof" of intelligence or lack thereof of IC/IR kids. Just some isolated examples which can be cited to support one's point of view.

In this forum there was one Muslim member who had married a TB lady. Their kid, in the US, was a Rhodes scholar. This fact was actually verified by other forum members. So there you have a counter-example to your intelligence assertion.

Obama is a product of mixed marriage, there is no lack of intelligence there.

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