krishji,
I believe adults in the age group of 23-29 years do not pop up suddenly from nowhere. they too were children of parents and parents had the opportunity to mould them in a particular way. They missed that opportunity because they were lazy, they were enjoying their personal lives to the exclusion of their children's lives, they were too busy with their careers and money-making endevours or they were least bothered about their children. May be when they are past their 23-25 years they just desert their parents though they may live with them. American children just leave home too. The connection (though not the physical connection) snaps and then they experiment and explore to settle down somewhere ultimately. now compare this with the traditional family in which children grow up picking values and wisdom from parents apart from friends, peers and the world outside in general. They become balanced individuals. They do not have to go for any dangerous experiments or explorations. Just like a child knows that touching fire will burn they know what is good and bad without experimenting with them. Like, they know drug may expand mind but will leave you ultimately as a junk in the society. That is the difference. They get to know without experimenting that they can explore and enjoy every possible variety of sexual/conjugal pleasure with the help of a single partner with the higher goal of bringing up a family without ending up a junk who has tried everything with everybody who came into his/her life.
These days no parent ever thrust any family on any girl. The girl has freedom to reject a varan just for the reason that she does not like the family members. Caste and horoscopes are too vast a subject to discuss here. those who believe believe with reasons and those who do not believe do not believe. If a girl says she likes a boy even if the horoscopes do not match these days parents just do not bother and go to a temple and pray and finalise the marriage.
Only lazy and irresponsible parents would claim that they do not want to thrust their non-existent wisdom on their children and later lament when things go wrong. It is they who need treatment by an expert counselor.
a) You appear to believe that full blown adults look for only mates and not a husband to marry and live with.
b) You appear to believe that cautioning about STD is just a poochandi without substance and that full blown adults can go on a blind date and end up in bed without bothering about any of these diseases happily.
I am unable to agree with such a totally irresponsible attitude towards children's welfare. So let us agree to disagree on this.
I also note you have finally said this: "in most cases , off springs do reach back to parents for their consent to matches they have selected and get their clearance also . only if parents act unreasonable they go ahead and act without their consent". May I ask you why? Is it because they are themselves not sure about their choices or is it because they want some one to take the blame when things go wrong?
My question again remains this: if people here feel so strongly about the so called freedom of children why not cultivate this attitude among their own children right from young age. When it comes to their own children they will first take the list of eligible boys from the same caste, same religion, same geographical area etc., and then go for at least a preliminary horoscope matching and then when the boy/girl demands time to know, permit them to go dating but once they come here to this forum they would very liberally advise members about absolute freedom of children. In english people call this hypocrisy. I hope you do not fall in this category. Only you know that. Thanks for engaging.
vaagmiji
A very interesting post indeed .
you have a view that normal parents are over busy with their career and do not devote time to children
it is not entirely trus.most TB parents in delhi are in govt and have all the time in the world to bring up children .
with decent VRS most working ladies also hang up their career in fiftees.
so not giving time to children is the imagination of a fertile mind
once the kids are 17 plus , most kids go to engg or medical colleges for higher education and become less dependant
on parents and try to become self reliant. that is the time , they might require some help . only it becomes a little
difficult for kids to cope away from parents. 17-22 yrs is the vulnerable age.
once this is crossed , they mostly come to terms with living independantly and are clearer about how to live and cope
with friends and colleagues.
it is best when they are at this age to leave them alone at this stage and start adopting a hands off attitude.
relationship between youngsters is something they would like to decide on their own with little interference from
parents. it would be sensible to not come in their way as they have to live a lifetime with their choices.
the rules we lay down for a suitable match are based on our background and what our parents laid down for us.
the rules belong to a different time and era.most youngsters do not subscribe to their parents views or choices.
it is vivekam to not interfere.
in case they do consult parents which most children do more as a formaility or society norms, instead of nitpicking or finding faults, it would be sensible to
give the green signal and respect their choices
children are clear about their choices and do not require re assurance or a punching bag for wrong choice if marriage
does not work out.
on a personal note , both my children made their own choices. My son marrying his class mate after dating her for
five years and my daughter married her office colleague after knowing for 2 years. their choices were good and they
did reached to me for consent which I readily gave. my choices let me confess , might not have been the same.
perhaps i could have thrust a child of a govt official in delhi on them due to my comfort with these types. , of course
,i would not have thought of caste too much.
by the way no adult takes permission for dating .in what world are you living?
the types you are referring to are child adults who are incapable of finding match on their own.they depend on their
parents to find a match and go on dating with mothers of girls accompanying or staying at calling distance. I have
such types also in my extended family.I settled the match of one of them a few weeks back . you are right , they
went dating as soon as engagement was over . this time parents kept wringing their hands until the children
returned from date,lol
