The Hardest Part of Divorce Has Nothing to Do With My Marriage

[prasad1]

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Divorce isn't for the weak. Hell, it isn't even for the strong. You can think you're prepared and ready, but it still won't ready you for what's to come. My own divorce has thrown me completely for a loop.
Before we decided on divorce, my ex-husband and I had always been extremely close, and that closeness extended into our relationships with our two children. Our weekends and evenings were usually always spent together. We loved being together as much as possible. We did everything as a family. But of all of the things that have been hard to navigate, spending the less time together with my kids has been the hardest part of my divorce.

I don't believe that parents should stay together for their children, because I believe that creates a very unhealthy living situation, and creates an idea that love looks like abuse and pain. Yet, divorce comes with its own challenges and growing pains -- adjustments I'm still trying to adjust to.
Yes, on days without them I get my work done much faster, things stay clean longer, and I can sleep in. But the overwhelming sadness covers me the minute they leave and is my unwelcome and unwanted company until they return again. My heart really was never given the time to heal and mend itself; it breaks again and again with every goodbye.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/romper/the-hardest-part-of-my-divorce-_b_9316382.html

 

[sravna]

I would say separation and divorce are for the weak and not for the strong because it is the latter who suffer the most when relationships break because they value it so much. It takes even greater effort to mend.

So the easiest part of all is to break.

 

[renuka]

Divorce isnt about strength or weakness.

Its all about getting out of a messy situation without getting messed up.


Initially its about bruised egos..then the next situation is loneliness..dealing with finance..dealing with reaction of kids..jealousy in cases where one spouse re-married and the other feels betrayed.

A cascade of scenarios...not easy I guess but time eventually heals all scars and wounds.

 

[sravna]

Divorce isnt about strength or weakness.

Its all about getting out of a messy situation without getting messed up.


Initially its about bruised egos..then the next situation is loneliness..dealing with finance..dealing with reaction of kids..jealousy in cases where one spouse re-married and the other feels betrayed.

A cascade of scenarios...not easy I guess but time eventually heals all scars and wounds.

Dear Renuka,

Attachment to relationships is a sattvik quality. Sattvik represents the highest energy guna and so requires real strength to overcome. It could be as heart rending as you see in a movie.

 

[prasad1]

Empathy is the nature of Satvic people. Arrogance is the nature of Rajasic. Ignorance is the trait of Tamasic.
The post #2 is definitely not satvic.

The women pours out her heart, and instead of understanding her plight, if someone blames her, that is heartless.

People who still live in 19th century think that people divorce on whims. That is far from truth. The divorce is the last step in a failed relationship. To go through divorce is very difficult even in USA. So before WE judge others, let us understand their plight.

 

[sravna]

Empathy is the nature of Satvic people. Arrogance is the nature of Rajasic. Ignorance is the trait of Tamasic.
The post #2 is definitely not satvic.

The women pours out her heart, and instead of understanding her plight, if someone blames her, that is heartless.

People who still live in 19th century think that people divorce on whims. That is far from truth. The divorce is the last step in a failed relationship. To go through divorce is very difficult even in USA. So before WE judge others, let us understand their plight.

I am sorry. I was not referring to the woman mentioned in the op and I do not know about U.S. but a number of divorces I know that happened in India happened on whims and very much in the 21st century.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

Attachment to relationships is a sattvik quality. Sattvik represents the highest energy guna and so requires real strength to overcome. It could be as heart rending as you see in a movie.

Dear Sravna,


One might have various grades of compassion..but any form of attachment if purely for happiness of self.

Attachment is still a "self centered" act.

Mostly people are attached to a relationship becos of personal needs..which can range from love,money,sense of stability or even sex.

There is actually nothing really Sattvik about any form of attachment.

 

[sravna]

Dear Renuka,

There is the difference. People can be attached to the relationship or the person in the relationship. Only when you think of money, love, sense of stability or sex , the former is true and the relationship is not stable. Otherwise the relationship can be very stable and fulfilling. Again it is based on personal experience.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

There is the difference. People can be attached to the relationship or the person in the relationship. Only when you think of money, love, sense of stability or sex , the former is true and the relationship is not stable. Otherwise the relationship can be very stable and fulfilling. Again it is based on personal experience.

The innate nature of a human is to make self happy.

One might even go to the extent of suicide if this happiness is lost.

Even a stable fulfilling relationship is mainly for happiness of self..as you said fulfilling..fulfilling what? Personal happiness.

We humans are actually very self centered but we choose to believe otherwise.

 

[sravna]

Yes Renuka. Fulfillment is personal happiness, But our objective is not to derive personal happiness but to live by values. The happiness is a side benefit.

 

[krish44]

Values have nothing to do with happiness.

Happiness for self is an objective by itself .

To seek it one may get into relationships.

If a relationship does not fulfill the objective, it is wise to look to look for better relationships with others.

 

[sravna]

Dear Shri Krish,

If you live by values you are living on a consistent set of principles. So you will not harm others and so less likely to be harmed. Living by values makes you immune to petty concerns and such concerns can spoil most of people's happiness. Your interactions with others are also on a positive basis. You not only do not harm others but also try to help others. So you not only manage to remove many negative concerns but also enjoy positive feelings.

 

[rishikesan]

About Divorce, each person affected or not tell about the reasons applicable to Indian /American Indians, of which we are expected to be concernc
Reasons for Divorce can never be explained by anyone , I mean , only the Man & Wvoman concerned an explain, but involves TC,wf

 

[rishikesan]

We should realize that Divorce between betwee

 

[rishikesan]

Conte--------dear Prasad, & other participants , discussing about the Tricky Topic of Divorce. Except Mr. Prasad others could no have had the taste/distaste of painful Divoce & it's immedIate & long term / life Long aftermath , insolvable end results , makes not only the affected, but also the Parents &the children growing up ? Conditions of Divorcees are different in both the Countries , having diffefnt attitudes but common Factors,Indian women cold be mentally resulting in frustration. In Indian conditions close relatives come to help by way of boosting morals & may suggest workable solution either for reconciliation ot remarrIage.
What I would like to stress is this ;- analyzing any case of Divorce is Futile,as it would help none. It could be only Cosmetic, If any of our Active members come across cases of Divorces , may make an attempt tom go deep & resolve or try to suggest workable solution for both parties
One practical case dealt by us leading to not only Reconciliation but not proceed Ed for Divorce & the Copley have 2 Children of 3 yrs & one year respectively.
There c an ever be an useful analy,sis on the Subject , because individual cases are extremely different & there can never be one common solution. BETTER allow the partners to fight & come to a solution oN their own.
Rishikesan ( A. Srinivasan)

 

[here2where]

A couple divorced because he wanted to buy a dog and she wanted a cat in the house. Seriously. This actually happened and was reported widely in Bangalore family court. Divorces nowadays, especially in Urban India, happen on whimsical grounds and is the result of lack of proper guidance / advice from elders in the family. Once the support system is gone, twigs fly away in the wind of emotions. I remember watching a 'Neeya naaana' episode recently where lawyers admitted to the farcical nature of some of the divorces they 'arrange'. Sad.