Unequal genders?

[Iyyarooraan]

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An IT executive and his aged and ailing mother (78), widowed recently, committed suicide in Hosur near Bangalore. Journalism (?) says he has a wife and son of 14. He left a note that “nobody is responsible”. Chivalry or helplessness? Death is a relief for stubborn fighters. Had it been the opposite, the spouse would have been arrested. Maybe the surviving spouse was not responsible but the society and journalists would conclude the surviving spouse is responsible if he is a male. Why this gender inequality even in reporting? Maybe the press was pressed to be woman friendly!

 

[renuka]

It is not gender bias or women friendly..it is becos society still sees women as weak and not able to cause a death of a person directly or indirectly..so that is why no one is thinking that the wife could have been a causative factor.

I was seeing Criminal Minds series yesterday where an old lady was convicted for Pimping and Murder of one of her sex workers and she was asked if she hired anyone to kill the sex worker and she replied " When a woman wants to get a job done perfectly she does not hire a man..she does it herself..therefore I shot her dead"

Right now Indian society is still seeing women as weaklings who can't do nuts! In a matter of time they will be seen equally when it comes to crime etc.

 

[SANDHYAV]

depression can engulf anyone and any age. but IT exec and his mother 78 is a bizarre combination, not heard of before.

 

[vgane]

I am not biased...But looking at the circumstantial evidence ....It points to the wife..May be the mother was cause of tension to wife and she was constantly having fights with her husband over the mother

The guy is attached to his mother but is unable to resolve the trouble in home front..

The news item does mention that he is working with Wipro..Hope he was not given the pink slip in office and that can also be a reason

Also did the guy have any medical illness?

The wife has to be investigated..Otherwise 2 precious lives lost callously!

 

[SANDHYAV]

78 yr old mom interfering with say 48 yr old husband and wife. hmm... leave alone the criminal and medical cause of it, lets look at some social issues.

PINK slip or green card, an IT exec will have some savings to eat and drink.
an ailing mom needs hospital care if anything.
recently widowed mom, will have depression, and hosur is the next upcoming bangalore !
the 78 mom needs a temple or whatever she is used to during her married life.

although both are adults, the 48 year old has a more strong base to support then to get engulfed in this crazy typhoon.
and lastly, the wife will be a fathers daughter even at 68 i guess. the weakling is a good AZHUVUNIATTAM!

Aadu gonda vara govinda govinda ( my prayers for the deceased soul )

 

[vgane]

Tho' we are advocating that we should not send our parents to old age home, in this guess, I think the guy could have been better if he had put his mother in old age home and at least both their lives would not have ended miserably!

 

[Raji Ram]

The puzzle would be solved if we find out whether the mother was staying in a different house before she was widowed!

Recently I heard that an educated lady divorced her husband after 12 years of wedded life and took her child away with her

because the husband brought his widowed mom to stay with them. I wrote about this sometime back in another thread. :sad:

 

[kunjuppu]

i just met some relatives from coimbatore. they are living in an old age home and love it.

one is a widowed lady in her 80s, son in b'lore. wishes of her own to live in brindavan, mainly for the social group. she is deeply into bhajan music and such, and has no problems having a gang to sing with and socialize.

another is a couple, related to the lady above, with both daughters in the usa. they visit once a year during summer, but are happy again to go back to brindavan.

the relative, who is the brother of the above two, would have had no issue living in brindavan, but for his sons, both inthe usa, got him thenecessary papers. and are rich enough to provide health coverage. in fact he envied the lifestyle and comforts of his siblings.

 

[Raji Ram]

The climate in Coimbatore makes people choose a senior citizens' home there, though there are many in other cities too.

People can select anyone from the several homes available, according to their convenience and financial status!
One such home is famous for the 'pattar samaiyal' - kALan; Olan; erisEri etc! :hungry:

 

[Raji Ram]

There is a saying in Tamil: 'kolaiyum seyvAL paththini'!! :scared:

 

[Nara]

There is a saying in Tamil: 'kolaiyum seyvAL paththini'!!

Let us slow down a little. I read the TOI article just now and there was nothing there to suspect foul play by the wife. The article quotes the SI saying, ""In the note, he said no one is responsible for their death and also that they didn't want to be a burden to anyone." Why are we engaging in these idle speculations starting from OP? Why must the wife be investigated? Does the member know something that the SI does not? The gender "bias" is not because women are seen as weak incapable of murder, the "bias" as it is perceived is because almost all victims of domestic abuse are women.

 

[Nara]

Why is there a sudden flourish of misogyny in the forum? Besides this whole thread, there is this one http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/jokes-humor/13689-not-easy-understand-women-s-mind.html#post210792 making fun of women, and this one http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/literature/13685-wife-sacrifice.html putting women on an unreachably high pedestal so that they can be torn down for not meeting these expectations ...

 

[SANDHYAV]

Nara, the NARI angle is also being looked at thats all.
Samayal is the best psychological concept to keep ones mind on the ground, next to vegetable gardening ofcourse!

 

[Nara]

Nara, the NARI angle is also being looked at thats all.

Dear SANDHYAV, it seems to me that it is not நாரி angle but நரி angle through which this thing is being look at. Without an iota of fact the wife -- now the widow -- is being hanged, drawn and quartered -- figuratively of course. There is no angle here except a deep seated antipathy towards any woman who dares to be independent.

 

[Raji Ram]

Cool down dear Prof Sir!

You know that many a time, our discussions are next only to 'thiNNaip pEchchu'!

Some of us are trying to be Shankarlals, looking in different angles. That is all. :spy:

BTW, giving poison is not the only method to kill; mental torture could also force a person to take extreme steps.

That I T guy is weak minded. If he had enough funds, he would have opted to live in a senior citizens' home with

one room for himself and one for his ailing mother. It seems there are some places where the elderly ailing ones

are taken care of @ Rs. 20,000/ p.m. These info.s reach my ears though I don't go in search of them!

 

[Raji Ram]

Wife and Sacrifice..

I am glad that at least two brave men came forward to recognize the greatness! :thumb:

 

[renuka]

, and this one http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/literature/13685-wife-sacrifice.html putting women on an unreachably high pedestal so that they can be torn down for not meeting these expectations ...

Yup I agree with what you wrote..Glorification is a form of subjugation and it does make it sound like " if you want be appreciated you better suffer and prove your worth.. Woman!"

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Why is there a sudden flourish of misogyny in the forum? Besides this whole thread, there is this one http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/jokes-humor/13689-not-easy-understand-women-s-mind.html#post210792 making fun of women, and this one http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/literature/13685-wife-sacrifice.html putting women on an unreachably high pedestal so that they can be torn down for not meeting these expectations ...

Tamil Brahmins have always treated their women as Chattel if not worse. They denied them even the right to worship quoting Dhahrmsasthra. They opposed Widow remarriage, are in favour of child marriage even now.

The present generation has revolted agaist this. The daughters are leaving the community. Now that they are financially independent they can. We are reaping generations of ill treatment of our women. As my wife always said "The women were treated worse than Dalits by the Brahmins."

Many of the discussions in this forum are started by people who are not able to digest this.

 

[Raji Ram]

I shall tell one example from my recent experience. After the 'brahmins' eat their lunch on a plantain leaf, they just get up

and walk right royal to wash their hands and relax. One of the ladies in the house should pick up all the used leaves, with the

horrible looking left overs and throw them in the proper place. Another lady has to do the 'echchalidal' by hand, not worrying

about how the hands will get rubbed against, when it happens to be a rough floor! During the Poojas in Ram's village, some

young girls would do the job. I used to fight for the sake of those girls and request to provide them a small broom to clean

the floor with water but it was always refused. This time those girls were not available, I was chosen for the 'echchalidal'

business on the rough red tiled floor, about 25' X 7' in size. Since it was mandatory to use the right hand to clean the floor

and no broom or cloth provided, I was annoyed but did with a 'grin and bear it' look! Why treat women like this?
Some of our customs are demeaning women folk and this IS a fact. :humble:

 

[renuka]

I shall tell one example from my recent experience. After the 'brahmins' eat their lunch on a plantain leaf, they just get up

and walk right royal to wash their hands and relax. One of the ladies in the house should pick up all the used leaves, with the

horrible looking left overs and throw them in the proper place. Another lady has to do the 'echchalidal' by hand, not worrying

about how the hands will get rubbed against, when it happens to be a rough floor! During the Poojas in Ram's village, some

young girls would do the job. I used to fight for the sake of those girls and request to provide them a small broom to clean

the floor with water but it was always refused. This time those girls were not available, I was chosen for the 'echchalidal'

business on the rough red tiled floor, about 25' X 7' in size. Since it was mandatory to use the right hand to clean the floor

and no broom or cloth provided, I was annoyed but did with a 'grin and bear it' look! Why treat women like this?
Some of our customs are demeaning women folk and this IS a fact. :humble:

Dear RR ji,

You mean to say this happened to you recently??

This is bad ok.

Why can't people hire cleaning services who use gloves to pick up the leaves/cups/plates and then mop the area with floor mopping liquids!

I really dont know how you agreed to do this work..if I were you..I would have brought a big bin and asked everyone who ate to pick up his own leaf and left overs and put it into the bin and ask each one to remove their left overs from the floor themselves!

 

[sarang]

Some of us are trying to be Shankarlals, looking in different angles. That is all. :spy:

Welcome shankarlal.

Recently I read a short story by Jeffry Archer (collection published recently). It is about theft of jewelry from an upmarket store by a posh looking thief. Even when theft or loss is identified immediately, nothing could be pinned on him.

I read a similar story in kalkandu long long ago. Inspector wahab approaches shankarlal to solve theft of expensive gold/diamond articles whenever a maharaja visits the store. Wahab is also reluctant to search the maharaja for obvious reasons.

Shankarlal poses as a customer when the maharaj visits the shop; and this time too a costly nose stud goes missing. Shankarlal lets him go, but remains in the shop. After about half an hour, when an ordinary looking man leaves the shop after buying some low cost items, shankarlal pounces on him. The missing item is with him though he did not inspect any high value item. Shankarlal explains that the maharaja stuck the stud to the underside of the counter with chewing gum to be collected by someone else much later.

Long live shankarlal.

 

[Raji Ram]

........ You mean to say this happened to you recently??.......

Dear Renu,

Yes! Last Sunday to be precise!!

That is the village life which I am seeing for many years now. :sad:

My ideas are branded revolutionary and vetoed on spot!! out:

 

[Raji Ram]

Thanks for the Shankarlal story, Sarang Sir!

The same concept of fixing a huge diamond under the table at the police station (of all the places)

was there in one of the 'MONK' episodes that I saw in the U S of A.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Dear Renu,
Yes! Last Sunday to be precise!!
That is the village life which I am seeing for many years now.
My ideas are branded revolutionary and vetoed on spot!!

Now you understand why our girls do not want to marry Brahmin boys. What they have seen is that none of the men have the guts to oppose such inhuman/degrading practices. They have been emasculated under the guise of Sattvikam.

I am not saying that the other castes are better. But we do not know. At least our girls hope that they will have the guts to oppose such barbarism.

 

[renuka]

Now you understand why our girls do not want to marry Brahmin boys. What they have seen is that none of the men have the guts to oppose such inhuman/degrading practices. They have been emasculated under the guise of Sattvikam.

I am not saying that the other castes are better. But we do not know. At least our girls hope that they will have the guts to oppose such barbarism.

Dear Sir,

I can safely say other caste are no better!

Some men are passive in their aggression and some are active in their aggression..that is the only difference.

It is the general Indian mindset that women are treated with less respect and their opinions hardly matter.

Other caste at times especially those with lesser education and from lower economic status consume alcohol and beat up their wives.

The average Brahmin male might not consume alcohol and beat his wife but he would find passive ways to suppress her and the Non Brahmin might be a bit more physically aggressive or a combination of passive and aggressive at times.

Only education in the true sense can change a person's mindset..education where a person is taught to respect everyone regardless of gender and age.