Dear Shri. Venkataramani:
Greetings!
Every individual or family has a right to choose their alliance partners. Who are we to teach them? Is it not interfering in their personal affairs?
[..]
None of us has the right to preach them. If the people think the present system is ok, why should they change?
What would you say to someone who says the following?
"Every individual or family has a right to give or take dowry. Advising them against dowry is interfering in their personal affairs. No one has the right to preach them, why should they change?"
The same could be said of ostentatious weddings, a personal thing. If your advocacy against dowry and expensive weddings is not preaching, why do you think my advocacy of things I don't like, is preaching?
Now getting a suitable girl has become a big problem since girls are well educated, earning and are taking their own independent decisions. Boys are made to compromise when it comes to marriage.
Could this be the reason for the decline in giving and taking of dowry, besides the laws against dowry getting increasingly enforced?
I would like to see the Brahmin community shed the pernicious Varna/Jati system on its own accord, without getting forced by economic or political changes from outside. I know this is just a pipe-dream. But this is my passion now, and therefore I am presenting my views here. As an erstwhile Brahmin I want to persuade the TB community. I hope similarly motivated individuals will persuade other communities as well.
Gender inequality has almost disappeared within TB community now.
We must have entirely different views on what gender equality means. Yes, women now go to colleges and take up employment in increasing numbers, and that is indeed progress. This is not unique to TB community. But, "almost disappeared" is really stretching it.
Gender inequality is encoded into the Brahmin meme so deeply that the enforcers are mainly other women. We as a community, both TB and TNB, have a long long way to go before we can even see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel with respect to gender issues.
However dowry system still prevails among other communities. Those who preach reforms in TB community should go and preach dowry removal among other communities first.
I think you will include me in the group that preaches reforms in TB community. So, I ask you, why should I preach dowry removal, that too among other communities first. I am really surprised by your statement that dowry removal from other communities should be of higher priority to me than preaching reform within TB. Is its not my personal right to choose what I want to preach without getting preached about what I should preach. (Just kidding Sir, you can say whatever to me, I will take it in the right spirit.)
"Preaching" is a pejorative term. It could easily inflame passions. I wish you will not use this term.
Cheers!
Couple of more comments:
Dowry:
Dowry is part of Sri Dhanam and on its own there is nothing wrong with it. The problem is making demands and ill-treating the bride on that account, not that ill-treating her on other accounts is alright.
Ostentatious wedding:
Once again, there is nothing inherently wrong with big weddings. Why is it wrong to mark the occasion with a grand celebration, if you can afford it? Besides the enjoyment of the celebration itself, it helps the economy too.
Systemic change such as the one I am advocating will make these issues irrelevant. Maintenance of the Varna system requires the continuation of arranged marriages. Once this curse is lifted, arranged-marriage will become optional. In this environment, dowry will loose its meaning.
