Why NRI marriages fail

[krish44]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Share Link

I prefer being without a maid..Filipinos are entitled to the Sunday off to go the Church but none of them really pray!LOL

They go out on Sundays to have fun and many land up pregnant and also with STDs...as a doctor I have cancelled so many work permits during medical check up cos of maids being pregnant.

One Indonesian maid I had long back brought home a guy when my husband and I were not in and it dreads me to think whose bedroom she used for her activities! So after that incident I dont want any maids anymore.

My daughter in singapore has one . She initially had a philipino who was pretty good . she used her on saturdays .she returne to her country not to return

now she has a south indian one . used for dusting ,cleaning , pressing one weeks clothes, also emptying the frig and clean up, bath rooms .just 3 or 4 hrs a week .it is worth it .

only negative uses her cell phone frequently and idles to make to make up time to collect an hour extra . fairly clean herself and honest and talks tirunelveli tamil .

 

[krish44]

I have noted that we Indians tend to be bitter after divorce but where I stay the Non Indians tend to be more forgiving and can be friends.

I know a person who got divorced and remarried after a few years and her ex husband and his mother actually came for the wedding.

Her ex MIL blessed her saying that "your marriage with my son did not work out but I wish the best for you with your new husband..may this marriage last forever with the grace of God"

We Indians should learn a thing or two to be less bitter and forgive and move on.

these are all movie endings expecting grace from ex. relationships .

it would be best to avoid any contact and not put life into dead relationships . over time wounds have a way of healing . but getting into break takes some doing . people keep on compromising until there is nothing left for compromise . also hates keep on mounting . when the break comes both heave a sigh of relief that it is over .

saw Kal alvida naa kahena a SRK starrer . many people it appears are in dead relationships which they are carrying on as duty than any feeling for each other leave alone friendship .A beauty on inter personal relationships where the hero SRK gets into an extra marital relationship to find love
with another married lady ..

 

[vgane]

In India too extra marital relationships have started to take their toll...Youngsters get into a relationship in office and it continues after marrying some one else based on pressure of parents! This is based on my experience in the BPO industry in the Delhi region!

Most of these happen in the the 25-30 age bracket!

It is better to check the backgrounds and have a one-one talk before marriage

Meeting in person in a Park /Restaurant is a good start to understand each other better!

Tho' NRI marriages themselves may have its shortcomings failures are due to lack of understanding, empathy and respect..This leads to a failure of the love life!

Other reasons are physical! Like the boy is homosexual or having a libido problem! The former can be checked by checking his habits! How about the latter! Such boys should not get into a relationship as it will be a curse for the girl and her parents!

Regarding foreign grooms, it is found that most of them are enjoying the new found freedom in a foreign shore and have taken to multiple partners which is quite common, based on what I hear! So if a person is a green card holder and has been around for 5-10 years, there may be many a skeleton in the cupboards! Juts watch out!

The above may not represent TB's but Indians per se!

 

[sarang]

The cases quoted in the op are very general, with no mention of religion or caste and all connected with middle east/africa and bihar. No reference to tambrams. Why this negative fixation of tambrams?

Pj sir
there are a lot of TBs who jump at the idea of a NRI groom in US or canada

 

[renuka]

Regarding foreign grooms, it is found that most of them are enjoying the new found freedom in a foreign shore and have taken to multiple partners which is quite common, based on what I hear! So if a person is a green card holder and has been around for 5-10 years, there may be many a skeleton in the cupboards! Juts watch out!

As long he has given the skeletons a decent burial then I do not see any problems cos a person who has had a girlfriend or two or more would actually be able to handle marriage better cos they have less expectations and take life as it comes..the problems are with the Virginal Ambis who strive for perfection and havent tasted any forbidden but spent their youth only imagining their first night!LOL ...at a later part of life they might start to imagine how Lovvu would have been and then ruin their marriages...once they become a Rusikanda Poonai that spells ruin.

A person who has had some experience in falling in love usually settles down well.

 

[renuka]

T Why this negative fixation of tambrams?

becos that is how any thread in Forum becomes active! see how many replies so soon!LOL

 

[tbs]

As long he has given the skeletons a decent burial then I do not see any problems cos a person who has had a girlfriend or two or more would actually be able to handle marriage better cos they have less expectations and take life as it comes..the problems are with the Virginal Ambis who strive for perfection and havent tasted any forbidden but spent their youth only imagining their first night!LOL ...at a later part of life they might start to imagine how Lovvu would have been and then ruin their marriages...once they become a Rusikanda Poonai that spells ruin.

A person who has had some experience in falling in love usually settles down well.

hi

really.......nice observation....may be true...some practical experiences u had....just curious...

 

[renuka]

hi

really.......nice observation....may be true...some practical experiences u had....just curious...

[/B]

Curiosity killed the Poonai(cat) so keep wondering!Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooow!LOL

 

[krish44]

why do they use expression FALLING in love. ?is it a deep abyss people fall into.

I still wonder if physical attraction in most cases taken for love between sexes .

I firmly believe it is more of physical attraction .

IF movies are to be believed, there is a flash and lightning and lo you are in love

then say janam janam ha rishtha and walk into sunset after performing some stunts like jumping over walls for lady love , some fights with villains casting an evil eye on ladies , sing songs climbing trees , jumping into trains , jumping down in parachutes and finally be angels floating in air in white dress .

I liked cheeni kum starring big B playing an oldie chef falling for Tabu who challenges him that she could make real hyderabadi biriyani

talking of hydrabad biriyani , a new joint Hyderabad House has sprung up in delhi .It employe 12 cooks from hyderabad making and home delivering delicious mutton biriyani made up of rice ,marinated mutton,cooked together with potli masalawith exotic ingredientssuch as vetriver roots[khas ki jadi], cassia buds[kabab cheeni], sandalwood powder,dried rose petals,lichens,galingale[paan ki jadi]besides other usual masalas.men folk can try it when their veg wives are away .The person behind it is nitya reddy , MBA finance from cardiff , a lover of biriyani.

I spent a decade of my life as a youth in hyderabad . nothing to beat hyderabadi biriyani with paya . try it sometime

 

[renuka]

why do they use expression FALLING in love. ?is it a deep abyss people fall into.

I still wonder if physical attraction in most cases taken for love between sexes .

I firmly believe it is more of physical attraction .

Physical attraction is needed for continuation of species..,,that's just natures way of telling humans "hey go get a mate and make babies"


Imagine if the world was populated by people who felt no physical attraction of any kind? We humans would be extinct.

The element of physical attraction is even present in the most orthodox of marriages ..otherwise no one would have got progeny.

An endocrinal hormonal orchestra plays a symphony of love in the human mind..some call it Deiviga Ragam and some call it Rock and Roll but the end product is the same..the song ends in a higher octave of no return!LOL

 

[krish44]

Physical attraction is needed for continuation of species..,,that's just natures way of telling humans "hey go get a mate and make babies"


Imagine if the world was populated by people who felt no physical attraction of any kind? We humans would be extinct.

The element of physical attraction is even present in the most orthodox of marriages ..otherwise no one would have got progeny.

An endocrinal hormonal orchestra plays a symphony of love in the human mind..some call it Deiviga Ragam and some call it Rock and Roll but the end product is the same..the song ends in a higher octave of no return!LOL

You are wrong . some conservative lady has already said marriage is a sacred duty for ladies for serving man and children bearing is also a duty they perform as a service . there is no physical attraction or desire , only duty .If you like I can request them to respond to you .lol .

 

[Raji Ram]

May be this constant nagging by ultra moderns made her :bolt: !!

 

[Raji Ram]

Lack of trust, love, freedom are some of the reasons why a marriage fails! :sad:

And search for more partners adds fuel to the fire!

 

[krish44]

Lack of trust, love, freedom are some of the reasons why a marriage fails! :sad:

And search for more partners adds fuel to the fire!

wise post . men ., poor guys could do with some freedom as you rightly say.

most ladies do not trust them to buy vegetables even

love -no complaints . they are smothered. with love, They are smitten with their TB wives and are their willing prisoners . they may not leave their wives on that account . and go for other relationships

only if wives would let them in without any questions and smelling them for intoxicants when they return home after a late night outing with their old
friends , marriages would be a crashing success .

where is the question of extra marital relationships for obedient TB men. ?

 

[vgane]

wise post . men ., poor guys could do with some freedom as you rightly say.

most ladies do not trust them to buy vegetables even

love -no complaints . they are smothered. with love, They are smitten with their TB wives and are their willing prisoners . they may not leave their wives on that account . and go for other relationships

only if wives would let them in without any questions and smelling them for intoxicants when they return home after a late night outing with their old
friends , marriages would be a crashing success .

where is the question of extra marital relationships for obedient TB men. ?

Krish Sir...What you say may be true in India..How about the NRI men...Who is going to put ladam on them...Do they have any inhibition?

 

[krish44]

Krish Sir...What you say may be true in India..How about the NRI men...Who is going to put ladam on them...Do they have any inhibition?

nri men are paavum . they want traditional TB wives from india . they end with witches.

 

[Raji Ram]

Many NRI guys in our family circle got married to girls from India and they take care of the family very well. All the girls

got their licence to drive their car. Of course, the girls are respected and treated as equals. So, it depends on which

family the girl belongs to. Is it not said 'pAththiram aRindhu pichchai idu; gOththiram aRindhu peNNai edu!'?

Here gOthram does not mean what it usually means but the girl's family and its culture!

In fact, two of the marriages in our extended family, in which guys are working in India, ended up in divorce!

Imho, NRI status has nothing to do with the marriage ending in a divorce. :nono:

 

[krish44]

Many NRI guys in our family circle got married to girls from India and they take care of the family very well. All the girls

got their licence to drive their car. Of course, the girls are respected and treated as equals. So, it depends on which

family the girl belongs to. Is it not said 'pAththiram aRindhu pichchai idu; gOththiram aRindhu peNNai edu!'?

Here gOthram does not mean what it usually means but the girl's family and its culture!

In fact, two of the marriages in our extended family, in which guys are working in India, ended up in divorce!

Imho, NRI status has nothing to do with the marriage ending in a divorce. :nono:

I have a theory on this . Girls who for NRI boys marry only the boy . so they need to adjust to

only one person .but in india they have to put up with families of the boy also . more difficult

to adjust to more people .

also abroad they easily paper over their differences when the parents of the boy comes

visiting . they know that there is a time clock ticking and the parents will go away and are not

permanent fixtures . they present a front biting their their lips and hope it ends fast . also

they push them to other relatives during the week and go sightseeing weekends with inlaws.


so effective occupation of inlaws is less .They collect their pass certificates from inlaws and

heave a sigh of relief when they go away and return to their merry western ways

It is lesson for all in india . keep a distance from married children . If go near them frequently

, you will get hurt . If you visit periodically , they will be on their best behaviour and both

parents and children will

be happy

 

[Raji Ram]

If the bringing up of children is proper and values are taught in early childhood, good path is followed by them always.

When there are teatotallers and vegetarians / vegans settled for many years abroad, there are many who consume

alcohol and eat everything available on earth, settled in India. Everyone has the right to have their own likes!!

But, freedom is wanted by the younger generation. That is true. Girls talk to their parents everyday but not to the in-laws.

It will be a weekly call / skype chat! To go abroad and struggle to maintaining the house with minimum domestic help is
opted by girls, to attain freedom even from their own parents! eace:

P.S: IFF the in-laws behave well, they can expect the girls to behave well! :angel:

 

[Raji Ram]

I have already recorded my view in forum, long long back, captioned உறவுகள் நீடிக்குமா?

Please read http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/literature/5069-a-4.html#post58163

 

[Raji Ram]

Post #44 has a hu.............ge empty space, Krish Sir!

Please edit it. :typing:

 

[tks]

I have already recorded my view in forum, long long back, captioned உறவுகள் நீடிக்குமா?

Please read http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/literature/5069-a-4.html#post58163

Mrs Raji - Well written poem indeed!

Failing marriages for Indians has nothing to do with one or both being NRI citizens.

It has to do with confused Desis regardless of where they live.

Many Desis regardless of age are clueless about their own heritage or what their life mission is, taught (by osmosis) to ape the west for all the wrong things and have adopted well to the overall corrupt environment around them.

My family and I have witnessed much more integrity and honesty in rural areas - rural villages on the way to Rishikesh and other places beyond, or villages around say Hampi or other such places in Tamil Nadu. Many such people we came across regardless of their social status or caste or whatever had simple living and high thinking.

I cannot say the same about people living in Chennai and such places based on our experience over many visits. I am not generalizing about everyone but only describing the behavior of people we came across.

Many TBs in Chennai and such place in our minimal experience are narrow minded, copy the west for all the wrong reasons, petty, uninformed and overall Niraksharakukshis when it comes to understanding our scriptures.

I am not implying anything about any members here. I know it is a harsh statement but over time the divorces will only increase in numbers.

I know your poem is lot more gentle

 

[Raji Ram]

Thank you very much, T K S Sir.

 

[krish44]

Post #44 has a hu.............ge empty space, Krish Sir!

Please edit it. :typing:

sorry . deleted . my desk top doing makkar yesterday .I had logged out and could not log in . could not delete though I had seen it . thanks for pointing it out

 

[krish44]

I have already recorded my view in forum, long long back, captioned உறவுகள் நீடிக்குமா?

Please read http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/literature/5069-a-4.html#post58163

read the post to which you had posted a link . thanks
I agree about the need to avoid ostentatious weddings and extra frills in marriage hurting the newly married and their parents

Instead it would be a good idea to spend less on ceremonious event and give money to children to kick start their life with seed money for setting up house with consumer durables and the like .

I am also in favour of giving them money to part finance their own flat buying . this will help them to get a head start in life .

I agree friendship and love should govern relationships .It is the relation ship between the couple getting married matter more than that decided by parents thru horos match, parents status , likes , dislikes , caste ,sub castes .south indian marriages fail mostly on this account . most have their marriages also delayed because of such considerations .

if children make an informed choice , parents should accept the same and let go instead of talking tradition ,culture and values .marriages decided by children thru mutual likes and understanding will last longer .and lead to happiness .

You had made a comment about girls money and boys money and married children keeping their money separate being not good.you know when both boy and girl are economic entities , pooling of money is not the best thing one could do.

both would like to have economic independance and right to decide what to do with the money they have earned . A sensible way is share the home expenditure only with some contribution by both parties. person earning more could contribute little more . Their contribution to expenditure could be in proportion of earnings ideally.

each party to marriage can have independance to support their own parents and others without troubling the spouse . this model is excellent since it causes minimum conflicts and heart burns. both feel they have got a fair deal in marriage .

most marriages are arranged . earnings of ladies in a marriage is a conflict point leading to many break ups .. girls feel more secure if they have their own independant bank accounts and have autonomy to do what they like with that .It does not mean they do not care for their spouses . tn the event of emergency , they will definitely part with money . boys should not exploit working girls as it often happens

Also it will give both the freedom to support their own parents with with their own funds if necessary without squeezing their spouses .This is necessary in most marriages specially in single child families. where some parents are not well off economicaally

Inlaws should be sensible . they should not go near the newly weds for couple of years atleast after mariage . It will help them to understand each other better and adjust to each other . also Parents will not be blamed for conflicts if any . children have a way of finding scapegoats for failed relationships.the blame is commonly put on inlaws in south india