Women and engineer problem in marriage

[Karthik681]

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Hi, I'm 30, having a degree in Computer Science working for major print media in Bangalore, earning a decent sum of 32K a month and unmarried, looking for a girl.

And I'm finding it very strange, why educated women's requirements in marriage are so high.

All the girls i see in Matrimony websites, expects her partner to be more highly qualified or must be a engineer and earning a huge salary range between 5Lakh to 10Lakh per annul.

All are educated women but can all educated women find a 'engineer' in marriage ?

Can all men become engineer to suit the girls preference.

Women empowerment is welcomed but Women's attitude towards marriage is strange.

I have seen lot of women in Matrimony websites who working as IT professional, have BE degree and draw a huge salary, but again why these women go after money.

Why not true understanding of love and marriage be realized.

Again, Can all men become engineer + get huge salary to suit the girls preference.

Why is that understanding is missing in women nowadays.

Thanks

 

[sangom]

Hi, I'm 30, having a degree in Computer Science working for major print media in Bangalore, earning a decent sum of 32K a month and unmarried, looking for a girl.

And I'm finding it very strange, why educated women's requirements in marriage are so high.

All the girls i see in Matrimony websites, expects her partner to be more highly qualified or must be a engineer and earning a huge salary range between 5Lakh to 10Lakh per annul.

All are educated women but can all educated women find a 'engineer' in marriage ?

Can all men become engineer to suit the girls preference.

Women empowerment is welcomed but Women's attitude towards marriage is strange.

I have seen lot of women in Matrimony websites who working as IT professional, have BE degree and draw a huge salary, but again why these women go after money.

Why not true understanding of love and marriage be realized.

Again, Can all men become engineer + get huge salary to suit the girls preference.

Why is that understanding is missing in women nowadays.

Thanks

Dear Shri Karthik,


I note that the above is your maiden post in this forum although it complains about not getting any maiden!

What you write above is the emerging trend now. In the tamil brahmin community this trend has practically established itself, so to say. You may still be able to find an unmarried girl belonging to very ppor (and perhaps starvation level) families from very rural centres in Tamil Nadu. (I say so because, once in a while one or two mamis in 9 yds traditional puDavai from some remote villages of Thanjavur or Tirunelveli districts, come here and beg (literally) for our financial help for performing the marriage of a daughter or daughter of her deceased first wife of her husband etc. I know that it could be a modern way of fleecing us but still it shows that such utter poverty and lack of girls' education are there, imho.) But such girls will not most probably come in the matrimonial sites.


My nephew aged 38 is a case similar to yours. He is a B.Com., and earns about 30K/40K p.m. in Chennai but we all know that he has very little chances of getting a tabra girl; my sister is a peculiar type and will not agree to any inter-caste marriage. To add to the poor fellow's woes, his younger sister does not get along with her husband and has come back to "her" native house with two kids born within two years of marriage! So, now I have no hopes of his ever getting married.

Just to give you a brief introduction, I am 72 and am also an agnostic now, though I was an ordinarily religious tabra for nearly 60+ years. My son, aged 41+, working abroad, earning very well, having his own house (UK style independent house with a vast garden) and owning a BMW car as well — because I'm told this is a sort of status symbol in today's world, I don't know — refuses marriage; he says it is more pleasant and peaceful to live alone. All our efforts to persuade him to change his view have failed. He is a follower of Aurobindo's philosophy. And, to the best of our knowledge (his elder brother is also in the same place, BTW) this unmarried son has no girl-friend, no drinking habit or any other bad habits.

My suggestion to people like you will therefore be to strive to lead an unmarried life (and, if possible a bachelor's life) and take the blessings of such peaceful life. After all there is an adage,

மசகோ மக்குணோ ராத்ரௌ
மக்ஷிகா யாசகோ தினே
பிபீலிகா ச பார்யா ச
அஹோராத்ரம் து பாததே

(मशकॊ मक्कुणॊ रात्रौ
मक्षिका याचकॊ दिनॆ
पिपीलिका च भार्या च
अहॊरात्रं तु बाधते||)

Which means, while mosquitos and bed bugs trouble only at nights, flies & beggars only during day time, ants and wife pester one day and night.

(I am sure even this sloka will generate much criticism and opposition. That is the present stage of gender equality, women's emancipation or whatever you call it. Women are a "holy cow" today.)

My suggestion to you as also to the very many "marginalized" tabra males is that you people should go for inter-caste marriages if your sexual urge is so overpowering that you cannot live without a female company; otherwise opt to lead a single life. FYKI, many women have chosen to lead single life and I know a few of them of my age; they have been never involved in any scandal linking them to any male. If women can do so, why not men? Are men weaker than women?

The above advice apart, I will be only happy if you succeed in getting married to a girl of your choice and my best wished to you for that.

You may get the natural doubt that my advice is that of a கபட ஸன்யாஸி, one who has led a family-man's life and now in old age, advising youth to remain celebate, etc. Not so, please. When my marriage took place 49 years ago, the conditions were very very different and probably no one could even imagine that he would not get a suitable wife. But the conditions have changed now. There is a real shortage of tabra girls in the marriageable age-group. Hence my giving my son's example and my advice on the above lines.

 

[tbs]

hi
i can add some more...olden days married women are called DHARMA PATNI...to do dharma as grhastha.....later DHARMA

PATNI TO PATNI....means equal partner....now a days every married women are called WIFE.....W I F E means....

WORRIES INVITED FOR EVER.....so better to get a live in partner....so no worries abt DIVORCE.....

 

[sarang]

In the last month, I received 6 wedding invitations, all of tambrams. I attended two receptions (of these 6). What is common?

1. All are tambrams - boy and the girl too.
2. All weddings with the blessings of parents of both; whether the boy and the girl knew each other before and managed to convince the parents is another issue.
3. The earning level of the boy and girl are in the prevailing acceptable level of 40 to 60K.
4. In 4 cases, the boy or the girl has to relocate or make some other arrangement.

I am convinced that if one looks for a 'matching' match, and is ready to adjust or compromise, finding a girl is not difficult.

Some years back there were pages and pages of advertisements for employment; all big companies and public sector organizations took full page adverts. for employing. There is virtually none nowadays and people are getting employed.

Expectations of boys and girls in matrimonial sites may be high and daunting; but many revise and scale down their demands. Number of inclusions in the matrimony site has little connection with actual weddings.

We wanted to study in the best college in town, but managed to graduate from any college/ university that took us in.
We wanted to work in the top notch companies, but made a career in the company that employed us and progressed.
So have we done in our marriage too.

It is better to marry and make it work, than marry out of perceived love, high expectations and demands, and end up with a brittle married life.

 

[Iyyarooraan]

Of course heartwarming. Hope the trend continues.

 

[Karthik681]

" We wanted to study in the best college in town, but managed to graduate from any college/ university that took us in.
We wanted to work in the top notch companies, but made a career in the company that employed us and progressed.
So have we done in our marriage too.

It is better to marry and make it work, than marry out of perceived love, high expectations and demands, and end up with a brittle married life."

Excellent statement.

I am following this statement true to the heart.

Women should understand that they cannot have both luxury and bn independent at the same time.

I'm shocked to know that this trend is happening all across the globe from 'leftover women in China' to US where women are scaring away potential partners , 'the end of men' in nytimes.

The marriage equation that these educated+earning women put is pretty complex that can be only be solved with letting go off few desires.

But the fact, many don't and why, is the question, and why they must change for the good.

I am not for IT, but why are all the girls so crazy for IT boys and their salary.

Please can any boys out there who are working in IT, tell me do they(boys) look for girls in IT field and do they expect their partners to be well educated + earning or expect a partner who is good at heart, where her expectations are kind to run a family.


Thanks

 

[renuka]

Frankly speaking no girl would want to marry a man earning less than her..becos men get inferiority complex easily.

Just say after marriage if they have an argument..the guy will surely say "just becos you earn more than me you have this arrogance?"

Then we have problems of guys committing suicide if they have more famous wives!
Then as time goes on if a wife still is beautiful and the guy aged faster than her..again you will get an insecure male!

So you see guys sometimes are fickle in the mindset.

The average Indian male still wants to be in charge..so they is no such thing as equal partners in marriage.

The only equal partners in a marriage I know is Lord Shiva and Parvati as in Ardhanrishvara!

So basically as long we marry partners of equal standing nothing can go wrong.

No need for guy to be earning millions..as long he earns like our own salary or a little more it should be fine.

 

[Ramacchandran]

The mother of the bride want a boy from U.S. She says that her grand boy/ girl should born ib U.S! So that it can claim US citizenship! She tells she will go there in person to serve the grand child! But I hear that it takes 10 years for a couple to unite in US. I don't know if it is true Some girl's parents prefers a boy on the back door of their house. A Bangalore Brahmin wants their son in law from Bangalore, Mumbai girl prefers a boy from Mumbai.But they want only Brahmins! Only one profile I saw wanted a doctor groom other than Brahmin but he should be M.S., M.Ch., and a Hindu! The woman (Aged 30) is a M.D.(General Medicine) No need for a horoscope! But No takers!!

A gurukkal from a temple, needs a son in law from I.T. He says he will conduct the marriage in Grand manner!


We in Brahmin community lends financial support for a girl and don't want to sponsor a boy! A Brahmin boy works hard from the age of 15, and he swims against the river flow for years to reach his goal. But the girl doesn't have any commitments. One of relative made his daughter B.Tech, M.B.A., she went for work for a week. Then came the shift change. The girl was asked to attend night shift. Immediately the entire house opposed and she left the job, and now she joined M.Tech! Now she says after completion she will go for PhD and work as a lecturer!


After seeing our girls profiles the government officers think all the Brahmins are super rich and no need for Scholarships and quotas as they can enter on payment quotas!


We don't need a Veeramani or DK to ruin us. We will do it ourselves. In next 20 years there won't be a single brahmin, who will do rituals as mentioned in our culture!
All the credit goes to our community of present generation.

 

[Ramacchandran]

The present day brahmins cover their face with mask, and seek bride and groom. They don't want to reveal their identity. They give their mobile number which is switched off and work only on Sundays Name: Will be disclosed later/ Later/ NA/ etc., No photos and No horoscopes (Protected) Some create Horoscope as per their requirements. If they find a suitable boy/ girl they will design the horoscope. They should have 4 to 5 cars two bungalows, servants a hand bag with all kinds of Credit cards/ Debit cards/ Money currencies in bundals so that they can spend lavishly. They won't mind a drunkard, as they put social drink acceptable, smoking acceptable, in their profile! Keep this in mind If he is a womanizer that is also acceptable (This is off the record)

Some quote SUDDHA JATHGAM! (As I think others are dirty) Even if they have Kalathra, Naga/ Chevvai Dosham, according to the astrologer it is AG Mark pure Jathagam. ISI Certified!

What the parents wants is at an age difference of 1-2 years! Rs100,000 P.M., IIM/IIT / MS (US) Germany! No one needs a Brahmin At least these ladies should marry a western boy rather than an Indian, Brahmin!

 

[sarang]

Two study reports appeared last week.

Tamilnadu is almost at the bottom of the 'romance' state. Less than 2% of the marriages are intercaste love marriages. Inter caste marriages are also of two types - love and 'jati maruppu' (intentionally marrying outside the caste - DK type - to show defiance).

The second study is about about love marriage couples. Here too, love alone will not sustain the marriage; the couple have to make it work by working hard as the couples with arranged marriages.

 

[tbs]

hi


We don't need a Veeramani or DK to ruin us. We will do it ourselves. In next 20 years there won't be a single brahmin, who will do rituals as mentioned in our culture!
All the credit goes to our community of present generation.


nice words..i agreed 100%......its going to happen......we are the destroyer of our own community...

 

[kunjuppu]

hi


We don't need a Veeramani or DK to ruin us. We will do it ourselves. In next 20 years there won't be a single brahmin, who will do rituals as mentioned in our culture!
All the credit goes to our community of present generation.


nice words..i agreed 100%......its going to happen......we are the destroyer of our own community...

does this not include every one of us here. those whose sons or daughters have married out of caste. whose grand children are brought up westernized, so that when you approach them with the concept of jadhagam and arranged marriage, sounds weird to them?

all i want to know is 'what is the use and purpose of breast beating when every one succumbs to the development or progress or tempation
or whateveryouwanttocallit. then shout through the rooftops, எல்லாம் குட்டி சேவரா போச்சு. are you yourself not contributed to atleast to
some element of it.

you lament the loss of veda patasala. would you educate your son in one? have him a kudumi? how many of you go through poonal for your
grandson, only to see it hang on the wall the very next day?

i think it is high time we shut up about what we are supposed to be. and focus on what we are. and how we could do good to the world as
as community. and earn some appreciation.

our charity instinct is pathetic. i am attending weddings where they openly boast about the cost ($150,000 yes). and not any money to even
support one poor kid. or foot one serious health bill. why dont we start moaning and groaning about these?

give me a break you guys!!

 

[sarang]

1. There are veda patasalas run by the traditional mutts and by some trusts and by individuals. Some get some sort of government grants, some supported by private donations from all sections of people - brahmins, non brahmins, industrial houses and philanthropists.
2. Many traditional veda patasalas provide education in other subjects as well - sciences, computer, mathematics etc. to enable the students appear for school leaving examinations and further college studies.
3. Some patasalas run by mutts deposit about Rs 500 per month in the student's bank account and give it to him when he completes the studies -so that he will face life with a decent capital.
4. There is no contract compelling the student to follow what he learnt. (When I got my first job after post graduation, I had to sign a five year contract or refund the money spent by the company - wages, training expenses, foreign travel etc.)
5. Two of my friends, well employed in the corporate sector, have sent their sons to veda patasalas. There was no pressure on the sons.
6. The kings and people from other varnas supported brahmins to protect and sustain vedas, yagnas and other vedic practices. It is now upto us, concerned brahmins to support these veda patasalas and the welfare of the students, those who choose to lead a simple vaidic life. Last year mukesh ambani gave 11 lakhs for a mutt vedic school.
7. Why should the birds which claim to have quit the nest, have thrown away all vestige of brahminical practices and filled with revulsion for adherents, advise or criticize those who have faith and trudge along. Threat to brahmins and their way of life was always there - buddhists, jains, muslims, christians, EVR dasans, and a host of others. There is no rationalist EVR-DK type family now, only individuals. Most of the female members and younger generation have rejected and have become astikas.

 

[prasad1]

does this not include every one of us here. those whose sons or daughters have married out of caste. whose grand children are brought up westernized, so that when you approach them with the concept of jadhagam and arranged marriage, sounds weird to them?

all i want to know is 'what is the use and purpose of breast beating when every one succumbs to the development or progress or tempation
or whateveryouwanttocallit. then shout through the rooftops, எல்லாம் குட்டி சேவரா போச்சு. are you yourself not contributed to atleast to
some element of it.

you lament the loss of veda patasala. would you educate your son in one? have him a kudumi? how many of you go through poonal for your
grandson, only to see it hang on the wall the very next day?

i think it is high time we shut up about what we are supposed to be. and focus on what we are. and how we could do good to the world as
as community. and earn some appreciation.

our charity instinct is pathetic. i am attending weddings where they openly boast about the cost ($150,000 yes). and not any money to even
support one poor kid. or foot one serious health bill. why dont we start moaning and groaning about these?

give me a break you guys!!

Well written post.
But sir, you have lived in the west too long (just like I have), you have made compromises, so your position is from your experiences.
That is very different from a TB who never left TN. They still feel the guilt, of not following their forefathers dreams. It might take few more generations for them. There is one so called learned member here who at every moment would like the present day brahmin to live in 14th century. He keeps bringing up the greatness of that life style, but I bet he himself would not live that lifestyle, and if he forced his children to live that life style. If he did that to his children, they will not forgive him for ever.
So like you said "be honest to yourself" and "treat others like you would like to be treated by others".

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Prasad Sir,

You never miss a chance to attack the Tambrams living in Tamil Nadu! Any way, FYI, many of the tambram youngsters have

married outside caste even here and parents are forced to accept the changes. The tambram community is getting mixed up

with all other castes by IC marriages, more than any other community. That is a fact that in most of the IC and IR weddings

either the bride or the groom happens to be a tambram!

 

[Raji Ram]

As Kunjuppu Sir has pointed out, the wedding expenses are sky high now a days. Whether it is the same caste wedding or IC / IR

wedding, this is true. One of my friends told me that the one time flower decoration - only for a wedding reception in Bangalore -

costed Rs. 4, 50, 000/ and you have to believe me because for the simplest flower decoration for my grand daughter's first birthday

celebration, the cost was 8,000/ in Sing. Chennai. Of course we said 'NO' to that and decorated with artificial flowers bought for Rs. 500/-

A good news is that the left over food in many wedding halls is sent to the orphanages by some social workers. :hungry:

 

[sangom]

Well written post.
But sir, you have lived in the west too long (just like I have), you have made compromises, so your position is from your experiences.
That is very different from a TB who never left TN. They still feel the guilt, of not following their forefathers dreams. It might take few more generations for them. There is one so called learned member here who at every moment would like the present day brahmin to live in 14th century. He keeps bringing up the greatness of that life style, but I bet he himself would not live that lifestyle, and if he forced his children to live that life style. If he did that to his children, they will not forgive him for ever.
So like you said "be honest to yourself" and "treat others like you would like to be treated by others".

Dear Shri Prasad and Shri Kunjuppu,

The tabras of the type who are members of tbf and claim to uphold brahminism and express views here as though they were soldiers of brahminism who haave taken up on themselves the paramount duty of preserving brahminism (whatever that umbrella term may mean), or, behave as if such a duty has been divinely enjoined on them, do so possibly because they have grown up in an atmosphere which nurtured the notion that brahmins were great people who alone could have high thinking, intellectual achievements, scholarship of sanskrit, sAtvika nature and every other type of virtue one may think of.

I feel they have had no chance to see the wide world and understand that all human societies/communities can have people with the above virtues and it is not a monopoly of the brahmins alone. The fact that brahmins in India had the chance of forming themselves into a formidable coterie which denied all opportunities to the vast majority of the sub-continent's population to get out of their ordered jobs/avocations, for thousands of years is also conveniently forgotten. Whenever this point comes up in discussions, our self-appointed crusaders of brahminism and even some others, immediately try to hide behind the conveniently invented alibi-like plea of brahmins having always been beggarly, living at the mercy of the two intermediate varnas (Kshatriyas & vaisyas) and of the lamb-like brahmins having been compelled by (brute) force to write laws and edicts which completely marginalized the sudras and the 'untouchables', and that therefore, those who even think of putting the blame at the door of brahmins are Brahmin-bashers and demons of some sort.

I feel this escapist argument is indicative of the eel-like nature of brahmins generally.

In a very similar fashion, these self-appointed brahmin 'jihadis' (shall we abbreviate this to 'sabjis' -this will suit vegetarianism, one of the perceived virtues of brahminism?) moan about brahminism being completely destroyed by those who have marched a few steps ahead of themselves, whereas they themselves have been, are, and will continue to tread the same narrow path of the former. This is a disadvantage of avante garde people, imo.

Though an agnostic, I believe that the vedas, scriptures of the brahmins (Hindus?) and the way of life of the myriad of castes and communities of the Indian subcontinent, nay, the bharatavarsha itself, should be preserved as best as we can. This was never a thought for our traditional brahmins (including our own forefathers), because, for them, the other varnas/castes existed just to facilitate the brahmins' own existence, possibly. The Britishers did something in this direction and we have some score of tomes devoted to this topic. But after Independence, this has possibly been forgotten lest the spectre of caste gets resurrected. Hence, we brahmins can have a documentary describing the brahmin way of life as it evolved from the earliest days for which we have some definite info. and how it underwent changes as time marched on. Beyond this, I feel very little can be done to stop the changes which time will cause to our brahmin caste/community; some of us can of course, make very emotional posts about the community getting destroyed by itself, etc.

 

[kunjuppu]

Veda patasalas may still exist. But is there a demand for it, as a proportion of the population? I was brought up in Madras of the 1950s. initially started off with local schools and went on to convent Schools because that is where the good education lay. So believed my parents and worked hard to get me into such a school. There was no regret at that era. It was a matter of ‘what is best’ for the Child.

.. and there has been no regrets re that decision either from the parents (most deceased) or the children (now in their 50s, 60s)

To be frank, I came to know the concept of veda patasala only here in the forum since a few years ago. Each time I go to Chennai, I invariably meet vadhiars for some function or the other. All their children bar one is studying in secular schools and professional colleges. Only one vadhiar’s son wanted to go to kanchipuram to study in a veda patasala. the son did not impress me as one too smart, and told me, that there was money in vaideeham. that is why he pursued it with a start at veda patasala. as he was already in his teens, i wondered if he should have enrolled earlier..

Even in my parents’ time, both brought up in rural Malabar, it was mission schools that they went. I guess, only those who lived in agraharams or Brahmin concentrated places went to veda patasala. Or people sent their children to live/study in such. Whatever it may be, even in the 1930s and 40s, was the beginning of the end of veda patasalas, with the sight of freedom, industrialization and plentiful jobs for the English educated.

My cousins tell me that all the veda patasalas in palghat, are in dire straits. Not for want of money. There is plenty from NRIs who also seem to shower money for kumbabishekams and temple Festivals. Except no one wants to send his son to the patasalas.

I am not against it. I think if one seriously wants to revive the concept of the patasala, one should re invent it taking into consideration the times we live, and with a marketing or word of mouth campaign to resuscitate the curriculum, and make it sound attractive to the parents. Get the ‘Raa’ kudumi out, and go for the modern, tuft, a few strings of hair, at the end of the cropped hair.

Reinvent the panchakaccham, maybe with coloured silks (one Toronto vathiar has silk kacchams of red, blue, green, etc..and each time I see him, he appears with different towels with inscriptions in tamil Sanskrit and one even in English). Focus as much on the secular world and the need to succeed. Here we have jewish schools, which balance jewish religious teaching with high standards of education and discipline.

Focus on phys ed. Bring out young tambram warriors of words and physique, instead of chappaaNis. I bet, with this type of mixture, it would become fashionable to send their kids to veda patasala. If there is a will there is a way.

Except we should not be caste bound..our new and improved VP should be open to all … including our girls.

We tambrams have done it before. When I was young, the convent schools, with names beginning in ‘st’ (saint) were the ones considered to provide the best English education and discipline. Then came vidya mandir, Padma seshadri and such, which blended the same education but with a indian and hindu flavor. While the don boscos and st bede's are still there, they no longer are considered crème de la crème. if at all vidya mandir or padma seshadri or even today p.s high school or chettinad vidyasharamam are more sought after afaik.

That is all I am trying to say.

I am not attacking. I am not defending. I am simply saying what I see it IS. Atleast that is my intention. And no criticism of any type of education meant.

 

[கால பைரவன்]

In an ironic way, posts subsequent to post #8 trying to contravene its conclusion, has only served to add proof to it. That is, community is being attacked by members within it.

There was an outrage when a member started a thread comparing the plight of poor brahmins of UP to that of dalits. However, we often see members of this forum being compared to talibans and jihadis and hitlers! These self-styled critics get away with everything, but lo and behold, if one were to use the word "bashing", that they consider inappropriate. Their sense of objectivity is astounding indeed.

 

[kunjuppu]

kalabhairavan,

there is no need to mock those who have different opinion from what you have. respect them for their convictions. it has not come out of zero. there is a lot of life experience and knowledge behind those convictions.

after all, we all started life with a common denominator - our parents. and based on our background, growth, exposure, experiences and above all, curiosity, we have come in life, to where we are. what is there to mock someone who has veered in a different direction than yours?

i think it shows a narrow mentality of intolerance. the world is big enough to accommodate various views, faiths and followings. if you scratch the surface, you will find, more in common, i think, with the very persons you hold in contempt, than those who are of other faiths of abraham. to me, your attitude, is somewhat like, cutting your nose, to spite your face.

it is time, we stop intercine warfare, but learn to accommodate the various viewpoints, within the broad spectrum, that we understand as hinduism - glory be to it, in its various hues and flavours, from the street corner pillaiyar temple of chennai, to ayyanar koils of the villages with its sudalaimani, sangalikaruppan and sudalaimaadan, to parthasarathy temples, and to my kapali koil and mundakanni amman koils of mylapore.

we all belong and so much in common, that it is silly to shed blood over these trivial differences. i never could understand the fights between thenkalai and vadakalai.

all we have to remember, is such fights, which led to mohammed ghori to enter this vast bharatvarsha.

those of us, who have not learnt from history, are cursed to repeat the consequences. right now, the war clouds of northwest are darkening, to an extent, that i suspect, in another 10 years, india is in for civil disorders of a kind never seen before. what happened in hyderabad a few days ago, is only a taste of what is to come..and it might sombre us to the fact, that the police has no clue, as to perpetuators.

let us stop this silly bickering and finger pointing please. thank you. no one is bashing brahmins. the hope is to alert us to a better brahmin community, shed the complacency and intercine warfare.

 

[sarang]

I like this. Nothing wrong in holding convictions or acquiring new ones and be proud of them. But respect for others' convictions should not be thrown to the winds, especially in tambram issues which is the focus for most of the threads.

there is no need to mock those who have different opinion from what you have. respect them for their convictions. it has not come out of zero. there is a lot of life experience and knowledge behind those convictions.

 

[kunjuppu]

I like this. Nothing wrong in holding convictions or acquiring new ones and be proud of them. But respect for others' convictions should not be thrown to the winds, especially in tambram issues which is the focus for most of the threads.

i agree with you sarang here. sometimes, either in our passion, or to expose our erudtion and master, or sheer arrogance, or more often out of pettyness, we tend to minimalize the person who holds views contradictory to ours.

for, once we do not consider him worthy of our repertory, we can hurl any amount of abuse.

the other option ofcourse, is silence and take no notice. that does not stir up any controversy. but neither does it result in exchange of ideas.

there is a via media which we all need to follow. i for one, am the first to agree, that i have broken the rule, more often than not. someday.

someday, i will learn. till then, ...

till then, i would have to be borne

 

[Ramacchandran]

Recently I met a so called rich man, who has 4 cars, Two bungalows a big company etc., He has a daughter, and he wished to have a groom from a rich family. But fate decide otherwise! The Girl married a non Brahmin, a poor family, uneducated. The parents Peraasai பேராசை pushed the girl to take an extreme step! Now that so called rich Brahmin sent the couple to North India! He needed a groom to maintain his wealth,(He was expecting IIM/IIT etc., but his own wealth has washed away!

The parents should be reasonable in looking for a groom for their wards.

 

[Karthik681]

Thanks for all your kind responses to my post.

I decided to write this post in section 'boys seeking girls' so that boys will read and share their views.

When I made a searched in matrimony websites, I come across many girls having educated to an engineer level and more. Its good on part of women empowerment.

What is disheartening to see is their expectations.

I admit I'm not an engineer and never wished to be one, I wanted to study Astrophysics and i couldn't but achieve it.

I see lot of our Brahmin boys working in IT professional, having a good qualification and getting excellent package.

My question remained unanswered and here its again.

Will an high earning boy will marry a women, who's expectation level is very high.

I came across a girl in Chennai working for CTS, with BE+7 Lakh pa and expects her partner to be highly educated with 8 Lakh +more salary.

Will anyone marry a girl with high maintenance.

There is an western term called 'Marry up' and 'Marry down'.

Marry Up: Marrying a person equal or more that you status (education + salary)
Marry Down: The opposite of Marry Up.

I want an answer from a boy, parent of boy or relative of a boy who is searching for a girl, what do they want in girl.

More women are going to colleges and more women are getting jobs than before, as the society tends to empower women, this leaves little room for men to catch up.

 

[கால பைரவன்]

kalabhairavan,

there is no need to mock those who have different opinion from what you have. respect them for their convictions. it has not come out of zero. there is a lot of life experience and knowledge behind those convictions.

after all, we all started life with a common denominator - our parents. and based on our background, growth, exposure, experiences and above all, curiosity, we have come in life, to where we are. what is there to mock someone who has veered in a different direction than yours?
i think it shows a narrow mentality of intolerance. the world is big enough to accommodate various views, faiths and followings. if you scratch the surface, you will find, more in common, i think, with the very persons you hold in contempt, than those who are of other faiths of abraham. to me, your attitude, is somewhat like, cutting your nose, to spite your face.

The post addressed to me is unsolicited advice.

Though I do not disagree with the content per say, what I find often is that people who dole out such free advice on tolerance, respecting other people's convictions etc seldom follow it themselves.

Because there are new members here (no one has to tell me), who may not know the history, let us go back a few months.

My first participation in this forum can be found here:
http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/general-discussions/6841-migrating-out-tamil-nadu.html

Some agreed; some disagreed; some were sympathetic; some were not. But Kunjuppu, who was a veteran even at that time, is the first member to indulge in personal attack against me, accusing me of an imposter trying to incite! Couched in sugary words but accusatory nevertheless. This, just after my first post in this forum. I wonder why Kunjuppu did not treat me as just any member with a different point of view.

There were also a couple of sly remarks by other veteran members, who will vouch for freedom of expression, but really have no tolerance for contrarian views.

Fast-forward a few weeks. Refer to this thread.
http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/genera...aarakshan-reservation-debate-resuming-17.html
I had forgotten all about it until another member referred to it recently. Refer to posts 160 through 164. Once again personal accusations started by another respected member followed through by Kunjuppu. Please note words such as "quisling', "rascal", and "trouble-makers".

Perhaps all the advice that Kunjuppu and few others are doling out now are newly found wisdom!

A final word on camaraderie!

This forum can be considered, in a superficial way, to be broadly divided into two groups - one, calling themselves reformists which I disagree with, which criticizes brahmins and the other who defend against this criticism. Both sides may have exhibited intolerance, but of these two, I daresay, the latter and only the latter is interested in keeping up this camaraderie. The other side, in my opinion, does not really care. I have often wondered why, until I could glean a satisfactory answer from Sangom's post in another thread.

All these things, perhaps, do not matter now but I wanted to explain my POV.